[Closed] doorstep evangelists

generally not, just a polite no thanks no saving required.

In all honestly I've lost count, but I think there are about 23 of them buried in the back garden. Nobody ever comes looking for them, you know?

Nope. I start polite. If I have to continue I'm not.

I used to be rude. 🙁 Now, I try to spare some time...

But I still can't work out how a chat can give someone faith. It's either there or it isn't, surely?

[i]not all tattooed skinheads that live on council estates need saving..[/i]

unless you're actually in 'their' church I think you'll find they think you do. Whether you do or not.

this is brilliant;

They are only superficially polite, the whole concept of them knocking on doors to save the unwashed heathens within is rude, disrespectful and arrogant.

Same as any unsolicited callers, just shut the door in their face. I'm not wasting any time / words on them.

In all honestly I've lost count, but I think there are about 23 of them buried in the back garden.

This is no laughing matter. Have you any idea how high your soil nitrogen levels are going to be? You'll never get anything to grow.

I generally just say 'no thanks' and close the door. Back in my student days the done thing was to ask them to hold on then go and tell a house-mate there was someone at the door for them.

You need the molgrips magic back garden storage container. they'll fit in their nice and neatly. Like sardines.

I'm always polite, even to the charity chuggers who come to the door. Can't actually remember the last time an evangelical type came to the door, but I guess I'm usually at work.
Just say no, kids!

Theres a jehovas churh done the road from me, and i think i've been black listed.
Seriously, they don't come round at all anymore. 😀

[i]the whole concept of them knocking on doors to save the unwashed heathens within is rude, disrespectful and arrogant.[/i]

Not really - it's all part of the delusion of what they believe.

I had a couple of old fellas round recently - I said "No, not interested" and one replied "You're not religious at all then?" - They gave up on converting me and the other bloke went on & on about the next door neighbour he knew who died.

the whole point of 'evangelical' religions is that you go out and convert people.

My 75 year old Mum's a missionary and regularly goes to India, the Philippine's and Africa to convert people.

I think she's given up on me and my siblings and is casting her net further afield.

By 'sparing some time' you are wasting your time & theirs. Their aim is to convert you: If you aren't going to be converted what is the point in continuing the conversation?

You're making the assumption that he hasn't been 'saved'

[img] [/img]

Just ask them in to keep hold of the goat so it doesn't knock over the candles at the points of the pentagram on the floor whilst you get naked, slaughter the goat and rub it's blood all over you

[i]You're making the assumption that he hasn't been 'saved'[/i]

if he was in 'their' church they'd know him.

If he isn't then he hasn't been saved 'properly' would probably be their view 😉

They stopped coming round after the 10th time I shot one of them in the nuts with a woodlouse loaded air rifle. 😈

Don't engage with them with anything like 'I'm an aethist' etc because then they know that you've considered it and made an opinion and will keep coming back to convert you. I did like to goad them when I was a student though opening the door and saying 'so what are you peddling then?' was a good starter followed by odious sexual questions about what and what isn't a sin, and wether god thinks we should all enjoy ourselves so how can any act which gives us pleasure be classed as a sin? etc etc. Do slugs go to heaven? what about cows? aww c'mon cows are nice, I love beef, why are they excluded from divine (bovine? lol) grace?

Is Woppit on holiday? He'd normally be all over this sort of thread...

Slugs?? In heaven?!!!!! Noooooooooo - I don't want to go now!! Please say it's not true.

they're really just salespeople though aren't they..?
looking to swell the congregation (and coffers) at their church to fix the roof or whatever..?

selling salvation..?

I think my idealistic outlook prevents me from seeing this clearly..

By 'sparing some time' you are wasting your time & theirs.

Aye true enough.. I think I end up trying to 'save' them though.. it's a doorstep save-off

My father's tactic - say "I'm just listening to some music, we can talk when it's over. Do you want to come and listen" - "Yes, sure" - "It's the Ring Cycle, I'm on disc 2". *Turns music up very loud, relaxes*

LP Side ends, they draw breath "I'll just turn it over"

LP Side ends "Next disc"

repeat.....they leave.

He put some Jehovah's Witnesses though that twice, they stopped coming back.

is this really such a big problem for people? I think I have only had evangelists visit my place once or possibly twice in my life.

I live next door to one. Every so often he will bring a conversation round to whether or not I'd like to go to his church. I didn't mind the first time but after repeated attempts it does start to feel a bit like his disrespecting my choices. Still, we move house later this year so he'll have a new target for his converting ambitions.

