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Thanks for reading-
Situation is: I'm very close to my cousin, and was devastated when his wife walked out on him and their small child last year.
Since then, I've done my best to support him in any way I can.
Separately to this, early last year we (wife and my small children) booked a 'holiday of a lifetime' with some close friends of ours and their kids. We're not made of money and have been saving for this for a long time- probably never to be repeated. We booked as early as possible to get as many discounts as possible.
Cousin had asked a while back what our holiday plans were, and I explained the situation. The deal was sealed, and there wasn't any way to rejig it without hitting massive charges that we couldn't afford. Cousin understood this, but then said that it was a place he'd always fancied seeing too- maybe he'd see if there was accomodation going in the same general area (we don't actually know exactly where we're going to end up, such is the budget nature of our deal).
The long and the short of it is: he's booked a massive villa for the exact same period of time we're going to be there, and its only going to be him and his small daughter occupying, and is now asking some extremely pertinent questions about our itinerary.
I love him dearly and if it was just us it would be cool- but I have my good friends to think about too. They've not asked for any additional bodies dropping in every day. They know him and like him, but this holiday is a big big deal for them too, in many ways.
I don't want to hurt my cousin's feelings (I know how deeply he aches on all of this, I suspect he's close to the edge at times) by telling him he's unwelcome to be with us every hour of every day, but have to take into account how much my friends have invested in this.
Any thoughts? Sensible ones.
Just play it by ear when you're there and don't worry about it.
Does your cousin and his kid act like a bellend?
If yes then I reckon you should tell him not to bother hanging out with you whilst you're on holiday.
If your cousin and his kid are lovely people, then why can't you involve them in your holiday itinerary?
As above...play it by ear and be clear up front that you dont want a shadow all hols.
Could you arrange a few planned days out together with him, but tactfully suggest that he and his daughter have plenty of quality daddy-daughter time with just the two of them?
No, cousin is a diamond- you'd all love him. Everybody does (apart from his ex-wife of course). Even the friends we're away with, who've only met him briefly a couple of times, think he's an excellent guy. He is.
Its just that, for various reasons, I don't want any impositions on my friends. They're the types who'd grin and bear it, as they are good and decent people, possibly more cash-strapped than us, even, and have a chronically-ill child to boot. They're brilliant, and I love them.
I should also say that while my cousin in an ace, his small child, also lovely in her own wee way, has suffered from a peculiar lack of firm parenting from his soon-to-be ex-wife. She doesn't mix all that well, is immature beyond her years, and is a little fragile compared to the other kids who'll be there.
Maybe I am worrying unnecessarily.
MM- I like your suggestion.