[Closed] Cheeky sexual encounter

There was this student accomodation block in manchester I was on . Just being built . Bout '90

In probably that very same Student block at probably the sametime I could tell you a story that would make your hair curl even more. Not on a public forum though.

Talking of coincidences I was on Pistonheads when someone mentioned the ceiling falling in on the dancefloor of a student club in the mid 90's in Southampton. The same poster was next to me on that dancefloor.

This is a longshot- was the girl natural blonde (very very light blonde) and about 5ft1?

Ps. If it is- email me off forum-I'll tell you a story!

I wondered if muddyfox had made an accidental copy and paste, then I realised it made no sense at all. I googled it and it's only in this thread. Impressive. Worrying. great post.

Oh dear - a colleague has just come over to talk to me with an IE window called 'cheeky sexual encounters' as the title...
Good reading though, although I clearly have led a sheltered life. 🙁

Sunday mornings . Rivington .

Participate .

After that post I shall be keeping very clear of Rivington on Sunday mornings.

Coincidentally you find lots of sexual antics there almost any time of the day, in almost any place....

Used to work the festival circuit so have had a few! - however my favourite involved the following ... Glastonbury / Mates Sister / B*m fun! Happy days / years! 😉

Also used to frequent a cetain club-night in Brixton @ The Mass called 'Torture Garden' ... Ill say no more! 😉

This thread has been worth it for muddyfox courier's brilliant post. But otherwise I'd vaguely agree with mitch. 🙂

not really an encounter but

few years ago last night in chamonix big thunderstorm 4 of us went into town from our chalet for a few drinks, dull night all of us tired the weather had kept everyone away
waiting at bus stop to get back to chalet noticed some girls 100 meters away partying on a balcony, they noticed us noticing them and kindly started stripping for us lap dancing each other etc
then our bus came and we went back to the chalet but ill never forget the image of those gyrating girls on that balcony as the lightning flashed all around, hmmmmmmmm

A few years ago me and a few friends decided to go on a transgender break but instead of Phuket we ended up in some out of season quiet/wet dive in the bloody Alps.

We made the most of it- painting nails, shaving each others backs. you know. Funnily every night we put on a peep show for leery pasty-white guys who used to gurn up at us. Dirty buggers, if only they knew.

then our bus came and we went back to the chalet

Presumably for hot man love given that you had walked away from

those gyrating girls on that balcony as the lightning flashed all around

I was going to say, why did you get on the bus?

I once put my hand up a lady's top. It was nice.

+2 It would have been like a Benny Hill chase if I'd been there

Yeah, some girls won't say "yes" unless you chase them

DezB - Member

Yeah, some girls won't say "yes" unless you chase them

I think some people possibly take themselves a little too seriously... 🙄

i worked in a nursing home in the late 90s as a caretaker i was about 25 the matron (milf) was about 35 and a big robbie williams/take that fan, i have been told that i look/ed a bit like robbie, the rest im sure you can work out for yourselves. I finished it after 6mnths when she told me she loved me (i was just thinking about her hubby)and then proceeded in nailing 3 of the young nurses over a period of 6 mnths until i was sacked for taking one of the residents out drinking (in works time :wink:)

and yes, she did keep the uniform on , they all did.

[i]I think some people possibly take themselves a little too seriously... [/i]

You mean you took my comment seriously? 🙄 backatcha!

How come Gravitysucks meets all the classy girls? As a teacher I am very pleased to announce a complete lack of sexual encounters at my workplace.

I agree

Got a phone call late one night off a lady who said her bed had broken, and could i come round next day at lunch time as she worked late nights.

So next day called round a nice mid terrace in a nice street,knocked on the door and a nice lady shouted down, push the door open and come upstairs,so i did.

Got upstairs and i said come to fix your bed,she said oh sorry i thought you where a punter.

So she pulls the mattress up and the bed slats have snapped, so i ask how did that hapen,she says,to much shagging,with a fat guy last night,so can you fix it, ive got some timber she says.

As i set about fixing her bed,it started to sink in she was a sex worker,so i asked her,.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................and she made me a cup of tea and some biscuits,and a really nice chat we had, very informative.

Edited for decency.

know of a guy who was caught speeding in his company car, coppers arrived to hand out the ticket which was a bit strange, they produced a video to prove dangerous driving - it appeared that his PA had spilt something in his lap and had to clean it up with her mouth.............while doing 90+

[img] [/img]

about $73 over the last few weeks to bring it up to date.

Edit, now where did that infaltion-adjusted graph of oil price for the last hundred years go?

Cut and paste ?
That's a fighting style where I come from ...

