[Closed] Do you find it hard to settle down because of your hobbies?

No....hth 🙂

The right one's out there...have fun searching.

As lazybike said, the right one is out there. Either that or I'm very lucky. My wife shares my enthusiasm for all things outdoor- biking, motocross,snowboarding, kayaking etc. she wouldn't have it any other way.

I was watching 'take me out' last night and every time one of the fellas mentioned that he liked doing outdoorsy type stuff (cycling, climbing, hiking etc.) a significant number of the girls turned their lights out.

It's hardly a scientifically robust study but it was pretty clear that a lot of women think activities that involve exercise and/or the outdoors are not an attractive hobby for a potential boyfriend.

Me and the mrs have similar hobbies - different veins though - shes a roadie im more mtb . She has been known to win the odd mtb race though.

Does mean we are not in each other pockets all the time - eg this morning we got up ate breakfast together and i went off mtbin she went and met the local womans chaingang for a ride

The only hobby that jayne has no interest in is land rovers and offroad driving.maybe once i get my v8 back on the road and take her to a couple of rtvs as a driver/passenger instead of watching which would be boring if you have no interest.

I also Travel with work for 4-6 weeks at a time at short notice. This is a pain but good communications helps alot , lots of emails back and forth and skype/facetime

I can see how this would cause huge complications with cultivating a new relationship though.

I know what you mean but I'm the girlie who loves all thay. Mr MC and I met at SiTS 14 hour in Sept 2002 all pur hobbies are the same mtbing, road riding, motorbiking, snowboarding and now scuba diving. We have time apart as we both do shift work so after next weekend we have 6 weeks where we dont have a day off together so it isnt a problem. Lots of work mates think im mad we are vaguely house hunting but only stompulation is a double garage and preferably only 3 bedrooms! Hey we are about to celebrate 10 yrs together but not interested in marriage enougj commitment without wasting money on a "do" because society dictates we should. Love my live just wish I had more time to do ALL my hobbies!!!

I was watching 'take me out' last night

No no probs here either, you just have to find the right partner.

That can be either hard or good fun depending on you POV..
😆

In answer to your question I would say absolutely not.

Kids on the other hand will kill 90% of what you would ideally want to be doing!

Likes "stompulation"! I think that's what my little one does while she's throwing a wobbler 🙂

Not found it hard to settle down because of my hobbies, but there is a certain point in my life in which it seemed simpler to do it. In your teens you're usually not mature enough to settle down. In your 20s you're probably chasing a career and that makes life difficult. Late 20s to 30s seems to be the sweet spot but this is a generalisation.

Or maybe you're just dating the wrong type of women or there's a personality flaw you've not addressed adequately.

I was watching 'take me out' last night 😯

It's a fair cop.

I was watching 'take me out' last night

Bit of a cringe show but it is funny seeing how picky some girls are. I think they think along the lines of "if he's out there playing football or cycling the whole time then when is he gonna have time for me".

Nicely done Munge Chick!!!

when is he gonna have time for me

I apologise for the mildly sexist mild attempt at humour.. 😳

i don't think my hobbies have a great extent on my not wanting to settle down or find a partner, although it has caused problems years ago as i wanted (and did) go out on the bike whenever i wanted and my gf at the time wanted to do stuff like clothes shopping/get engaged/talk bout the future/consider kids etc, I never went clothes shopping, not interested in that or shopping in general so that caused problems, I'm not interested in getting married as i'm not religious in any way or form and if i say i love you then why do we need a bit of paper to prove it so that caused problems, and as for having kids i have to be honest here and say i don't want them at all - not in the slightest - i've got to 40 without them and i'm perfectly happy to live my life without them, so that has caused problems.

I do look after my mates kid and i'm an unofficial non-religous type of godfather and legal guardian to their 4yr old if god-forbid anything happened to them and i love him to bits but i don't want kids of my own and this seems to be the biggest stumbling block when i do meet someone as they generally do want kids. Personally i prefer living on my own, doing what i want, when i want and not having to answer or seek permission to do anything, i've always been like that and it suits me perfectly to be on my own rather than constantly in relationships or chasing relationships like some of my friends, it works for them, doesn't work for me.

Single and very happy 🙂

Hmm interesting Sumafunk! Do you get bored of that ever?

when is he gonna have time for me
10 mins before zzzz
I apologise for the mildly sexist mild attempt at humour..

