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So I quit teaching last year and took a 15k pay cut, I wanted to get a proper work life balance and I really did not have that as a head of department.
Now I work with a heritage charity, still linked to education. I love it as its interesting, still working with kids and I get to work in a castle. However, part of me does not feel like a success, which another part of me says is ridiculous. I am fairly happy, healthy, more spare time, live and work in a great area.
The other part of me does not feel like a success, probably in the materialistic sense, but also in a career kind of sense. I have zero responsibility at work, but feel as though I should feel more ambitious. My disposable income each month is non-existent, so that has added a tiny bit of stress.
Has anyone else quit a well paid job with responsibility and felt the same?
However, part of me does not feel like a success, which another part of me says is ridiculous.
Listen to the second part. It's struggling to overcome decades of programming which says that salary and job prestige is the most important measure of self-worth.
If it helps, I have a reasonably well paid job (that I don't enjoy) with a fair amount of responsibility but I still don't feel a success, nor do I have any savings :p Anyone that enjoys their job and still makes enough so they aren't struggling financially is a success IMO
Well, I don't have a job at all, so that impacts feelings of success.
Though I did feel successful out cycling yesterday afternoon, stopping to enjoy the peace and views and thinking about other people in their offices???
I stepped down to become a humble class teacher a few years ago for the same reason you describe. Sometimes I feel the way you do but then I spend time with my family and have free time. Most of my friends earn more than me and are more successful but as recent threads show they just have more stress and bigger debts in the main.
I have a degree, masters and a PhD and often feel I should have done more with them but then I only dud them because I enjoyed the subjects so I try and look at them as fun things I did with my life, they were never a career choice.
By the way a 15k pay cut and working in the charity sector seems like you have done well tbh.
My work life has very little significance on how much of a success as a person i feel i am.
My wife and son, they're a measure of my success and i'm more successful than 99.9% of people on the planet.
I see people in pointless marriages, with kids that hate them, don't talk to them etc..... But they're rich.... Yeah, not in my mind.
^^^^^^^ very much this
Yes, I gave up a well paid job and alternate between thinking I've wasted my talents Vs celebrating that I've got a great relaxed part-time self-employed gig with none of the usual job bollocks. It's hard to get over a lifetime of programming!
Ask Kryton 🤣😜🤪🤔
I know exactly how you feel OP but just ask yourself whether more people secretly wish they could do have the life you now have or the one you used to have. I bet most would give up some material goods for more time for family friends and hobbies and less resposibilty any day of the week.
Nobody* looks back from their deathbed wishing they’d spent more time at work and disappointed that their life wasn’t more stressful.
if you enjoy what you do, have time to do the things you want to do with the people you want to do them with and aren’t starving then you’re more successful than most of the people on the planet.
Had a circular conversation with a chap at work this week, he’s leaving to go to a better paid job (doing the same thing), he’s over the moon cos “it’s a step up” as he’ll be earning an extra ~£5k, but he’ll have to spend an extra ~2hrs a day commuting to his new job. I told him I thought that made him worse off overall. He disagreed as his measure was monetary, mine was time, I guess we are both right just using different criteria to measure.
* well there’s probably someone...
Try to ignore it. We are told that we need to be promoted and paid more to be 'successful' but i've yet to work in a company that needed 500 CEO's and only 1 or 2 workers.
Are you happy?
Yeah generally really happy. Live in a lovely house, only made possible by my years teaching, but while teaching I kind of knew my career direction where I was going etc. Now, I feel kind of rudderless.
I would not go back to teaching in a mainstream school, as I value my evenings and weekends too much now. I get to walk the dog every evening, pop to the pub with him and the OH, go fishing, a ride, bake bread etc. All the things I struggled to do regularly while teaching.
Just a kind of odd feeling working out where I go from here I think. Hope that makes sense.
We are so strongly programmed to judge ourselves on career success. For me, dismantling this is the thing - still working on it.
My old boss used to say that if you are deriving you success and life satisfaction from your job you are doing it wrong.
a job is an enabler
Have kids 😉
[ONLY JOKING - DO NOT DO THIS]
Haha, Wallis is enough trouble for us at the moment!
English teacher?
(I know it's probably a trap...)
Job satisfaction peaked for me about ten years ago when increasing H&S paranoia meant I was no longer allowed to get involved with the R&D function of my job, reducing me to just a business manager. So for ten years I've been on a downward slide, wondering how I would disentagle myself from the job and the life that goes with it - great salary, good car, business class travel and a boss who doesn't bother me. Now my employer is about to be sold and it has all become clear and I can't wait.
Whenever people question me as to why I gave up working in a stressful job in a city centre I usually tell them the parable of the Mexivan fisherman. In case you have never heard it I have copied and pasted it below.....
_____________________
An American investment banker was taking a much-needed vacation in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. The boat had several large, fresh fish in it.
The investment banker was impressed by the quality of the fish and asked the Mexican how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.” The banker then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican fisherman replied he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman replied, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos: I have a full and busy life, señor.”
