[Closed] Bulls**t bingo

You gave him a list of things he'd already thought of.

Surely, he'd already have that? (-:

re: "touch base",

Whenever I hear that phrase I think of the US system of 'bases' for copping off with someone. I keep meaning to be outraged at someone about it.

Cougar, you should have put "this page intentionally left blank" on it

Another;

"Let me revert back to yourself on that"

Revert. Back. AAAAAARGH!

I currently cover the US markets and one i hate allthough not exactly bullshit bingo is.

Thanks for reaching out ! / Im just reaching out / lets reach out..
ad infinitum..

Does my head in !

"Touch base"

They both derive from baseball. The expression touch base comes from a batsman hitting a home run over the boundary wall, he then runs/ambles round and touches the bases to formalise the home run.

I work from home 99% of the time so don't get to witness this BS first hand. Loving this thread some classic stuff, I'll have to try it out on the postman or electric meter reader.

"this page intentionally left blank" 😆

Thanks for reaching out ! / Im just reaching out / lets reach out..
ad infinitum..

You should suggest that he reach around and get in touch.

CaptainFlashheart - Member
Another;

"Let me revert back to yourself on that"

Revert. Back. AAAAAARGH!

"Yourself" in place of "you" annoys the hell out of me. Always assumed it was a Glasgow thing (trying to talk all posh and that) but maybe not.

As long as you don't attempt to "revert back to your fellow countryman".

Apologies guys, we're getting dragged off topic here and there's a clear list of core business objectives the key stakeholders of this thread are seeking clarity on based on the outcome of us discussionizing it. Lets crack on.

LOL
I thought I was being stupid...Where I'm on placement they design harsh environment clothing and kit, so Fire protection, overalls, that sort of thing. Was in a meeting last year with a client who wanted a sort of flame proof thing who spoke like that. "initialize" that and "formulize the parameters" and so on...eye watering after shave as well.

Tried to chat me up at lunch, I waited till he took a big bite of his sandwich before telling him I preffered fanny.

I waited till he took a big bite of his sandwich

fish finger sandwich?

Badly packed kebab, Stoner...

*snoorrrrff*

I was once in a meeting (I know, the shame) when I used the phrase "I'm so not into that" in reference to a particular legal argument.

The response was immediately to take the piss out of me for "speaking street".

I felt I had, at last, made it to the level of prole-dom for which this thread is so sweetly dedicated.

Thanking you. 😉

EDIT - Emsz..! I've just disgraced myself in front of 40 colleagues at that..!

[i]the main aim in meetings is to get out of them having wasted some time and not got any more work handed to you[/i]

Well, yeah, obviously. How else am I supposed to get through the day?

On the subject of invented words how about '...due to your declinature to remove the tree...' WTF

I quite like 'bollockise' though

And don't start me on 'yourself' instead of 'you'

Auto Suggesting"

And 'iconic' for anything slightly better than ordinary

'I just want to [i]flag[/i] this to [i]colleagues[/i] to consider[i] going forward[/i].'

Three of my HoD's worst.

any sentence that contains "heuristic" or "holistic" = HOUSE !

I'm suddenly grateful for my grumpy but blunt gaffer. The closest he gets to ambiguous is 'Go and find xxxx and work it up the bastard'

Training courses, that's a different matter though. 'Customers', for example.

When evaluating an idea, concept or opinion at work I try to replace the phrase "that's shit" with "that's sub-optimal" whenever I can

It sounds high tech

Don't forget this next time The Apprentise is on TV

[img] [/img]

Guys, I need you all to focus, as there's an elephant in the room here.

"Challenge"

As in: "we are looking for a supplier who sees this as a challenge" = the brief is impossible, but we're all scared of our boss. Please can it be your fault.

Or on internal emails: "X has an exciting new assignment, in which we have challenged him to..." = we want to get rid of this person, but they know where the bodies are buried. We hope they just get fed up of working here and bugger off.

"Challenge" - workplace equivalent of "dare ya".

Now hold on to that thought, and once you've internalised, we can debrief.

