[Closed] Get in there... (Cold calling content)

what was it then?

Beats the best I had where they called me back to tell me I was rude.

I claim to have got amnesia in an accident, which makes answering their questions interesting, they get bored and leave me alone after a couple of minutes... its fair game as far as i'm concerned.

nah, just play the 'yes' game.
simply answer 'yes' to all the questions. only say yes.

To stary with, it works...

Is that DrP? Yes
Were you sold PPI/in an accident/previously a woman? Yes

You get the idea..

DrP

I like taking Indian call centre spammers off script. And telling them that Tendulkar was massively over rated. 😈

DrP, a variant.... As soon as they ask a question, such as "Is that DrP?" simply reply with, "Let me just go and check". Put phone down, but don't hang up. Go about your day. Many are on auto dial and they can't hang up on you!

Change your tone every other word, become angry, passive, mild, moody then tell them the kids are eating the dog (or the other way around.
If the caller then asks "can I call you at a more convenient time" reply yes, heres my Lawyers number.

Jondoh - them calling back to say you are rude is spectacular!

I just went with the enough information and vague interest to waste a few minutes, without telling them anything of myself.
Then just point blank calling them out as a scam and a liar, and asking if thier mum knew what they did at work....

I've done " that sounds interesting, just hang on a mo" and put the phone aside. got one womon who phoned me back to say that we must have been cut off. when put in the picture she got very angry indeed about me wasting hertime, much to my amusement

dinnae bother, just hang up

Then just point blank calling them out as a scam and a liar, and asking if their mum knew what they did at work...

Pretty much what I do too.

I used the DrP yes technique on a phone system where 8 didn't speak the language today. Just kept pressing 2 until I got to a real person and then asked my question.

Worked perfectly. Will do again

I quite enjoy the wibble method

Just don't do it straight away as they might hang up to early.

Dyson vacuum scam woman called me back to tell me I was rude. It then occurred to me that there is a chance these people don't know they are actually part of a scam

My usual low-brow response is to just yell bad words and hang up. I did actually have one call me back to ask what he'd done to deserve being told to f*** off. So I told him again.

I've strung them along for a while and been accused of wasting their time as well; that was interesting. "I think you'll find you phoned me..."

A few years back when I had more spare time at work, I had a cold caller on speaker phone pretending that I was a shouty vet performing an operation on a cat, kept cutting the caller short to shout at my imaginary veterinarian nurse who was botching the operation up!

After what seemed like a lifetime and with quite a bit of ad-libbing form others in the office, we even got the cold caller to call back the next day to see if the cat was ok!

🙂

Just for balance, my 18yo daughter took up a position in a local call centre last year. Min wage but bonus structure for referrals. Basically she had to cold call and generate interest in a product or service (cant remember exactly but not illegal), once someone was interested she referred them to a 'manager' to do the deal. Cant quite remember what the product was.

In the 4 weeks she endured it she had no referrals but had clocked up 40 odd hours. She then left as it was demoralising and very high pressure. They then never paid her the minimum wage, lied to her and messed her about with broken promises. Her mum and I then discovered there was no written contract. She was ready to just write it off, however we went to visit the 'manager'. Cue a load of excuses when threatened with every legal thing we could think of.

The 'manager' then got my wife to sign a blank sheet of paper saying they needed a signature to authorise the release of funds????? End result was she got paid, but her pal who had worked there longer got paid nothing as she hadn't complained.

We then reported them to HMRC but havent followed up if they got investigated.

They don't just scam their customers!

An accident claims company called me a "money grabbing barstard" All I wanted to do was sue the tree that I crashed my bike into.

If it's a sub continent call centre and the heavily accented guy opens with " Hello my name is Steve...."

I ask how I can believe anything he says as he won't even tell me his real name. That normally throws them.

If they persist I tell them it won't be long before the Chinese or the ****stani's will nuke the hell out of them. I normally get the phone put down on me at that point.

Boiler room share sellers I'll string along a bit before asking for their FCA number.

My current one is telling them that I have to run a security check before I can talk to them. I ask them to enter their 4 digit number. Some say they don’t have a number ,so I ask for random letters from their password. If they can’t do that I just tell them I can’t talk to them.
Some of them pretend they’ve put the number in and I tell them that’s not what we have on our records.No matter what they supposedly put in,it doesn’t match our records.
It’s so infuriating when I call up a company and it happens to me I thought I’d get my own back.

Dyson vacuum scam woman called me back to tell me I was rude. It then occurred to me that there is a chance these people don't know they are actually part of a scam

What's the Dyson scam?

I normally just go off tangent with...
'Have you got a window there?'
Is it hot outside?'
' why aren't you sunbathing?'...then

' I wish I was allowed outside..........I can't even see the daylight for another 15 years......'

