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So down the pub last night we had a lot of banter around relationships but we must admit that none of us really had a clue about a couple of topics. So here goes, opinions welcome:
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Q1 - Age and relationships:[/u]
In our teens we thought we were young, We actually were young, we all looked young and the girls we fancied of similar age looked hot.
Now we’re fast approaching our 40’s we still think we’re still young, although technically we are not really young any more, we all still mostly look young (well to us anyway) and the girls we fancy of the same age (including GF’s and wives) still look hot.
So the debate is, when we’re in our 70’s does the same apply? Will we still think we’re young? Will our mates still seem young? Will we still look at other women our age and think ‘phwoooaaarrrrr’, she’s hot! Because right now, women in their 70’s (unless you’re Wayne Rooney) seem far from attractive, even famous ones, yet when we were in our teens, Kim Basinger who was in her mid 40’s, still looked hot?
[u]Q2 – Facebook relationships:[/u]
Now we all have several mates on Facebook who endlessly post pictures of them with their other halves. Everything seems rosy, they write appreciative comments all the time, they seem to do everything together and so far as we can tell the sun seems to shine out of each other’s arse’s.
Now we’re pleased that they seem to be happy, but for those of us that don’t choose to furnish our FB profiles with pictures of our other halves, or interact significantly with our other halves on FB, does that imply that our relationships are likely to be less good?
Maybe if our relationships were better then surely we’d want to shout about it too perhaps? None of us thought our relationships were particularly bad, quite happy with them actually, but have these people found ‘connection’ on another level that the rest of us haven't found, or is it simply a case of masking over the cracks?
Debate . . .
Just look at how many STI's there are in old peoples homes...
FB is just odd.
Anyone who has to endlessly tell the world how much they love each other should never be trusted...
Even after all these years,she still smiles back at me with the eyes of the girl I fell in love with.
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Just look at how many STI's there are in old peoples homes...
Not sure I wanted to hear that!!!
Interesting questions for sure.
Q1 We all have different things we find attractive about people so everyones view of the same person is different.
But an interesting theory ,do you see the person as they are now or were 10,20,30 years ago in your own head.
Q2 Not everybody lives their lives through social media so it's not on display to all n sundry.
I find the people who post how great their relationship is on FB all the time are not actually that happy with their relationship. This is based on a huge study of three couples I know. Well one still a couple for now and two parted quite acrimoniously.
Q1 - Yes, as you age, people of a similar age still look attractive to you. My Mum is a very fit 86 year-old widow and quite often she complains that she's being pursued by some randy old chap.
Q2 - No, just because I don't publish testaments to the quality of my relationship doesn't mean it's failing. It's just that we live in an age of emotional incontinence where narcissism seems to be acceptable. A discrete, steady, respectful, mutually supportive marriage will probably last longer than a frantic celebrity marriage.
Q2 I usually find these couples fall into the 'no children, skiing, our lives are fantastic' category. Yawn. And I do get the impression that they think other people genuinely look up to them and their lifestyle and hang on their every post.
*mopes off back to tired, dishevelled wife and two out of control kids*
Q2 I usually find these couples fall into the 'no children, skiing, our lives are fantastic' category. Yawn
Almost as dull as look my children did something children do posts....
What about the "have children, skiing, our lives are fantastic" category?
Just look at how many STI's there are in old peoples homes...
All the old fogies are driving these? [img]
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What about the "have children, skiing, our lives are fantastic [b]apart from those fines for taking the kids skiing in term time[/b]" category?
Q1) As you age, so does your taste. You mature and become insightful (well some of us do) You're right in that Youth is loved by Youth, craved by Middle Age and seemingly recovered by Old Age. So, your views become deeper and more meaningful passing Youthful good looks for maturing good looks and attitude. Counter that with Empty Nester Cougars who chase Youth over Age and attitude. But thats more a symptom of a life they have lead rather than looks.
Q) FB is front for the "look at me" crowd who invariably have little to look into or at. A clowns face on a sad mannequin.
stevied - Member
Just look at how many STI's there are in old peoples homes...All the old fogies are driving these?
Nah, just their younger relatives keep smashing through the walls.
Q1 - Yes, as you age, people of a similar age still look attractive to you. My Mum is a very fit 86 year-old widow and quite often she complains that she's being pursued by some randy old chap.