😉

Michael, can you not just find some seasonnaire totty to boff while you're out there? 😉

Bonus points for getting in on in a bubble/cable car, by the way.

I'm kind of with Somafunk with what he says although I do all of that with Mr MC (maybe he'll have a different view point.. .shall I call him to the forum).

Based upon the hassle friends get from their wives who don't have hobbies/interests, make sure you find a lady who has a hobby.

Bored?.....why should i get bored just because i have no significant other half?.

Nah, not in the slightest....i prefer being single, lived by myself for 12 odd years and i doubt i'll ever change. When i was 16 in the school summer holidays i got a lift wi a local lorry driver to dover and i was armed wi my passport and £200 spending money, i hitched a lift to just outside lisbon, spent a few days there then onto seville and onto a summer job at a winery in Andulucia, fantastic fun and eventually i had to hitch my way back home a week after the schools went back, also spent 6 months wandering/hitching about africa on my own in my early 20's, spent 6 months doing the same in turkey/cyprus, spent a year or so in India doing the same all on my own. Boredom has never entered into my consciousness and i appreciate that may seem odd to some folk but i'm quite happy n' contented wi my life and doing what i want, when i want.

Edit : If there is a girl out there who thinks the same as me and is as independent as me, ability to trust each other with no trace of jealousy or possessive attitude and likes her own space and ability to do whatever she likes when she likes with who she likes then yeah, that'd probably work out fine as a relationship but i've never met anyone quite like that so i'm just as happy n' content on my own.

Yeah....i've been told i'm odd, 😀

Bored?.....why should i get bored just because i have no significant other half?.

I dunno, just someone to vent off to after a bad day or whatever. Supposes there's mates and random people at bus stations for that though :-).

Wise words there CFH haha! I miiiight have done that before 😉 .

Unfortunately it seems a lot of girls (I don't think I am over-generalising here am I girls?) don't have their own hobbies and possibly don't understand the attraction/need/fun/cost! Luckily Tom does as do I with his passions (which luckily includes mountain biking!):-D

BJINABUBBLE FTW! 😉

Most women are not outdoor types and the ones that aren't, probably aren't right for you.

Mr bh and myself met on a skiing holiday so were half way there. I also got him into mtbing, which he loves.

You will meet someone that fits your lifestyle, they are out there (mainly the type I know). Goodluck because it will happen.

And flashy tut tut! I'm sure we'd never catch you doing anything of the sort 😉

Bunny, you'd never catch me, that's true. 🙂

Not to say it hasn't happened, though.... 😉

My Mrs grew up on a sheep farm on the North Yorks Moors. as a result she hates the outdoor lifestyle. I am a city boy who loves the outdoors, we found our compromise living in Ilkley.

I didn't ride till we were married and had our little one - I'd given it up before I met her to do martial arts and gym stuff.

Apparently it really grates that now we have a family and much less income I have an expensive hobby. When pushed, she won't commit as to whether we'd have got married if I'd had an expensive hobby in the first place....

Mind you, when we met she wasn't a Guide leader and she didn't spend her spare time doing all that stuff...

My wife isn't particularly outdoorsy but I don't think it matters we still have loads of other things in common and enjoy each others company.

When she met me I was in the british squad (for another sport) so she is used to me training a lot. That might change if we have kids....

There is a bit of moaning about money and the fact I have 5 bikes. Which is annoying but she wants a family home so understandable.

I met my other half through mountain biking and I think it's brilliant sharing a major interest. In my previous relationship, my ex and I had very different interests and he positively hated cycling. I was the one whizzing off for bike rides and coming home all exhilarated and muddy, and storing my bikes in the hall! There are outdoorsy women out there who want a relationship with outdoorsy men!

I've always surfed and climbed, basically done exactly what I wanted to do. Also, I have always worked away from home.
Engineered life to suit only me!

