[Closed] Having kids

No don't think so. Might be worth a visit to your GP to investigate.

I don't know about the to much to soon question however I can say that we know of people older that have had children.

Thought you might say that. Best meet it head on I suppose, thanks.

Yup, but may be worth getting your swimmers checked out as time is not in your favour. Takes all different lengths of time to conceive, we were a bit too fertile and lost all that fun practice time but friends took 7 years.

Go and see a doctor if you're both worried. Tell them you've been trying for between 18 months and 2 years. Keep trying in the meantime - your local trust may not entertain helping mrs anonamouser out if she's past 40. (check that asap, unless you have a warchest to throw at fertility treatment of course).

Firing blanks? its possible but instead of worrying or getting yourself stressed out about it, got a sample tested.

It could be fun just getting the sample out... 😀

6 months isn't that long, we were trying for over 18 months before we conceived our first.
You spend most of your adult life doing your best to avoid pregnancy only to find it doesn't happen that easily 🙂

Thanks alot for the advice. No warchest for fertility treatment unfortunately.

Male pride before a fall and all that but I am worried its me who's got the weak swimmers. As you guys have said we wont know till we see a Doctor.

Thanks again.

I very much doubt it's you as males continue to "function" as long as they live, whereas women do not after a certain age (depending on the individual).

Have you looked into what advice is available on the subject online?

I wish you good luck.

I am naive with regards to the advice tbh. I had hoped/expected it to just happen.

Agreed, a more proactive approach is required.

I am encouraged by how long it can take hope thats the case. thanks for the kind wishes btw.

That's funny what Simon said. I have spent, like many blokes, many carefree years worrying I might end up a Father before I was ready. I probably want to be a good Dad more than anything, and now I'm 35 & single.

Life's funny! Good luck op 😀

For late 30s it's normal to take up to 2 years to conceive IIRC.....

Go speak to your GP and get a referral to a fertility clinic.

A mate kept firing blanks for years. Doc said he didn't have any hope of children. Years later he had 2 girls ... then some time after that he had one-night stand and ended up with twins 😯

Good luck with whatever path you find. Having kids is awesome.

Go see your gp (together). At your age and 6 months of trying they will possibly get you on the list for tests - better to know and deal with it than to torture yourselves. I wouldn't worry at similar ages to you both ours took a while to make (c 7 and 10 months iirc)

Also try and get the stress down.

of course there's the whole "must try for children" business that is also very counter-productive.. 🙁

My and my wife have been laying some foundations for a little while now and no joy as of yet. Give it time

How long have you been trying if you don't mind me asking? iirc gp probably looking for 6 months before doing tests.

This is why you should check all this stuff (should be some info on your local trust/fertility clinic website). I'm, erm, not condoning lying to your GP, but you don't want to get told to "come back in 12 months if nothing's happened". I'm also taking mrs anonamouser's age into consideration.

We were in a similar situation a while ago. We told the gp we had been trying for a bit longer than we actually had and ended up conceiving using clomid. Our daughter is coming up to one now. As has been previously said, trying can be pretty stressful and stress isn't good for conception. Keep going through!

We were in your situation - GP was brilliant, shifted things along for us and was referred for IVF.

Very stressful few months (but you do get to look at 'special interest' mags a) paid for by the NHS and b) with the wife's full approval) but happy to say it was succesful.

Much depends at first on how good your GP is and your local health authority.

Whole process from seeing the GP to embryo implantation took about 12 months.

Worth starting the process and keep trying in the meantime.

It is rather perfunctory at times, its not the trying bit I have a problem with. Just the succeeding.

Thanks again, I feel a bit better about it. I have a plan to try harder and to seek some professional advice if there is still no joy.

True about spending your life trying to avoid pregnancy only for that to be the one thing you both really want.

