[Closed] Current insult of choice

slot badger
two pin din plug
bent ref
chimney bottler
shrub rocketeer

Sock cutter
or
mongtard

It's what comes out in the heat of the moment that counts, in my case, when getting cut up at a roundabout earlier, it was dildo.

Much to the amusement of my nephew who was a passenger. 😀

Being cut up is great for the artistic juices.

I shouted 'you ****ing arse burglar' at someone whilst I was on speakerphone to the wife, much to her amusement

Watched a TV show about a young offenders programme in my local area where the inmates were using every insult and expletive imaginable to refer to each other with little effect. The worst curse words imaginable were being used with impunity.

Then one accused another of being a "Pure Daftie".
30 seconds later the pool table was upside down , there were sirens blaring and multiple casualties.

Never refer to a 17 year old Weegie as a Daftie. They do not take it well.

Being scottish, I don't need to piss around, I can call you a dick and you'll feel as if you've had every other insult in the thread multiplied together and then concentrated. It's just delivery really. Ya dick.

Spunk Trumpet as in 'You utter Spunk Trumpet'

Also, ****tard or Shitmong are also widely used around these here parts.

I was called a "Total Spaz Bucket" today.

No, i've not idea what that means either........ 😆

crayon muncher

Remy **** (Remedial)
Inbred
Donkeys helmet
6 fingered retard
Web toed winky dribble
Remroid
Slack jawed cumguzzler
Cumsponge

Just off the top of my head

You Spastic!

Nothing can match the glorious heights of "Fud!" 😆

T@@T , said with a bit of venom .

Out with the uni club today, and we got cut up by a white van man. Most of us just stuck middle fingers up or quietly gritted teeth, but one guy bellowed from the back: "ARE YOU LITERALLY HITLER?!"

Proper lol @ perchypanther! 😆

Just watching the HBO series Deadwood. They must use the insult '****' 50 times an episode. This is my favourite insult at the moment

Buttercup

"Needs a drop of thinners"

Seen on a wall in the portsmouth historic dockyard - i.e. he's a bit thick.

Fud is very good. numpty I use but when I remember "thrombus" is good as it confuses folk. It means bloody clot or " hope yer next craps a pineapple" to mouthy drivers

My youngest wrote 'custard' on the board in the kitchen the other day, only her 's' looked more like an 'n' .

Winner.
As in "you're a ****ing winner!"

My husband has just called me a stinky faggot...admittedly, with good reason 😳

"Muppet", "Spanner" or "Doofus" - depending on how affectionately they're being used.

(I'm the kind of sad coward who'll just slink away if genuinely riled - and then think of a brilliant smack-down that I should have used half an hour later)

Twerp

You plum.

Said particularly vehemently.

Being scottish, I don't need to piss around, I can call you a dick and you'll feel as if you've had every other insult in the thread multiplied together and then concentrated. It's just delivery really. Ya dick.

I think a Scottish accent is an ideal partner for insults and swear words. You'd probably be safe to use the majority of the insults posted on this thread, and still sound credible.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if someone called my a "cockwomble" in a whiney, slightly posh, southern accent. Not insulted though.

I need to note some of these to call prisoners at work.

'Buffoon' is a fave, as is 'arsewipe'

Div
Ringpiece
Tool
Cock
Tosser

Start with 'Fing' or 'Cing' when appropriate.

It's a bit long but....

You empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

It's multicultural too as you can do it with a silly French accent.

I quite like "prat" and "pillock" too. I'm really trying to keep the mouthiness rained in though. I'm not sure it really helps anyone.

shitlips

Moop!

Berk is an underused classic.
Chimp seems to be favoured at my workplace ATM.
Nothing wrong with a straight to the point '****' either 😉

'I am most displeased'

Russian and Yiddish are a fertile ground for colourful insults, "Yob tvoyiu mat!" basically "go (have sexual relations with) your mother" is pretty good, "putz, yutz, schmuck, schmoo" are short and to the point.
****-wit and shit-for-brains are my two most-used
http://www.youswear.com/?language=Russian

I tend to favour "cretinous little muppet" in most cases - anything stronger is reserved for morons in tin cans who have just tried to kill me...

"Richard"head if I'm being dismissive, or F'ing "Richard"head. See You Next Tuesday if I mean it - the brevity and the shock elevate it to having impact in almost any situation, even in a country that practically uses four letter words as punctuation.

Felcher

Bellwhiff

I'm liking "Yer Da sells Avon" at the moment.

Douche Canoe.

Arsehole. Oldie but a goldie.
Scunner,Bounder,Cad & Mrs Cluck, are used when children are present ,obvs.:-)

My son once insulted his dad with: "You're a banana and four pears!" when he was little
😀

diseased rhinoceros pizzle

Shitbird, heard for the first time in ages on the telly the other night, will be getting used soon!
RM.