I didn't find it hard to settled down & get married. I found the right woman & was prepared to compromise. Having said thatm I still work away (2wks away 2 wks at home). During my two weeks off I try to squeeze my hobbies in (during the day, while she works) and the rest of my time belongs to my wife. My wife has no interest in any of my hobbies, so we do other things 😯

See that's what annoys me why do women (men sometimes?? probably not) moan about OH's spending money on bikes. If you can "afford" it and it makes you happy I say go for it! Me and Mr MC have seperate accounts for "fun" stuff so there is NO WAY I would stop him or even contemplate moaning at him for spending money on something he loves. he's never happier than tinkering in the garage greasing something (well unless it doesn't work/break then he's awful 😉 someone at work said to me recently "but what happens if you can't afford to go on holiday?" well there are two answers (a) that never happens (we both love holidays and save accordingly) and (b) if I can't afford it we don't go!!! Simples, some people do make for a complicated life I can tell you now I'm NEVER giving up my personal bank account and savings so that I p**s my own money away on another rucksack, pair of Merrell outdoor shoes or bike bling.

Oh and my Xmas pressies from Mr MC (inc dive computer I got in October) were some lights for night riding and a mucky nutz bender fender! Friends think I'm weird but what fab pressies!!! he once took me to NY and said I could have antyhing in Tiffanys as an Xmas pressie, i walked in looked at all the pretentious woman said "no thanks" and walked out again .. had my pic taken with the sign though!!!!

Lucky as i got the wife into biking. First weekend away before bikes was climbing up snowdon and we met on a climbing course so no probs there. Having 3 kids under 4 has left me in the red regarding free time. About to put them to bed and head out for a quick blast on the fix. Bit tough at times and sometimes miss the freedom to just grab my bike and kit and head off for the weekend. But earlier playing with the rug rats on their balence bikes is the plus. So good partner no. Kids can make things a bit trickier

OH and I have simmilar interests... But we emigrated to Canada 4 years ago so we would be closer to what we enjoy doing. So skiing is now just a day trip, or even a few hours on the local golf course (xc). Not a problem settling down but the kids debate is more significant to my mind.

i am married with 3 children , youngest 1 month , training and racing has never been a major problem , it is however occasionaly a minor problem. if you are into your hobbies/sport before they come along they should accept that is part of you , if not they are not the one . on a completely different topic i am looking to get in touch with you regarding travelling to uk events this season.

Lol at M-c.

Mr bh bought me a reverb 'uppy downy' seat post for Christmas, best pressie ever. Haven't told one of my non mtbing friends at they wouldn't understand, or even know what it was.

I only really had one hobby when I met Mrs_d - music.

I now have several hobbies (music still in there) and we're still together, 25 years on. I'm just careful that I'm not doing them all at once, or one immediately after another.

For example, music Wednesdays and also today, MTBing maybe when it stops raining for more than a couple of days at a time (ie not much lately); haven't touched the helicopters for a while; need to brew again, probably next sunday; and there's a 1:35 Marder APC on the way.

Bunnyhop yup I understand I once got body armour for a birthday present, joplin uppy downy one Christmas and a hard tail bike for my 30th now they certainly didnt understand why i wanted that over some diamond ear rings.

Wife and 2 kids here. She used to be a professional level swimmer, I've some done time I in county rugby leagues.

Now we have 2 kids, she has less time for me for hobbies, but I ride and organise myself around the family, and she dances (tap/jazz) to a good level and performs in some shows. It's all about compromise a helping each other out. I sincerely hope my kids choose some hobbies which I can support them at that makes my own difficult to organise and that they excel at.

Life's unfair, and not always about you. If you feel it is and can't compromise with someone else, do them a favor and choose not to share it with them.

Met Mr Kip working at an outdoor centre, we have many bikes each and other outdoorsy stuff and share very similar hobbies...mtb, climbing, outdoor life in general. What has stopped us doing these things together is having a small child and no local close family to babysit.

We give each other as much time as possible but this summer has really stopped our ability to take Small Kip out with us as a family as after a certain amount of time she's hacked off with being wet!

Hopefully this summer will lead to some better weather and some low level bouldering as she loves playing at the local climbing wall (where we are drinking tea and eating cake because only one of us is available!) and more balance bike riding. Fingers crossed!

We aren't married but will be by next year. Partner works night's and o work days. We go for walks and on Mtb together when we're off together. If we have separate days off I go on my mtb or motorbike when she's in bed. I'm also told to piss off out when she is on a house cleaning mission as she likes it done her way.

