[Closed] Best / Worst thing your boss ever said to you?

SST: "Worst - "Don't EVER call me "mate" again"

Why call your "boss" mate in the first place? S/he is definitely not your mate rather a work colleague.

Why use company phone for personal call? Unless it is written in the contract you are allowed to do so.

"Best/worst" thing ... weekly (Saturday) motivational talk that was shite coz they paid us peanuts.

"Worst/best" thing ... was told by my boss to collect personal files from another dept that was undergoing downsizing only to be angrily scolded/yelled at loudly, in front of nearly 60 staffs, by the other departmental boss. I had no clue why he was having a go at me after all I was the messenger boy that's all. He was going on and on and on ... while I stood there for 15 mins looking like a dummy but it was funny. I resigned after 2 months coz the company was shite. What a joke.

😆

My old boss, when rang by my new boss for a reference, said; "jim is the macdaddy of funk". Hows that for a reference!

I was once asked by a boss to compile him a list of all the things I hadn't thought of.

(I complied - it was a fairly short list)

My last boss often tells people he's a good communicator but then he sent me a text to tell me I was being made redundant!

worst has to be, BOSS: "cheers lads I just got a big pay rise because of the work you've done" we got f%ck all that year

don't really get any good vibes from the bosses its always wahat we should be doing for them 😥

oh another worst would be "nope were not doing C2C as nobodys interested"

Our MD pointed at me the other day and said “bl00dy hell look at the size of her” Made me laugh anyway.

Found an extra £20 in my pay packet once*, told my boss and he said "ask no questions tell no lies" and let me keep it.

*Part-time job and I was only 16 or 17 so it was a fair bit

Somehow this wideboy type once got employed as our manager - thick as shit he was. We didn't want to do overtime one bank holiday, so he called the 3 of us into an office and started ranting and swearing "This is a f%^&ing nightmare!" was one of his catchy phrases. We calmly sat there listening until I said "I'm not quite sure why you think it's ok to swear at us".
Then we all started taking the piss, basically.
He got sacked a few months later. The C0ck.

just thought of a best, not to me but comedy gold.

We had some belgian vistors come for a factory tour, k bos got into an discussion about what could be done.

the conversation went something like

boss: it can be done

belgians: no we don't think it can

boss: it can be done (slightly louder)

belgians: no we don't think it can (same level)

boss: it can be done (louder still)

belgians: no we don't think it can (same level)

boss: it can be done (****ing loud)

belgians: no we don't think it can (same level)

this carried on for a while, text book way of communicating with foreigners

Ex-boss called me a "tosser" because i managed to fix something in 5 minutes, that she and another colleague had struggled with for over an hour.
Needless to say i dont miss her at all.
lol'd when i got a friend request on Facebook from her last week. Accepted and blocked, thank you.

In an email - "General state of the office is good - thanks for keeping it tidy. However, the cables at the back of the PC's are a little un-tidy, please collect some zip ties off my desk to keep them a little neater.

I mean, WTF is that all about? The man's a c0ck!

Me: I want to leave to go to uni, but leave next week for new part time job and college.

Area Boss: Ok, you can have your company car for a extra month, £5K in Redundancy, as much stationary as you need and the office chair and tell 'the office boss' when you want to leave, good luck and make me proud.

Office Boss: You ****in Ba$turd!

I think the comments from Posts abve are the boss's giving you a hint of what to do-is their idea of leadership when they lack any natural leadership skills, can't find a problem and tell you to tidy pc cables?!!
I would have said well done to you.

As a boss, I left and went somewhere else. I told my junior and said that if he wanted to go for my job, I'd support him as I thought he was right for it.
He asked if there any jobs where I was going as he'd rather come with me.

Nicest thing said to a boss.

Very scary, angry, sweary (male) boss to a bricking it (male) colleague of mine - "If you **** up like that again I'm going to shag you into a wheelchair, now **** off out of my sight. ****."

Those of us not in line for some of the same pissed ourselves...

"stop acting like a ****ing c*Nt!"

That was a while ago, in greece, in a time and a place when spades could be called spades.

To be fair, I was.

MD after having a liquid lunch, heading a meeting in front of a new client.

"Sorry I am late, I had open heart surgery this morning & they struggled getting the thing started again!"

Run to the hills.............

Shortest meeting I have ever attended 😉

I am the boss and I went to the D Brent school of being a boss.

"Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do."

"What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts."

General state of the office is good - thanks for keeping it tidy. However, the cables at the back of the PC's are a little un-tidy, please collect some zip ties off my desk to keep them a little neater.

I zip-tied my cables this morning 😳

On the 1st week or so of my placement where my new boss said in response to something I said in a really sarcastic voice 'I'm so glad you agree with me'.

Mostly had good managers since though when my best mate at work became my current boss things did get difficult as she suddenly thought she had to be really authoritarian which didn't work with me.

cable tidies with a little open/closer tool rule

Worst thing was when, at my last company, my boss found out that I had dared to apply for a different role in the same company. Pretty much dragged me into a meeting room and then set about telling me that I would never get it, he could have helped me prepare, but there was no chance of that now and what sort of chance did I think I had of getting the job now?

Given that this was at a low point in my life, I was hard pushed to stay sane, but was broken enough that I pulled out of the interview, essentially gifting the role to the other guy that had applied.

Best thing? I don't know really. Finding out that he got sacked (probably for being a ****) a short while after I found a much better job with a much better company was a good thing though.

I was in a business group meeting with my account manager and others a month or so ago, the day after he'd had a review with our biggest customer.

