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Sometimes life deals some really crap cards doesn't it?
OP, I'm with 2tyred on this one. Your line of questioning - whether you're aware or not - was leading nowhere except to her being wrong, personally and professionally (she works on a ward) so naturally she's defensive. If you didn't understand her actions or reasoning you need to say exactly that.
In view of her hitting you, I think some mutual empathy - and possibly help - is required.
How about a "Naughty Step" or a "timeout" ?
Probably not the best issue to belittle with comments like that. 🙄
Jesus willard, I just had to read your post through twice. You're having a pretty shit time - the loyalty you're showing means you must be a decent and strong chap. I wish you all the best. Don't forget to bend a mate's ear every so often to get this stuff off your chest.
If my wife started hitting me I'd walk - Life is too short and some things are beyond redemption. Why would you stay? Misery loves company they say, I'd not be on for that..
@willard - sounds like your wife needs to acknowledge the fact that she has a problem. Alcoholics aren't just people that you see in the street, they are anybody that uses alcohol to self medicate to deal with their emotions/circumstances. It's a symptom of something else (in your case - likely the IVF).
It's a very fast downward spiral that doesn't often change until the alcoholic hits rock bottom. You need to recognise that now at this early stage and seek some help for you and your partner before things get too out of control.
@williard, until she recocnises that she has an alcohol problem there is nothing you can do.
Once the switch goes on in her brain then,, and only then can any treatment be effective.
I have made great progress in clearing my garage out, and have moved my radio and a chair in there. I'm not 100% sure MrsDummy even knows what's where I am most evenings. 🙂
Incidentally, the point about talking to the father-in-law - I go rather the other way on that. MrsDummy and I had an absolutely disastrous (rather than merely poor) relationship for about 5 years after we were married. She regarded that as an entirely private matter and pretended vigorously to her parents that everything was fine. They eventually found out when I left that this wasn't true, and were incredibly upset that they had not been confided in. I'm not sure, but it's entirely possible I could have saved us years of unpleasantness by simply ignoring her idea that our problems had to be concealed from everyone who might reasonably have cared. 😕
Alcoholics aren't just people that you see in the street, they are anybody that uses alcohol to self medicate to deal with their emotions/circumstances
So very, very much worth repeating.
Best of luck willard.
Sorry to be lazy and not read all the previous comments but from the OP it sounds like me and the EX . Yes in Know.
We ended up having daily arguments over simple things and they would, like yourself, be triggered by simply asking for more details about a subject we were talking about which I always thought was the point of a conversation. Inevitably it got to the point that these conversations would turn in to arguments which always seemed totally ridiculous.
Unfortunately in our case it didn’t end rosily as we went through counselling to try and find out why this was happening and we were struggling. This worked for a while and then it transpired that the Ex felt she was being bullied through counselling. This didn`t happen by the way but I guess she felt because she had to answer difficult questions truthfully it seemed like she was being bullied.
So the long and short of it was that we just didn`t communicate unless necessary. I sometimes wish that this hadn’t have happened but on reflection did everything I could to be open, honest and communicate as well as possible.
Needless to say we have split up and still can’t agree on stuff or communicate, which can be tricky as we have two kids.
Maybe try counselling, individually and or together, as I’m sure it works for lots of people. Whatever happens I hope you work it out.
All the best.
Yeah my partner has always been like this, and lashing out is hitting. Not often but when very angry yeah she hits.
You need more help than STW can give you I think. if the tables were turned and she was the bloke, would you put up with this? I woudn't, I'd be calling the police and kicking him out. If you want to save the relationship, you need relate or similar.
People get in to an argument cycle and it is hard to break but we are all in control of what our attitude is. If we set out to have a positive attitude in our relationships pull away from the 'Chimp paradox' (saw it mentioned on another thread title) then things will improve over the coming weeks.
Pleasantness should become the normal mode, arguments will always happen though.
There's a happy medium to be struck though. I back away from conflict so much that (along with always expecting the worst - though to be fair on a couple of occasions it's actually been even worse than I expect) nothing ever gets resolved. Not that I'm sure there are any solutions - I think I might now be onto the path of making myself disliked as it doesn't seem that's likely to make things any worse when I don't think my "partner" has deliberately made any physical contact with me this year 🙁
Sounds like counselling maybe a good idea. Even if its as a mediator or someone to step in when the argument is going a little to far south. Plenty of couples go through bad patch's and its about working them out, a counciler will not look at you As the bad person and will listen to both people with out judgement that's there job.
y self and partner have been to counselling for depression, it turned out i was the cause of her depression,and my work at the time was causing my attitude. Basically had to choose my career or her, she wins every time. now I am slightly less happy in my new career but much happier in every other aspect of life and her depression has faded into a distant memory.