Ending a friendship..

Choose the cowards way out. Let her get wrapped up in the new guy and wait for her to ghost you.

**** talking about your feelings.

Tell her how you feel - we only get one trip on this life, better to regret telling her than wondering if you should have.

Will give both of you closure one way or the other.

Or suggest a throuple?

Blocked her and move on. <br /><br />

She wil have known perfectly well you still liked her and hoped you’d get back together again. She just wanted your company whilst she found someone else. Do you think you would have remained pals after she got with another parter? <br /><br />

sorry, but you’ve been played. 

When I got divorced we stayed friends (mostly) through the whole process.  By the time we were at the end of it I just wanted to move on and leave that bit of past where it belonged.  We were both in good relationships and it turned out to be fairly easy and wasn't that hard a conversation in the end.  

Or escape to South America and change your identity.  

If she's got a new love, it'll drift away quickly enough for you two anyhow. Just avoid the odd call, don't pick up a whatsapp here, or there.. within a few weeks it'll become less.... next it'll just not matter.

Tell her how you feel<br />

tbh if she doesn’t know that already she must be an idiot. I don’t think any great proclamation of undying love will serve any purpose here. It’s time to move on and cut ties. 

Get to know the new guy. Be irritatingly nice to him. 

I'd vote for honesty tbh. You havent been played and shes not done anything wrong...you knew this day would come like you said. She's seeing someone but it might not last or she might stay in touch and it'll be grim hearing about it so if you care about her just let her know this is going to be too hard but you wish her well for the future then you both can move on. If you're close, ghosting is a dick move IMO.

No, honesty’s for suckas, don’t show any weakness. As joshvegas says ‘Let her get wrapped up in the new guy and wait for her to ghost you.’

You've both been complicit in a mutually agreeable 'friendship' which although not openly agreed was most likely embarked on to help you both avoid the harder emotions of a breakup.

One of you has found a new focus, an inevitable outcome of that decision , you were hoping it would be you but sadly it's not.

Be upfront for nothing else than your integrity. You avoided the difficult part first time around, you have to face that down now.

sorry, but you’ve been played.

On what basis? Where's the evidence she's led him on? As for the OP, seems strange to me to cut ties completely if you are genuinely good friends. Sure, that friendship will likely grow more distant whilst she's in a relationship but was the only reason you previously stayed friends because you hoped it would lead to you getting back together or was it more you enjoyed the friendship and just hoped it led to more at some point? If the latter then why not give the new more distant friendship a go, it might give you the space to move on but without losing a friend at the same time. Ofc, if wanting more than a friendship is stuck in your head and at best a distraction then yes you want to drastically reduce any contact you have with her but ghosting her would be a bit of a dick move.

Yeah you are right ghosting is not going to be the done thing here. She hasn’t done anything wrong and deserves more than that.

Be upfront for nothing else than your integrity. You avoided the difficult part first time around, you have to face that down now.

unfortunately this is pretty much spot on.  Should have moved on at the time. Always knew I was just putting it off until latter down the line, need to just man up and get it over with

Why not just say that you don't feel you can have her in your life at the moment and you need space to move on with your life. 

You don't need to be mean about it or explicitly say that you're no longer friends.

I would go quiet and let them get on with it, be there for her if she messages you in any way.  If she wants to come back to you/talk to for any reason she will.

If you force it you’ll become the irritating 3rd wheel seemingly wanting the relationship to end, and that won’t endear her to you at all.

Shag her sister / mother

Woah there cowboy, and Calm Down Dear to all the proto Andrew Tates.

There is a lot of space between spending less time with a friend and blocking somebody, which is a nasty thing to do.

You will probably find this happens naturally as she will have less time to spend with you and her new bloke might not be too comfortable with it.  She may not even notice, but if she does, what is wrong with saying "you have moved on it is time I did too - hope you are very happy".  Or even - "do you have any nice single friends?".

Good luck.

"it's obvious that I like you a lot and I think it'd be unfair on your new bloke for me to be hanging around as we've become used to - it's probably good for me too, in the long run"

"so how about a swifty for old times' sake?"

Carry on being friends.

Either she'll not have time to see you because she's seeing him.

Or he'll get the hump that she's spending time with you.

8n 2hich case, she'll see you less or see him less.

Or you and him might become mates and he sets you up with a friend of his.

Unless by "friend" you mean fwb which you now exoect to come to an end.

Great song written by Willie Nelson but nailed by Al Green as he's done with so many covers over the years

Be honest with her. <br /><br />

To me it sounds like you need some space to be able to move on with your own life

Besides I’m sure the new bloke in her life will find the current setup a bit odd 

You'll probably find that she will spend more time with her new boyfriend and less with you anyway, so just let it happen. Don't burn any bridges but just let the friendship fade away a bit. This should give you a chance to spend more time looking for someone new. 

I do feel your pain though. Good luck in meeting your next life partner. 

Slightly different, but I was in a will they, won’t they, that never did. Neither of us in the same place at the same time. Was a great friendship but got to the point I felt I was stuck, so I was honest and said I thought it was best we didn’t stay in touch. Was awful at the time but definitely the right move. 

Anyone saying block her, are you 16?

