[Closed] Dating in your 30s are only mad ones single?

Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's.

Have you not read about the sunk time fallacy?

OP, it's a numbers game. If someone you're dating exhibits behaviours your uncomfortable with then talk to them about it and see if you can resolve it. If you can't, then move on. This doesn't stop being true at any stage of a relationship.

it wouldn't be on my first date list of priorities.

Sorry to disabuse you, Stoner, but those urges and activities seem to carry on to well beyond 60. I know, it's distressing, isn't it?

FWIW, my aunt met her current man when she was 78. I haven't asked about the physical side of things 🙂

Seems fair enough, If she wants kids and you're certain that you don't then that relationship isn't going anywhere. Would have been better to have made that clear before a date but if that was the first opportunity then fair play.

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids [b]with me[/b]"

That's a bit much for a first date.

I had mentioned it on a post a couple of months ago

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/agony-aunts-to-the-forum-break-up-advice/page/4#post-7228119

Psycho

eeeewwwwwwwwwww!
[img] [/img]

Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know......

[url= http://www.spectator.co.uk/2015/12/my-part-time-boyfriend-and-i-bonded-over-the-tooting-honey-toilets/ ]Essentially, I need a boyfriend for two weeks in July or August and two weeks in December. I’m flexible as to which two weeks, but I’d prefer the lead-up to Christmas inclusive of Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I’m over it. I’m happy to be unhappy again once the big dinner is over and I can get on a horse and go hunting.[/url]
#NotTheMash

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know......

@BoardinBob
Doesn't sound like not wanting to have kids was the reason you didn't see that lady again to be honest 🙂

Some people are a little bit broken. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting to fix that and holding out for someone who has their life a little bit more together. If you accept it may take time and a lot of effort on your part then it gets easier. Granted, it must be tough to be older and be on your own, especially at the holiday season. Being single is a choice you make though. Own it.

also...
your mates (including those in here) are meant to tell you that it's not you it's her, her mates will do the same. Rationality doesn't get near the situation.

... and she moved out of his house.

They moved in together in the first place? 😯

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids with me"

That's a bit much for a first date.

I misunderstood and I agree that is strange behaviour. it makes sense to find out whether or not you wanted children but surely nobody makes their mind up on an actual partner before coffee and mints.

but surely nobody makes their mind up before coffee and mints.

[quote=stewartc ]Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's.

It's threads like this that make me stay here where I at least have the company of my kids, despite not currently having what would normally be described as a relationship with a member of the fairer sex. That and to be honest I'm pretty broken, and can imagine the scathing comments from those unfortunate enough to agree to a date with me.

Essentially, I need a boyfriend for two weeks in July or August and two weeks in December. I’m flexible as to which two weeks, but I’d prefer the lead-up to Christmas inclusive of Christmas Day. By Boxing Day I’m over it. I’m happy to be unhappy again once the big dinner is over and I can get on a horse and go hunting.
#NotTheMash

What the everloving f$%k 😯 ? That has to be trolling.

no. That's Melissa Kite. She's clinically batshit cuckoo. But very funny to read.

gypsumfantastic - Member

What the everloving f$%k ? That has to be trolling.

Being single is a choice you make though. [b]Own it.[/b]

You're either a human resources type, or Shia Labeouf - either way, we don't take kindly to your kind round 'ere.

@ Tom:

[i]I've found that women who say things like this fall into three categories[/i]

- does it apply to men also?

- the one I wrote about seemed sane enough. If she were ten years older, and I ten younger...

It's threads like this that make me stay here where I at least have the company of my kids, despite not currently having what would normally be described as a relationship with a member of the fairer sex. That and to be honest I'm pretty broken, and can imagine the scathing comments from those unfortunate enough to agree to a date with me.

aracer you are not the only in that position, I'm in exactly the same place. I'd like to stay with my wife of 20 years but it's not what she wants. Still I like the fact that I see my kids everyday and my wife and I actually get on fine. I can't really imagine going on a date and explaining that I live with my wife and kids and overall quite like it. It's pretty obvious that I'm going to be the one looked at as totally mental.