Time is definitely not on your side where fertility treatment is concerned so you should get both of you checked ASAP. Exaggerate how long you've been trying. Maybe. But get checked. The important thing is that no matter what the result, it's nobodies fault. It's just one of then things.
And as the husband of an adoption social worker i have to say don't rule out adoption. 🙂

It's worth getting checked out, but sometimes it can naturally take a while. My parents decided they wanted to spawn when my dad was 32 and my mom was 30. They tried for two years ("like rabbits", my mother informed me...) with no joy. They'd given up and accepted that they couldn't have children, and decided not to get checked out as it didn't really matter who was 'to blame'. Bang, mother got pregnant with my oldest brother, got pregnant again accidentally two years later, then deliberately two years after that (with me).

I also had a colleague who'd tried for five years to have kids, then gave up. She and her husband moved house a few years later, and a couple of months later she was pregnant in her mid-40s. She put it down to him having to give up cycling for six months during the move and settling in period(he was a very keen roadie) - might not want to tell your missus that though! 😆

Mrs scotroutes and I "tried" for a couple of years and, when nothing happened, decided we maybe weren't thatfussed after all so just sort of forgot about it. A few months later.... (ever tried to find a pregnancy testing kit on boxing day).

I was 38 and the Mrs 33.

If you waited that long, are you really that keen? Might be better to shrug and move on. But enjoy yourselves in the meantime 🙂

Might not be of help really, but check your local Trust to see what (if any) provision they have for IVF - it might help you consider what you decide even before you bother getting any tests done.

Good luck - been there, got the tee.

Maybe go see the dr but six months isnt that long. Make sure your doing it at the right times. We were similar ages took about 8 months iirc.

Definitely worth doing some research, for example I believe there is only a small window of time each month when conception can actually take place and various other factors can influence the chances of conception. With regards age, my father was 50, my mother 42 when I was born and I have a sister two years younger than me! That was back in the 1950s too! So, your ages shouldn't be too much of a problem 8)

Mrs scotroutes and I "tried" for a couple of years and, when nothing happened, decided we maybe weren't thatfussed after all so just sort of forgot about it. A few months later.... (ever tried to find a pregnancy testing kit on boxing day).

I was 38 and the Mrs 33.

Exactly the same situation we were in. Mrs Mog and I tried for about 4 years, I suppose. Doctor did some tests and told her she'd never conceive. Naturally a bit down in the dumps about it she suggested we take a holiday. Spent all our savings on a ski trip, lived like lords for a fortnight - came back pregnant. 2 years later we had another.

Life's a funny thing.

I've no idea about your partners or your health but it will make a huge difference. If either of you smoke or drink, it will affect your fertility massively. As will lack of sleep, stress, or lack of exercise.

As I said, I know nothing about your health (so I'm not trying to preach) but if you keep on top of these things then you should be good.

Nowhere near as simple as that muly - many factors can effect male and female fertility.

Nowhere near as simple as that muly - many factors can effect male and female fertility.

Ok perhaps "should be good" was an over simplification but quitting smoking/drinking (if it's a factor in this case) typically has a positive effect on fertility does it not?

Bit of a race against time - get into the ivf programme asap if you can.

We tried for around 18 months with no joy ( I was 38 and she was 36 when we finally got round to trying. The tests are pretty awful and where I am, the assistants aren't health professionals, they're volunteers. I was seriously propositioned by a 50 year old bottle blonde who asked me umpteen times if I needed a hand, in a very suggestive manner!

A few weeks before the first treatment, we found out we didn't need it after all - apparently quite common as you both relax and give up a bit of control to the system.

Best of luck!

There are many factors here and as you are aware age is not on your side.

Women have great difficulty conceiving after 35, however because there are more than ever of that age group trying you hear of it all the time and think it's normal. We still have the same internal workings at our great, great grandmothers did, even though the generations of today's woman is stronger, fitter and generally healthier.

she should be taking folic acid tablets and getting down to the doctors asap. He can give her some fertility treatment.
Woman only have a certain amount of eggs and by the age of 35 that amount has halved. Your wife can start making a chart by taking her temperature or buying a test which will tell her if she is fertile that month and at what time. These eggs have been carried around by her since birth and may be damaged and not in good order.
Sadly fertility drops even further when she hits 40, however there is still a chance and you need to help yourselves to get that opportunity.

