[Closed] Dirty Rhymes from your childhood.

down in jamaica
under a tree
thats where they make the rubber johnee
you can have it thin
you can have it thick
it all depends on the size of your dick

I taught my kid similar to that first one a little while ago:

Fatty & skinny had a race
Up and down the pillow case
Fatty blew off erm something
Skinny ended up with nothing on

Can't remember it now!

not sure this will last long?

Blimey, there's an epic version
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/333040-fatty-and-skinny

Yours is a bit short organic355

We used to sing this on the train when we saw Hamilton Sq station (on Merseyside):

We three Kings of Hamilton Square
Selling ladies underwear
So fantastic
no elastic
only 5p a pair

And then of course there was the English Country Garden poo song:

What do you do when you need a poo (or "the loo" if parents around)
in an English Country Garden
Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants
in an English Country Garden

What do you do when you've been for a poo
in an English Country Garden
Pick up a leaf and wipe your underneath
in an English Country Garden

Then there was the diarrhoea song.(bullet from a gun, scrambled egg etc)

Oh and "Hilter has only got one ball..."

Not a rhyme, but alternative words to a song...

We had joy we had fun
Flicking bogies at the sun
But the sun go to hot
And the bogies turned to snot.

my cousin billy had a ten foot willy
and he showed it to the girl next door
she though it was a snake
so she hit it with a rake

and now its only five foot four

.......................................................................teacher says i must not swear
shit
bugger
arsoles
I don't care

.......................................................................our soldiers going to was
our soldiers fighting
our soldiers stick their bayonets
up the germans........ our soldiers going to war... etc

for teacher at school . .

Mrs Wright had a fright in the middle of the night,
saw a ghost eating toast halfway up a lampost

😀

Teacher, teacher, I declare, I can see you under . . wear . .
is it back, or is it white, . . . oh my god it's dynamite

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tufts of grass
Grew out of his arse
And his c+ck was covered in weeds

Milk, milk
Lemonade
Around the back
Chocolate's made

There was an old sergeant who sat on a rock
A waving and shaking his big hairy...
Fists at the ladies next door at the ritz
Who taught all their children to play with their...
kite strings and marbles and all things galore
along comes a lady who looks like a...
decent young lady who walks like a duck
she thinks she's invented a new way to...
bring up the children to sew and to knit
the boys in the stables are shovelling...
litter and paper from yesterdays hunt
while old sergeant potter is having some...
cake in the messroom and singing this song

something like that!

OMFG Mr. Potatohead. I had forgotten that one, and am now suppressing a fit of giggles in the office. Brilliant!

one fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other.

Point to something behind your victim.....

'Made you look, made you stare, made you lose your underwear'

Had me in stiches the first time my little one got me 😉

When I was out walking with my Uncle Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at him
"Tomatoes can't hurt me", he said with grin
But this bugger did, it was still in the tin

In days of old when knights were bold and condoms weren't invented, they wrapped their socks about their cocks so babies were provented!

snot snot, 5p a pot
10p if it's hot
20 for a blood clot

We three kings of orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car,
One on a scooter,
Beeping his hooter.
Following yonder star.

Oh star of wonder, star of light.
Sit on a box of dynamite
Light the fuse, and off you go,
Half the way to Mexico

[i]Milk, milk
Lemonade
Around the back
Chocolate's made[/i]

...put a penny in the slot
out comes chocolate
plop plop plop

sorry!!

I met an old woman from Elling.
Who had a percular felling.
She lay on her back.
Opened her crack.
And pissed all over the ceiling

"I met a boy with ginger hair,who beat me up and nicked me pair"

mr potatohead - Member

my cousin billy had a ten foot willy
and he showed it to the girl next door
she though it was a snake
so she hit it with a rake

and now its only five foot four

.............is how i got my nickname, and now username, except my name is Phil (philly)

My mum once made me stand in the corner for chanting:-

Tarzan swings
Tarzan falls
Tarzan hurt
His hairy balls

There was a whole saga to the tune of "The English Civil War", but I'm buggered if I can remember the words.

