MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
how?
we were only together a year, but it was the best year of my life. She was my best friend, and I can't give up on her yet.
How am I meant to move on 🙁 bad times.
If both of you can't resolve then you can't make someone stay.
Lots of Time, rides (with pals) and get out as much as possible.
You'll be fine with time.
And keep busy.
It's a sh*tter but we've all been there. Hurts like hell i know. Best thing to do is delete her phone number and facebook etc - You don't want to do anything stupid. It'll get less painful each day, it's hard to see it now.
have a ****
best thing is probably the hardest thing to do :/
what Houns said, it's a cliche but time does make things better
She was my best friend
ah . . . . therein lies the problem!
booze and text...its the only answer
Delete every contact detail you have, search your house and chuck anything of hers you find. Move on.
How am I meant to move on
Time heals.
But you can speed things up, to an extent.
You will be hardwired for her.......in your thoughts, emotions, etc.
Help to speed up the necessary rewiring through simple visualisation exercises as detailed in this book :
http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Mend-Your-Broken-Heart/dp/0593050533
It will help you to overcome the obsessive 24/7 thoughts about her.
Good luck !
Would she be your bike...........
If it's not to be it's not to be.
Meet some new people and let life happen. It works. And the other chaps are right, time helps and one day you will look back and call yourself a total douche for feeling like this. (well i do...)
As houns said, stay away, no contact, just keep going out with friends, fill you time with hobbies, sports and anything. Treat yourself to something too.
It's a bit like a mini bereavement, time is the healer.
Maybe this wonderful universe has something much better in store for you a bit further down the line.
Also I once talked a partner into giving it another go (definitely had issues around rejection) but then over the following 10 months i really learned about pain..but it passes you perhaps decide that you don't need all the grief of long term relationships in your life. then you trip over the loveliest woman you could ever have hoped to meet, nine years in so far.
Good luck mate
think about all the little things she did that really pissed you off
embrace your freedom and do the things that your relationship stopped you doing
.
a head full of hate beats a heart full of hurt
Dan and Bakes have the most pragmatic suggestions. You guys considered careers as Relate councillors? You should. 8)
especially Dan. Solves so many problems.
More seriously, all of us have to go through this, you learn to deal with it if you do it a lot, otherwise you just move on eventually. You'll find someone else eventually and it'll all seem a bit daft, it hurts now but try and look forwards.
it does not get less painful each day. it gets less, then more, then less, then more. and before you know it you're 7 months down the line and you're still upset and wondering why it can't work. and there's no answer!!! ARGHHHH
plan some rides, either solo or with mates, and anything else that you didn't have time to do in the past 12 months. it's true that it's not easy but getting out and doing stuff occupying your time is the best way - too busy for 'grieving'
don't get mad or sad, get motivated 🙂 oh yeah, I know that other girls are the last thing on your mind at the moment but register with match.com and dating direct anyway just to have a look at what is out there.... let's face it we all enjoy riding our own bikes but still look at other peoples 😀
time time time.
love yourself... your number one.
Other than what everyone else said above which is all good advice there is one thing I can offer.
I think its called NLP but I did this exercise and it really helped.
1) Imagine her and all her stuff and your life with her all encommpassed in a painting on the wall, maybe in a frame.
2)Look at it for a sec or two.
3)Then rip the canvas from the frame screw it up and throw it in the fire.
Turn around behind you is your bie, your surfboard, your mates, the rest of your life.
4) Repeat every time you get in a funk..
You will, one day, realise it was the best thing to happen.
as above it's tough but it does get better sure doesn't feel like it now but you'll get there
Ali
booze and slags...
but seriously..
what's the difference between an egg and a ****?
you can beat an egg..
but seriously...
get out and about to see what else the world has to offer.. I swear to you that the next beautiful woman that you fall in love with dispel all painful recollections of this present heartache..
and there really are millions of beautiful women out there
some of the same people replying on here gave me the same advice early last year when i split up with my partner of 10 years.
they're all right.
it will take time. how long- nobody can really say. that's entirely up to you. don't try to force anything though, just put yourself first ALL THE TIME. you'll be okay eventually, even though you may not believe that now.
Time marches on never ending,
time keeps its own time,
Here we stand at beginning,
and then goes passing us by,
And I, I, I can dream for us all,
I hope I'm in a better state,
When here and now crumbles and falls
and you, you , you who make worlds collide
I knew you'd come knocking one day,
unannounced like a thief in the night.
Where do we go from here,
time ain't nothing but time,
I now have no fear of my fears
And no more tears to cry,
tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow means nothing at all
If we don't hear the line,
when today places its call, and morning, morning, morning
Won't ever be the same,
now I won't make the same mistakes, time and time again
So tell me how do you do
Finally I meet you
You don't know what I've been through,
waiting and wondering about you
I had a dream my trip would end at you,
and now I know paradise.
You don't have to lose her, become her stalker! or just date someone that looks like her and pretend.
going through the same myself.
absolute best friend, even now, so involved in a whole host of (non-relationship based) emotional things.
i guess fortunately she is away for a bit, with v limited internet. its helping i have to say.
unfortunately i know she is not in a good place (mentally) right now, with regard to some of the (non relationship based) emotional things, which makes things a little difficult.
but life goes on. she'll be fine eventually, once everything is sorted.
we still need to sort out a few things - we bought a tandem together, i helped her out with bike bits (her new life probably won't involve bikes (er, living on a boat!)). oh, and we have to sort out custody of the hamster...
re-focuss on other things. i've GOT to finish my dissertation, find a job (just sending off an application to NZ...) etc etc etc
find something else to do, start a new chapter of life. plenty more wonderful fish in the sea 🙂
Time heals...