Health is everything (as mentioned above).

I hope I don't come across as too down for your hopes. I know several women who had children around the 40 age group, sadly non of them had anymore, so there is hope, don't give up.

Good luck.

but quitting smoking/drinking (if it's a factor in this case) typically has a positive effect on fertility does it not?

That's my experience anyway.

It certainly aids fertility for the female if she neither smokes, drinks and needs to be the correct weight for height.

Similar situation here, but at a couple of years younger, couple of years of trying, lost that one after three months, couple more years of trying. GP not that helpful as we'd already conceived once. Eventually got lined up for tests, which didn't show any great problems. Pushed hard to start IVF, bought some very expensive drugs, conceived that month. Josephine is now three years old, so all ended well. Did try for number two for some time, but that trying can be damn stressful and for us we decided we got the one kid that we 'needed' and would forgo the second one that we 'wanted'.

Things that helped us... Ease up on the drinking. Apparently one decent session can blow your chances of good swimmers for six weeks (of course, that's just one view, but right now I am guessing you'll listen to them all). Tried 'saving up' for the special occasion, but when is that? Tried all sorts of ovulation tests, but didn't seem to work for us, whereas I know others who got successful / coincidentally lucky with these. Worst advice my wife got was to have an affair and introduce some strange! Welcome to Denmark, huh? (She didn't take that option, by the way).

Above all, try and keep it cool with each other. It's stressful, it feels like a test and each month gives you the same bad news all over again. Stress ain't going to help and the blame game is an absolute non-starter. Good luck.

Ps - I'm not condoning lying to your GP either... Hang on, yes I am. Research and push them you feel they are not working with you. I understand the reasoning, but this is your life, so let others worry about that.

Go and see your GP, don't lie about anything, it's completely pointless, you end up in the same system whatever you say and lying about stuff just puts more pressure on.

There are plenty of easy tests that can be done to find out if there is a problem, don't worry about which one of you it might be, just concentrate on finding out what might need fixing. Good luck! Oh and if anyone tells you to 'relax and it'll happen, I have it on good authority that it's now legal to punch them in the face*

*i might be making that bit up but I don't care, I will punch someone if they say it again

Relax it'll happen.

Was very surprised having spent my 20s smokin boozin and womanisin to discover i was actually fertile.

Go see the GP now. It's nothing to be ashamed of regardless of who's side the issue is on.

IVF is a long process and you can try naturally in the meantime - there's no point hanging around though.

If it wasn't for visiting the GP and starting the process, I wouldn't have my wonderful son. It was the most important visit I've ever made to my GP.

World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.

Quite a narrow window of opportunity for ovulation so use a Clearblue test - other brands are available. Checking you are going for it at the right time of the month takes the pressure off so to speak.

You should stop knocking one out for +/- three days before you expect the above test to be positive - easier said than done!!

Both keep boozing, smoking or other similar activities to a minimum.

Have fun. Enjoy!!

World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.

🙄

To the OP, if you are worried about it then go see the GP. 6 months is not a long time to have been trying though, and it's not usually considered a problem by doctors until you've been trying for 12+ months. Though given age they may refer you for tests earlier than that (and if not then there's always the private route, not that expensive and at least you'll know if you're wasting your time.)

Houns - Member
World is overcrowded as it is. Adopt.
POSTED 14 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

Oh and OP, if there is a problem and it turns out it's your weak swimmers then that is a seriously good result. Can be much more complicated and expensive to sort out, with less chance of success, if the problem is with the missus.

Do you really think that is appropriate?

There is a STW "Oh look it's a thread about having babies, I can give myself an erection by getting some attention from a trolling comment" club. Houns is a founder member. Probably fapping away at the responses if he's not too busy answering phones.

GP ASAP.

Gateway to treatment. It might happen whilst you're waiting. It sometimes does but after trying for 6 months at your ages you'll be fast tracked in view of maternal age.

To reiterate earlier and as Mike above. Conceiving while on the test list is not uncommon either.

