[Closed] First world problems - petty larceny

Replace contents with Dave's Insanity Sauce.

Keep your personal supply in your desk.

Just use some of other people's stuff too. Seems to work ok at our workplace.

Sometimes I buy stuff that gets used by other people, sometimes it's the other way round. Not really worth getting het up over shirley?

If he leaves his own cakes lying around, you could wee in his choux.

Do what I did with communal work fridge, made my stuff totally unappealing. Buy a tub of the most low fat no fun minging flora heart aware healthy marge or something, conceal your butter in that.

Nobody ever stole my soy milk either, and they were too lazy and ignorant to use my real coffee to make proper coffee when they could steal somebody else's Nescafe Gold Bland.

put all your stuff in a plastic tub in the fridge labelled with your name

Replace contents with Dave's Insanity Sauce.

I've considered doing that with the ketchup. I'd still happily use it and it might give someone else a surprise.

Just use some of other people's stuff too

I don't want to use other people's stuff. a) they have nothing I want and b) two wrongs and all that.

If he leaves his own cakes lying around, you could wee in his choux.

Get. Out. (-:

Buy a tub of the most low fat no fun minging flora heart aware healthy marge or something, conceal your butter in that.

You know, that's not a bad idea. If mine is all in Happy Shopper bottles, they'll steal someone else's.

Think I'd be happier if they stopped stealing, though.

Writing 'Property of Cougar' on the label will remove any doubt of '[i]I thought it was there for anyone[/i]' and probably put most off, if someone's gonna ignore that then a shirty email or signage won't deter them. If it really winds you up then keeping it in your desk is the best option to stop it.
RM.

l remove any doubt of 'I thought it was there for anyone'

I actually played out that conversation in my head. If I'd have said anything without thinking it through first, it'd have been sarcasm.

"Help yourself to my sauce mate, you're alright."

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realise it was yours."

"Did you think you were stealing someone else's, then?"

Wouldn't have ended well.

Picolax (or indeed any laxitive)? Isn't that what it was invented for?

We have the same problem. Although some people do ask you which is nice, but kinda worse, becasue you then can't say 'no', otherwise you look like a tight****.
Then they seem to think they have your ongoing permission, and use it every day, and never buy their own.

I wouldn't really care if they occasionally pitched in and bought some stuff.

I don't want to use other people's stuff. a) they have nothing I want and b) two wrongs and all that.

I dunno - I just see it as sharing, rather than repeated cases of stealing. :shrug:

No use if no-one ever has anything you want to use though.

Picolax

THIS + a gazillion

And live updates on here!

Grab thief by throat, tell them that if they do it again you will rip their head off and cr** in the hole...
HTH

Get a large tupperware container and put all your stuff in that, write a tactful note on the top of the box along the lines of - these delightful treats belong to a large cat, eat at your peril. Then sit back and relax that everyone in the office will realise they are not communal supplies.

I dunno - I just see it as sharing, rather than repeated cases of stealing. :shrug:

I see it as stealing.

*locks food in desk drawer

dymo machine - then you can be "that" guy.....

put stuff in plastic bag - tie knot in.... i find folks are too lazy to untie the knot 😉

Personally I'd had said politely but firmly "excuse me but that is my chilli sauce, please can you ask first next time?".
Depending on his response dictates whether he goes home to his family in a car or a box.

Equine laxatives.

Paint grenade in the fridge

Just call him a thieving "insert enthnic minority of choice here" bearded clam.

grum - Member
I dunno - I just see it as sharing, rather than repeated cases of stealing. :shrug:

throw the fridge out the window ?

Just follow them back to their desk.

Sit down next to them, take a photo of them and then stare at them.

Don't say a word, just stare for a few minutes.

Then get up and walk away, without uttering any sound at all

Or - follow them back to their desk and steal their pens, keyboard, mouse, phone, or indeed work - whatever else takes your fancy.

Time to become a nasty Cougar 🙂

[img] [/img]

I work in a "serviced office" and I used to get people I didn't know nicking my milk from the communal kitchen.

Not just one splash for a coffee, but just nonchalantly using an entire carton and leaving me with none.

I can confirm that putting green food colouring in it stops people nickign it - but it does tend to get chucked out by the cleaners. Putting it in baby's bottles worked too, for a short time.

