posted in wrong thread
bikebouy - mine are from the Peep Show and Spaced.
<b>Red Sky:</b>
Jack: Carter? What just happened? (Sam looks up at the sky, confused)
Elrad: The Eye of Odin grows dim.
Sam: Some sort of shift in the light frequency.
Jack: Good. I thought I was having a stroke.
"O'Neill; two L's" *holds up three fingers*
That quote from Bottom ^^ is comedy genius!
Its hot, very hot, might be too hot...
Gary (talking about being dumped by Dorothy): “Do you know what hurts the most?”
Tony (half pissed, distractedly): “Yeah, getting you balls caught between two bricks, gotta be”.
The ‘It’s hot’ quote is a classic and very apt - have said that daily for the last month (much to the wife’s annoyance, who won’t play along 😢
You bring these things into our homes. They sit on our chairs. They watch our televisions. Now, I just need to know, on behalf of all men everywhere, I just need to ask, please... What are they for? I mean, look at them! Look at the chubby little bastards! Just sitting around everywhere! What are they, pets for chairs?
These pound-a-pair underpants, Barb, I've got fifty pence worth up my arrrse!!
(Essex accent) You've got two fackin chances - no chance and no fackin chance! Now I'm off for a poo.
"44444444" (Richie answering the phone in Bottom. I couldn't breathe. Not sure it works as a one-liner though!)
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
Yes, well there was one [b]tiny[/b] flaw in the plan.
Really Sir, what was that?
It was [b]bollocks[/b].
(Blackadder Goes Forth, final episode. The context and delivery of it makes it - reading it without that is nowhere near as funny....)
Magna Carta! Magna Carrta! Did she die in vain?
That's the first time tonight I've known what he's got in his hand.
Not 1 line, but:
"That new boyfriend of hers... what's he like?"
"Massive knob."
"Has he?"
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<div class="">Nicko74</div>
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<div class="bbp-reply-content"><span style="font-size: 0.8rem;"> “Stop rocking the caravan, Geoffrey!”</span>
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Coupling was SO good!
"Oh Edmund, can it be true? That I hold here in my mortal hands a nugget of purest Green?"
"The secret ingredient is crime!"
Mark - "My god, you're not James Bond, you're disgusting!"
Jeremy -(thinks) "I am James Bond!"
And of course the immortal "Smell my cheese, you mother!"
“Nostalgia’s not what it used to be”
(Detectorists)
Darren: "It still smells of shit in here."
You should just get a van. With a van, it's like you've got an MBA, but you've also got a f***ing van. You're not just a man anymore - you are a man with a van. You get a van, Jez, we could be men with ven.
Unless we all conform, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain free. ~Frank, M*A*S*H
“Did you use a set square? I think not.”
shortly followed by
“Oh my!”
I’ve got the keys to heaven, but I’ve got too many legs”
One of the very, very best! 😂
”Baldrick, your brain is an empty as a eunuchs underpants.” Blackadder.
”I’d go with Betty, but I’d be thinking about Wilma”. Red Dwarf.
”I’ll call it my lucky willy and show it to my grandchildren.” Blackadder.
”He had too many fights, got punchy see.”
“What happened to him?”
“Last I heard, he was doing very well in the prison service.”. Porridge.
“Love length” Phoenix Nights.
“Oh, I’m glad you would rather have sex with my mother than your own sister, Neil.” The Inbetweeners.
”Monkey tennis”. Alan Partridge.
"What kind of situation could possibly require the use of a remote controlled wheelchair and a pair of fake joke arms? Only, I imagine, a completely ludicrous one!"
also, I am totally incapable of walking through M&S without saying
"It's Ireland's biggest lingerie section, or so i'm told"
Women. You can’t live with ‘em... Pass the beer nuts.
"Mr. Flibble's very cross. You shouldn't have run away from him. What are we going to do with them, Mr. Flibble?"
[whispers]
"We can't possibly that!...
...Who'd clear up the mess?"
Woody: Would you like a beer Norm
Norm: Bit early isn't it?
Woody: For beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions
"Beloved ****.
It's a typo, it's supposed to say beloved aunt."
Also from the same 'sitcom' - " **** you you carwash ****."
Diane Chambers: [after Diane has jumped off the sailboat and into the water] Sam, throw me a line, please.
Sam Malone: OK. "What's a nice girl like you doing in an ocean like this?"
From "Cheers" the proposal episode 1986
Band meeting
"Excuse me, has anyone got a bottle of Orange Juice?"
Covered in piss
Phoenix Nights
Not a sitcom ..but this line still gets me every time ..
Another one I repeat at regular occasions, since there's a field of shetland ponies near us:
'How far away are they?'
(Phoenix Nights)
‘“I have a cunning plan”
”Don’t tell him Pike”
”Lovely boy”
”My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.”
You ahould be able to identify all four just from these lines. All classics. The last is very pertinent for me!
“I’m as happy as a Frenchman who has just invented a pair of self-removing trousers.”
Bleak Expectations.
The jerk store called.....
Steptoe and son.Father reading an old newspaper headline " King Zog flees " Son replies " That's nothing mate you've got king size fleas "
Hear You? I can see you!
(Phoenix nights)
+++++++++++
Is your little soldier not standing to attention?
He's standing to attention alright, he's just firing off all his ammunition before he goes into battle
(Early Doors)
You make love like a Chinese meal. Small portions but so many courses.
EDIT - for Cougar... So what is it?
Albert Steptoe, 'Just because a prune is wrinkled doesn't mean it isn't sweet.'
Rhesus?! They're monkeys, aren't they? How dare you! What are you implying? I didn't come here to be insulted by a legalised vampire!
"RAPE" ?!
- No, it's still Sugar Ape, it's just the S U G A are inside the R
One up there reminded me of another few
"I'm thinking of calling this Happy Hour Tommy"
"No, but I bet he helps them out when they're busy"
"I'll get it Tanya, otherwise they'll think we're in Notre Dame"
"I love circuses. Do you like circuses?"
“I've always thought white people were bad kissers and it's not their fault. It's just they've just got really small lips”.
(Chewing Gum. Is brill, watch it)
