[Closed] Calling stay at home dads - especially in East Devon/Exeter

that sucks dude... hope she's on the mend soon enough 🙂

have no other helpful info.

Andy

Hey mate,

Sorry to hear that- funnily enough was listening to a prog on R4 (may have been woman's hour... 😯 ) about the trials and tribulations of stay at home fatherhood- no picnic.

Where in East Devon are you? I'm Ottery St Mary way, not a Dad myself (yet...) but work quite flexibly(!) and often have time for weekday rides. I'll ask around other riding buddies too- see if we can't set up devondadbikenet ....

Andy - yes it sucks big time. Two attempts to end her life in the last 3 months, the most recent on my birthday 🙁

What's worst is that the meds don't seem to be touching it, she is 4 weeks through her fourth different medication and it really doesn't seem to be helping. She had it after our older daughter was born and recovered, so I have to keep hanging onto that.

eviljoe - dadandbike sounds good! Are you planning on catching any of the ToB tomorrow?

Si

surfdad - this must be so difficult for you all to cope with.

I've nothing to offer, really, other than the hope that there's a positive outcome for your family.

surfdad - not in the SW (user name's a giveaway), but I hope your wife (and you and your girls) pulls through this tough time. Best of luck.

And remember, this place is, irrespective of the bickering, pretty supportive - plenty of shoulders to lean on.

Tom

I was an at home dad for 3 months earlier this year when my daughter was 8.5 to 11.5 months. Now I work 4 days a week, do 1 day of childcare. We live in a smallish town in Derbyshire, although there is a baby boom round here, so quite a lot of groups / activities etc.

I had a bike trailer (from 6 months if you get one with a baby sling - not cheap though), and did lots of trips to the park, picnics etc. which she seemed to really enjoy.

Baby groups are a funny one - I did find some of the baby groups okay, but it helped that I already knew quite a few people there, (and most people knew Rose already). I think generally it feels slightly intimidating, but people with babies are mostly friendly really even if you are the only bloke. If your baby is 8 months, they are presumably at an age where they actually move around a little and interact, so at least even if you find it hard, the baby is getting something out of new toys, seeing other babies etc. I have to say whilst it is a bit weird, I never experienced any hostility or suspicion or anything people seem to be scared of - everyone has the fact they have an adorable little baby in common anyway - if you hang out with other people with 8 month olds, they'll be onto the what their baby eats / what their baby has managed to climb or crawl out of stories by then, rather than the birth stories, and you can take part in those conversations.

Also, I know a few dads who do some or most of the day to day childcare, and one thing that several have mentioned is that baby groups that are just baby and toddler in the church hall are often more intimidating than baby groups that are about particular activities. Activity groups are actually worth doing at 8 months old too - Rose went to Twistin Tots, which is songs and actions, which was great, although the combined volume of 30 babies and toddlers plus amplified music doesn't half do your head in! We also found out about local authority swimming lessons for babies at about 6 months, which were cheap, and good fun too. Or even just taking them swimming is a laugh - I have this book: http://www.birthlight.com/public/com/product.aspx?id=efe9cddc-ab28-4f46-bcbe-bd4989f349ee which is full of kind of sensible advice on things to try with your baby in a pool, although at that age, most of it is just about getting them used to the water, swooshing around, grabbing stuff etc. I actually have membership at the local pool now, as she loves going so much.

I also did quite a lot of stuff by doing things with friends who also had kids recently - do you know any other parents of new babies. Things like going for country walks, bike rides, going to the farm going to playgrounds etc. are always more of a laugh with a bunch of you.

Oh, and I guess money might be an issue, but don't forget cheesy tourist attractions - being in Derbyshire, I've done things like Chatsworth adventure playground & farm with Rose. The sort of rubbish things that you'd never bother doing without a kid. With a <2 year old, they are usually free entry for the kid. Oh and soft play, again often free entry with a <1 year old. Although soft play varies a lot, can be anything from packed with kids screaming horror, to a nice café with some stuff for the babies to crawl around on.

Rose also really likes the woods, and has done at least since when she learnt to smile properly. We often just pack up some sandwiches and head to the local woods for a picnic on the bike or on foot - you can get a good 3 hours of entertainment out of hanging out by the lake watching the wind in the trees and the fish jumping. With every day to play with, you can really just look out for the good weather and do stuff at the last minute - I think Rose and I have had picnics most months this year except when it was snowy.

Thanks all. She's yelling now so time for a buggy run!

eviljoe - dadandbike sounds good! Are you planning on catching any of the ToB tomorrow?

Si

Wish I could, but got to drive oop north for work...

I'll give you a message when I get back, and in the meantime will put my thinking cap on for some devonbikedads

take care!

Sorry to hear that mate - sounds tough.

