and not of the 'don't do it' variety 😀
Any opinions on/experience of buying the ring before you pop the question, or of choosing it together afterwards? Just out of interest, of course...
Heart says first, but there's that nagging voice suggesting [s]I[/s] [i]one[/i] might spend quite a lot of money on something that isn't just right, but which (hopefully) she'll be wearing for the rest of her life.
Ta.
You'll get it wrong - you're a bloke!
Just propose and let her decide later. Or did you let her decide what bike you ride and you're that in tune with each other?
I bought a joke ring for the big Q and let her choose her proper ring.
She smashed my budget out of the water though!
Ask first, then go shopping to celebrate. It's good fun.
TooTall - MemberYou'll get it wrong - you're a bloke!
How true is that - lol
Buy a bit of costume jewellery, then go shopping after she says................... urrr, yes 😉
Good luck btw
I did very recently and I appear to have got away with it.
I did a bit of research before hand, found out what she liked in terms of jewelery in general and then bit the bullet on a not cheap bit of bling. Found a great place in the Jewlery Quarter in Brum if you need some advice on where to buy from.
The cost is always in the stone rather than the band so if you can at least find out what shape stone she will like you can always get it reset into a different band without it costing too much extra.
Edit. The main reason I bought without her is that I am on old romantic and wanted to present her with a ring as a complete suprise. Accoring to her friends, this went down really well.
I had the wife's made in secret. She appears to love it. She wasn't too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though... Maybe it's best to go shopping together.
Does she not wear other rings? Can you not sneak one away that 'should' fit?
Or try one on your fingers to get an idea of how far up a particular finger you can get it.
Rings can be fairly easily adjusted if they aren't right and most decent jewellers will do this for free, if it's not quite the right size.
She wasn't too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though...
You must be very good at hiding things...
You are paying for it, therefore you choose!
The romance is in having something chosen by a loved one. I would rather have a ring chosen by my partner as it is like carrying a little bit of their personality with you.
I'd say get one, a proper one for the question.
Most bling bling-shops will understand that you are male and therefore incompetant at buying items like this! As such, when you purchase, they will give you a receipt that will entitle you to a refund / exchange* so she can laugh at your ineptitude then sort our the mess later. Head off to Beaverbrooks...they've always been excellent with me. It also helps if you come across like a complete simpleton and ask questions like "can you help pick one of those metal things birds put on their fingers when I want to marry them...i think its got to have some kind of carbon on it too".
* don't go for a custom made one! Esecially in the shape of your favourite bike.
Go and buy it first she'll love it! its shiny!
I had the ring made just how I wanted it, benefit of living in Brum and the jewellery quarter...
I had a diamond that my nan gave me for such an occasion had it made into a ring that cost me £350, had it valued at £2300!
Simple is always elegant.
We went to the shops together...
I wasn't even gonna attempt to choose..
As stated, we are men, ergo, we would have got it wrong.
She wasn't too happy about the fact that I could keep such a thing secret without her having the faintest idea though...
Ah yes, I got this as well. Even more so as I am usually terrible at hiding things!
Re. sizing, any good jewellers will resize it for free but I just "borrowed" one of her rings when she left it on the side and took it to be measured so I knew it was about right.
Buy old.. Antique stuff, better value than modern crap and worth more in the long run.
Depends of course how much your spending but if its four figures or more then try my way.
Er it does get a bit embarrassing if they meet the former owner mind as has happened to me, but as I said at the time it doesn't make it any less a ring and she must be really jealous you have a fine man like me to go with it.. 😆
Every girl likes a diamond solitaire, you can't go far wrong!
I'm with a few posters, when you ask her you need to present her with a bit of bling? And girls love a bit of bling.
You must be very good at hiding things...
Not really. I kept it in the inside pocket of my motorcycle jacket, which was more often than not draped over the chair she was sat in doing her Uni coursework. I was half-expecting to be rumbled.
morgs - Member
Head off to Beaverbrooks...