[i] If you aren't going to be converted what is the point in continuing the conversation?[/i]

To have a conversation?

[i]they're really just salespeople though aren't they..?[/i]

Not really - they call it missionary service. They think they are helping. They actually believe this.

Meaner tactic best reserved for Salespersons - Keep a pack of fake/prop blood handy.

When you see them through the keyhole/spyhole apply liberally>open door>extend hand>"I'm a bit busy right now do you want to come back when I've finished, eerm, what I'm doing"

Does anyone spare some for these folks or do you give them a hard time..?

NEVER GIVE AN INCH.

MrsGrahamS made the mistake of having a polite chat with a door-to-door bloke from the Jehovah's.

She wasn't remotely interested in joining, and made that clear, but did want to find out about their beliefs regarding blood transfusion, surgery, transplants etc as it is something she occasionally has to deal with at work.

They had a nice chat and he left her a bunch of leaflets.

Then came back with a DVD the next day.

Then returned the following week to ask if she'd watched it yet.

Then again the next week with a book.

Then again the next week..

And again...

And again..

He'd clearly built up a little fact file on us because every single polite conversational throwaway remark was stored and recited back to us weeks later.

Bit creepy really.

[i]He'd clearly built up a little fact file[/i]

they keep diaries and revise before a 2nd/3rd visit.

It's designed to win you ever prove they have shown an interest/remembered you.

I can see with the lonely and vulnerable it's quite effective if someone turns up, calls you by name, remembers what your dog is called etc.

Win people over and then get them into your gang/religion by stealth.

2 young lads (late teens early 20s) dressed in suits got talking to me on the bus a few years when i was heading to a band practice before playing a gig. They tried to get me to invite them into the studio then comp them tickets!! Probably should've. This is(was) us....

Felt more like Mafia-style persuasion to me:

[i]"And how's your daughter? Sophie isn't it? She's getting to be a big girl now isn't she? Going to the heathen school soon? Be a shame if anything were to happen to her..."[/i]

(or at least it would have done if not delivered by a wet flannel of a man).

Bit creepy really.

Imagine how you'd feel if you talked someone down from the edge of a multi-story car park. Imagine how high on life you'd feel knowing you'd saved someone's life. That's the high they're going for, delivered by a few choice knocks and ready-written pamphlets.

Lazy evangelists, go help someone.
And I mean help, not prey upon.

First, you tell me why all other religions are wrong.
Then I'll tell you why yours is too.
.
Can't remember who said that, someone famous.

The last time we had a visit (going back a good 7 years now!) was whilst I was in the middle of sanding our floors. So I answered the door covered in saw dust wearing some dainese leg armour, some Fox goggles and a dust mask. I don't actually recall saying anything to them before they left...

They came round to see me while my gran was over having tea. She was a 'lovely little old lady' who really wouldn't say boo to the proverbial goose.

I was trying to see them off, politely, when she came to the door behind me?

"Are they Jehovah's love?"

"Yes Gran"

She motioned me to one side, took my place at the door and said:

"Jehovah's Witness eh? Well, I have only got one thing to say to you lot"

"Bugger off!"

I was as shocked as they were. They left and it turned into a sort of Life of Brian moment as she walked back into the house muttering.

I find that turning the tables works very well.
Many years ago I was washing the car when the gaggle of JWs came up the road, split into pairs and went to each house in the street.
After working out exactly who they were I proceeded to try to convert them to UFO-ology. 45 minutes later, the car was clean and they couldn't get away fast enough.
The next time they came up the street they definitely avoided our house. I was so tempted to wash the car again. 😈

I walked down the stairs in my student house to find my housemate starkers in the doorway chatting to some mormons about theology in a bad german accent. He'd seen them from his room, stripped off and invented his persona of Günther the naturist on the way down the stairs.

He was normally a very reserved chap so no idea what led to it.

Just had my very first JW visit. I feel like I've joined some kind of club 😀

I keep a beheaded chicken and a Ouija Board handy for such occasions. Invite them in - set it up etc and ask who they would like to contact.

Seriously though, the couple of JW's that used to come round every so often have stopped coming since my rather odd neighbour invited them in. He hardly lets anyone in to his house (including the police) so we were surprised by this sudden show of hospitality.

They left about 45 minutes later looking rather shaken. I wish I knew what he had said to them...

A very quaint couple, recently retired at a guess, have been round a couple of times this summer..