MoreCashThanDash - Member
Its threads like this that make me determined to hang on to my marriage no matter what, I'm not equipped mentally to be able to socialize with new people, let alone the fairer sex, in my 40's

Amen, brother - better the hormonal nutter you know...

Agree with this. If I ever divorced it'd be to a bachelor pad that has enough room for my kids to stay over and store my bike kit. I can't be bothered with the female partner rat race again. I imagine the rest of my life would consist of one off/short social endeavors with members of the opposite sex from a biking, work, or internet background.

I quite like girls that are daft as a box of frogs,they're usually quite fun.
But crazy one's no thanks.

We're all crazy. There is no such thing as normal. All we're looking for in others is compatible crazy.
You just haven't found your compatible crazy yet.

1 year (dating) anniversary today.

She's 24, I'm 32.

No, I don't have a point. Just showing off.

No, I don't have a point. Just showing off.

it wouldn't be on my first date list of priorities.

Don't know. Some people really don't want to waste their time. Nothing wrong with being straight up with what you want is there?

Nope nothing at all - on its own it would not put me off someone, were I to be on the market.

Edit:
Ah, but I see...

It wasn't

"Do you want to have kids?"

It was specifically

"Do you want to have kids with me"

Yeah, unless it was going really well and just sort of slipped out in a "I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES THIS IS SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!" sort of way.

I've just remembered that my climbing buddy, an extremely staid and sensible Yorkshireman, somehow fell into the clutches of a woman in her 40s. All went well for while with plenty of rampant sex until she began pressuring him to join her sect, the initiation consisting of a long weekend at some hotel in a remote place that the sect would take over. You had to remove all your own clothes, watch, everything and wear the "uniform" and then initiates would stand up and admit to something shameful they had done, be reduced to a wreck then be rebuilt by the members who would bombard them with lurve and make them feel one of the group. Classic brainwashing technique in other words. Then it emerged that she had done the same to her previous BF and afterwards he had committed suicide. For about ten minutes I was quite worried about my pal until I got him on the phone and he told me he had already seen the light and kicked her into touch. Nuts, altogether.

BoardinBob - Member

The one that dumped me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

@Tom_W1987
YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMORROW!

[i] curiousyellow - Member
Being single is a choice you make though. Own it. [/i]

Accept it ain't quite like that, is it.
In my case, I chose to no longer be with the Woman I was with. I didn't choose to be single, but that was the unavoidable result. Hence why I would seek to be with someone again. When I can be arsed to re-enter the game.

[i] globalti - Member
join her sect, the initiation consisting of a long weekend at some hotel in a remote place that the sect would take over. You had to remove all your own clothes, watch, everything and wear the "uniform" and then initiates would stand up and admit to something shameful they had done, be reduced to a wreck then be rebuilt by the members who would bombard them with lurve and make them feel one of the group.[/i]

The local indoor bowls club?

The two week BF thing, while amusing, also reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a woman in her mid 30s, separated, with two young children. The lady had just returned from 10 days in Ibiza, while husband had the children with him, on hols in another country. Judging by what she was saying, I got the impression she was intentionally or otherwise happy to be a single mum for 48 weeks in the year, using her hols to then "party" somewhere "hot".

During the conversation I began to feel a little sorry for her, as I got the impression she didn't quite see what she was setting herself up for. I thought if she carried on like that for another 5-10 years, then that would be time lost which could have been invested in a meaningful relationship. It also made me wonder what percentage of single 30s/40s Women there might be, leading such a lifestyle, effecting consigning an entire generation of similarly aged single Men to the scrap heap? While these single mums chase late 20 something Men around the clubs and beaches of some sunny holiday destination.
But Ho-Hey, you pays your money, etc, etc.

BoardinBob - Member
The one that dumped me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

He gave her one and she gave him one out of ten 🙂

The one that dumped [b]on[/b] me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

I'd rather not hear this story.

Went on a date with a girl last week and got in fine

Got in [i]what[/i] exactly.....

They're all batshit crazy

Especially if they have some white wine

Everything just becomes surreal

Why didn't anyone warn me of this 5 years ago??