I am not sure that I would go to a high street place for something like this....
I am not sure how much I should say, although I am pretty sure my OH doesn't look on here.....
Anyway, I may have been looking about recently. There's an independent jewellery bloke I've been asking & I've been looking in the main highstreet shops for comparison. Comparing similar prices, the high street ones have been nowhere near as good as the independent bloke. For a given price, the high street ones are either smaller stones, or they have low colour ratings or clarity ratings. Or all three.
I looked in Ernest Jones, BeaverBrooks, Goldsmiths & Leslie Davis & none of them could offer anything approaching what the independent bloke could.
No, you have to both start casually looking at rings "as if" you were going to buy one, but you both keep up the pretence that you are just looking out of interest.
Once it is absolutely clear in your mind which one she "might like" then you have to go and buy it (make sure you get it sized right) so you can "surprise" her at a suitably romantic moment (for example just after you have spent a small fortune on a romantic meal apropos of nothing.
2nd avoiding the high street, you can get much more ring from a good independent than from Goldsmiths/Beaverbrooks/etc. If you're near Brum or can get to Brum I can suggest a few places.
Read up on diamonds, read up on settings, look at prices on the web and go in armed with this info.
Sorry, I have become very geeky on this having spent 6 months preparing a (in her eyes) suprise proposal in October.
I proposed without a ring, then we went and bought one together.
She loves her ring, and although what we chose is pretty much bang on what I would have chosen myself, it seemed the right thing to do to let her have some say in a very expensive bit of jewelery which she may want to wear every day for the rest of her life. We had a great day in Hatton Garden choosing.
As for budget; TBH if you can't have a sensible conversation about the budget for a ring together, you may need to reconsider getting married!
I proposed on a snowboarding trip (atop a mountain) and had a cold bottle of champagne waiting back at the chalet (smuggling a bottle of champagne in a shared suitcase is quite a challenge!). Didn't need a ring to make that day any more special.
Dave
My opinion - buy it in advance and surprise her. She will love that you have sort time energy and thought on getting the ring. Buying it together smacks of a cop out to me and is a wussy move.
+1 for independent or jewellery quarter/ hatton garden type place. High st don't get near in terms of quality or size of stone for the same money. In my experience they were really really helpful and guided me through picking a stone, picking a setting etc. I managed to get the only ring out of her jewellery box that is too big for her for the sizing.. But no bother as it was resized without any hassle.
If she likes older jewellery, head down to Hatton Gardens down in London.
There was only one jewellers who would touch my wifes engagement ring (for resizing it), as it's 130 years old, and handmade... they even did it for free, as they enjoyed working on such an old ring... bonus!
As for budget; TBH if you can't have a sensible conversation about the budget for a ring together, you may need to reconsider getting married!
We did this. Then she saw something she really loved, and it was such an emotive decision for her that I caved in. Glad I did now though, it's only money.
Being at the time totally broke, I made my wife's engagement ring out of a highly polished ball bearing and a teased out brake cable - took me about 3 days. Once we had some money we went and bought a proper one, she keeps the old one in the box that the new one came in.
Most bling bling-shops will understand that you are male and therefore incompetant at buying items like this!
Nonsense. I have perfectly good taste.
I selected Mrs* North's, and presented it to her unannounced. I knew what she'd like.
On budget: ignore all that made up nonsense about a number of months' salary - that was a De Beers marketing trick. Just spend what you can afford and think is reasonable.
*We'd been together for 8 years at that point. We've just passed 15 years. Still not got round to getting married.... 😉
We disussed getting engaged and i was starting to look at rings myself but i decided i didnt want to keep a secret from her. In the we went into a nice independant jewellers in bath and looked at rings together before i proposed. (we had been together 6 years and were never going to make a massive deal of it)
she knew it was coming at some point but i caught her out a bit and proposed on fireworks night with fireworks going off all around. we then went and chose a ring together a week or so later. I pushed my budget out the window a bit too! but I love what we got, individual yet classic.