Have you or your wife checked out forums that deal with stuff like PND? [url= http://www.healthypages.co.uk/forum/ ]Healthy Pages[/url] has some pretty helpful folk that might just be able to shed some helpful light somewhere ...

Can't help with the 'out n about in Devon stuff' because I'm miles away. But what I can advocate is what Joe said about going off on little outdoor adventures. Out little monkey (12 months) loves them.

I've also started building a secure outdoor play area so he can do his own thing in the garden, without either of us having to watch where he's going and manoeuvre him out the way etc. We can also get on with other stuff knowing he's safe. Has all his outdoor toys (trike/tractor/car etc) and some indoor stuff, tunnels, balls, bricks and so on. Will be creating a UV windbreak-type shelter too. He loves it. Plus it's surprising how easy and fun it is to pass the time in there myself.

Hi SurfDad,

We live in Hontion, I do work but mostly from home and could do with a riding partner, have got really unfit over the last year. Also my wife is a pretty ungirly girl really into walking, surfing etc so you could hook up with her although right now she is 6 months pregnant but she will still talk the talk. I can promise no birthing stories.

Which small east Devon town are you in. Hang on in there with the support of STW folk and other organisations I am sure you can get through it.

Give me an email if you want to meet up.

Cheers Ben.

bad times man chin up.
stay at home dad myself and it can be bind but i just try to remind myself of all the times i have hated working and it soon seems much better.
one of the things that you have to watch for is getting stuck in the getting stuff done rut rather than going with the flow and enjoying your kids. don't see the day as a list of job's that must get done if you know what i mean.
you soon get to know which dad's don't pull any weight at home because they are the ones that think you are on an easy wicket. 😆

i find myself having zero time for dad's that shirk kid time.

Nowhere near you but work 7 on, 7 off. I mostly have my 2 yob (mumsnet speak there apparently) most days when I'm off. Really wanted a trailer to poodle round the local loch but would mean 5 min on a main road so wife wasn't keen.. Swimmings always good, our local library has bounce and rhyme which was good for a mornings entertainment. Soft play is a chance for a short break too.. Can sorta leave the wee man to it for a bit and have a coffee...

hey surfdad - i know you weren't surfing (groan) for sympathy but in the absence of having anything specific and useful to say, I just wanted to join the sending of good vibes in your direction. Take care, and do consider (if it hasn't been something you've explored yourself, and not that you'll have a lot of time!) seeing a counsellor/therapist yourself. IMVVHE, living with someone with mental health problems can really take it out of you and it's good to have a "safe" person to talk to about it.

I'm an East Devon born and bred stay at home Dad.. recently moved to Teignbridge though to be nearer to the good riding on the Moor..

I started out down this career path as my partner was by far the bestest at earning deniro but she also suffered from PND and had to quit work..
As she got back on her feet she started a home run business which has taken off enough to keep us ticking over comfortably..
However.. My dreams of doing a bit of housework in the morning and then chilling with the kids and riding whenever I want are about as far from reality as it's possible to get..

My day is filled from dawn til dusk and I have to snatch riding time here and there whenever I can get it.. now that we're expecting again I imagine that most of my riding will now have to be done at night.. 😯

We go to the woods as often as possible..
find a really good park near to you if you can too..
Haldon trails are ace and I flippin' love getting up there with the babyseat on the back of the 456 or alternatively just mooching around on the walking trails.. Playgroup is a harsh reality.. mumstalk is painstakingly dull..
I don't know which town you're in but if it's Exmouth I recommend getting down to town and checking out the pubs as they were always full of bored new parents when yunki Jr was very tiny..
Wearing him out physically and mentally is number one priority cos then we get to sleep all night..

I would love to meet up occasionally but my freetime is that the whim of my partners business demands as I'm often delivering or on various errands etc..
email in profile.. 🙂

groups with activities are better than your standard mums gossip sessions, contact you local sure-start centre, they should run a music group once a week. Also have a look for look local attractions that offer year passes, we have Monkey world near us for around £30 all year any time entry, also your generic Farm Park Play area should do a year pass, all kids love soft play areas. Riding wise my girl was in a baby seat on my old P7 from 6 months and has loved it ever since, good luck and make plenty of time for the fun stuff and you will pull though.

I can understand where your coming from as the wife had a form of pnd with our lad and I did with our daughter, but not as serve as your wife.

I was born in Honiton but have moved to Dorset now.

Have you contacted your local surestart group they may be able to reccomend some dads groups to either go along to with or without the kids, we have a local fathers and child group where dads can pop along one saturday a month with there kids and meet other dads.

Would it be feasiable for you to work part time? Do you have family nearby who would be able to help out with childcare? or may be theres a good local nursery or child minder, even if its only for a few hours a week. Also look at tax credits as these can help cover some of the costs.

I've worked part time for the last 14 months in order to allow the wife to go back to uni and retrain, I'm the sole bread winner and working part time means things are tight, but I value the extra time with the kids when there not at school. I have less free time than I did when working full time but am a more relax person due to less work related stress.