Just let it take it's natural course, don't be full on with the messaging, drop her a line every now and then and see how she is. As has been said, she'll probably contact you less anyway.

Seems odd to be willing to lose a good friend just because she's found a man. Yes, it can be tough to see, but (no offence intended), grow a set, be happy for her and let things ride.

Don't be a dick about it and you will probably still be friends in 10/20 years. Who knows, the flame may re-ignite - just don't cling on to that hope

need to just man up and get it over with

Have you thought about literally doing that and experimenting with a half rice/half chips lifestyle?

Pretty sure the new guy will make it very clear, very quickly, that he's not happy with her being close friends with her ex!

Make your real feelings known or accept it's over. You can't move on with your life while you are still holding a torch for her.

Although 40+ years on I still hold a torch for 'Katie' from my school days. Took me months to pluck up the courage to ask her out and she knocked me back. She was lovely - what could have been!... 🤣

it should just fizzle out, we've all had good friends, male female that you lose touch with, still have the great memories, no point cutting bridges.

takes a while to be happy on your own, then someone will come along and shatter it :0)

As above, unless the new boyfriend is very relaxed about the whole thing he will have issues with it soon enough. <br /><br />
But, all that is irrelevant.  You need to move  on so you can start living your life for yourself and hopefully have a new relationship with someone over time.   What you choose to tell your ex is up to you,  either let it wane over time or tell her now.

But really, just tell her you need to move on with your life too and that being so close with her isn't part of that.

I'm pleased (through gritted teeth) that you've found someone new.
I'm still around if you need anything, bit it's probably best if you concentrate on that relationship for a while without me being in the mix.
I'll send you a Christmas card.

You don't have to go in telling her all about how you really wanted to get back with her as that could come across as trying to get in the way of her new relationship, but I'd be honest with her and tell her that you don't think you can handle it the way it is so need some space. Hopefully she'll understand and respect that and you'll still be able to say hi in the future. The new BF will probably respect that as well, so any future bumping in to each other won't be as difficult.

Ghosting is not getting over it in your head, you'll never truely know how it would have gone down. If she was being a dick, then jjust ****ing her off is fine, but she's been a friend so she (you both) deserves honesty. Just don't go into it to thinking that being honest might bring her back to you. Do it for closure.

I don't understand why you can't stay friends. Maybe this is for your mental health/sanity? But if I cared at all about someone I would be pleased they were happy and I would far rather be part of their life than not in it all.

If you need a clean break - be honest and say that. If you don't want that, stay friends.

I don’t understand why you can’t stay friends.

Because he's never wanted her as a friend, he was simply waiting and hoping it blossomed into more again. She's not actually his friend.

Same advice as @didnthurt. She'll want to spend time with her new fella, you don't really need to do anything really, certainly nothing drastic, just let the friendship fade into your background a bit.  it hurts a bit, but at the end of the day, try to be happy for your friend.

Ghosting is for sociopaths.

Have the difficult conversation, you'll feel better. 

The thing is - you are not ending a friendship as you never saw it just as a friendship seeing as you always hoped you would get back together. So now you need to decide – do you want to be just friends with her or is it too painful to see her with another man? If that is the case, then you have no choice but to stop meeting her and pretending you are friends and accepting that's all it will ever be.

FWIW, I was with someone for a few years, we split up yet remained good friends (although I always hoped for something more, despite her being in occasional relationships with other men). After about 18 months, I decided it was time to move on, met someone else and carried on the friendship with the ex. Then came midnight at the Millenium, I was hosting a house party and the ex called to wish me all the best for the new Millenium and suggested we meet the next day. We met. We got back together. We married. We now have two teenage children.

Can't believe no-one has suggested coke and hookers, wee, patios or sausages.

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She’s not actually his friend<br />

well she was before we hooked up, and she still is now. But I’ll admit I wanted it to be more than that

i absolutely need a clean break, I should have had one 2 years ago. It’s just occurred to me we are meant to be going on holiday in a few months to meet up with some friends. I’ll need to bin that off and try to get a refund!

i absolutely need a clean break, I should have had one 2 years ago.

As was the case for me, you'll then find out if she wants more or just only wanted to be friends.

Sign him up for some industrial strength porn and make sure she finds out.

experimenting with a half rice/half chips lifestyle?

oi, some of us are effectively keto!

In my experience, sometimes people keep someone close as a spare until they meet someone more desirable. It sounds a pretty horrible tactic but I'm not sure that it's always a conscious thing, it just kind of happens and thinking about it is a pretty good tactic in the long run.

Personally I'd distance myself from an ex and only keep in touch if we had a vested interest together, I'd find it too painful to see them close up with someone else. I've friends who have stayed in touch with their exes and had great friendships with them, but I think that just means that the person in question didn't really mean all that much to them anyway.

I think you need to be honest with her, shoot the puppy and move on. If you just let it go a bit quiet while she gets busy with her new beau you run the risk of that new relationship not lasting very long and then your still mates and back at square one 6 months later.

What's the betting that OP will do nothing, end up letting the new boyfriend join her and the group of friends on holiday, and have to watch them being all loved-up for a fortnight?

🙂