"rightsourcing" popped up on my radar a while back.

Is that like rightshoring?

Equally vomitous!

"ringfence the unicorn"...pure gold...this will go down a treat in the pub tomorrow night...

The non-medical manager of our anaesthetic department is an endless source of this vacuous drivel. I find it hard not to laugh at some of his made-up words and phrases. This week he talked a lot about "orthopaedic additonality" which I think means "doing some extra orthopaedic lists". He's also guilty of "going forward" and "pushing back".

I'm definitely going to try to introduce "ring fence the unicorn" at the next opportunity.

Did this nonsense start with 'Object Oriented' ? Object Orientated, surely...

I thought the thread was worth a resurrection as i was invited to a workshop on the following today:

Reorienting a Customer Centred Approach into the Curriculum

I work in a university, we don't have customers ffs, they are students.

They are customers these days, sounds like you needed that workshop 😉

I think it means how to smile unconvincingly whilst serving a BK Whopper.

I spoke to a bloke in a company that develops event logging software and asked if they used it themselves.

"Oh yeah - we're eating our own dogfood here" came the reply.

"Leverage" said in the american way. The best was:

"Leverage the opportunity pipeline"

stupid drivel.

I'm surrounded by it....

Did this nonsense start with 'Object Oriented' ? Object Orientated

Orient is a verb. So oriented would be its past participle. Orientate is a variation on orient. From the French orienter meaning 'guide'. From where we get the word 'orienteering' I suppose.

But I have to take issue with 'onboarding'. Surely to enter a state described as 'onboard' you simply 'board', like you do at the airport, or when enjoying a spot of piracy. Likewise 'leverage' is a noun derived from the verb 'to lever'. So you should 'lever' something rather than 'leverage' it. However 'to lever' means something a bit different from 'to leverage', so things are evolving and I suppose I and the rest of you pedants need to get used to it. Onboard the new ideas, so to speak.

"Oh yeah - we're eating our own dogfood here" came the reply.

Thing is, it's not just business. Heard (repeatedly) on planes: "we'll be taking off momentarily"
😯

Oh, and another (possibly apocryphal) one. I heard a couple of years ago that people in BBC meetings were being gently encouraged to stop saying "brainstorming", as it was considered offensive to people with epilepsy.
I think they replaced with some even more awful phase.

Dogfood thing was cisco-speak without a hint of irony for years. We used to use another word starting with dog but rhyming with hit.

My favourite was an epically self-important training consultant standing up in front of about 15 hairy-bottomed software engineers and declaring 'Gentlemen, today I'm am going to share with you the secret of stabilising the event horizon"

I've laughed so much I thought I'd have to remove a rib 🙂 He didn't take it well to be honest. Especially as one member 'of the core development team *ahem' would raise his grubby digit every 10 minutes and innocently ask 'is the horizon stable now, it looks like it is, but I am squinting'

Happy days 🙂

The best one I ever heard was as I was walking past the desk of a lady in her mid fifties, training someone on how to fill in some spreadsheet or report.

The message was "you type the numbers in the boxes this time, and I will watch you do it to make sure you are doing it right" but what she actually said was "do you want to jump in the driving seat now, and I'll ride shotgun on this one"

Top Class

today at work, new guy on the phone to a customer.

'this is the go to bat book, this is the bat workers bible'

bulb end.

Got this from a mate via email earlier today.

just got off a conference call with a Project Manager who had some of the best turns of phrase I have ever heard - "we need to stop wading through treacle and grab this elephant by the trunk and sling it over the wall" to describe the lack of progress being made on a major problem that isnt really an IT issue. I was in stitches.

In a meeting about a key trans-national delivery failure situation, I offered to imbibe the product and urinate across the Atlantic, facilitating a distributor smile outcome. I scored a secondary goal by making a co worker wet his pants 🙂

hairy-bottomed software engineers

I hate that my uni tutor says "diss" short for "dissertation", as in "how's the diss going?" Academics are not cool and should never try to be - cringeworthy!