Our 2 born when Mrs was 36 and 39 and we had to wait both times.

+million on the Folic Acid advice. Get her on a GP issued dose ASAP, massively reduces spinal cord related problems.
Seems to have stopped either of my 2 inheriting my spina bifida. (But reduces non inherited problems too)

Not much more to add other than eat well, live your life and don't put too much pressure on trying to get one in. I know it's hard to do but obviously focus your efforts a bit when you know it could be a good time. We had one in we lost then a few months later one stuck, she is 1 next week and delicious. Took us a while to get there though.

Relax. See your GP don't lie about the length of time as it doesn't help in any diagnosis. Timing is more crucial than frequency you can but kits that help with that.

Most importantly enjoy the trying as once your bundle arrives then it'll be once in a blue moon.

Timing is now thought to be overrated. The "stress" of waiting hoping and acting on ovulation kits is thought to be counter productive. This is kind of why when people get referred it quite often just happens. They "relax" on some level because it's "out of their hands." The recommendation is regular sex ie every other day.

Folic acid for her, boxers for you, off the booze and fags for both of you. No extremes of weight for either of you or high exercise levels for her (but if she is overweight crash dieting is counter productive when actively trying to conceive). Ensure good diet and/or use a multivitamin. Give yourselves the best chance.

Just to reiterate: it's her age that is the limiting factor here. It has the biggest effect on likelihood of conception to begin with. And it is also the fact that may limit access to NHS (free) services. So I really would recommend just getting on with it and booking an appointment with the GP. Book one each and go together if you use the same GP?

I find it a very strange that folks can post on here anonymously with deep personal issues yet remain anonymous and yet responders post with their names attached to threads where commenting on someone else's problems ought to be dealt with by professionals in that particular field of expertise.
Clearly this is both a relationship and medical issue and you should clearly seek that type of advice, but of course you can't remain anonymous there can you, no you will have to explain your personal medical history to someone who will understand fully the situation you seem to face.

It's either a ruse to get a thread going or you are a troll, if it's as serious a matter that you claim I fail to get the reason/rationale for posting a deep personal issue on here that should be between you, your partner and a trained medical professional.

No troll. I cannot discuss this with anyone, but I an afforded the anonimty of an internet forum, which I use often and can get advice from people who have/are facing the same scenario.

That's the reason for the post, and its been very helpful to be honest.

It's either a ruse to get a thread going or you are a troll, if it's as serious a matter that you claim I fail to get the reason/rationale for posting a deep personal issue on here that should be between you, your partner and a trained medical professional.

I see lots of deep personal issues being posted on here, this forum may have its moments but generally speaking it's fairly supportive for this kind of problem (the odd troll or joke comment aside), and there's a wealth of personal experience to draw on - and that includes knowing when to advise visiting a medical professional. Perhaps the OP is known to other members offline, and doesn't particularly want to share this information with them? Or a friend of his wife posts here?

I cannot discuss this with anyone

Just to reiterate: it's her age that is the limiting factor here. It has the biggest effect on likelihood of conception to begin with.

Actually, and while IANAO, that may not be as big a factor as thought ([url= http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24128176 ]Link[/url])

My self and crankygirl combined with our local nhs to generate crankbrat. At the time she was in her mid 30s I 46 . We were quickly referred she was given some advise and firtility treatments drugs and self administered injections I had the easy task of generating the "sample " clear the tubes a few days before and get inspired by the nhs 's frankly poor taste in porn (one cubicle included a copy of horse and hounds) . My sample was subjected to wash and swim(some one picks the best swimmers) the product was then introduced to the wife via a medical turkey baster. .

It was a stressfull time we had three rounds and successful on the third when the nurse with the baster crossed her fingers.

Relax and enjoy trying but I would suggest checking out you options with your G.P. too.

bikebouy - most if not all the posters on here have told the OP to go to his GP.
Most, if not all the posters on here have proper knowledge into what happens when you are going through a similar experience and are further down the line.

