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Been noticing a fair bit of this recently.
Cave-aged Cheddar has been around a while. Presumably the supposed selling point is that it's aged, or matured. Does the location in which this is achieved factor into this?
Would temperature-controlled-warehouse-aged cheddar or railway-arch-lock-up-aged cheddar not taste as good?
You get a lot in cooking too. Pan-fried Sea Bass etc. I don't know what else you would fry something in besides a pan. Deep fried I suppose although that would still tend to be in a pan of some sort. 🤔 Fried-Sea Bass would be enough of a description surely.
Today I saw a good one from a woodworker that I follow.
I give you, Barn-sawn Oak...
I mean, usually Oak is cut with a saw isn't it?. In this case it's a bandsaw/resaw, which gives you those distinctive cross-grain textured lines.
I imagine trying to cut it with a barn would be quite a challenge.
Is the cut somehow superior to one performed by the same type of saw in a small light industrial unit on the outskirts of Milton Keynes?
What other unnecessarily descriptive items you got?
Not the same but: Hand made crisps. Which part of the process? & besides get your ****ing hands off my crisps.
In the future people will be buying "light industrial unit aged coagulated cow lactate"
You can taste the cave in cave-aged Cheddar. It does make a difference. Whether it's to your taste or not is a different matter.
Barn sawn maybe typo band sawn, so the type of saw giving the surface finish lines.
Could be a typo I suppose. (It's not, I checked)
I don't know though. Anything is a thing these days when you apply the hipster filter 😊
Artisan welding = Can't be arsed to grind off the pigeon shit and let's pray there was enough penetration that it doesn't collapse before you get it home
Authentically aged / patina = New but battered
It is just to make it sound posh or crafted...people pay more - willingly - if something is sounds like it hasn't been mass-produced on a conveyor belt. Marketing and making more money from the punters...
Temporary Fix - Permanent fix until it bloody breaks again
No injuries this time babe, well just a few scratches = They released me from hospital before you expected me back so hopefully you won't spot this
You can taste the cave in cave-aged Cheddar.
What does cave taste like? 🤔
Normal wear and tear marks = Please don't look behind the wheel arch cladding
I had a mate who did the 'hand cooked' bit at Kettles chips, it just meant he had to stir the vat of immensely hot oil full of potato slices with a big stainless steel shovel instead of having a machine do it....
Sort of related but there's a lot of nationalistic branding now. Apparently a British flag makes all the difference to the product.
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It's the world of Art-is-anal marketing: see crisps and other veg based snack food and beer, oh my god, beer....
cave in french = cellar... suppose cellar makes people think of spiders and junk
"barn sawn oak" is a cracker, though
"curated" can get in the sea, too, along with "artisan".
That said, I give you:
https://www.made-by-hand.co.uk/
We are a small business, a husband & wife team, based in Northern Ireland. Passionate about hand made products & especially the people who create them.
This online artisan family are stronger together and as we all begin to buy local we will see small business thrive.
Quality & uniqueness is guaranteed from all our makers & artists as each piece of work is carefully Made-By-Hand. For this reason our delivery times will take a little longer....
Thank you for dropping in and we hope you enjoy the collections that have been curated by us...
artisan, check
stronger together, check
buy local, check
small business, check
family, check
makers, check
artists, check
quality, check
uniqueness, check
made-by-hand, check
curated, check
yet perplexingly...
collective, missing
crafted, missing
Sort fo related but there’s a lot of nationalistic branding now. Apparently a British flag makes all the difference to the product.
I note that is 'British' water. So, might not be English... Could be Welsh or Scottish or Irish (but only Northern) then?
I'm no longer sure about the level of patriotism in the Co-Op. I think I will boycott them until they're a bit more obviously Brexit-y.
There's no such thing as a 'Sea Bass', it's a bass.
All of this Pan Fired/Hand Cut/Curated/Gravel/Workshop/£450 cycling dungaree marketing ****ery really puts me off a product.
If you can get a big bag of crisp for a quid where the potatoes have been sliced by hand then
a) the poor sod doing the hand cutting is a slave
b) they will have grobbed in the bag.
The most egregious example of this I have seen is on a few middlebrow restaurant menus: "Hen's egg".
