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Getting married in 2 months and best man just called and told me he cant make the wedding or stag do(child adoption issues/date clashes). Now not sure who to go for for his replacement:options are (in no particular order)
1) Fiances Brother: Known for 8 or 9 years, get on quite well, into same stuff biking walking music etc. Would probably make a good job of speech and knows me and fiance well. But was planning on him being the MC as he did it very well at a previous wedding last month.
2) A mate (formerly fiancees work colleague/old friend). Been out for beers with him several times (the last ending in a strip bar) and is a genuininely nice bloke who would probably make a good job of the speech (knows fiancee well and me quite well) and sufficiently embarrass me on the stag do, but may struggle for childhood stories. Known him prob 8/9 ish years. He is very keen to get involved and commented on the lack of involvement of my ex-best man. He has already emailed around looking for embarrsing photos. He also lived in San Jose when we lived in San Francisco and met him regularly over there, so we have that in common too.
3) A mate I lived with in london and keep in touch with, but she is a girl. Genuine friend and great person but would probably flap at the speech and couldnt come on stag do. I am not bothered about having a "best woman" and been to weddings before where best man is a woman. She would have London stories to tell, but prob nothing of teenage years or USA.
4) A mate from school, who is one of 3 mates, the other one being the ex best man. He, another other guy (who mays also not be able to make it due to splitting with wife issues) and me were best men and my ex best mans wedding. He made an OK job of the speech. positives are that he would have some teenage stories to tell, but is that that important? Bit worried as he is from the same circle of friends the "2nd best" option may offend him? Maybe I am better to go with one of the 1st 3 options?
Must say when on the phone to ex best man I instantly thought of option 2 as, as I say, he is a genuine nice guy, problem is he is 6'6" and I am only 5'8" LOL.
So Aunty STW, who do I chose? MTFU not being a satisfactory response.
Michael Caine
BMTFU surely?
I know this may sound stupid, but they all realise they are all 2nd option. So how about be up front say, you feel a bit let down yayaya! and get all 4 to come up with a speech, reckon it would make a nice change. what do you think?
2
Or just pick me, like an ex-boss (later just colleague) did at work a couple of years ago...
We'd been invited to the wedding (registry office and the do) previously. One day, very near the day, he asked me if I could help out with his small son who was going to be carrying the rings. Sure. Before I knew it he'd asked me I'd be his best-man!
What do you do, decline? I've only known him a couple of years, and only met the family once when I borrowed his trailer for an MTB-trip.
So I agreed. Organised a stag-do (basically railroaded a gang from work) on the Sat, then flew out to Bangkok with work on the Sun returning the following Sat morning - home, then suited, and onto the midday wedding. I managed until the buffet.
The supposed 'mate' I'd asked to be mine in 2003 promptly disappeared off the face of the planet; he was in the Merchant Navy (as I'd been) and had issues and relationship woes. My wee sister filled the role perfectly, and became known as 'Best Thing'!
Had the same thing when my uncle who was due to be best man had to drop out through severe illness. From the way that you type about your choices no 2 sounds like the natural successor.
Get on the phone to the original best man NOW and tell him it is only one day in his ****ing life, and that you've been best mates for how long?
Seriously, sounds like he needs to get his priorities in order... Sounds like he's got a lot on his cards for sure, but it is ONLY ONE DAY he needs to devote to you... (IMO not being able to make the Stag Do is excusable because I've not been able to make a couple for one reason or another, usually money)
Option 2. He sounds like he actually wants to get involved & help out. Nothing worse than having to rely on someone who's not really arsed about it.
Number 2 is an obvious choice, but really you need to MTFU.
My wee sister filled the role perfectly, and became known as 'Best Thing'!
I once filled the role of 'least worst man'!!
1 or 2 and put them in touch with the original for stories. he could still write the speech in essence while another delivers it...
LOL @ jamie, you know, actually out loud
Can't help much BUT, the best man I ever saw was the bride's brother, who while wasn't the grooms best mate or aquaintance was defo the best man for the job. He totally took over the speeches & completely ridiculed his big sister, much to the amusement of all the guests (inc his big sis!)****in hilarious, best wedding I've ever been to, including mine which was very ordinary.
If you dont know then dont get married
[i]Must say when on the phone to ex best man I instantly thought of option 2 as, as I say, he is a genuine nice guy, problem is he is 6'6" and I am only 5'8" LOL.[/i]
wtf ?????
Are you thinking of marrying option 2 or something ?
Get your mum to do it.
option 2 sounds best
all but the last sound a bit comformist, i.e. embarrassing photos-check, he'll do something wacky (but the same as tradition demands) on stag do-check....yawn!, i'd go for the best woman option, dare to be a bit different!
Is the female friend a good looker?