"Some one came in for great praise yesterday off the customer, but that person will remain nameless"

Haven't had a pay rise for two years and now they don't even pass down praise from the customer.

****er.

I was out on a (legitimate) bike ride on Friday afternoon having taken the afternoon off. I'd promised to keep my phone with me just in case he needed me for something.

Phone rings, boss on the line.

"Is your passport up to date?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You're flying business class to Denver first thing Monday morning."

(And bearing in mind this was completely out of the blue)

Sweet!

20 years ago got a new woman boss, really liked her,just before christmas she invited me into her office, and said come to my house tonight and bring a drill and some screws, so i did,put up some shelves etc, then when she was dropping me off at home, she said dont tell anyone else you work with,but i think you had better start looking for a new job,WHY i asked, because im the boss and im cliosiong your department down in march,and we cant fit you in anywhere.

Gutted i was,thought she was unhappy about the shelves.

Another woman boss, liked her as well, called into the office after working for her for 18 months, she said,when your out driveing the company van,and getting paid to sit at traffic light,and in traffic jams, do you ever think how grateful you should be to me for haveing a job,when i sai NO that thought hasnt crossed my mind,she said perhaps you had better think that way, because soon you want have that job, youre going to be TUPE,ed and will have a new man boss.Who may sack you.

Women ,where are they at.

"I only found out what a gimp was this morning!"

Said by late 40's prim and proper woman in charge of the office I was working at, said because we had to have a talking to after a bloke overheard someone suggesting that he would come to work in a gimp suit on a dress down day!

Boss - I want you to go & buy yourself a company motorbike, anything you like.
Me - Excellent, thanks I'll have a look around at the weekend.
Boss - no I want you to go & get something today.
Me - Err okay if you insist.
.
.
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Later he has a go at me for not getting everything done that I needed to that day, mind you getting paid to blatt round the countryside when I got out to do site surveys was bloody great & no mobile phones to interupt me either 8)

best is thank you, worst is every thing else 🙂

Best - your sacked

Worst - your sacked

Different companies obviously.

Best: I'm not going to reveal on a public forum

Worse: Stand up slanging match in a closed room. Actually a fair few of those. However she did have a rep for trying to conquer all who came into her team.

😀

Best: You can do me over my desk or the water cooler it's up to you.
Worst: (several months later) I think I might have given you a dose of the clap.

Best...Wev'e opened some new wings at work & theyr'e all named after famous people, Edison wing, Herschel wing etc. Theyv'e all got their names in big letters above the entry gate & I noticed that 'Herchel' wing was missing the 'S', so I says to Dave the SO who'd sorted it all & he says 'trust you, you tosser, to notice that' & I said, '****ed up again have you Dave?' & he says 'yeah, too f***ing right I have!'

Best "When can you start"
Worst "Look, this isn't working out"

Had to explain to one of our MD's once, how a certain component couldn't be modelled by us due to a software limitation.

It went way over his head, called me a "clever c***" and we never heard of it again 😀

Worst - 'get down here now! I'll be waiting in the car park and we'll ****in' sort it' he was a heavy weight compared to my middleweight self, but to be fair it's a directness not many assistant directors of mental health trusts show nowadays.

Best - 'can we meet to review the progress with the digi-pens' which turned out to be an invite to alcohol and nookie, from a rather saucy effeciency team project manager.

maybe so many on here dont get on with bosses is because they're on STW all day instead of working? 😯

"blimey that's not a flattering photo of u is it, thank god you don't normally look like that" boss said on Seeing my I'd card photo

I had a boss - who was a shit by the way - who told me he was putting me on nights so I would be out the way ( he hated the fact that I communicated with managers higher up the chain than him )
He also once told me that I must not email him at all - about anything - he was paranoid that emails could be used against him for some reason.. cupid stunt was eventually ****ed off by the company.

Worst : Senior Partner at PWC to me when a project wasn't going too well "...... You F******G C**T". He just burst into a meeting I was having with two female colleagues and ranted and ranted for a while and then delivered his finale!

Best: On arriving in NYC (obviously now not working for PWC). New boss to me ".... I want you to find somewhere nice to live, where you will be happy, don't worry about the money ...." 😀

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU STUPID F*CKING WELSH B*ASTARD!!!?" (Or words to that effect)

many years ago i worked for a large financial firm and landed a silly IT job and i was in WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over my head...

along with the 50 year old p*sshead IT manager we looked after 100+ users...

one day i was bored and was farting about in the comms room, to cut a long story short the Exchange (email server) sh*t itself due to my 'fiddling'....

fast forward to 100 people screaming becuase they couldnt get their emails, 72 hours laters, tears, sweat and more shouting, myself and the called in cavalry (outside IT company) had the server back up.

that was 9 years ago and I still have the nightmares, it was the total fear and realisation of the predicament i was in and what was going to happen.

told me that i should have shaved before work, then held a knife to my throat (working in a crappy bakery at the time, took a long hard look at myself then got a new job)

in a slightly full metal jacket moment, as foreman with a company, I told the company owner to get the f' off my site, quite amusing to the lads, but the boss fully understood my sentiment, his position was getting jobs and paying my team, he was not a practical person.

More recently, different employer "would you like to go to Glastonbury festival for us"

weirdest was my lesbian boss asking if I wanted to donate sperm so she and her partner could have a baby 😯

worst - congratulations, you've got the job

best - get off the premises and out of my life forever before I call the police you sick, twisted little freak!!!!

My boss always gets the first round in, loves coming out for a pint and bought me a bottle of scotch for xmas.

He's also a practising muslim.

Best boss in the world...