Recomment Mallorys in Bath for 'made on site' stuff and a great customer experiance.
Glad I did now though, it's only money.
having a budget in mind, and sticking to it are different things... at least you knew which end of the market you were looking at - rather than you thinking £1k and her thinking £15k.
Dave
Yep, she didn't [i]completely[/i] take the piss 😀
Worth noting that there's no VAT payable on vintage/ pre-owned jewellery.
Worth noting that there's no VAT payable on vintage/ pre-owned jewellery.
nothing says romance like streamlining your tax profile 😀
I proposed without a ring as I didn't have a clue what Tasha would want or wear. She didn't have a clue what kind of ring she wanted or that I was going to ask. It didn't alter the proposal at all by not having one. I'll agree with the buying together being fun, not sure why, but it was.
mate did something I though worked, down on knee, handed over a small elegant box, which was empty with a 'you choose' message inside, that worked well.
Buy a "fake" one for the proposal & then go shopping together. This is what I did & discovered that the rings I'd have chosen wouldn't have been the ones she have.
And if you're nearish the midlands I'd recommend spending a saturday in the jewellery quarter. Saved* loads of money (almost a grand over similar rings on the high street with lower clarity diamonds).
*Rather she got a better ring for the money. My expenditure would've been the same.
I proposed with a "stunt double", a nice-but-cheap ring from a high street jewellers, then we went and found a proper one a bit later that she really liked.
She actually really liked the first one, and still wears it on her other hand... I could have saved myself a fortune if I'd just not mentioned that it wasn't the final one! 🙂
Also, find a shop in the Jewellery Quarter that *also* has a shop somewhere else, then go to the other one, 'cos it's even cheaper then... 🙂
Isn't the idea to get the most expensive one you can find and buy it on credit, that way you'll have a monthly reminder of the happy event? That is if she says yes.
I bought it first as I think I had a decent idea of her tastes.
It had the desired effect (e.g. near cardiac arrest), doubled up by producing it from a muddy pannier after a few days touring. That was the bit I was most nervous about, losing the bloody thing.
SBrock - Member
Every girl likes a diamond solitaire, you can't go far wrong!
Not Mrs Clubber - always wanted an eternity ring for engagment...
As above, I'd suggest buying it together - she's got to wear it for (hopefully) the rest of her life...
*We'd been together for 8 years at that point. We've just passed 15 years. Still not got round to getting married....
I feel a lot better now, took me 13 years to propose (though we got a mortgage, who said romance is dead?), 2 years to save, married 7 years ago. I thought that was a bit tardy 🙂
I bought the diamond in a special presentation box - proposed with that, then let the missus pick the setting. Luckily we found a really good shop who helped us out with it all.
mrsconsequence wears a $2 ring from claires accessories 😆 she wears it to slow down the prisoners and prison officers hitting on her at work and has made me promise that if i do ever propose to her to not spend more than 5pounds or she'd be too scared of loosing it to wear it. i suggested getting about 10 of em so she's always got spares when she does lose one to which she replied. "no, fifty quid is way too expensive, if i loose it then we can grab another one for a fiver"
still haven't bothered proposing properly but we know we might as well be married and no fears about a future together.
I too proposed mid-cycle tour. As for the ring, well it was made by myself from a part of a Avro Vulcan bomber, as she loves them. Certainly unusual, and individual. She also liked the extra effort, rather than just buying something. It even fitted! Although she then bought another one that isn't quite as chunky, but often wears the vulcan one round her neck.
panda
Totting up the answers it looks roughly like a 50/50 split, with some handy variations on the theme thrown in. I really would like to get the ring first, but I must admit, I like the idea of getting a diamond, then choosing the setting together.
Thanks people!
rogg - Member
Totting up the answers it looks roughly like a 50/50 split, with some handy variations on the theme thrown in. I really would like to get the ring first, but I must admit, I like the idea of getting a diamond, then choosing the setting together.