The investment banker scoffed, “I am an Ivy League MBA, and I could help you. You could spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats until eventually you would have a whole fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to the middleman you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You could control the product, processing and distribution.”
Then he added, “Of course, you would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City where you would run your growing enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But señor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
“But what then?” asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You could make millions.”
“Millions, señor? Then what?”
To which the investment banker replied, “Then you would retire. You could move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
.
Not everything in life boils down to the financial and material possessions. While they can be nice to have, spending time with someone you love costs little and makes you feel better than any material item likely would.
Spend some time looking at what you view as 'success', look on your days and think of the parts of them you enjoyed and the parts you didn't. Focus on doing more of the good and less of the bad. Speak to someone who can help give you some perspective, it may be that they view the way you live as better than the way they do.
There's all sorts of things you can do to help you realise how good you have it, we all need reminding of this from time to time.
My job pays the bills and enables me to pay for the kids to do stuff (just). I don’t associate success with work. Must be the way I’m wired, but as long as my family are okay I’m good and don’t worry about such things.
It sounds like you’re doing something you enjoy, for a great reason and providing education too. I don’t know about successful, but it sounds like your job is worthwhile and fulfilling. That kicks the shit out of perceived success any day of the week.
You’re a drain on society, lazy, not hard working, should only be in work if you’re determined to be in the highest possible pay grade within your chosen field and don’t pay enough tax though. At least according to some ****ing idiots on the budget thread.
That parable is all very well until the local commercial port buys up the dock and turns it into a marina for investment bankers, the Mexican is refused a fishing permit and his children get ill but unfortunately there is no health service to cure them.
Money doesn't only buy goods and services, it gives a level of control and it gives you (some) options. It also pays (via taxes) for community services like healthcare and roads etc.
There should of course be a happy middle way.
If it helps the OP, I took a 60-70% paycut and though I'm not stressed through work, I am getting worried about lack of cash! So it looks like back into the rat race for me.
Mexican is refused a fishing permit and his children get ill but unfortunately there is no health service to cure them.
If there is no health service surely everyone is a bit knackered regardless of money?
People get in touch with me and commission me to draw their favourite places for the people they love
I've two healthy happy kids and I'm married to an amazing woman who for some truly inexplicable reason loves me
Thats success to me
I don't need owt else. I'm truly as happy as a pig in shit. #winningatlife
😀
Sounds like lots to be happy with. I would just enjoy the time as you can’t buy that.
I’ve a stressful job and could work all hours if I wanted to but I try to balance.
There are people in our company working 80+ hour weeks. They earn well but no time to spend it, what’s the point?
I am fairly happy, healthy, more spare time, live and work in a great area.
that.....focus on that, sounds like success to me
OP, did you feel successful in your last job? And how did that sense of success (or not) play out in the overall balance of general life satisfaction?
Thats success to me
Yeah I felt successful in my last job, I was a HoD, great results completed an MA and professional qualifications, but it did come at a price. For me there were too many peaks and troughs, no life mid-week or Sunday afternoons. I had to take one or two mental health days as pressure was immense at times (knob head Principal at the school and spineless line manager).
On behalf of all women in the workplace, diddums. At least you got a fair run at it.
I'll echo what a lot of others are saying above, money and a high flying career does not always equal happiness. If you're happy, can meet all your financial obligations and your family are looked after then you're winning.
I could take on a lot more responsibility at my work, climb the career ladder etc and earn another 10-15k on top of what I do now but it would mean me having to go back up to working 5 days a week, lose a lot of flexibility over what days I work, increase my stress levels from virtually zero and seriously curtail my enjoyment of the job. Every year at the annual appraisal meeting I get asked if I'm interested in moving up but I always say no. Why would I give up a stressless working life that earns me a decent wage (£30k) that allows me to pay my bills comfortably, pick up overtime when I feel like it, only work 4 days a week and have plenty of time to go biking and see friends and family? So I can have a big mortgage or a flashier car on the drive? Nah, staying where I am thanks.
Sounds like you're near the equilibrium point that is happiness / contentment but not quite there. The last job was rewarding but too stressful but this one is rewarding but not stressful enough. The good news is that you're in a far stronger place now as you have way more control.
You can't change the entire structure of teaching on your own so you had to just roll with it, but now you have more options to set your own agenda. You can look for more challenge, leadership etc at your work or you could leave that as it is and look for something else outside. Getting awesomely strong on the bike is a sort of obvious thing to suggest but really anything in your personal life. Having a decent job that you enjoy but is not too taxing gives you a lot of choices.
You’re a drain on society, lazy, not hard working, should only be in work if you’re determined to be in the highest possible pay grade within your chosen field and don’t pay enough tax though. At least according to some **** idiots on the budget thread.
Lol, I'd love you to link where someone actually said that.
