Not so much a line. but a piece of brilliance from Cheers...
WELL YA SEE, NORM, IT’S LIKE THIS… A HERD OF BUFFALO CAN ONLY MOVE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BUFFALO. AND WHEN THE HERD IS HUNTED, IT IS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST ONES AT THE BACK THAT ARE KILLED FIRST. THIS NATURAL SELECTION IS GOOD FOR THE HERD AS A WHOLE, BECAUSE THE GENERAL SPEED AND HEALTH OF THE WHOLE GROUP KEEPS IMPROVING BY THE REGULAR KILLING OF THE WEAKEST MEMBERS.IN MUCH THE SAME WAY, THE HUMAN BRAIN CAN ONLY OPERATE AS FAST AS THE SLOWEST BRAIN CELLS. EXCESSIVE INTAKE OF ALCOHOL, AS WE KNOW, KILLS BRAIN CELLS. BUT NATURALLY IT ATTACKS THE SLOWEST AND WEAKEST BRAIN CELLS FIRST. IN THIS WAY, REGULAR CONSUMPTION OF BEER ELIMINATES THE WEAKER BRAIN CELLS, MAKING THE BRAIN A FASTER AND MORE EFFICIENT MACHINE. THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS FEEL SMARTER AFTER A FEW BEERS.”
-Cliff Clavin
Put on your pants, put on your vest,
Everyone agree, string is best!
Does radio count?
A: "There you go, Skip, nice hot cup of coffee."
M: "It's cold!"
A: "Nice cup of coffee..."
M: "Eugh, it's horrible!"
A: "Cup of coffee..."
M: "I'm not even sure it is coffee!"
A: "Cup."
I've never seen one before. No-one has!
Does radio count?
It does if its Cabin Pressure - last two episodes repeated on 4Extra later this week, btw.
It does if its Cabin Pressure
In that case:
"Geeeeeet dressed you merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay! Today is christmas christmas christmas christmas christmas dayyy!"
Friends:
Monica - "Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds"
Chandler - "Oh, so how many cameras are on you?"
Not sure if Family Guy counts:
"I'm not meteorologist, but I do believe it be raining bitches"
Simpsons (likewise)
Homer: You can’t enjoy money when you’re dead so why not have fun now!!
Marge: Don’t you think you’ve had enough fun? Last year you spent $5,000 on donuts, $2,000 on scalp massages, $500 on body glitter.
Homer: Hey, I earned that money. While you lounge around here doing laundry and putting up drywall, I’m at work busting my hump.
Marge: Oh, please. From what I hear, you waltz in there at 10:30, take a nap on the toilet, then sit around Googling your own name until lunch.
Homer: (gasping) Who told you that?
Marge: You shouted it while we were making love!
“If that’d been me, I’d’ve stayed in the tent, whacked Scott over the head with a frozen husky, and then eaten him.”
Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go!
Not so much a line as a paragraph:
Where is everybody, Hol?
They're dead, Dave.
Who is?
Everybody, Dave.
What, Captain Hollister?
Everybody's dead, Dave.
What, Todhunter?
Everybody's dead, Dave.
What, Selby?
They're all dead. Everybody's dead, Dave.
Peterson isn't, is he?
Everybody is dead, Dave.
Not Chen?
Gordon Bennett! Yes, Chen, everybody, everybody's dead, Dave!
Rimmer?
He's dead, Dave, everybody is dead, everybody is dead, Dave.
Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?
I wish I'd never let him out in the first place
Cliff (or possibly Norm): Women... can't live with them... pass the beer nuts.
"You do not need to kill the General, we have already arranged to kill the General... Do you not see? That if we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the Gateau from the Chateau!"
Hacker: "Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers: The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country; The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country; The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country; The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country; The Financial Times is read by people who own the country; The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country; and The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."
That last from Yes Minister / Yes Prime Minister. It stands alone as a great (if long) "one-liner" but since I see so many others have subverted the thread premise, I'm going to follow up with the coda that made an already good gag a little bit better:
Sir Humphrey: Oh and Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard: Sun readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits.