Thanks people!
Yes, but what shape 'cut' would you go for?! 😀
http://www.77diamonds.com/diamond-shapes.html
Firstly, MTFU.
It's easy, she'll be happy with whatever you get her and if you think you may have the style wrong then let her know you can swap/exchange or even adjust the fitting.
I recently proposed and nailed it! the ring fit perfectly, this was a massive headache but I went of the size of other rings she has. Also I considered that she is very clumsy so went for a brilliant cut (more diamond for your money) semi bezel set diamond solitaire. I went for colour and clarity over the size of the stone but my friend who manages the jewellers did me a lovely deal and helped massively.
A thing to consider is her over all style, some guys assume that she wants a huge ostentatious rock on her finger when really she'd like a classy little number. As you said she'll wear it most days for the rest of her life and I can imagine a massive rock will likely get in the way and or broken/lost etc.
Only you will know or have a good idea of what she likes. Also if she has tiny hands factor that in too.
She'll appreciate your attempt/effort so you've nothing to lose by getting it wrong but everything to gain by getting it right!
Letting her pick is a cop out and the easy option.
Get it done the proper way but in all honesty, do it the way that suits you two best.
Good luck!
I think that I just got lucky-Mrs B didn't own any rings prior to getting engaged/married....I 'guessed' based on the width of her ring finger being the same as my little finger-it was! She also absolutely loved her engagement ring and when I proposed it was a total surprise to her-I did the whole cooking her a posh meal and getting down on one knee thing and I'd also mentioned it to her parents beforehand. She seemed to really appreciate it all and we've now been married for 5 months 🙂
After advice on here, I got ours from online from Blue Nile. Hours of entertainment using the 'build your own' feature and choosing the diamond etc, once you have stopped mucking about looking for the biggest/purest diamonds etc and they have a guide about what to look for (i.e. if its a gold ring, don't bother paying extra for a near colourless diamond, as you're going to set it against a gold background)
I had a quick look in the well known high street shops before I bit the bullet, and for a ring in the same price range, the diamond had an obvious yellow tinge to it (silver ring) and I'm sure I could see flecks and marks within it.
When I chose my wedding ring from an independent jeweller, they asked my now wife if she wanted a wedding band, and she said she was planning on getting a matching band so not to worry, they asked where from so she said online, both of us expecting to get the cold shoulder or at least a hard stare. Instead, she inspected the ring and commented on how well set the diamond was, and found us a matching ring. Unfortunately it was a lot more than online and I said don't worry about it as we weren't expecting them to try and compete.
They said they couldn't match, but then Mr. Boss went and did some head scratching out the back, and obviously decided he could skim some profit off my ring in order to secure both orders.
So we got a hefty discount without even having to do any asking 🙂
Your Have various ways to go some good advice above .i would try avoid cheap white gold mounts which have been rhodium plated this looks shabby very quickly ,and buy best diamond you can afford avoid big poor quality stones do your research (four c,s )
On line will be cheaper but has snags in that you miss tactile experience and sending rings back when don't fit etc is hassle very simular to lbs v crc
Best of luck
Just to add, we sent the Blue Nile ring back for resizing, they sent us a fedex collection, it was collected and returned in a few days. We were meant to pay for the postage, which would have been about the same as paying to get it resized locally, but for some reason they never sent us the bill 🙂
Pah. Argos FTW. It's more about what it symbolises than costs as far as the Strife is concedrned, and also me luckily!
10 years together, 8 of those married.
I drew and then had one made at the local jewellers. I went for a sapphire between diamonds. I consulted her sister to be on the safe side!
It's an odd convention that the ring is supposed to cost two months salary as that concept was invented by Debeers in the 30's to sell more diamonds as before that it was often the womans birthstone that was used.
Buy a cheap one to pop the question and then shop together. Its all part of the experience. However.....
Most will claim to be happy with the first ring until they get to the jewelers and then things start to get somewhat out of control. 4 solid days on Hatton Garden and £5000 later I was beginning to regret asking in the first place.....