It's traditional for the Best 'Man' to try to 'get off' with the Bridesmaids, so I suggest you pick her, particularly if she's a looker and remind her of the tradition of trying to get in the Bridesmaid's knickers. You should end up with some nice pictures / video 😉
I'd go for "the something a bit different" approach too, but then I haven't got much time for this contrived humourous speech bollocks and the conventions of who has to do and say what.
What about a double act?
2 and 4? do they get on well? would they do straight man and funny man? They could make a poit of "as X couldn't make it, we're the releif team....."
And as a bonus on the stag do you have two mates one either side of you to help carry you home paralytic (or to a randomn lampost in an unknown location with some handcuffs and a commedy jockstrp for you to wear... if thats their style!)
;o)
The comedy jockstrap stops you getting arrested for indecent exposure and put on the sex offenders register. Which if they are real mates they'll at least have considered in advance of stripping you of your clothes and abandoning you somewhere in public!
I'll do it.
I'll do it for less than Cap'nFlash will charge (I'm in The North(tm), you see, and everything's cheaper up here).
🙂
Sack the whole wedding on the head and buy a new bike 😉
I stepped in at the last minute to be best man was a bit weird, only having known him for 2 years before.
2 unless 3 is fit 🙂
yeah go for 2, I had 2...
Then again, one was for the Chinese family & friends, and the other for my English speaking friends (both best men aren't bilingual)
You could just make a speech yourself if Best Man mk.1 has had to drop out. Let's face it, once the stag has happened the best man is a fairly redundant role in all practical terms.
Get married in a registry office then you don't need a best man, just a witness. Saves on suits and you can tell your woman that she doesn't need one of those big fancy frocks either. Only takes quarter of an hour, so if the marriage doesn't work out then you won't have wasted the whole day.
On a serious note I like the idea of option 3. Give her the option of coming along to the stag-doo although she doesnt strictly have to go on the stag-doo. Its the memories you want. From the limited info she sounds 'right' for the job.
IMO it shouldnt be anyone connected to your Fiance's side. I would also leave the door wide open for your ex-bestman to come along to the wedding if he can as a standard guest- even at short notice.
Ps. Lifes too short- I'd still consider your bestman your bestfriend 🙂
I went to a wedding where there was 2 best men. The confident one completely out-shone the quite one. Bit odd really.
Option 2 sounds the best, but I'd sit them all down together & explain.
Also, sounds like your very tense over this, & are maybe putting too much pressure on the whole thing...stories from the past etc etc. Almost like you've a script / agenda that the chosen best man must perform to. The original hasn't gone AWOL for fear of letting you down has he ? Give him a call & ask. Be a shame to lose him as a mate even if he does duck out of being a best man.
Fiancees brother!
My brother in law was my best man and made a fantastic job of it ,he'd known me for 14 years so knew enough to embarrass me and also his sister.
I was also his best man after he was let down by his lifelong best mate(since they were 4 years old)
Couldn't choose the lad who'd been my best mate of 18 years as he tried it on with my fiancee about 12 months before the wedding , what a c*ck!
Have more than one Best Man.
30% of weddings I go to have multiple BM's.
chakaping - Premier Member
Get your mum to do it.
Love it - legendary option
Just to defend the "old" best man a little - if he's in the process of adoption, then he'll have almost no say about what happens and when, and at the end of the day his first and foremost responsibility is to his family, not you.
Good luck!
Couldn't choose the lad who'd been my best mate of 18 years as he tried it on with my fiancee about 12 months before the wedding , what a c*ck!
Nice mate.
Agree- the idea of multiple bestmans is a good idea- I mean, how hard must it be to chose only one and hurt anothers feelings?
1
Most important thing is to have someone to do all the tedious bits of organising at the do. You don't need a separate MC (or a long speech (unless it's good (but if you're scratching around go for the known performer in at least one area)))
Nice mate.
EX MATE!!!!
Kin ell. I've been a right dirty bugger in my time. Never has it been a mates girlfriend though. Ever or crossed my mind. Someone who isnt a mate though- that is different I guess.
I've no worries , she told him exactly where to get off and that he should stay away for a long time for obvious health reasons
Thanks for all the advice Ill make a decision tonight.
the multiple best man idea is good, but weve kind of done it before. There was 3 of us, we had a brain wave during the church service that we should come bearing gifts like the 3 wise men and one of use had to run to the nearest tescos, we got them BOLD, frankfurters and Murr-malade!! (it got a laugh during the speech anyway!) 🙂
Wedding aside, I would wish your ex best man all of the best in adopting. It can't be an easy thing to do and he and his partner may have had a lot of hurt trying to have a baby up until now.
I'd find it difficult to hold this against him, it probably means a lot to him.