This normally ends it!

My mate got an Indian call centre so wound up with the password thing mentioned above, that they called him a 'mother lover!' Or similar, before slamming the phone down on him!!

[quote=Ming the Merciless ]Boiler room share sellers I'll string along a bit before asking for their FCA number.

I once spent the whole of a call with a Microsoft scammer refusing to follow his script and attempting to ascertain his company's DPA registration details, pointing out that if they knew there was a problem with my computer they must be holding personal details on me. I was surprised how long he kept trying to return to the script despite making no progress at all with it. Another similar one I just kept asking how they knew there was a problem with my computer and how they were hacking me - again he persisted for a long time. I presume it must have sounded like I was taking them seriously so might be a potential victim.

I once spent the whole of a call with a Microsoft scammer

"There is a problem with your computer"

"Which one?"

"The one you are using now"

"I'm using twelve. Is it the red one? Maybe the green one over there by the window" Etc.....

I now ask "Is this a UK company?" then ask for their details so I can report them to ofcom as we are on the telephone preference service. The last lot got cross and phoned me repeatedly thoughout the day. I answered but said nothing and waited for them to hang up. We haven't had any calls since
Oh the fun you can have when you're off work with a broken neck...

A few years back when I had more spare time at work, I had a cold caller on speaker phone pretending that I was a shouty vet performing an operation on a cat, kept cutting the caller short to shout at my imaginary veterinarian nurse who was botching the operation up!

After what seemed like a lifetime and with quite a bit of ad-libbing form others in the office, we even got the cold caller to call back the next day to see if the cat was ok!

That's superb.

If it's a sub continent call centre and the heavily accented guy opens with " Hello my name is Steve...."

The counter to that is "hi Steve, I'm Abdul."

What's the Dyson scam?

They call you up and try to suck you in.

Just for balance, my 18yo daughter took up a position in a local call centre last year.

^^ Great words in your post mate. Sadly, lots of people who need the money take call centre jobs to make ends meet, just as some take warehouse jobs etc. It depends on the primary employment in that region.

I always try to treat them with respect and get off the phone as swiftly and politely as possible. Not only does that free up my time, it means the caller hits their daily call target and so hopefully gets their next shift (these are frequently zero hours contracts), enabling them still to eat.

As far as I'm aware, there's never an excuse to waste their time or be rude. Just firmly but politely say you're not interested and end the call.

[quote=andyrm ]As far as I'm aware, there's never an excuse to waste their time or be rude. Just firmly but politely say you're not interested and end the call.

If they're working for a legit call centre selling legit stuff - I'll be polite and say no thanks in that case. However being on TPS I shouldn't really get any of those, hence those I do get are at best in the grey area - though I'm still polite to those "doing a survey".

I'm not sure why scammers deserve such politeness - if they hit their daily call target they're more likely to scam an innocent victim, so the more of their time I can waste the better.

If they're working for a legit call centre selling legit stuff - I'll be polite and say no thanks in that case. However being on TPS I shouldn't really get any of those, hence those I do get are at best in the grey area - though I'm still polite to those "doing a survey".

I'm not sure why scammers deserve such politeness - if they hit their daily call target they're more likely to scam an innocent victim, so the more of their time I can waste the better.

^^This^^

The scammers absolutely deserve it. My parent's neighbours fell for Microsoft one. They wanted £350 to fix a five year old desktop. My dad sorted it with a Google search, not difficult given he hasn't figured out how to attach a photo to email.

I went through many minutes of the Microsoft one, really struggled to find the windows key "it should be bottom left of keyboard", "nope it's not there, we keep all the spare keys in a drawer in the kitchen", "have you been wasting my time?", "er, yes".

This reminds me, it's a while since I've had the MS scammers on, must be about due another one. Need to sort out a disposable VM ready for them (though have to be a bit careful with my own security, given I don't have a separate VM server sandboxing everything any more).

I once had an Indian chap call about the ‘problem I’m having with my internet connection’

When I said, this is a scam isn’t it? Let me guess, you’ll either put me through to an ‘engineer’ or I’ll have to access a link you provide me and enter details etc etc the guy exploded and shouted “**** you, you mother ****er”. To which I replied that his customer service skills need a bit of work, he carried on ranting and said “go **** my mothers p****y”. I explained that my mother had passed away a few years ago so if his was free then I might be tempted.... but only if she’s a looker coz I’m quite particular? Apparently the guy said he was going to slit my throat before hanging up.

Haven’t had a scam call since then.

I like the Microsoft one. Put on an old man voice, keep them on the phone for ages, then ask if it matters that the computer has a picture of an apple on it.