In the end I just gave up taking milk.

These days I store the coffee in my office desk cos they were helping themselves to that too - despite being in a sealed tupperware box, hidden away in a cupboard, with "Stop stealing My Coffee You Tight Bastards" scrawled on it in marker pen.

Not sure how any of these help you - but just thought I'd mention [i]I can relate[/i].

Would you feel the same if someone borrowed your bike without asking and then proceeded to rag the crap out of it?

Er....no.

An example - there's 2-3 bottles of salad dressing at work. I've bought some on occasion but if everyone just used their own there would be loads of bottles and it it would years to use it all up. Margarine/butter etc - is there really any point in there being 15 different packs of it in the fridge at once?

I often buy a pack of pitta breads - use 2-3 of them then forget they exist. I'd much rather someone else ate them than they got chucked in the bin.

Maybe the people I work with are just nice and are capable of sharing? Never heard anyone whinging about people nicking stuff or leaving weird passive-aggressive notices.

Next person you see doing this, grab their face and give them a good firm lick from the chin, right up the cheek onto the forehead. Say nothing. Leave kitchen.

Time to become a nasty Cougar

*snort* ace.

In the end I just gave up taking milk.

I'd label it "breast milk."

stalk him and when he goes in again, be ready phone (camera) in hand, when he asks what your up to, tell him your just taking a picture of the thieving **** to email to the rest of the office/company.

Umm. Organise a tea fund? couple of quid a month each, you'll all have all the milk, coffee, butter and ketchup you could want...

Communal ketchup?

Then I'd end up with ketchup bottles with more sauce on the outside of the bottle than in it, and lumps of food round the rim where they've stuffed it into their bacon (why do people do that?!). Bunch of savages in this town.

start a blog, photograph all of your stuff before you put it in the fridge and after it comes out the next time you use it.

Put before and after pics on the blog.

Call it 'wherehasallmyfoodgone.com'

after a week or two email details to all and sundry.

Wrap it with tape.

If your marg-tub is wrapped 5 or 6 times with tape, they will think twice about pinching a bit and move on to the next person's spread.

Keep other stuff on your desk/in your drawer.

If it's any consolation, i've had a full-on shepperds pie nicked out of the work-fridge - To say I was miffed doesn't come close.

grum, you're probably lucky in that case. The scenario cougar has described is pretty common for most places where not everyone knows each other in the office.
Some people take advantage of this and steal stuff.

"See that sauce"

"Yep"

" it's mine, steal it again and I'll shove it up your fanny"

I know, no need to thank me, here to help Hon

I'd label it "breast milk."

Yep, did that and put it in baby bottles, but they got wise to it. 🙁

(it kind of gives the game away when someone walks in on you putting said "breast milk" in your coffee - either that or you get a bit of a reputation...)

Do some investigation, find out who they are. Then send annonymous notes to them in the internal post. Along the lines of, 'I know what you did', 'I'm watching you' and 'that was infected'. If it doesn't stop, up the stakes with staing that certain 'emmissions' were in the sauce and perhaps they'd like to get checked at 'the clinic' before engaging in 'fornacatory stimulations' with their partner

Sit back and watch the fallout.

Take a pic of your old chap pressed tightly against the rim of the bottle.

Then after a few weeks simply e-mail the image around the office.

They'll soon stop using it then.

Edit: Might not be the best idea with chilli sauce.

Beating an offender to death with the sauce bottle in question in front of the rest of the office is very likely to act as a deterrent. Could throw up some other problems for you but on balance, worth a shot I'd say.

cost of chilli sauce? <£2?
Be a kind & generous cougar and instead of being incensed be happy that you were able to fulfill that individuals lunchtime sauce requirements and go about his way.

You don't need to keep chilli sauce in the fridge, do you?

Or...cost of [url= http://www.chillibugs.co.uk/Chilli_Sauce_By_Heat_One_****_Drop_At_A_Time_Hot_Sauce.asp ]this chilli sauce[/url] <£8

Be a generous and kind cougar and let them be incensed by your fiery wrath, a couple of drops of which will certainly fulfil their lunchtime sauce requirements...

A few years ago I use to have a biscuit tin on my desk. One day someone had had the last biscuit. I asked in a loud (annoyed) voice, "did anyone know who'd been stealing my biscuits?"