And finally, apologies if I've missed it, seen lots of Red Dwarf but not spotted my favourite:
"...my own personal preference, which is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that: the abbreviation is "CLITORIS." "
seen lots of Red Dwarf but not spotted my favourite
To be fair, you could probably quote half the script from Polymorph.
I say lets get out there and **** it.
edit: somewhat spoiled by the swear filter there.
Mate of mine once almost got thrown out of a restaurant for wearing a tee-shirt with that quote on it. Ended up having to eat with his shirt on inside-out.
0118999881999119725
3
Mainwaring (pointing to a piece of graffiti scrawled on the back of the church organ:) “You see that word Jones, have you done that?”
”What, recently Captain Mainwaring?”
Great Boo’s up!
The Young Ones. Vivian’s head to the rest of his body walking down the railway :
You took your time, you b*****d
WOOF!
BAAH !
Aaaaahhhh!!, you have a womans hands.
So what is it?
Might have missed this, but Fawlty Towers, The Germans.
"Don't mention the war!"
"But you started it"
"No we didn't, you invaded Poland!"
I’m a self-facilitating media node!
its going to be totally ****ing Mexico!
AbFab (natch)
"Inside me there's a thin woman fighting to get out!"
"What, just the one, dear?"
I am at the gates of heaven and I have too many legs
The baby eating bishop of Bath and Wells: You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral — I’ll do anything to anything.
Mate of mine once almost got thrown out of a restaurant for wearing a tee-shirt with that quote on it. Ended up having to eat with his shirt on inside-out.
I have that one. It tends to be my indoors t-shirt.
Another line from Red Dwarf that always tickled me was "Get away Pete Trantor's sister".
We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.
And not a one liner, but this gets me everytime:
Blackadder:
I wonder whether, having been tortured by the most vicious sadist in the German army, I might have a week's leave to recuperate.
Melchett:
Splendid idea! Your commanding officer would have to be stark raving mad to refuse you!
Blackadder:
Well, you are my commanding officer.
Melchett:
Well?
Blackadder:
Can I have a week's leave to recuperate, sir?
Melchett:
[outraged] Certainly not!
Blackadder:
Thank you, sir.
Melchett:
BAAA!
YES! WE'VE GOT A VIDEO - Vivian, Young Ones
That's a smashing blouse you have on - Richie, Bottom
Oh god I hope she doesn't start crying again. Got to... Before she... Come on... Oh, I am gonna feel so low just as soon as this is over. - Jez, Peep Show
"Four candles"
The baby eating bishop of Bath and Wells: You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral — I’ll do anything to anything.
Fine words for a Bishop
Aw.. Not the pet store!
"What should we do if we step on a mine, sir?"
"Well, normal procedure, lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and spread yourself over a wide area."
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"Is this a sex shop?"
"Yes."
"I'll have a fiver's worth."
I love my brick
Baldrick - I hate hostipals, my Dad went in one and when he came out he was dead.
Blackadder - He was also dead when he went in Baldrick, he'd been run over by a traction engine.
Britain has had the same foreign objective policy for at least the last five hundred years; to create a disunited Europe.
In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians.
Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it’s worked so well?
Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango
"DAN!"
Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse!
I'm not driving a mini metro!
I'm not driving a mini metro!
I'm not driving a mini metro!
YES! WE’VE GOT A VIDEO – Vivian, Young Ones
In a presentation at work a few weeks ago, the presenter was wrangling with a laptop and projector trying to get a video playing. Our head of HR, a well-presented and fairly straight-laced woman and the last person I'd have expected to be a Young Ones fan commented in a Rick-esque accent, "oh, have we got a video?" I snorted, I think I was the only person in the room to get the reference.
#HadToBeThereISuppose
“Your breath comes straight from Satan’s bottom!”
And a very old radio one...
”How do I get out?” “You turn the knob on your side” “I haven’t got a knob on my side!” The Goon Show
<strong id="yui_3_17_2_43_1453655703688_64842">Brian Potter: “Not what it looks. Not what it looks. It’s a twenty-foot cock and balls man. It don’t look like nothing else, it’s not happening.”
So what is it?