Arse munch

I was wondering what mine was, then I shouted "You Pleb!" at someone.
Pleb? How is that offensive coming from the mouth of a pleb? 😆

My Estonian friend told me they have an insult that basically means "excuse me but I think your mother still owes me money for the sex she had with my dog". Bit longwinded for general use though.

Also, I really enjoyed a twitter description of Michael Gove during the latter stages of the EU referendum 'debate' which was him looking "like a haunted pork mannequin".

Lastly, learning Welsh at the moment, I enjoy "tumfatt" which means fool.

I quite like ****-knuckle, but a favourite in a while was a satirist caption describing Donald! and Farage as a "pair of thundering ****-trumpets"

See also a tweet describing Donald! as a "haunted spunk-trumpet"

W##kstain is the current favourite.

Just read one on FB in which Jeremy Hunt is termed a 'dribbling ****tard' 😛

(Sounds like Dribbling retard)

i'm a big fan of 'halfwit' at the moment.

A favourite of mine at the moment is "piss ant"

One of the lads came out with this cracka the other day to one of the other lads: "you've got a vein of pure idiot running straight through you mate"

I was ill laughing

Also, I really enjoyed a twitter description of Michael Gove during the latter stages of the EU referendum 'debate' which was him looking "like a haunted pork mannequin".

Apropos the pictures of him alongside Trump, I described him as looking like a pile of wet lips.

Arse flake and monkey toucher winning for me at the moment. Awaiting a suitable deployment opportunity...

<mod>can we be a little careful with the swears please, the filter isn't very good with portmanteau swearing we've had to remove several posts now. Ta. </mod>

Just read one on FB

I've just seen one on Facebook referring to Gove as a "lackwit lickspittle," which is just beautiful.

IHN - Member

Again, what about 'pooftah' or 'fairy'? Or 'homo'? 'Bender', what about that?

It's spelt "poofter", you turgid melt.

Don't forget gaylord either.

If you like your insults with a Scottish lilt, you'll appreciate this

"You Melt" or "You String" are both popular in my household, no idea where they've come from.

I've been watching lots of Archer lately. Some of the insults in that are inspired.

My fave of late is quite simple though:

"Even your balls are made of pussy!"

I'm very fond of twannock.

Popular in our office is "CockWomble"

Well, based on what I shouted at the guy who got out of the car sat in the outside lane then started to cross the bus lane without looking yesterday, "tosser" is my default.

I don't really tend to be very inventive.

'lentil-munching sandal-wearing watermelons'

By a Tory MSP aimed at the Greens during today's Scottish Parliament budget vote.

Belgian is a good one because it confuses people and you can add real swearwords at either end to give it a bit more effect .

Not one that you could use in a shout out type of incident but I really like how Noel Gallagher described his brother Liam as like a fork in a world of soup .

My kids use 'moob' on a regular basis...when I ask them what it meant I got the raised eyes and they called one...still don't know what it means!

'Tool' is a favourite but for those occasions when nothing else will do:

Ya big/wee/ugly (delete as appropriate) lanky streak 'o' p&%h

Cockwombling Thundertwunt

I got called a bunch of queers by my best mate's sister once

You are so fat witted with the drink of old sac

A line from a song that I got to use the other day,

"To whatever extent you hate yourself, it isn't enough"

And one my grandma used when she was really pissed off

"I wish you only the harm that's due to you. But I hope that's a lot"

weasel dick

Dick slurpung shitlord

If any of that gets through the filter I'll be impressed. Mod note, not bypassing anything, if someone cries just edit it, they should know what to expect by the thread title.

you OAF often used by chemistry teacher bitd not heard it in years some belters up there^^ 😆

Taking a curious pleasure in the word knob used against inappropriate victims - "this computer's being a knob", "man, my car was a right knob this morning", "looks like the M5's being a knob", etc.

A favourite from back in the day is buttmunch, taken from Malcolm in the Middle.

This bl00dy thread just ended up with me calling some **** driver a "buttflake" with my 6 year old in the car.

Currently bribing him to not tell mummy despite it being his new favourite word 😥

+1 for ****ing **** if I mean it (and berk if I'm saying it politely).

Why mince your words?

I like -

You... (big [****ing]) :

Berk
Buffoon
Prune
Big Fanny
Wally

Reserved for so called 'professional drivers' ie van drivers, bus drivers and taxi drivers, who are, statistically mostly convicted sex offenders and those that aren't convicted just haven't been caught yet :

'paedo' or 'kiddy fiddler'. Best shouted through the back door you've just opened. Needs to be said with a good deal of enthusiasm followed by a swift departure because it does seem to cause a fair bit of distress.