Anyway. Success means different things to different people. The fact that we lucky enough to have a roof over our heads, two children and we eat every day means to me, I'm successful. Outside of that I'm not really happy, and we are currently researching an alternative lifestyle/direction.
I could take on a lot more responsibility at my work, climb the career ladder etc and earn another 10-15k on top of what I do now
I just turned that done a month ago because my happiest times are at the side of my kids rugby pitch on a Sunday with my daughter cheering my son on, not crunching a spreadsheet for a Monday morning meeting.
At the OP - I'd say as above focus one this, there's a lot of us searching for it yet you've found it, congrats!:
I am fairly happy, healthy, more spare time, live and work in a great area.
Lol, I’d love you to link where someone actually said that.
I’m reading between the lines Kryton 😀 it was all getting very Tory in there. Not used to it with this place normally being very leftist 😉
Not used to it with this place normally being very leftist
There are quite a few Tories on here, always pop up in money or politics threads...
I found it very hard to recondition myself from that metric of success. Four years of a much better life-balance, seeing how much more time, energy, fun and love I was able to give my children was the biggest factor - they've had a pretty awesome childhood as a result of my career change (and have no idea how hard I struggled financially, so more or less money clearly has no effect on them. Helps they like dhaal and rice tho) - coupled with having so much more fun and social times/hobbies than any of my more career-focussed peers and friends.
'Career success' always strikes me as perpetually elusive anyway, it seems folk are only happy when they're moving up, meaning they're never happy with where they are.
You define your metrics, but don't expect that to come without effort - make perception change a measure of your success!
I do
It took me a long time to reconcile this as I set out in my career 40 years ago to achieve certain things and discovered that I did not have the aptitude to do so. Id rather be a good shop floor worker than a bad boss / business owner and go bust. I have a great work life balance
I am now content in a job I enjoy mostly, that I am highly skilled in and respected for and where I can pass my skills on to less experienced folk
I measure my success by my simple mantra
Do as much good as you can, do as little harm as you can. have as much fun as you can
We used to have a CFO who when anything went wrong e.g. upset customer, order lost etc would say "Did anyone die, no, in which case can't be that bad."
I really like that attitude as it put work in perspective....
I'll admit to inner turmoil about.
10 years and some months ago I left the Finance Industry and vowed never to return. The 10 years previous I'd been well paid, at some points VERY well paid, well looked after but was a complete mess mentally, the stress and strain was hard to take at times.
My life has changed completely, I was a single person, now I'm a husband and father.
I work in a completely different industry now, I accepted when I first left that I wasn't going to earn what I did, and I was okay with that, but over the next 5 years I clawed my way up a bit, when we had kids I accepted that flexibility was more important than earning a few extra quid because my Wife's job was completely inflexible and she was at the start of her career and I wanted to support her.
That was 5 years ago, my Wife's career has come on leaps and bounds, she's brilliant at it, she's changed roles, got promotions, learned new skills and is flying high - to do this I've had to take a back seat. Even though I'm 6 years older and 20 years into my career and she less than half that, she's catching up to me, which is great.
I'm at a real cross-roads now, progression in work is hard, I gain skills, get better at what I do, work really hard and sometimes the stress level is back where it was all those years ago. I carry a lot on my shoulders in work and people expect a lot from me, but the rewards are non-existent, not a penny in pay rise in years, promises broken and frankly, my 'reward' isn't a priority for anyone bar me.
I'm in a position where I'm offered jobs fairly often, some good, most bad, but the offers are there, but I don't want to leap because despite it all, I enjoy my work for the most part.
To add to my post. I did climb the ladder to the point where I had 130 staff reporting directly to me, reported directly to the board, budget measured in millions etc - manager of a 3rd sector care home
I hated it and was not good at it. so I took a big step down and worked part time on zero hours contracts for a decade and now am back full time in the NHS as a staff nurse. My commute takes 10 mins by bike. I am the happiest I have been for a long long time. I am good at my job and valued for my skills and no longer have to do the stuff I was bad at and hated.
Work to live, don't live to work
No! my career and life have been a series of disappointments and disasters and I absolutely hate threads like this that make me think about it. So stop it. Now!
You’ve gotta laugh though eh? 😆😂😢
My boss recently handed his notice in, I've discussed this with colleagues, friends and clients.
I've been asked by almost all of them if I'll be applying for the job. Whilst that's flattering as I think (hope) they see some leadership skills, integrity and backbone in me, which is nice, I haven't actually got the experience or qualifications for the job.
But my reply to all of them is the same - no. And not because of the above, because even if I was in a position to apply, I simply wouldn't!
It probably pays £10-15k more than my job, but I'm saving quite a bit of money as I am, it's nearly all office based, managing budgets and attending meetings whereas I'm out and about on site for over half of my time with practical people. I have nobody reporting to me, and my boss largely leaves me well alone, managing my own workload. So sod the manager's job, I'd be better off for sure, but I'd also be stressed and miserable mostly confined to a hateful open plan, air conditioned office. Nah mate.
Success isn't about work and money.