...but working through all her girl friends, one shag at a time, can be more satisfying
It was a relationship you were involved in, now you're not. Do something else with somebody else if you don't like being on your own.
I appreciate my outlook is different to everybody elses but I really don't get how it's such a big deal?
I also don't get the big Singetrackworld 'love ins' and quoting the lyrics from a really bad song? hahahaha- what a prat!
Time to give your closest friends a call, keep busy, try riding some new trails.
Write a list of [b]NEW[/b] things you would like to do or try (apart from contacting your partner) and start ticking them off.
My list was 12 long, did the first ten in the first year!
As above, time heals, you will never forget, but it does get easier with time.
good luck
Your lucky!!! I've split up with my girlfriend and it's like being in Fatal Attraction!!!! Threatening calls, visits, my kids not sleeping wondering what she's going do, she leaves her kids alone at home to come mine - it's a nightmare!! I've blocked her texts, she hasn't rung the home phone yet but I can sort that but it's just crap! All because she doesn't like someone I text - yes it's a female but she's a friend - end of - nothing more at all. And I've known my friend longer than my ex! Worst thing is I live too close, I wish I lived further away as she doesn't have a car. I do and I'm worried she will attack that as well! Think I better get it garaged for a while. I wish I could laugh but I can't.
sorry havent read all the posts above,
but love this passage by neil gaiman
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.”
hang on in there!
barca2 - MemberIt was a relationship you were involved in, now you're not. Do something else with somebody else if you don't like being on your own.
I appreciate my outlook is different to everybody elses but I really don't get how it's such a big deal?
I also don't get the big Singetrackworld 'love ins' and quoting the lyrics from a really bad song? hahahaha- what a prat!
If that is a genuine post (and since this isn't really the sort of thread to pisstake on I will assume that it is) then it has to be one of the saddest posts I have ever read on STW.
Finding your heart in pieces means that you have experienced life ...... the [i]highs[/i], as well as the [i]lows[/i].
And we are here on this earth to live our lives, not simply to exist.
One of the things which distinguishes humans from almost all other organisms on this planet, is the intense emotions which we feel and experience. So I find it truly tragic if someone has never had the opportunity to be devastated by loss.
And I find it equally tragic, if someone has had the opportunities, and yet failed to feel the emotions. Being devoid of such feelings suggests a shallow empty and wholly unfulfilled life.
I hope your luck changes barca2.
on the other side of the coin, o.k you have split up but this could just be temp. Maybe she needs some time to herself for personal reasons, so for that stay in touch, give her advise if she asks for it etc. This may not be the end, but simply a time to reflect. She may see after a few weeks that your the one for her and have another shot at it.
It happened to me, my job at the time meant i spent very little time at home which made me question why i was in a relationship. We split up but kept in touch, occasionally seeing each other when i returned home. We also kept in touch sexually but at the time i knew that was wrong for me to do and always ended up in 'talks' afterwards. At the time it was awkward for me cos i worked away and wasn;t interested in anything. Anyway, change of job meant i worked closer to home so commuted everyday. I decided after a month of being home again that she was right for me in so many ways so we got back together, and still are........
o.k you have split up but this could just be temp.
Whilst not disputing the possible validity of that comment ........"hope" is the single greatest obstacle in [i]letting go.[/i]
And one which almost always, prolongs the pain and suffering.
Move on Seggons.
imho
yes, ernie's right.
i'm still in touch with my ex; we're pretty close friends and still go riding together BUT that's all it'll ever be and that's fine. she's seeing someone else now and i just started seeing somebody too, so it's all good.
you split up for a reason. you may not see it right now, but don't assume that you might get back together and it might last. because chances are, you won't. or it wouldn't. live your life for you. it's great.
the fine line between realistic hope and romantic foolishness 🙁
Hope is almost always unrealistic miaowing_kat ........invariably, just romantic foolishness.
And that's whether it's, hope after a relationship has ended that somehow things will sort themselves out or,
hope [i]during[/i] the relationship, that somehow things will sort themselves out.
No relationship can be built simply on 'hope'.
And you need to move on too miaowing_kat.
imho
nah, not yet. as long as it doesn't get in the way of me enjoying myself then I see no reason to force it. besides, all the boys in art colleges are either gay or manky 🙁
I'm going through the same just now, will be 4 weeks tomorrow. Were together 3 years.
Still my best friend, still love her deeply, but it's not going to work. The pain is easing, but very, very slowly.
I have found talking helps (to other friends, spoke to her a few times and we just end up crying to each other, and for some reason I find girls easier to talk to than blokes) Just tell everyone everything, the more times you tell the easier it gets.
Also, keep busy, and try not to be alone, spend as much time as you can with fiends.
miaowing_kat .....by 'moving on' I mean [i]letting go[/i], not jumping into another relationship. You'll know when you're ready for that.
Glad you feel you can enjoy yourself without being in a relationship though 8)