[Closed] Critique my lawn

It has some excellent reviews on Skip Advisor

You silly sod.

Bit small for a moat.

At least it's not obscured by some 2 wheeled 'steed' with mis-aligned tyre valves and overlong brake hoses/gear cables.

Also what has Mrs bearnecessities done? (Don't forget the quicklime).

Stripe definition is poor.

Could be worse, you could have painted your house bright pink.

Lacks pampas

You never know, corbyn might be round to photo that man hole cover! Who can say that about there back garden?

It's like a tiny Glastonbury

Front wall needs repointing.

Has someone been pooing on it?

Is that a pink house up the road?

There's [i]some[/i] weeding to be done, other than that, good to go

Nothing a knackered sofa or pile of tyres couldn't improve.

Maybe a heavily stained mattress?

Bottom of the windows don't line up, I'm out.....

Rustic.

Dereliqtue?

A bit more fescue.

I like what you've done with the block paving.. Easy to lay?

A poignant memorial for the centenary of Battle of Flers–Courcelette

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No mention of patio, bloody hell you lot are slacking!

I think it's a powerful statement on the fragility of man and the disposable nature our modern lives. Is it a standalone piece or part of a series?

Needs a algae covered caravan really, fire damage optional.

That's not a lawn, it's a parking space.

Needs some new garden ornaments..

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Truffle season already?

stunning! All it's missing is some cat shit in the borders and a burnt patch on the lawn where the dogs piss. And an overflowing wheelie bin, but not on the lawn.

A poignant memorial for the centenary of Battle of Flers–Courcelette

One of the primary schools I work with has a pupil dug WW1 front line trench across the school front lawn...

I've watched enough CSI to recognise a body buried at the back there with a few token flowers plonked on top. How is Mrs Bearnecessities, can we see a picture of her please holding a copy of the Sunday gardening supplement?

To finish it off I think you need a rusting Austin Maestro with 3 flat tyred wheels.

On bricks...

What edging tool do you use?

Shit sandwich

Quite realistic for synthetic.

Bearnecessities earlier:

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Ur pitch iz Slovakin

do they do astroturf ?

Ooh, they are in Maryland. I think they'll probably be able to do the OP's garden with some decorative paving. Might have enough space to park a motorbike on 😆

EDIT hang on.. I shouldn't report spam and then comment on the spam post should I?

After 2 days of scarifying, TBH mine doesn't look much better anyway, crossing fingers and toes it comes back, we've spent enough on fertiliser and seed!

Seed is tricky.

I've found that to fix patches, a good way is to scruff up the soil, put seed down then cover it lightly with grass clippings. Helps keep the seeds damp and the birds off.

EDIT hang on.. I shouldn't report spam and then comment on the spam post should I?

Nobody likes a grass

Nobody likes a grass

Your side of the fence needs treating or possibly painting. Other than that it looks good, a proper wild garden designed to attract the rare trampeous hobolus species. If you're still not attracting them (even with your stirling efforts) try adding a large rusty oil barrel and an open bottle of Rustins.

With the addition of a knackered fridge and some worn tyres you could make that a feature lawn.

Worst pumptrack ever! 😡

It's taking shape nicely.

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Nice rockery! It's really starting to take shape

Pump track!

How many bodies have you got under there?

That pick won't support a wall for long..

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Ground looks stony.

And why's your door half-way up the wall?

I've got [i]really[/i] long legs.

Pump track!

(somewhat ruined by the second pic 🙁 )

Did you nick that pink shovel from the pink house?

You'd think the ice cream pink was the most outstanding feature of that house wouldn't you?

No. The 4 foot porcelain Alsatian in the window steals the show.

Still, people know where I live with little explanation:

"Oh, by the pink house?"
*sigh*
"Yes. Next to the yellow one, Mine's the unconventional brick colour"
"Why have they painted it pink?"
"I don't ****** know!!"

No. The 4 foot porcelain Alsatian in the window steals the show.

That might just beat the 6ft gorilla statue that resides at the entrance to a gated property down the road. They even have a ******* knight in armour beside the front door too. WTF?

Thats just reminded me I saw a gorilla outside a house the other day. Think I might have been riding near Garforth, Leeds but I might be mistaken. Proper WTF moment!!

Deliver grass seed to:

Mr B. Necessities,
Chocolate House,
Neopolitan Terrace

Make sure you leave enough room for your neighbour to drive his van across the corner of your new lawn.

Where are the leylandi going to go? 🙂

Worst lawn ever

You need to put the kitty litter IN the trays.

Sorry to be a bit negative but all that work hasn't really improved it has it? More like just moving it all around... 😉

"Why have they painted it pink?"
"I don't ****** know!!"

With the colour of your brickwork, and your immediate neighbour...

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?

You are going to *HAVE* to call your house 'Neapolitan House'

I dare you to paint your house like the love child of the neighbours in mr blobby spots.

Also no points for not encroaching your garden into the street to reclaim a bigger foot print.. it's not too late to grow a nice hedge that overlaps the street by a good 2 foot though.

Maybe influenced by Chelsea?

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CHARLATAN 😡
Who's bloody mixer is that! 😉

😀 Bloody immigrant petrol mixers, nicking all our jobs etc.

Someone's gonna come a cropper on that rake

I preferred it before

Worse garden ornaments ever!

Now you have shown us your back passage...what is your plan for that?
Is it for everyday use?

Can you sort yer windows out please....they are upsetting my equilibrium! 🙁

Are these guys your landscapers??

WHERE'S THE LAWN??!!!