It is indeed very personal but he is asking a question and the great STW imo have really helped.

I get that, I don't get that these types of post are often a "first port of call" a sort of vent spleen or assess the lay of the land before actually getting to the root of the problem, in this case a specialist in that field. That really should be the first place you go, not here.
I'm all for knowledge sharing, you know I am and I support that, but this type of post is seriously personal and should be between the OP and his Partner and a GP/Specialist and no one else. If the OP has issues about sharing there are soooo many support groups out there that treat this face 2 face and/or phone lines, specifically set up with specialists who offer knowledgable help and support and referal networks...

Is what I'm saying...

There is no way on this small planet I would share that kind of information on here, sorry but as much as I like being here you've no need to hear about my family issues/problems.

It's not the place to encourage GP's (of which there are a few on here) to comment about the situation and quite right too.

This isn't a rant, it is aimed directly at the OP to seek professional and knowledgable support from those trained in that field.

Best of luck BTW, seriously, BOL.

Bikebuoy - have you ever asked a mate how to fix your bike or do you go straight to the LBS?

I know the two things aren't directly comparable but all the OP has done here is ask his 'mates' for advice or to share their experiences. Most have said see a professional.

I like sounding out my mates - experience helps you understand a professional opinion and informs you on what to ask that professional.

As for anonymity - I don't mind the world knowing I/we needed IVF/ICSI and if sharing that on here helps the OP realise speaking to his GP is the best next step then I've helped make a difference.

If it wasn't for IVF/ICSI I wouldn't have my son and people shouldn't be afraid of talking about something SO common when it can help produce such a mirracle.

OP - call your GP and crack on. It's hard, stressful but could be the best thing you've ever done.

coolhandluke - Member
Firing blanks? its possible but instead of worrying or getting yourself stressed out about it, got a sample tested.

It could be fun just getting the sample out...

This

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I wouldnt be unduly concerned, its only been 6 months.

Took us 12 months, and I gather than not an uncommon amount of time.

There is no way on this small planet I would share that kind of information on here, sorry but as much as I like being here you've no need to hear about my family issues/problems.

Don't share then. Hard to resist reading through isn't it? 🙂

My and my wife have been laying some foundations for a little while now and no joy as of yet.

Dare I say that your problem might be right there?

😯

You might find when you stop " trying" and worrying about it that it just happens . Don't know about anyone else but that's what happened with me and the missus . And no , my kids don't look like the milkman / postman / window cleaner.

Bikebouy I have no issues discussing how my son was conceived. I am grateful to you all for funding the NHS who helped. I am also aware there are some who do find the subject difficult and feel that some blame or inadequacy attaches. I hope that by being open about my families story that they will realise that assisted conception is not a thing to worry about or feel is wrong or unnatural.

And no , my kids don't look like the milkman / postman / window cleaner.

😳

I'd better take my photo off the mugshots thread. 😛

bikebuoy - I strongly disagree with you. Nobody can understand how another is feeling, we may *think* we do but that's not the same as knowing.

I've been on here for quite a few years and there has been tremendous support for others, whatever predicament or situation they're in. Men, I believe, do find it difficult to express their thoughts/put into words hence they know that they will receive mostly sensible thoughts/experiences from both men and women on here.

Please do not judge others.

My bestmates been trying for 18months. Its driving a wedge between them. Crackers. For us after having one which just bickered and fell out.

Whats the point? You go from being Dave to a carer for almost two decades. You sure you want in OP? I wont have anymore. I'd rather have my relationship healthy and not worn out.

OP, whatever you decide and try.

Good luck

op - it can become all very stressful and you really cant get yourself stressed about it as its a downward spiral. We were in the same boat and we found the very act of purposly trying was stessful, it took the spark and fun out of the whole thing and was frankly a turn off. It all became a bit scientific, unspontaneous.

Do the swimmers test with your GP.
Ignore any naysayers about cyclists fertility, its a myth.
Take your better half with you and she should be checked to make sure the plumbing is all working.
Age wise you still have time, so chill and relax, try not to get stressed. If all else fails look at IVF and talk it through, some women have a very hard time not having kids, much worse than guys and if its truly that important then you'll find a way to fund it.