Hen's egg!? What - do you eat at so many michelin-starred establishments your default expectation is quail? Emu?
*****ing hen's egg.
mahowlett
Free Member
I had a mate who did the ‘hand cooked’ bit at Kettles chips, it just meant he had to stir the vat of immensely hot oil full of potato slices with a big stainless steel shovel instead of having a machine do it….
Now I know! I will sleep a bit easier tonight, thankyou.
"finest" natural ingredients.
See this on everything from soap to shortbread.
I mean are they really the "finest" did they look at all possible options and only pick the "finest". Did 9 local farmers go home disappointed because their produce wasn't up to scratch and they really only picked the "finest"?
Or is it just marketing guff.
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
How low can you go?...
*****ing hen’s egg.
I done a lol 😂
" only the freshest ingredients " indicates poor stock control, they should be using the oldest stock first, not the freshest!
.
TBH I do get the union flag on things, although ice is a bit bizarre. We're all supposed to be reducing food miles and suchlike and that readily identifies something as local(ish), at least more local than New Zealand lamb or Spanish strawberries or whatever, it's only moved halfway across one country. We get a lot of it here in Scotland, the shops all go for Scottish on their packaging, even though something coming down here from Ullapool will have done at least four hours in a lorry whereas the English whatever from Morpeth a fraction of that. Although both probably came via a processing centre in Luton
The most egregious example of this I have seen is on a few middlebrow restaurant menus: “Hen’s egg”.
Was it from a happy free-range organic hen (fed only on finest natural ingredients) or just some poor thing in a small cage?
Can I just say that all this marketing guff is not necessarily a bad thing.
I know it goes against the grain on STW but if it makes people happier and causes no real harm then what is the problem.
When your little cherub starts playing the recorder at school and it sounds like a cat being anally violated you still compliment them and say how well they are doing. When your wife buys 'skin friendly soap' you don't kick her in the box and look for skin un-friendly soap.
I suggest you just look at the labelling, smile knowingly, and be happy that you are superior to those who things organic, natural spring water tastes better than all other bottled water that went through the same water treatment processes.
This shit matters enough to the EU to make laws protecting it. Roquefort for example has an EU law not only saying it has to be cave aged but aged in a specific cave and not any old cave. Protectionism or preservation of culture and traditions in the face of big global corporations slapping names on stuff and passing it off as the same? You decide.
To be fair if you’re a small producer competing against the big industrial companies like Kraft or something, and you can’t compete on price then you’ve got to distinguish your product somehow hence the marketing BS to highlight that this stuff is made differently and the way it’s made matters to the end product.
Does anyone not think a pork pie, for example, from a local farm shop made locally by a small producer who actually knows what is going in it, is nicer than something made abroad in a mega factory somewhere and shipped over in a plastic packet and sold for a few pence?
Not sure about barn sawn oak though. Maybe an example of it being taken to the extreme.
Stopped at the pub mid-ride on Monday and perused the sandwiches. Opted for this:
Homemade 6X Gold beer battered fish goujons, baby gem and tartare sauce
Admittedly it was a good fish ginger sarny, but a fish finger sarny still 🤨
Would temperature-controlled-warehouse-aged cheddar or railway-arch-lock-up-aged cheddar not taste as good?
Railway-arch-lock-up wouldn't be any good, too many temperature changes. Warehouse might work for cheddar (although you'd need to control the humidity too), but for blue cheese you definitely need the mould in the air.
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
You know there isn't just one species of bass, there are actually quite a few different species? Some of them being freshwater bass. So yes there are such things as Sea Bass. Bit embarrassing to be so confidently wrong!
Pertinent to this forum; 'Aerospace Grade Aluminium'. I've seen this on bikes/marketing guff since forever. It's complete bollocks, as the exact same type of alloys are used for all sorts of purposes. The'Aerospace' industries use a vast array of materials for the construction of aircraft, including wool, Brass, rubber and wood. Imagine; 'Aerospace Grade Wool'. For ****s sake.
'Designed in the UK/USA'; still made in a factory in China with terrible working conditions though...
There’s no such thing as a ‘Sea Bass’, it’s a bass.
How low can you go?…
Deserves recognition.