Well that's reassuring then, hopefully we won't turn into some of those old men who leer at 20's something women.
apart from those fines for taking the kids skiing in term time
Peanuts compared with the cost of the whole holiday.
I find the people who post how great their relationship is on FB all the time are not actually that happy with their relationship.
Do they really post about how great their relationship is, or just post stuff about them doing things together and then rest is just inferred. I don't know any couple who explicitly boast about their relationship on FB.
Almost as dull as look my children did something children do posts
And that's a whole new debate, tend to rapidly hide people from my news feed who post endless, almost daily pictures of their 'bloody' kids.
Q1 yes, I remember being 23ish and there was a Women in my social group at the time who was 30ish - I remember thinking she was nice, but looked ancient - I found some old photos of us all recently - I'm 38 now, Jesus wept, I was wrong, she was indeed a nice person, and in hindsight incredibly good looking. I wonder if I saw her again now I would notice her age as much as I did then.
Q2 Facebook relationships, are the same as a lot of stuff on FB for me, the more people go on about stuff, the less perfect I think it probably is in real life - I know a couple who like to post lots of cutesy photos of each other etc - but I know they've split twice before and both been unfaithful - perhaps it helps them maintain the 'specialness' or they're just projecting perfection when it's anything but. As for Kid pics - take it from a parent, especially when it comes to babies - they really are your whole world, partly because it's amazing and hormones make you that way but mostly they're such hard work there is literally nothing else going on in your life and.
Q1 - remember you have to talk to them too.
Q2 - If I don't have FB does it mean I don't have a relationship? Should I tell my wife... 😯
@DaRC_L yes just tell her that from now on you're going to post lots of things about her on the Internet
agent007 - MemberWell that's reassuring then, hopefully we won't turn into some of those old men who leer at 20's something women.
I've always leered at 20 YO women. I wouldn't want to become inconsistent in my old age.
Been with mrs Dusty for 30 odd years and at 51 still think she's hot! (although my eyes aren't as good as they were and hers are worse!!) Can't be doing with this soppy shit posting how great we are on FB
So I guess we evolve. Doesn't mean you can't see beauty in younger/older ladies just look but don't touch!!
OP - part one of that debate is something I have been tempted to write myself a few times just recently.
I'm 46 and although I can see that I'm looking older, I look at my OH and mates and think they all look young. BUT people I was at school with that I bump into, I think they are all looking old! Not sure what it is that makes me think that my regular mates all look young!
Q2/ I think it's a mistake generally to compare your relationship against others. It's not a competition, your own relationship will be good or bad utterly irrespective of what anyone else is doing.
On social media, this is doubly pertinent as you're not even comparing an actual relationship, you're comparing a portrayal of the relationship presented how the posters want to be seen. It's entirely possible that for every "darling wife / husband" post on Facebook there's a blazing row behind the scenes that you're not privy to.
wittonweavers - Member
I'm 46 and although I can see that I'm looking older, I look at my OH and mates and think they all look young. BUT people I was at school with that I bump into, I think they are all looking old! Not sure what it is that makes me think that my regular mates all look young!
Probably don't notice the folk you see all the time looking older as you're used to seeing them. Easy to see how someone you've not seen for ages (ie schoolmates) would look different.
All the old fogies are driving these?
Great. Now I want an STI.
[quote=bigyinn ]I wouldn't want to become incontinent in my old age.
I've got some really bad news for you fella....
What about the "have children, skiing, our lives are fantastic" category?
What about those in that category who aren't on Facebook? 😆
[url= http://psp.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/09/15/0146167214549944 ]This study[/url] says the more people brag about their relationships online, the more insecure they tend to be. I can believe it.
I wouldn't believe any impression anyone gives of their lives on FB - it's an advertising medium after all... for us to advertise ourselves.
There's bits of my life I'm very happy with, other bits I'm not that happy with at all. As it happens I rarely post anything much on FB as I think it's just some mad status competition which will only end in tears but I certainly don't post anything about those bits of my life where I feel like I've failed as I don't want to publicise them. Who would?