Years back we had a cold call from a guy trying to sell us a conservatory. I agreed for him to come round and advise us what he could do.

We lived in an Edwardian terrace in west London. He arrived at the scheduled time, I let him into the shared entrance and told him 'we're in the upstairs flat'....

Fair play to him, he gave a rueful smile and asked about our windows.

^^This^^

That.

There's a gulf between legitimate companies making innocuous but annoying cold calls, and scammers. (And TPS 'should' filter out the former anyway.)

The notion that you should be polite to "Steve" calling on behalf of Microsoft from the Indian Subcontinent because they're only trying to earn a crust is bogus, they're criminals.

It mystifies me why anybody even picks up the phone for an unknown number, let alone wastes their own time talking to some random person.
My rule is..if I don't recognise the number, let it go to voicemail. If it's genuine and important, they can leave a message and I'll call them back.
Otherwise, they're completely ignored...
I won't even answer the door bell at home unless I know friends are calling around...

I tried a version of Liam Neeson's Taken speech on one but they hung up before I could finish 🙁

It mystifies me why anybody even picks up the phone for an unknown number, let alone wastes their own time talking to some random person.

Otherwise I would agree

The other downside is JUST occasionally they are useful. My wife once picked up a call and it was someone doing a survey on local cycling infrastructure. That one really screwed us as now we feel we have to pick up just in case...

And the other great one with calls from call centres in India about your problem with a Microsoft product - that's exactly the call back you get if you raise a ticket in your business Office365 account :). I've got to be careful when they first call to make sure it is genuine and i haven't just forgotten about raising a problem

We had a mate who kept getting cold calls when we were in Wales biking. When they phoned back in the evening I played the phone jacker app down the line to him. It was the scam guy. George Akadawengo... The guy kept replying for a good 5 minutes.

Last two I've had I've played the chemo card ("well that's funny I haven't been using the computer as I'm in hospital...") One of them was really sheepish, apologised and wished me well, the other continued trying to scam completely unabashed. I've always fancied trying the amnesia one with the accident scammers 🙂

I usually play children's music to them down the phone from my mobile phone.

I blew the railway warning horn down the phone to them once when they called me at work, they rang back to tell me they were reporting me for assault so obviously I did it again. They never called back

I've had a load of these of late, from a phone number in Manchester. A woman cold called about an accident, then called back to discuss the number of cold calls I'd had, promising that they would stop if I gave her details of my "accident".

I replied with "There are a number of security questions I need to ask you before we continue as I need to verify your identity".

This seemed to push her over the edge somewhat. 😀

My daughter has a cracker for the accident scammers.

Hello, we'd like to talk to you about your recent car accident.

Oh, you must mean the bump I had in the DeLorean in 2024

Yes, wait a minute ..... click as phone gets hung up.

....DrP, a variant.... As soon as they ask a question, such as "Is that DrP?" simply reply with, "Let me just go and check". Put phone down, but don't hang up. Go about your day. Many are on auto dial and they can't hang up on you!

that's my approach along with:
"I don't think I have a computer, I'll go look............."
"I'll see if I can find the Landlord's number........"
"I'm busy but I'll be back................"

then I turn the music up and carry on with what I'm doing and I get really p'eed as youngest antigee has a serious medical condition and if the phone rings I have to answer it just in case

I faked my own death recently - I answered the phone "out of breath" and made a few groaning noises until she asked "are you OK luvie?"...

I told her I had chest pains as I'd just run up a flight of stairs to answer the phone, then did a full-on fake heart attack, complete with chair falling over and phone clattering to the floor... Followed by complete silence.

I heard her panicking a bit and then asking a colleague what to do... He said "just hang up"!!

Later that day, I got another phonecall from the same number, so I answered it with a different voice. It was the same girl ringing to see if I was ok!

I told her I was my business partner and I'd come back to the office to find me dead... "It looks like he ran up stairs to answer the phone and had a massive heart attack..."

She told me that it had been her on the phone and she was just checking up on me... I asked what she was ringing for and she said to see if I'd had PPI... I wailed down the phone in mock grief and screamed "So unnecessary!!!!"

She sent "her love" to my family and sounded genuinely upset... I don't feel particularly bad about it...

my home phone isn't plugged in, I don't know the number without getting the paper work out so its highly unlikely anyone would contact me via that.

my mobile has periodic calls but I ignore all calls other than the boss.

all my communications are via text or email - makes life so much simpler and less personal which is another benefit 🙂

My 2 year old daughter, Alice always answers the land line.

I have always ignored the landline as it is always a mystery caller. My 2 year old is starting to get quite chatty. However, when she is unsure what to say often just says 'poopoo weewee's' much to my and my wifes amusement which was misconstrued by our daughter as encouragement.