It never happened again.

grum, you're probably lucky in that case. The scenario cougar has described is pretty common for most places where not everyone knows each other in the office.
Some people take advantage of this and steal stuff.

Ah ok - yeah I do work in a small office where we all know each other and get on.

Hi Cougar,

I work at the same place as you and once I put two and two together and realised who you were from STW, I thought I would victimise you by stealing your food stuffs! 😉

Your butter was ace and your chilli sauce really perked my lunch up!

Cheers!

P.S. It was the beard, SS 29'er, Orange 5, Audi driving and trail centre mincing which gave it away...

Only two of those things are true.

Well I don't know where you work for one 😀

TBH it would annoy me as well. It's either open sharing or bring your own - the middle ground of someone stealing my stuff just pisses me off!

Only two of those things are true.

The beard.

The single speed.

Close?

Immagonna go the beard and trail centre mincing.

What you want to do is put vegan stuff in a fridge as no one wants to eat that shit not even the vegan

HTH

deadlydarcy - Member
Immagonna go the beard and trail centre mincing

Winner (IIRC).

What you want to do is put vegan stuff in a fridge as no one wants to eat that shit not even the vegan
HTH

😀

Someone at work was helping themselves to the Beroccas on my desk. Once I had noticed, they were also helping themselves to some of my oestrogen, too...

Rachel

they were also helping themselves to some of my oestrogen, too...

Winner (IIRC).

Yup.

Emsz is on the right track..

You need to play the gruff but amiable hard man here or just get used to people taking your stuff..
No nonsense, firm but fair approach with a hefty smattering of unrefined language and some self deprecating dark humour should see you right..

Although I would have thought that the opportunity of giving the new CEO a dressing down would make it a much easier and more attractive proposition, but there's no accounting for taste I suppose..
Perhaps the battle is already lost before it's begun..? 😕

Take a machete in to work and kill them all. Kill until a police armed response team send you to Valhalla in a leaden hail of glory.........

Put in an expenses claim? Seeing as the whole company benefits? Or just smear every condiment you have over each and every desk? Whilst screaming obviously. And in a state of undress. Ain't no one gonna nick yo sauce then!

Can you label it "The Moderator's Food". Tbh, that would scare the bejeesus out of me. 😐

A few years ago there was an inveterate food thief in my office of ~50 people. In order to try and identify the culprit a web cam was installed. This didn't identify the thief but it do show that one of the more attractive ladies had a tendency to dance around the office in knickers and bra when working late.

Can you label it "The Moderator's Food". Tbh, that would scare the bejeesus out of me.

Apparently they call him 'The Murderator' at work.

A few years ago there was an inveterate food thief in my office

To be fair, if they haven't got a spine then being caught for petty theft is the least of their problems.

My solution would definitely involve semen, whose I'm not entirely sure though.

If he leaves his own cakes lying around, you could wee in his choux.

Perhaps you could go in furiously waving your banhammer around?

Add a few drops of green food dye into softened butter & mix in. Doesn't affect the flavour in any way, just looks rank. Worked for me in the past...now I just use someone else's. 😉

If he leaves his own cakes lying around, you could wee in his choux.
Get. Out. (-:

Apparently they call him 'The Murderator' at work.

Oh, I'm having that.

green food colouring

The problem there is that we also have a self-appointed kitchen fairy who's likely to throw it out without asking and then send passive-aggressive emails to the entire building warning about leaving food to go off.

Thinking about it, maybe I should just tell her what happened, then retire once the blue touch paper is lit.

I N R A T S but this gets my vote for gayest OP ever.

The problem there is that we also have a self-appointed kitchen fairy who's likely to throw it out without asking and then send passive-aggressive emails to the entire building warning about leaving food to go off.

Thinking about it, maybe I should just tell her what happened, then retire once the blue touch paper is lit.

That's right, go running to the mods...

[i]Oh, I'm having that.[/i]

The Murderator looking for clues;

[img] [/img]

Communal ketchup?
Then I'd end up with ketchup bottles with more sauce on the outside of the bottle than in it, and lumps of food round the rim where they've stuffed it into their bacon (why do people do that?!). Bunch of savages in this town.