Kids are just the best thing.

Ignore any naysayers about cyclists fertility, its a myth.

I hope binners doesn't mind me saying but I think it took me and him about a week. This is cycling, getting pissed alot and wearing tight pants.

Honestly, in the old days it was the done thing. You had to get married, have children and conform. Peer pressure 'oh look at little Jimmy etc- wheres yours?'.

Nowadays there isn't the need to have children there- they'll **** off/emigrate to Australia/Canada/NZ anyway thus leaving you on your own.

Sorry to be so-negative. 🙂

6 months isn't that long, we were trying for over 18 months before we conceived our first.
You spend most of your adult life doing your best to avoid pregnancy only to find it doesn't happen that easily

Exactly what my good friend Simon says. We were trying for a while, then had a miscarriage very early on. After that it took us nearly 2 years to get pregnant again. We'd just been to see the doctor a few weeks previously and he basically said if you've still not conceived in the next 6 months, come back and see me. But he said he'd be doubting very much we'd be back. Month later and we were expecting and that let to mini-DBW #1 who has just turned 4.

Same happened second time around. Another early miscarriage and then 12 months or so later mini-DBW #2 was conceievd.

Its certainly a pretty stressful time but I think that could be the cause. As cliche'd as it sounds you have to relax. Bin all them fertility calendars and rubbish and just have fun together.

I'd definitely say go and see the docs first although I suspect they'll probably tell you the same as what they told us.

Good luck!
Dr Dave 😉

My mate was having no joy, got tested and found he was a Jaffa (his words). I think that took a lot of the stress and worry away knowing that there was a problem and it simply wasn't going to happen.

Couple of months later, much to his surprise, he popped one in t'oven and is now going for number 2!

ti_pin_man raises a good point about the cyclists concerns - i.e. sitting in a saddle, tight clothing etc..

Going through the process both my GP and Head of Assisted Conception said there is a believed downside but the benefits of being fit and healthy by cycling far far outweigh it.

If I was a truck driver, sitting in a hot seat all day with little exercise then they'd suggest a change. If I'm a cyclist doing the odd 20 miler a couple of times a week/month then they said keep up the good work.

Positivity is massively beneficial. My wife puts the fact we succeeded on round 2 as opposed to round 1 of IVF down the her positive outlook and change in attitude to the whole thing.

OP - may as well say my email is in my profile if you want to drop me a line. I've no issue sharing my experiences with you if it helps.

And back to the OP and his concerns. When my wife and I went for tests, it turned out it was 100% my issue. I wasn't infertile, but the motility of my little boys wasn't as it should be - so we were recommended IVF with ICSI (where they choose one sperm and inject it directly into the egg).

Rather than hide behind any kind of 'manly' pride that my juice wasn't up to scratch, I accepted it, told all our friends and family what we were doing (to save any further hard explanations when we changed our lifestyle to try to help) and just got on with it - at significant cost as our local NHS Trust offers no support to anyone with fertility issues (Harrogate & District NHS Foundation Trust)

After all, it is just a medical thing, medical things happen. Get over the embarrassment and get on with the next step in your journey.

Good luck.

Johndoh - are you me? 🙂

We were exactly the same, compounded a little by my OH having a mildly cystic ovary. We had the same treatment (IVF/ICSI) & like you it was at our expense. We miscarried twins and had a failed cycle, then as we were preparing for our 3rd attempt, we discovered she was pregant naturally. 5 months after number 1 was born, she was pregnant again naturally. And fast forward 3 years, she's now preggers again with number 3. We have considered sueing the original consultant for his mis-diagnosis, but we thought better of it (this is a joke BTW!)

So, to the OP - keep trying, go see your GP but don't leave it [b][i]too[/b][/i] long as your OH's age will be a factor (not so much for blokes). Like johndoh says, do not be embarassed, it's really nothing to be embarassed about.

Email in profile if you want a chat 🙂