And recently switched to oat milk (i know alright - but makes me less bloaty) - the absolute guff on the various brands packaging is unbelievable. My wife seems to take great pleasure in buying whichever has the most ostentatious packaging. This is the latest - I mean what the actual f?
Edit - and
Surely the "pan fried" bit on sea bass is to differentiate it from battered deep fried fish? I know most people ordering it would know that but you bet if they didn't put it some dunce would ask the question at least once a night.
‘Aerospace Grade Aluminium’. I’ve seen this on bikes/marketing guff since forever. It’s complete bollocks
A Family Business Local to You, Providing All The Uniqueness and Individuality of Artisan Made Aerospace Grade Aluminium Hand Crafted by our Curated Collective of Makers Into a Personalised Made-to-Measure Adventure Ready Sunglasses Holder.
Practically every food product has at least some of this meaningless marketing rubbish on it.
See Tesco's "farm-grown" fruit & veg. Amazing! I thought they made it in a factory somewhere.
One of my favourite games is making up anti-marketing descriptions for stuff.
"Congealed, rotten bodily juices of a cow with green specks floating in it"
(cottage cheese with chives)
Mainly do this to myself as it drives my wife mad and I've been threatened with death if I get the kids doing it too 😀
"Wow, this looks exactly like pickled slugs! ...er, but in a good way dear"
Homemade 6X Gold beer battered fish goujons, baby gem and tartare sauce
Admittedly it was a good fish ginger sarny, but a fish finger sarny still
'Fish fingers' is a marketing term for goujons.
Funny shaped fish fingers, no less. Artisinal, you might say.
On a sainsbury carton of orange juice from circa 1995...
"This juice is made from oranges grown locally in Florida. It is especially juicy and easy to drink"
Oh FFS
Mediterranean sea salt.
Salt is sodium chloride. A chemist can make almost perfectly pure salt. Salt from the sea will contain impurities, if it tastes different to salt from a lab, that can only mean it has a lot of impurities. The Mediterranean sea is almost completely land-locked so most of the impurities in the water there are going to be the sewage and industrial waste that all the bordering countries dump in it. So, Mediterranean sea salt is basically crystallized Italian sewage.
"Pan fried" is mainly used where "deep fried" would be an option. I haven't seen pan fried eggs on a menu. Yet.
40mpg. You should check out the full fat version. They reckon it
‘heroes the true flavour profile of your coffee’
Hanging offence right there.
Heroes is not a verb. Heroizes is a verb. Heroes is plural for hero. My own grammar is awful but their (copywriter’s) job should surely depend upon theirs being at least competent?
As for the rest of the label - I’d maybe care about knowing that stuff if I was a barista. I’m not. But to be fair if buying it for cereal and making hot drinks I do want to know if it’s fortified with calcium and whether or not it splits.
I like a range of different commercial art on packaging. From beermats to milk bottles so have rarely complained about that.
What am I talking about? I’m a seventies kid.
It was different when I were a lad. Flavour had flavour. Men were men and drank men’s drinks. Women were women and drank women’s drinks. Milk were milk, meat were meat. Beer were beer. Lager were lager and all beer was ‘real’. The only thing ‘crafted’ was woodcraft at school (or random useless stuff knitted by old cat-ladies and sold in charity shops).
Food was proper. Snacks were a bit of harmless fun, not a ‘lifestyle’. All you needed back then to feel like a cowboy was a bag of salted peanuts, some denim, and a fag in your gob.
Busty Big D Nuts babes now - secret lives, jailed partners and a very famous husband
Remember the saucy minxes who used to adorn those cards behind pub peanuts? Here's what happened to them next...
Back when the only thing you could eat in the pub was a bag of nuts or a hazardous 'ploughmans' with a cheese triangle and pickled onion, peanuts were big business.
And to keep the punters gobbling, Smiths Snacks marketers came up with a cunning way to whet appetites by placing a picture of a scantily clad lady behind the packets of salted and dry roasted.
Imagine having pics of fit baps on nuts these days? It’d either be some kind of ironic/sarcastic hipster shite or it wouldn’t be allowed. Just like this post.
But why are they called ‘baked beans’? They aren’t even baked.
Yours,
Miss Informed
Customa,
Arily
BAH PFF
Novelty shaped crumpets like Xmas trees.
Heresy