Hora . To remember the girl's hair colour on the afternoon in question , I would need some form of regression . I'd need some kind of eidetic memory .
It was , possibly even , 1987 .Or '88. I had a mini . I left a copy of Robert A Heinleins ' Job ' in the back window and the cover faded in the sun . I bought it in that 'Odyssey 7 ' bookshop on the corner of Oxford rd in the precinct there . I also bought some graphic novels .
It was a wednesday .
I've lent it out a few times over the years and it looks pretty dog eared . It's a great book though . One of his last . If not the . most people think it's pronounced ' job , but in fact it's pronounced ' Job ' .As in ' Job '
Not the Odyssey 7 next to Harry Halls. That's where i got my first ever dedicated MTB mag , ' Mountain Bike Action ' .April 87. John Tomac was on the cover , doing a lazy x-up on an SE Shocker , wearing a camo helmet . Bell.
In those days when referring to onself , one would capitalise the ' I ' , thus. ' I ' .
I remember ' Spitting Eric ' who had a gimmy leg was the foreman fitter , for WHS , although they might still have been ' Hall + Kay ' at that point .Pre by-out .
I'd had some lunch . Cheese sandwiches . We called them butties in the 80s .I was still working class then .I 'm sure it was cheese as I'd made that fatal mistake of saying I'd previously enjoyed the cheese. I still ate bread in those days . And it wasnt lunch , it was dinner .
OK , It's getting a bit hazy , but on the way into work , driving along the Manc Way I'm approaching the A34 Junc', I'm on the flyover in the lefthand lane , but as the flyover ends the on ramp creates an additional inside lane . I need to get into this for the next turning off . I check my mirror , indicate left , and start to pull over , as I do I just check again over my left shoulder and to my horror a red ferrari is absolutely tonking up the ramp onto the A57 . I had to swerve to avoid him . It was a 308 . GTS . What a mess that wouldve been , eh ? Tan interior.
So I end up missing the turn and end up getting a bit lost in the back streets.
So It was definitely 1988 . I got Aliens Vs Predator on Dark Horse comics there. Issue 1 of 4 .Dont worry , I've got the other 3.
By 1989 I had an Escort . I'm kinda into cars a bit . When I got the Escort I asked my wife when she went to the newsagents to ask the bloke for a copy of the magazine for it .
You had to laugh .She sussed me out though , as she grew up in a newsagents.

I've just google earthed the building . I'm pretty sure it's the one here .
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en-GB&q=53.469395,-2.233749&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=%2B53%C2%B0+28'+9.82%22,+-2%C2%B0+14'+1.50%22&gl=uk&ei=tBliS9fhK4n80wTV08XiDA&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CAkQ8gEwAA

Facing it is that white jaggedy edged building to the left .
I'm fairly certain that was the one where he licked her out for the finale.

After 20 yrs I thought it was time to try it again .
She brought me back a BBC science magazine .
Got her .
In your face .

I doff my cap to you sir.

Genius.

muddyfox courier

We salute you.

Thanks to the internet I might have a story to tell after the weekend...

What on earth is he saying? Brilliant!

muddyfox courier......you are responsible for me blurting out a mouthful of cocopops....someone get that man a stage and a microphone 😀

muddyfox courier- cant be her. The girl I was thinking of loved threesomes with a tremendous passion. 😀

muddyfoxcourier = genius 🙂

Talking of threesomes .
True story . Last night .

You know I said nothing shocks anybody anymore . Nothing .
Try your mum , who's 72 , telling you a dirty joke .

A blokes in some pub , I cant do jokes , life is so much funnier . He ends up next to a lady in the twilight of her life . My mum tells it so much better .
Anyway . They get chatting and she's a bit of a minx , flirting with him and flashing a bit of leg .
She appears to be a bit over his usual age limit , but when she lets slip she's seventy odd , he's surprised . She doesnt look too bad after a few pints .
Unbelievably , the old bird asks him to walk him home and would he fancy a mother and daughter sandwich .
Well , he thinks if the mothers not too bad the daughter must be a stunner .
So they get back to her place , and she shouts up the stairs ...
" Mum ! Are you up "

True story . Last night . I think she's been up late watching reruns of Dave Allen.

My mum doesnt like tattoos . But she has a tatoo joke .
This guy has a girlfriend , Wendy , who is pestering him to have her name tattoed on him . His mum doesnt like tattoos and says she wont approve ,so she suggest having it tattoed on his cock where his mum wont see it.
He can see the logic in this and agrees.
some time later he in the gents when a black gentleman pulls up alongside . You all know we dont look , but he catches a glimpse and his cock is also tattoed with the word ' Wendy ' .
He points down and says , " what a co-incidence . My girlfriends also called Wendy "
The black man says " No man , you got it wrong ", and stretches it out.
" Welcome to Barbados . Have a Nice day ."

It's a version of the lllandudno / Ludo joke .
But like I said . Coming from a little old lady .

doGs honest truth.

O.....K.....

on the way to work,got a lady to **** me off!! an,best 1 i was on my bike 1 summer,met a lady,went to a park an she wanted me 2 do her..but didnt have a rubber..so just took a BJ 😉

heard the wendy tatto one before, but the sandwich one is new, nice one 🙂

Stumpy, you could have done her up the dunger?

No?

Dam just read this and realised I messed up.

I was driving with a lady friend ok! She got frisky with me...nobody else in the car!

LOL and doh!

I didnt say it was a new joke .
but you dont expect your mum to know it .
Sandwich may have been a literary embellishment.