I'm actively encouraged to do my hobbies and so is she, she likes horse riding, walking and mtb'ing. We enjoy getting muddy.

he once took me to NY and said I could have antyhing in Tiffanys as an Xmas pressie, i walked in looked at all the pretentious woman said "no thanks" and walked out again .. had my pic taken with the sign though!!

I like your style 😉 . New bike parts all the way! I've never had a gf with similar interests, sometimes I think I'm better off. I don't think I'd have the patience to go away on a weeks skiing or biking with a gf who was really slow and/or moany! 😛

Nearly 40 and single and my love of the outdoors and exercise is definitely part of the problem as I want to find someone with a similar passion and that's not easy in London, which tends to attract the more urban laydee.
Yes they're great to look at 😀 but mountains, outdoor exercise and adventure tend not to be in their list of interests...
Problem is, my health is very important to me and as I see the country get fatter and fatter and as I get older I'm more determined to keep myself in good health, which means keeping it a priority.
I'm also a pretty decent runner and I don't want that to go to waste.
I really don't think I'd be happy in a relationship if my health had to be compromised so I want someone with the same outlook...

My wife isn't particularly outdoorsy but I don't think it matters we still have loads of other things in common and enjoy each others company.

This. Just have to make sure I don't spend all my spare time on my bike, playing footy and the other stuff she isn't into. Gotta compromise.

I am sure many people find a love of the outdoors attractive in others of the opposite sex (or indeed same sex). But with the added responsibilities (partners, children etc) comes choices and the odd sacrifice especially relating to risky activities. So in my case, paragliding, rock climbing, canoeing and more extremes off piste have all gone in return for the joy and added responsibility of marriage, kids, growing up etc. Still plenty of other adventure sports left though!!!!

Actually might just be getting older that's to blame ! 😉

It wasnt until meetiing the future Mrs Stoner that I actually started doing more outdoorsy stuff. We met at our hockey club, but only since then did I take up Snowboarding, mountainbiking, bivvying, kiting, hiking etc.

Mrs S is a very keen runner, swimmer and roadie so is out training at least 5 if not 6 times a week. I probably resent getting up at 6:30 on saturday mornings for her pool training though 🙁 but otherwise we give each other the time and support we both need to pursue our individual hobbies. She runs/rides during the day or morning, I primarily night ride. I get pink slips to go away for overnight walks etc, and she gets pink slips to go away to races - although the family will often go and crew for her.

Our greatest loss however, was the arrival of kids preventing us from skiing/boarding.

This spring, thanks to Mrs Stoner Sr offering to babysit, the wife and I will get our first ski trip in for 7 years. Im already SOOOOOOOO excited Im off to the shed this morning to dig out my board give it a polish! 😀

But kids neednt cramp things too much. Ski trips are obviously a problem (£5k for a week with two kids, ski school and creche? No thanks) but getting the camper van and loading it up for a month on the continent plugs that need to satisfy the wanderlust while having the kids in tow.

Hmmm, one of the things that caused me and Sara to crash a few months ago was me running. She's at uni in Oxford and would drive back home to me ( gloucester) every weekend, then I'd eff off sometimes for 3-4 hours every Sunday morning with the running club, and when she moaned about it ( ok, I understand a bit now that I was being pretty selfish) I'd get all grumpy, and it would be a bit crap. But she's pretty sporty when she wants to be, she's a better roadie than me ( rubbish at mountain bikes though LOL) and we'd never argue about spending money on kit as neither of us has any spare cash anyway!!

So in my case, paragliding, rock climbing, canoeing and more extremes off piste have all gone in return for the joy and added responsibility of marriage, kids, growing up etc.

See I don't like the sound of that 😐 . I did say during a "discussion" with my ex that I thought life ended once you had kids and were married 😉 .. which was maybe a bit harsh, but I do think that to a certain extent. Of course you have a whole new life that's only beginning too.

I see where you're coming from emsz..

No. My wife isn't at all "outdoorsy". We have some interests we share and some we don't.

Michael it really wasn't that difficult. Road-to-Damascus moment came standing at a parapenting launch in the Lakes, thinking why am I doing this when I have wife and young kids at the bottom of the mountain?

But life doesn't end it just brings different rewards and, with hindsight, there are no real compromises. Oh and commitments stopped me extending HIM training out to full ironman - which was a great relief!!! 😉

Our greatest loss however, was the arrival of kids preventing us from skiing/boarding.