There is the tale of Robin Hood, though...

There was a boy called Willy Frazer
who found his dad's electric razor
all the rugs and mats that were once hairy
now are bald and so's the canary.

Jesus Christ, Superstar
Came round the corner on a Yamaha
Pulled a Skid
Killed a kid
Caught his bollocks in a dustbin lid.

and even less PC, not my fault I was like 7 or somat

Puff the magic dragon lived on a shelf
He had no one to play with, so he played with himself
He bought himself a Girlfriend but that was not enough.
He bought himself a boyfriend that's why we call him [something derogatory].

There was an old sergeant who sat on a rock

Mary had a little lamb, she thought it rather silly,
She threw it up into the air and caught it by its

Willy was a sheepdog lying in the grass,
Along came a bumble bee and stung him up the

As' no questions, tell no lies,
Have you ever seen a policeman doing up his

Flies are a nuisance, bugs are even worse,
That is the end of this silly little verse.

Can anyone remember the rest of "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" btw?

There was a young woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In half an hour her t*its were in flower
And her f*nny was covered in weeds

Cougar - was it not:

Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Robin flew away.
Santa lost his underpants
On the M6 motorway...

there was a young man from belgrave
who found a dead whore in a cave
he said it isnt disgusting
she just needs a dusting
and think of the money i'll save.
sorry.

mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon
10000 volts went up its arse and turned its wool to nylon.

mary had a little lamb
she fed it from a basin.
one day it tipped the basin up
so she kicked its little face in.

There was a young lass from Greenodd
Who thought all good things came from God
But it weren't the Almighty
That lifted her nightie
It was Roger the Lodger, the sod.

Good Morning Mrs Brown
God bless your heart and soul
I tried to * your daughter
But I couldn't find the hole

At last I found the hole
Beneath a frilly frock
Believe it or believe it not
I could not find my c

At last I found my c
All hairy and all thin
Believe it or believe it not
I could not get it in

At last I got it in
And twiddled it about
Believe it or believe it not
I could not get it out

At last I got it out
All batched up and sore
Believe it or believe it not
The b**d wanted more

Three months later all went well
Six months later bloody hell
Nine months later the belly went pop
And out came a b**d with a paralysed c

Ladies and Gentleman
That is not all
The poor little b*****d
Only had one ball

down at fraggle rock, grab a fraggle by his hair, swing him in the air, catch him by his pubic hair,
grab another one, put a jumplead up his bum,turn the power on, now the fraggles gone

I was walking in the jungle, uh uh
And I heard my botty rumble, uh uh
So I climbed a tree, uh uh
And done a shit down my knee, uh uh
Then I threw it to the north, uh uh
And it boomeranged in the south, uh uh
Then I caught it in my mouth, uh uh
Then a baboo came, uh uh
And it did a poo and it looked like you!

Ollie Ollie Ollie (insert victims name) is a wolly
Puts his balls in a biscuit tin
Sits on the grass with a finger up his ass
Strumming on his ring a din din

Zippy and bungle went to the jungle to have some fun
Zippy got silly and flopped out his willy and shoved up it bungles bum

There was a Young Man from Bream
Who built a king Machine
On the 99th Stroke
The * thing broke

And whipped up his Boll**ks to cream

edit I might have mashed 2 up there. Wasn't there a bit about
"The whole shooting match was driven by steam.."

There was a young lady from Gorton
Who had odd tits, one long and one short 'un
On top of all that
She had a square ****t
And a fart like a '56 Norton

We sang this to the theme tune of The Banana Splits TV Show;

One banana, two banana, three banana, four
All mixed up in the second world war,
One with a Tommy gun and one with a stick,
One with a hand grenade hanging on his...

la la laa la la laa la la laa la la laaaaaa

Apologies to our oriental friends but a classic from my youth.....

Ching chong china man went to milk a cow
Ching Chong china man didn't know how
Ching chong china man pulled the wrong tit
Ching Chong china man got covered in shit..

[url= http://www2.b3ta.com/youcantspell/ ]you can't spell song[/url]