Best wishes to you and the wife on her recovery.

alexrankin are you in Dorset what with talking about monkey world. I can here the monkeys if the wind is in the right direction as I live in Wool.

Im not a stay at home dad,(i have 2 daughters under 5) but i do live in Exeter, most of my riding/running is done in the evenings or early mornings so around then if you ever get out that time of the day.
I also work in mental health field.
Like wise good vibes to you and your wife.
e mail in profile if you want to catch up for ride/run.

STW is ACE!

is it me or is it getting dusty in here again??

Best wishes to you and your family.

I'm a stay at home dad and would recommend the local groups mentioned above. I have to say that I tended to find that a lot of the groups involved endless chatting about the tots as that is everyone's mutual experience and that drags after a while. By spending lots of time at the park and via introductions through my other-half's ante- and post-natal group friends I have met a few stay at home mums who are good to get along with and capable of talking about more than the little ones. It is certainly hard doing the dad at home roll because the norm is for mum to do that and so social stuff for both baby and yourself requires that bit more effort. Good luck though and I sincerely hope that your wife comes through the darkness of her pnd soon.

I am a 5 a week 9-5'er but live in Exeter. The one thing Exeter seems to lack for children is a good indoor play area, having said that Dinkies in town would be perfect for your little one and the food is good and reasonably priced. My wife takes our little one to Bear feet in Newton Abbott and says that it's very good and well worth a visit. I'm not sure where your based but the Waie Inn near Crediton is also excellent for kids with indoor/outdoor play areas and swimming pool, it's also very reasonably priced. We also have annual membership to Crealey, its a little expensive at £55 (I think) but your youngest would be free and it can be spread out with monthly DD payments, there is loads for the kids to do and even if the weather is grotty there are all the animals inside and a couple of big indoor play areas that are great even for the biggest kid.

Best wishes to you and your family.

P.s. Love the idea of devondadbike - any excuse to get out riding!

Hi Surfdad

I am also a stay at home dad in the Exeter area - luckily tho it is through choice and not thru your situation. I am out the other side of Exeter in Chudleigh Knighton. I have a good group over here and we go out on walks on Dartmoor every week and do other things rather than groups all the time. Your more than welcome to come over and meet up with us.

Also would be good to run/cycle anytime - let me know and get in touch my e-mail is jasoncole@hotmail.co.uk and we can arrange something.

Give me a e-mail if you want to meet up

We have annual membership at escot, its very good. Got a great soft play, awesome maze, outdoor climbing pirate ship/ropes good for about 2 upwards, otters, owls, peacocks wild boor, red squirrels, ladybirds, seahorses and a nice cafe. Its about 23 quid a year, and no chavs..

and no chavs..

unless I'm there with my lot.. 🙂

Wow. You lot are ace. Definitely getting a bit dusty in here. Funny it was also dusty in the supermarket queue earlier on when I was catching up with some of the posts.

I'm in Honiton so we have the playdome on the edge of town and we also have escot membership so that occupies the older one for ages! Good suggestions for groups and things, I'll get down to the childrens centre tomorrow and have a chat.

Thanks for all the suggestions. Devondadbike.net definitely has legs. Or wheels I suppose ...

Si

Get in touch with Sure Start - they are hit and miss for the people that attend, but they have decent activities on.

I have found, during the 6 weeks, that baby social, toy library are great, health check/weigh in sessions are awful and full of locals bickering about neighbours.

Sure Start almost hugged me on arrival because 'it's hard to be a dad' and 'dads feel left out' which I imagine you aren't, but at the same time it was nice.

Best of luck with the PND. if she has got over it before, I'm sure she will again.

I was a stay at home dad for 3 years and still do the school run mornings and afternoons.
Would definitely recommend organised activities, we did "Socatots" which was great fun and surestart is worth a try as well.

"Sure Start almost hugged me on arrival because 'it's hard to be a dad' and 'dads feel left out' which I imagine you aren't, but at the same time it was nice."

I know that feeling I was the token dad at our local group.
All the best

Surfdad

I am not in your position but I live just over the hill in Hemyock if you want a break and an hour or so out drop me a email addy in profile

SD

Thanks everyone for your replies. Prompted by the thread on 'tinker, tailor, soldier, spy' I see that it is the Big Scream film on Monday at Exeter Picturehouse. Result!

[url= http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/cinema/Exeter_Picturehouse/Whats_On/Clubs_Groups/Big_Scream/ ]http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/cinema/Exeter_Picturehouse/Whats_On/Clubs_Groups/Big_Scream/[/url]

Si

Hi Si,

Turns out a mate of mine Chris runs a Dad and toddler group in Exeter- give me a shout if you are still looking, and I'll put you in touch. Email in profile: -)

eviljoe ygm 🙂