This spring, thanks to Mrs Stoner Sr offering to babysit, the wife and I will get our first ski trip in for 7 years. Im already SOOOOOOOO excited Im off to the shed this morning to dig out my board give it a polish!

But kids neednt cramp things too much. Ski trips are obviously a problem (£5k for a week with two kids, ski school and creche? No thanks) but getting the camper van and loading it up for a month on the continent plugs that need to satisfy the wanderlust while having the kids in tow.

I have an issue with that. The minute one chooses to have kids, everything else is secondary. Why would you regret it of regard it as a loss? Surely you've gained something far greater.

And with regard to the latter part, you can't afford that compromise so you bugger off for a month on your own? Thats a bit selfish is it not? (I apologise in advance if I misunderstand what you are saying).

I don't regret my kids or my wife having an impact on my biking hobby, I just work around it to everyones convience rather than deny my children/wife thier own enjoyment and force them to endure mine should they not want to. I'm just gratefull they are all in my life.

mrs rocket likes mountains & I like bikes = no problems

Thing is your life does "end" when you have children, and in that I mean my current lifestyle is not compatible with children. Yes a whole different lifestyle opens up including different joys and challenges, but I love my life and don't want to change it!

Thing is your life does "end" when you have children,

No, it doesn't.

but I love my life and don't want to change it!

Which is fine, just make sure you're open about this with a prospective partner, and don't do anything that causes regret.

Krytone we've been together 10 years and have always sung off the same songsheet, but you've not read what I wrote! Our lives as in my current lifestyle would end if we had kids! we MTB together, snowboard etc now tell me how you do that when you have kids? when you have no family local to help out? I certainly won't do anything I regret, I'm very much a glass half full kind of person and I see so many people getting divorced because children changes their lifestyle in ways that they can't deal with and don't like.

Thing is your life does "end" when you have children

mrs rocket was walking Munros 3 months before our first child and he climbed his first in a papoose at the age of something like 10 weeks. Carried him in progressively bigger papooses until he was a few years old, he's still climbing mountains now. Same with biking - child seat/tag/own bike etc. miss rocket arrived a few years later when jr was old enough to understand and to a certain extend look after his sister.

There's no need to wrap them up in cotton wool and spend your weekends at Wacky warehouses carry on doing your own thing just take 'em with you.

Munge-chick, see my post on page 1. Me and Mrs K still pursue our interests, just in a different way to accomodate 2 kids. Yes there are times where I can't ride when / as often as I want to, and she can't Dance / Scuba when / as much as she wants to.

If you don't want kids that fine, np. All I'm saying is don't have them and feel aggrieved like i interpreted Stoners post ( I say again, maybe incorrectly)...

you have rather misinterpreted.

You can lose a girlfriend and gain a wife
You can lose a fortune and gain happiness
You can gain children and lose opportunities.
You can lose independence and gain the love of your children.

its not contradictory, its a matter of fact. No one here is saying theyd trade the kids in to GO BACK to pre child life. But that doesnt mean that some of us dont pine for just a small piece of some of the better bits of life without kids, whilst having kids..

OK Stoner, but you have to admit your sentence comes across stronger than that:

Our greatest loss however, was the arrival of kids preventing us from skiing/boarding.

It sounds emotive and like you blame your kids. FWIW thats how it reads that the greatest loss in your life is your hobby, and that it was caused by your kids.

If I can misinterpret it, please make sure one of kids can't pick up your PC and see what you wrote, won't you?.

Our greatest loss [b]of a hobby[/b] however,

Did the noun really need repeating given it was in the OP....or are you used to people around you suggesting that having children was the greatest loss in their life? Never heard of Occam's razor?

WOAH THERE... lets not start threatening your kids with razors just cos you can't hit the slopes!

What's red and sits in the corner?.....

Stoner - Member
What's red and sits in the corner?.....

The little B'stid that ended your snownboarding career? 😉

😆

Night rides are one way of getting out on your MTB when you have a full time job, partner and kids. A group of us do a night ride every Wednesday starting at 8. That leaves time to have tea with the family first rather than disappearing straight off after work.

A mountain biking girlfriend would be awesome

Bivvying in the highlands in May....

Romantic trips away to the Alps in July....

Understanding why its perfectly acceptable to buy equipment for the sheer hell of it...

Life couldn't get better