I still am not shocked by much though .
I've just nipped into Asda with my little girl . As we were walking in a teenage girl was walking out . She looked for all the world like a ' Bratz ' doll . If bratz do a hooker doll .

Seriously . It's the beginning of the end .
Who was it that said at the fall of every major civilisation , the first thing to go is manners and decency .
Jubal Harshaw , I think .

Didnt see anyone in Pyjamas though .
I am a stranger in a strange land.

haha .
Odyssey 7

OK .

I sound like me dad .

used to work for a marquee firm, lot of wedding jobs, lot of bridesmaids, sister of the bride, waitresses, catering staff and a florist

most interesting has to be either the girl from the veg producers group or the one from the christian camp - most memorable as done whilst the lads decided they would race the van round the field as we were getting busy in the back

and another that I really mustn't mention

[i]Stumpy, you could have done her up the dunger?[/i]

And I thought tonights full moon was romantic..

Some great stories

a joke i was told by a friend

a girls first time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

heres my final joke

the pickled penis

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".

So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"

i know i said that the other joke was my last but this is bike related so i thought i had to....

why is sex like riding a bike?

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

still waiting for your first joke....

why the jokes ?

I once got drawn into a rather racy game of email truth or dare with a little brunette that worked for a client of mine. After she'd emailed naked pics, and dared me to make a vibrating rubber cast of my Old Fellow for her, I dared her to tell me her ultimate fantasy. She told me it was to come round to my studio, enter without saying a word, perform what the papers might call a sex act, and then leave, without saying a word.

I was about to leave on an overseas business trip, but thinking about this helped fill a few private moments in my hotel room, especially a she kept texting me telling me she was going to act out her fantasy on my return. I joked that to make it perfect, she could flick the kettle on on her way out!

So, the following week, I'm relaxing in the loft apartment on the top floor of my offices, dozing and recovering from my jetlag, when I'm roused from my slumber by the unmistakable feeling of my button fly being unbuttoned.

True to her word, she performed said act - with considerable aplomb, I might add - and having succeeded (pardon the pun), she stood up, turned on her heals and left. I dressed and descended the stairs just in time to hear the sound of the kettle clicking off and found a cup with a teabag in it ready to be poured.

What a girl!

Many years ago whilst hitch-hiking around the West Country, I found myself in Exeter looking for a B&B.

I was approached in the High Street by a lady who offered B&B at a cheaper rate than others in the area, so I took it.

When we got back to her place, she carried on with the decorating that she was in the middle of and we spent the evening chatting and drinking vodkas and tonic (me on an empty stomach)...

Anyway, as I was extremely smashed by 11pm, she showed me upstairs to the guest room and, being in a state of total pissedness, I made a grab for her as she guided me to the bed. It wasn't hard for her to extricate herself - I was totally sheets to the wind by then.

Just as she got herself disentangled, I leaned sideways and threw up on the bedroom rug. Then passed out...

In the morning, I was allowed to stay for whatever I could keep down for breakfast and then unceremoniously booted out, dragging myself off to the nearest road out of town with a hangover the size of the Great Pyramid.

Happy days.... 😳 😯 🙄

yes woppit. thats about the level of all of mine.

I like that Shibboleth!

I like that Shibboleth!

Yes, I rather enjoyed it to. Best cup of tea in years! ;o)

Possibly one of the best threads ever!

I was a fitter on Durham City Cooncil & used to get on site for plant repairs, one of the labourers was sh*gging a decent looking woman round the corner from the site & also her daughter a couple of streets away.
I later had a petrol station which was dead old fashioned, like I put your petrol in, checked your oil etc & one day this lass came in & said summink like '£10 worth please', so I commence pumping £10 worth of 4 star into her tank. When I'd finished she says, 'Oh no, I've got no money, I'll have to give you sex!' I took another look at her & said, 'It's ok, drop the tenner in tomorrow'

Absolutely true.

Aye up Pete! Hope you haven't sold all your bikes.

Absolutely not. Never have, never will.

I'm [b]very[/b] particular about where I put my best bits, so I only liaise with ladies I know enough about to know:

A. It will be worth it
B. it will be safe
C. It will be our little secret

You can say 'no' you know lads.

I never encountered such opportunity ... hmmmm ... 🙁

taking an able bodied girl into the disabled toilets* an hour before her flight after meeting her in the cafe was an unexpected bonus whilst waiting for my own flight

* in her words "the disabled toilets have more room and stuff to hang on too"

de ja vu rocketdog?

B'ham airport disabled toilet was fun, she wasn't disabled but she said it was better as there was more room and there were bars to hang on to, thank goodness for delayed flights to Edinburgh!

from page one of this very, very old thread 😉

?

My daily routine is having random shags.

But whilst one the job once, i was asked to mow the lawn, naughty.

😆
is it that old, am i in a parallel universe,have the rose tinted specs slipped, am i still in the toilet

more shockingly you read the whole thread?

I just read the whole thing, blimey...

and i thought getting tossed off in spoons and then noshed was a pot of luck

and i thought getting tossed off in spoons and then noshed was a pot of luck

The barmen at my local aren't that friendly.