During the conversation I began to feel a little sorry for her, as I got the impression she didn't quite see what she was setting herself up for. I thought if she carried on like that for another 5-10 years, then that would be time lost which could have been invested in a meaningful relationship. It also made me wonder what percentage of single 30s/40s Women there might be, leading such a lifestyle, effecting consigning an entire generation of similarly aged single Men to the scrap heap? While these single mums chase late 20 something Men around the clubs and beaches of some sunny holiday destination.
But Ho-Hey, you pays your money, etc, etc.

It gets worse when the women are well educated and earn a decent amount - because women in their early thirties seem to be invariably earning more and are better educated than men in the same age bracket now. So the choices narrow even further because they are still wedded to the idea that their man should earn more than them. Sex and the city syndrome - but hey.

I've also had some women get really uppity because I married a foreign woman.

Life is so different from when I was a teenager. I guess there are lots of immature misogynistic men though, I just don't see why there are - if you are halfway successful then the field is stacked in your favor. That's probably why there are a fair amount of bitter women to be found in their 30's, a lot of successful men weren't great with the other sex during their teens and then they spend their 20's and 30's playing the field in retaliation.

[i] boltonjon - Member
Why didn't anyone warn me of this 5 years ago?? [/i]

Because:

a) You wouldn't have believed someone telling you about the things you have subsequently discovered for yourself.

b) You'd of just gone ahead anyway.

[i] Tom_W1987 - Member

It gets worse when the women are well educated and earn a decent amount - because women in their early thirties seem to be invariably earning more and are better educated than men in the same age bracket now. So the choices narrow even further because they are still wedded to the idea that their man should earn more than them. [b]Sex and the city syndrome[/b] - but hey.[/i]

Yeah, I forgot to include that. The lady I was referring to worked in a bank, degree, etc, etc. In her world, she has her children and she earns enough to fund a lifestyle centered around her and her children.
Men are now optional and are only required once or twice a year and done correctly, She doesn't have to bring with or take home, any "baggage".

[i]I've also had some women get really uppity because I married a foreign woman.[/i]

Seriously?

[i]That's probably why there are lots of bitter women. [/i]
Yeap, in their past they've settled for a "wrong'un" and boy don't those who follow pay for that, if they choose to become involved with said upset ladies.

Of course, on the flip side, there must be a small army of guys rushing around, doing all these ladies wrong and poisoning the watering hole for the rest of us.
Way to go fellas!
😆

So the choices narrow even further because they are [s]still[/s] now wedded to the idea that their man should [s]earn even more than them [/s]be similarly educated, similar expectations (including re dating) and to be independently succesfull

😀

doing all these ladies wrong and poisoning the watering hole for the rest of us.

there are creams for that.

[i] Malvern Rider - Member

So the choices narrow even further because they are still wedded to the idea that their man should be similarly educated and independently succesfull[/i]

Trophy husbands?

[i] Stoner - Member

doing all these ladies wrong and poisoning the watering hole for the rest of us.

there are creams for that. [/i]

Err, good to know, you know that?

Anyway, I think most us knew someone wouldn't be able to resist.
😉

[quote=Solo ]Anyway, I think most us knew someone wouldn't be able to resist.

That's why there are creams

jekkyl - Member

BoardinBob - Member

The one that dumped me literally during sex

We're gonna need the rest of that story please Bob.

Let's just say she was into a far more violent form of how's your father, and I wasn't willing to... 😯

[i] aracer - Member

Solo » Anyway, I think most us knew someone wouldn't be able to resist.

That's why there are creams [/i]

Apparently so, according to Stoner 😯

Probably another story we don't really want to read about, along with being dumped while "in action"
😆

Edit:
Oh! There we are BB has spilled the legumes.

Let's just say she was into a far more violent form of how's your father, and I wasn't willing to...

HOW IS HE? YOUR DAD! HOW'S HE GETTING ON? TELL ME! TELL ME NOW!!!

This sorta thing was it?

Or Malvern, they could be happy having a house husband. I thought looking after the kids was real work? 😆 Of course, if they are not - then they should be happy with the increasing statistical likelihood of becoming a crazy cat lady the further they go up the corporate ladder.

I love trolling my female friends on occasion.