I've entertained them a bit, had a listen, asked some polite questions, explained a bit about my thoughts and made them giggle.. Mostly in the spirit of letting them know that not all tattooed skinheads that live on council estates need saving..

you lonely then and in need of company.
😀

disappointing, I thought this was a barefoot running thread

😀

A couple of Jehovah witnesses came round a few weeks with the normal set up of the good young woman groomed to remind you of the film Witness and make you have depraved thoughts, plus of course her minder.
I was outside fiddling with the bike at the time, so the 'no thank you' and shutting the door option was gone.
So I genuinely tried to engage them on the ideas of Deism vs. Theism figuring that at least it might be an interesting conversation whilst I adjusted the rear mech.
Didn't go well as they had never heard of the words before, which I found a bit depressing. Poor kids sent out to convert but without the means to even have a useful discourse on their world-view.

I don't get them very often, given that I live in an area with a large Muslim population.

Couple of anecdotes I remember, going back a few years:

I was woken up one Sunday by persistent doorbellage. Hung over with eyes like pissholes in the snow and breath like a dead skunk, I hauled my broken body out of bed and almost fell down the stairs, got to the door to find the obligatory Jehova's Sith Lord and his Apprentice.

Their opening gambit was "tell me sir, what do you think is the main cause of the problems in the world today?" I replied, "lack of sleep on a Sunday morning" and closed the door. Was quite pleased with that one.

On an earlier visit I thought I'd try a different tactic. "No thanks," I said, "I already have a faith which I'm very happy with."

"Oh?" they said, "which one would that be?"

"Shit," thinks I, and blurted out the first religion that came to mind. I think I said I was a Baptist or something.

They then proceeded to tell me exactly what they thought of "my" religion, how it was inconsistent and various other negative things. I said yeah, that might be true, but at least we don't go round door-to-door slagging off other people's belief systems.

From experience though, the only thing that really works is a polite but firm "not interested" and closing the door before they can get a word in. Accepting their propaganda pamphlets out of politeness just encourages the buggers and you'll never be left alone.

Friend of mine made it his mission to try and challenge the faith of Jehovah's Witnesses and other evangelicals that came round to his house. He's a pretty intelligent guy and ended up doing loads of research about their beliefs and theology generally.

He eventually got some fairly high level leaders of the church coming round for in depth discussions as he kept getting 'escalated' as he was asking questions people couldn't answer. Not sure if he successfully got any of them to renounce their faith.

I think he's actually now doing a degree in theology.

Had a few round recently, mostly Americans strangely . Not one has been able to tell me share Cains wife came from. When t hey come up with a credible answer, I'll have to find a more searching question.
Tbh I haven't got any time for doorstep paddlers, and to me selling relgion is as unwanted as selling dodgy drive repairs, I'm just a little politer telling them no.

I love doorstep evangelists. Promoting the installation, effective use and protection of doorsteps everywhere. Doorsteps are essential for civilisation - just imagine what would happen without them...

I kept getting people when I was at college. An African foreign student kept coming round to see me.

OK, you come to my door and ask me to join your religion. I politely decline. You then keep talking *at* (not to) me and every time I say anything you continually read from your bible (heavily annotated, I might add). That's just plain rude.

That's the problem. It isn't a conversation, it is them talking AT you. Grr!

Long way to get rid of them, ask them to explain dinosaurs. Short way give them a knowing wink and tell them you are just in the middle of something and look down at the socks you have stuffed down your boxer shorts...ask them to come join in if there is any reluctance to leave immediately.

Ask "who sent you?". For people on a mission from God, its a question they often struggle to answer.

I usually have a bit of a chat with them but if they start getting pushy, I find that turning the tables on them and telling them about Orthodoxy gets rid of them sharpish!

My lodger is a catholic envangelist. I love it when the jw's come round... The theological arguments get quite agressive;

Its pointless engaging just shut the door
How rude you wish to be is your call

The only folk I engage with is the Tories as i figure they will never convert me and it wastes shit load of their time and resources

Top Tip: Its quite fun to see how racist you can get them as they try to agree with you to get your vote- jobs for British folk - who would not support that, control immigration oh yes we are into that ...then escalate to the EU making them come here etc

Last election I got DVDs and all sorts from them - I think I am on a list

Just tell them you believe in the old religion and don't have time for these modern impotent religions that don't even have decent spells.