I too proposed mid-cycle tour. As for the ring, well it was made by myself from a part of a Avro Vulcan bomber, as she loves them
You [i]actually [/i]owned her with Bombers. Well done.
+ 1 for MTFU and buy it before. The fact that you had the balls to pick what you thought she'd like will be enough for her to love it. If you have absolutely no idea what she might like then you probably don't know her well enough to marry her! Plus - buying it is great fun... I spent a thoruughly enjoyable afternoon with a mate who is a jeweller poking loose diamonds round and picking mounts... Plus, it saves them ever finding out what ypou paid... Mrs Helios would kill me if she actually knew how much her ring is worth, and would probably stop wearing it...
Unless you know exactly what she wants, what size, what diamond cut etc the safest option is to buy something cheap, a token of some sort, then go shopping if she says yes. And if you even slightly wonder if she'll say yes then dont ask her the question! lol. I'd suggest a coke can ring pull as the token but I couldnt find one when I looked, health and safety seem to have outlawed them even on foreign tins, maybe a baked bean ring pull? just a thought.
So in my opinion you should buy before you propose.... however this could come back to bite you if your other half has a ring in mind and you chose something completely different.
For what its worth. I bought the engagement ring online and lucky for me my Wife really liked it. [url= http://www.jewellerywebshop.co.uk ]Jewellery web shop[/url] was the store I used.
However because I bought online and the design was not normal when we went to get the wedding ring we couldn't buy a standard ring and had to get a custom design, this cost us a lot of money (not that much but more than I was expecting), this is the place we got this done [url= http://www.ringworkshop.co.uk/ ]Ring Workshop[/url] He was fantastic and If I had been in the UK I'd have probably bought both engagement and wedding rings from him.
Good luck
Mine was a family heirloom, which for both of us meant more than anything. It's only silver with a matching bracelet, and only has a semi precious stone. My wife would have refused to marry me if I'd spent 5k on a ring! It's a symbol of something priceless, but that doesn't imbue the ring with any value at all.
Many years ago I remember getting married - and before that I must have got engaged. I do remember looking at rings and just getting very confused. Left to my own devices I would have a got a simple diamond ring. In the end my, then fiancée, choose a Tanazanite stone with some small diamonds. Would have never even thought of it.
She wears it all the time (even MTBing in Alps/Whistler) so perhaps it was a good idea to let her choose!
@rogg - if you wanted to go the diamond only route, speak to these guys [url= http://www.credjewellery.com/ ]Cred Jewellery[/url], they were very helpful in helping us source a ethically sourced, non-blood diamond (the majority of diamonds on the market have no official documentation, so you cannot trace where/how they have been mined).
I decided to pick a Princess cut for the diamond, and then the missus chose this really simple, V setting for it: [url= http://www.credjewellery.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/princess-v-set-engagment-ring-p-2148.html ]http://www.credjewellery.com/engagement-rings/solitaire/princess-v-set-engagment-ring-p-2148.html[/url]
The ring is all made to order, and again from ethically sourced white gold (no explosives/chemicals) used to mine.
You actually owned her with Bombers. Well done.
<Applauds>
Played sir, played!
Mr Sunshiner1der was found looking at titanium rings once, and said something along the lines of "I like titanium rings and if we got married I would want them to match, what do you think?" I happily agreed, although specified it had to be polished not matt, and 6 weeks later I had a lovely titanium and diamond engagement ring, very different to what I would have picked if I had been asked before I met him, but actually so more me and I absolutely love it. He had it turned out "borrowed" one of my other rings as titanium can't be resized. I now have the wedding ring, made to match my engagement ring perfectly and wouldn't change them for the world.
I loved that he was prepared to take a risk on what I would like, made it very special. But then I managed to get through planning my wedding without looking at a bridal magazine or entering a bridal shop once. So maybe I'm not the average Mrs!