My 2 year old daughter, Alice always answers the land line.

I don't even hang around to listen in any more. She manages beautifully.

Jondoh - them calling back to say you are rude is spectacular!

If you want rid of them, "tell me what you're wearing" usually works, if not "Will I tell you what I'm wearing? Nothing!! Want to know what I'm doing" does.

A mate plays the Mario Kart card when he gets called by ambulance chasers. He happens to be a very eloquent speaker and does a fine job of illustrating how he was overtaken by Bowser / collided with Yoshi / Princess Peach was sent reeling for cover / only for Donkey Kong to hit him in the rear etc. Each time the story is different.

I faked my own death recently - I answered the phone "out of breath" and made a few groaning noises until she asked "are you OK luvie?"...

Excellent one!

The only person to call my land line apart from cold callers is my mum. I've told her a million times to call my mobile instead, but she's convinced it's too expensive, so I pick up the phone in case it's her and get stuck with Sanjeev from Loch Ben Nevis.

Always worth a repost.

<Waves at CFH>

Seemed appropriate to post this gem again.

(EDIT - Great minds!)

Some good responses, some of which I've used myself. Love the heart attack idea, reminds of one I used a few years ago when asked "..and how are you today, sir?". I responded with "do you know, I've never felt so bad. In fact if this is another heartless b@$+@rd cold caller who doesn't give a f%k about how I feel but just wants to sell me something I'm off to the knife drawer to top myself". Generally though, I just don't answer (door or phone) if I don't know the caller

Since I got the call guardian phone system we’ve never had a cold call in 2 years! Looks like I’m missing out on loads of fun!

I need to have more patience and try to wind them up. Just had a call from the Accident Advice Bureau (Indian Branch?) and quickly told the lad to piss off.
But some of the chat ^^^ is genius!
A lot of sympathy for genuine folk trying to do cold calling as a proper job, must be soul destroying.

you kicked my dog, you stupid guy!

have you guys got nothing better to do?? get a caller display phone and just don't pick it up! 🙄

Leaves me the time to get on with the important things in life, you know like posting on forums and shit

I string the accident ones along as much as I can, figure that they’ve interrupted me I may as well ease someone else’s pain and keep them on the line.

Have you had an accident, yes.... how many in the car, lots, injured? Oh boy yes! Use the knock on the head, amnesia trick once I get to the manager and they hang up! One told me to F off and die once. Wonder if that was recorded for training purposes!

not a telephone cold call, but the door stopping Jehovas Witnesses.
My Mum used to keep them on the doorstep chatting and whilst maintaining steady eye contact our uncastrated springer spaniel made steady contact with their leg. Once he was "finished" and had wandered off Mum used to say "I think we're all done here" and shut the door. 🙂

Answer the second question with the previous answer you gave and blame echo on the line.

Echo on the line?

On TPS here so don't get too many legit calls. If I think they're legit I just suggest their time would be better spent going to the next person on their list.

Otherwise I try to persuade them to join my cult.

You start by deflecting whatever they're peddling with "I don't know, my followers handle that for me. They look after everything for me... my income.. spiritual wellbeing... [i]physical needs[/i]..."

If they're still on the line I go for "You're a persuasive person, we'd be pleased to have someone like you here. You wouldn't have to make these calls all day, and my [i]followers[/i] would be very welcoming to you".

Immature, I know, but better than being rude. Just a little worried that I'll get a visit one day from the Boys in Blue.

I like a bit of sport with call centres now and then. My favourite was an industrial injuries company that asked if I had ever worked in a noisy workplace?
Pardon, I replied.
Have you ever worked anywhere noisy?
What? Can you say that again I didn't hear you?
Have you ever worked somewhere that was noisy?
Sorry, can you speak a bit louder
Have ever
Giggles
Call centre hangs up.

I've also had that one and handled it similarly - they must get it a lot, as it's just too obvious to pass up. Got rude words in response 😆

Ming the Merciless - Member

If it's a sub continent call centre and the heavily accented guy opens with " Hello my name is Steve...."

When I was still in the bank, we had a brilliant indian girl working for us named Rebecca- she'd been raised and schooled in a catholic orphanage somewhere in india then moved over here. We weren't a call centre, we ran the BACS services for the bank and our customers but every so often someone'd go radge because she had an indian accent and was on the phone. So I'd go on and be scottish as **** at them, and sometimes they wouldn't belive me either. "So what's the weather like in Edinburgh then eh? eh?" "Chief, I work in a converted computer bunker, I haven't seen daylight for 6 hours but I assume it's shite outside" "Hah! You don't even know!"

The number of companies that had real problems with their systems that they never got fixed, because they refused to talk to us in "india", was amazing.