My favourite moment was with a mid 20s man n woman. Came knocking and when I answered asked, "Are you ready to let the lord into your life?" My reply was that "I don't discuss religion or politics with anyone I hadn't slept with". Looked at my watch, looked at the woman and said "I have time now if you do?" Look of confusion on her face followed by her being dragged way by the bloke. Not had any visits since.

I had a guy and his son come to the door, it was pretty early sunday and I really didn't get what he wanted for a bit, so I sort of stood there drooling stupidly while he waffled on, then GF appeared at door, pecked me on the cheek, looked at the bloke and said something like

"who's this, Hun?" to me.

He went very red and dragged his son away pretty quickly

binners - Member
In all honestly I've lost count, but I think there are about 23 of them buried in the back garden.

Hope you planted them well apart or they'll never germinate, otherwise you should get a decent congregation in Spring.

Many years ago in the far east there were two elderly ladies(a German & a British) from Jehovah Witness spreading the gospel in a MuslamicLand (was safe in those days but not today as they would have your head instead) and when they went to my parents' house my mum would let them in to see what they were "selling" or to listen to them. My mum felt sorry for them as so let them in because the day was very hot and they could do with a rest and something to drink or eat. I think my mum gave them water, coffee, tea and biscuits etc. I remember every year they would visit us whenever they visited the area and every year my mum would welcome them. That was for several years and I cannot remember they when they stop visiting my mum. I think they knew that there was no hope in converting my mum so they became friends. We do not belong to any of the Abrahamic faith put it this way.

Personally, I would just reject them politely.

"Had a few round recently, mostly Americans strangely ."

Wearing ties and name badges? Probably Mormons.

a top tip from a friend who was brought up as a JW, when they knock on your door just say that you are disfellowshipped they will never return again

There's scope for having great fun with these people. I always invite them in. Makes for an entertaining evening in a car crash sorta way. Most of them are really ill considered and don't know much, so a little knowledge of the book of mormon, or the Jehovah's witnesses pamphlets can go a long long way.

I had one Protestant evangelist threaten me physically (which I laughed out loud at much to his annoyance), and a follow up from his boss/leader chap banning me from his church, just in case I was thinking of going there to "infect them with satan"

Caused another to have a melt down as when he told me evolution was a lie I asked "Why do Whales have hip bones then?" (they do)

Try and convert them to Atheism. I know it's cruel, and they *are* people with sore, sore self esteem issues...but it's the best pound for pound fun you'll have short of sex or biking - and they did bring the fight to you. 😀

I've had good results telling them I'm a born again athiest, allowing about 30 seconds for a reply and then politely shutting the door.

If I know it's them I normally open the door holding a Ferret. That's a complete show stopper, their opening gambit comes off the rails and hit's the orphanage. If ferrets don't go to heaven (don't worry they do, who do you think eats all the slugs) then the door gets slammed in their face.

It's either that or I wind up our excitable Staffie something chronic so he's barking like a mad thing and answer the door holding him back as he desperately tries to say hello.

They don't tend to stay long either way.

wwaswas - Member
Is Woppit on holiday? He'd normally be all over this sort of thread...

Hi.

I had a couple of numpties at the front door last year. Don't know what particular brand of bullsh*t they espoused, it didn't get that far.

One short, dumpy older guy who looked like he'd not long finished having good cry and a younger acolyte, about 18 and a bit wet looking.

Me: "Hello. What are you selling?"

Older bloke: "We're not selling anything."

Me: "Wouldn't have anything to do with religion, would it?"

OB: "Yes".

Me: "Not interested in nonsense." (Looked at younger bloke) "And you need to ask yourself what you're doing hanging around with this loser".

Then I shut the door. Watched them through the kitchen window as they departed. Older bloke angry, younger bloke looked like he was in shock. 😈

Long way to get rid of them, ask them to explain dinosaurs

And follow up with "do you drive? Where do you think petroleum comes from?"

Ah balls..

I just lost my rag with them 😳

Last time i had them round i explained that i was a "fundamentalist atheist" and that i would be visiting where they live with copies of the books of Charles Darwin.

Ha ... they've got you !!

You feel embarrassed.... that means you feel guilty... that means you need to confess.

Go! Go now or forever live up to the stereotype you hate the most … a BNP reject 😆

I let the dog out 😆

When I was 14/15, we were all round a mates house when it looked like some evangelists wee going to come knocking.

We persuaded him to go put on a dress and stick a plunger on his chest before opening the door.

They weren't very pleased and called him foolish before going next door.