If you have impeccable taste and everything you choose is well received then go ahead. I got it [url= http://en.niessing.com/jewellery/tension-rings/niessing-tension-ring-round-n141792/ ]right[/url] I did have to sell my car to afford it though.
That is both excellent due to its simplicity and beauty. WOW. Very impressed.
I had the wife's maid in secret. She appeared to love it.
Hmmm.
(Only joking - all the best!)
As a woman I would say that not buying the ring is not a cop out. I have a single ring that I got for my engagement and also used as my wedding ring ( it is somewhere in between the two). I didn't want to wear two rings together. I know several women that have rings bought by their husbands, and while they all love them for what they are, they are in most cases not what they would have picked for themselves - something they would never share with their husband! Also, a lot of women end up not wearing their engagement ring all the time as the setting catches too much for their job. You need to thInk of practicalities if you are choosing one.
Picking a ring together is fun and romantic. You also know definitely that it is exactly what she wants to wear everyday for the rest of her life. If you were only going to ride one bike for the rest of your life would you want your wife to buy it for you or with you?
Just my opinion and experience. You know your partner better than anyone else so just go with your gut instinct.
I chose the missus' ring online from Samara James. They can send you a silver sample of whatever you choose for a refundable £50 deposit. It looks close enough to the real thing to be honest that it has the desired effect when popping the question. My missus liked what I'd chosen, so I sent back the sample and got the real thing. But if not, you just get your £50 back.
Be individual. Approach a college/university with a jewellery department and ask if any students are interested in commissions. Look at their work and get some designs to ponder.
Good way to support emerging craftspeople and really be involved with the whole process.
A good designer will be able to design around the personality of the lucky lady.
Proposed then went shopping for the ring thenext day.
Won't bore you with the romantic details but we got a good deal from a nice Jewish man in the diamond district in NY.
Was nice to do it together, and we got a bargain too!
Spent just about a months wages on it.. It looks great and sal still loves wearing it.
Just choose one from the argos catalogue
Seriously though, both times i've been married, i proposed and then we went ring shopping afterwards. As has been said, they've got to wear it so it might as well be something they like.
I think the traditional looking diamond approach is pretty safe if you do go for it yourself. Both my current wife and my ex are the sort of girls you'd expect to get something modern/different, but both went for very old styled traditional looking rings to my (and their) surprise.
If you can get away with a few hundred quid its a result (we went the second hand vintage route), but if not then at least its some consolation that the wedding band is usually a lot cheaper.
If she does blow the budget, it at least gives you a bit of room for bargaining when it comes to buying a new bike 😀
Just choose one from the argos catalogue
Seriously though, both times i've been married,
Can't help thinking there's a relationship between the two.
[img] http://www.smileys4me.com/getsmiley.php?show=1833 [/img]
I'm still trying to work out how i've managed to persuade two lovely women that i'm a good catch! 😛
I'm still trying to work out how i've managed to persuade two lovely women that i'm a good catch!
You've done better than me then.
[img] http://www.smileys4me.com/getsmiley.php?show=2141 [/img]
Proposed in Luxor with a ten pence plastic ring. When we got back to Ethiopia we had a silver Axumite ring made. Cost was 150 birr (£6). The ring, for us, reflects where we met and fell for one another.
Joanne loves the ring and wouldn't change it for the world. Cost isn't everything- the sentiment and love behind the symbol is.
So my advice is go with your heart!
Wedding next July.
I was originally going to buy the ring first but chickened out of picking one. When we went shopping for the ring together, she (knowing the budget) picked an antique one that was about a tenth of what I was going to spend. She absolutely loves the ring and we got a great honeymoon out of the saving.
Glad I waited and got her to choose it as it turns out, my choice would have been a bad one.
I had the wife's maid in secret. She appeared to love it.
Hmmm.(Only joking - all the best!)
Hehe. To be fair, the ring got me a get out of jail free card so I thought "why the hell not?"
[img]
[/img]