Those of my close friends whose lives I know well and I think are most happy with themselves, their relationships and their lives in general barely post on FB - I think they're too focussed on giving to those relationships and being present for those people, rather than sitting in the same room ignoring them whilst living some fake reality on FB
Those of my close friends whose lives I know well and I think are most happy with themselves, their relationships and their lives in general barely post on FB - I think they're too focussed on giving to those relationships and being present for those people, rather than sitting in the same room ignoring them whilst living some fake reality on FB
Could be right, the reason I signed up to FB was was stay in touch with people and because there's a few group things organised through it. See how it could become a big one-upmanship thing though!
If it wasn't a useful tool for the group thing then I'd probably sack it off.
Not in my experienceThose of my close friends whose lives I know well and I think are most happy with themselves, their relationships and their lives in general barely post on FB - I think they're too focussed on giving to those relationships and being present for those people, rather than sitting in the same room ignoring them whilst living some fake reality on FB
As you get older your eyesight gets worse. It's a blessing for those of us over 60 in a healthy 47 year [s]love affair[/s] relationship.
I think there are some people here with a slightly old fashioned view of social media, and that is me speaking as an old git. Look at the way younger people use it.
We have all, always, however much we have denied it, and however matter of fact we feel, developed images of ourselves and our relationships which we project to the outside world.
For many younger people, there is a now a virtual social media image alongside this, curated and sculpted by them. See your teenagers interacting with this, and you see how important it is to them, (not all, my 14 yr old son seems relaxed about his, my partner's 14 yr old daughter less so).
For me FB allows organization of MTB stuff, staying in contact with people who I haven't ridden with or skied with for a while. It also allows me and friends to post what are basically postcards. And yes, for my partner and I who have only been together for 15 months, to share where we are in our lives together with friends.
And I see some stable loving long established couples doing the same.
What I don't get is the people who post platitudinous bullshit posters, and all the "share this if you have ever..." toss. 😈
[quote=Stoatsbrother ]What I don't get is the people who post platitudinous bullshit posters, and all the "share this if you have ever..." toss. So learn how to use FB to unfollow and/or unfriend folk whose output you don't like. It's not the medium that's at fault here.....
Those of my close friends whose lives I know well and I think are most happy with themselves, their relationships and their lives in general barely post on FB - I think they're too focussed on giving to those relationships and being present for those people, rather than sitting in the same room ignoring them whilst living some fake reality on FB
Not in my experience
Do you know my friends?! I'm making an observation about people I know well, not your friends... 😯
🙂
Maybe 😉
[b]scotroutes[/b]. I've unfollowed the worst offenders, but some reasonable people creep under the radar and then perpetrate nauseatingly trite posts. But they probably don't like all mine. Hey ho.
What I do dislike is the assumption of some here that every one who posts something nice on FB about their partner or relationship or life is either lying, insecure or about to come a cropper. There are some miserable old gits out there.
Agreed. And maybe some of them aren't even very old 😆
Q1 - I'm currently 37. I understand that I am middle-aged, although I don't think that need imply that I should be worn down with the cares of the world and incapable of fun. I assume this may still apply when I'm elderly.
As for women - my age range has expanded as I've got older, and is now in a span of about 28-45. I assume the range of people I fancy will get broader as I get older, although I doubt I'll fancy the 70-year-olds for the same reasons as the 35-year-olds when I'm 75. Availability is now more of a factor than it was. That is presumably a major factor in a nursing home.
Q2 - Some people are definitely both very happy and very share-y. Some people share a lot despite being unhappy. Some people are happy and do not share. Some people are unhappy and do not share. Unhappy people tend to perceive the apparently happy as faking it, which doesn't help.
🙂
1) Yes. But what you've failed to apprectate is that your perving age range now covers from 20yrs-60yrs, which massively improves your chances of viewing aestheticly pleasing specimens of your chosen sex.
Q2) Me and the wife have a theory about this. Basically we believe that people who endlesley post pictures of themselves and their partners having a wonderful time and a perfect life are trying to convince the world and themselves that everything is lovely and rosey when it may not be.
Whenever we post stuff on Facebook it's normally taking the pee out of each other or mentioning the stupid things the kids have done. Whereas others seem to declare their undying love for each other and post how wonderful young Quentin and Tabitha did in their exams, how the piano playing g is coming along nicely and how they're voulenteering to build some homes in Africa (other countries are available) whilst wearing their designer clothes.
Maybe I'm just a grumpy git though 🙂