<strong welsh accent> “Stop rocking the caravan, Geoffrey!”
On a similar vein, and also in a strong welsh accent, "I've got the keys to heaven, but I've got too many legs"
That's where yer wrong!
(Has become a saying in our house)
"Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?"
I'd forgotten that Terry and June was so edgy DezB.
"It's not an entrance, it's an exit."
I’d forgotten that Terry and June was so edgy DezB.
Oh yeah! I thought it was from Last of the Summer Wine 😆
Gold, Frankenstein, Grrrrr. And I'm a........!!!
If it failed to cling onto life, I fail to see why it would wish to cling onto your upper lip.
Women, you can't live with them..........
Pass the beernuts
Shit on it!
Very small / far away I think has transcended being a quote now.
Mark: [voiceover] A new boiler. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend £1000. At least throwing the money out of the window you'd see the scrabbling mass, the hate-filled faces. I have spent a cool grand on acquiring the resumption of an equitable temperature.
Jeremy: Yeah, too right, I'm freezing. Let's whack it up to 29.
Mark: 29 degrees, are you insane?
Jeremy: I don't actually want it to be 29, but you've got to give it something to aim for. It'll get hotter quicker.
Mark: No, it won't, it's either on or off. You set it, it achieves the correct temperature, it switches off.
Jeremy: Oh sure, you set it to 23, it'll be pootering along, "Oh yeah, 23, easy. Yeah, nearly there." Wouldn't you rather "F! 29? Christ, let's get cracking, gotta generate some serious heat!" Then when it hits 23, we're suddenly all like "Click. Sorry. Already there." And the boiler will be like "What the f?"
Mark: You want to try to trick the boiler?
Oh, that’s another good idea. You’re so clever today, you better
be careful your foot doesn’t fall off.
Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas?
Your foot falls off?
It certainly does. My brother, he had this brilliant idea of
cutting his toenails with a scythe, and his foot fell off…
So what is it?
Don't think that quite stands up on it's own, Cougar. Erm, if you get my meaning.
Can you, like actually kill yourself using laxative pills?
Ooh, car friend!
Bus ****ers!
Bitty!
"It's short for Bob."
Im currently in the middle of an Archer binge.
"Just the tip?"
"Phrasing?"
"Lana! Lana! Lana!"
"Danger Zone!"
"You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!"
Archer: "Oh my God! You killed a hooker!"
Cyril: "Call girl! She was a..."
Archer: "No Cyril, when they're dead, they're just hookers!"
Alan: Michael’s in charge of our internet computer.
Michael: Aye. There’s nee porn no it!
"Do you know what hurts the most?"
"Getting your bollocks smashed between two bricks?"
Don’t think that quite stands up on it’s own, Cougar. Erm, if you get my meaning.
The thread is young.
“It’s your cock up my arse”
(punctuation left out as per the way it was said)
Glad I'm not the only one who remembers this (in context ;-))
Bludgeon my face in. Destroy me. Pull me apart like soft bread. Punch me in the...tits! Twist my head clean off and put me to sleep with your kind boots, Mr. Fancy Man
You ever drunk Bailey's from a shoe?
First one up the old sea dog gets a lick of the cat.
Dave can't bear the idea that Nessa and Smithy might have done "the stuff that we do". "I know we didn't do any of that stuff," whispers Nessa, darkly, "because I didn't have my bag, my tools, my cloak. And anyway there's no way he could take that level of … "
“I’m so glad we’re gonna have all the sex”
”You should be, I’m very bendy”
I took a woman out once, to see England play ****stan at Lords.
She said "Good heavens! The pitch is full of ****s! "
I said no no no no. No!
****s are from Africa. These people are wogs.
Wibble
I need to use you phone. If word gets out I am missing 500 girls will kill themselves
Woof!!!
Do you want some toast?
Ploppy son of ploppy
"My god it's a barren featureless landscape"
"Er, other side of the map Sir"
"Security is not a dirty word...."
Have you got any rizlas? I'm dying to skin-up.
"It's me! Hurrah!"
Sorry it's not "a line"
Eeeeeeagle
A man may fight for many things. His country, his principles, his friends. The glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
Oh Poppet, to think when we first met you were so worried you came from Iran.
Course I did, how do you think I got these trainers
The Swan and Peado
Mike: In 1994 while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without the permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris. However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland Paris, or EuroDisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain.
TA Officer: Do you have any explanation as to why you might have done this?
Mike: Well sir, at the time, I was suffering from serious emotional problems that had clearly affected my judgement. I had immersed myself in a fantasy world of my own creation and as a result I became very insular and uncommunicative.
TA Officer: Why do you think that was?
Mike: [Shrugs] I dunno.
Richie What about pin the tail on the donkey?
Eddie: We haven't got a donkey.
Richie: Well er, pin the tail on the chicken
Eddie: We haven't got a tail.
Richie: Well pin the sausage on the chicken.
Eddie: We haven't got a chicken.
Richie: Well pin the sausage on the fridge.
Eddie: Or a pin.
Richie: Sellotape a sausage to the fridge.
Eddie: We haven't got a sausage.
Richie: Put a bit of Sellotape on the fridge!
Eddie: Not much of game, is it?
"I'm as happy as a Frenchman who has just invented a pair of self-removing trousers."
Can we have an idea what sitcom these quotes are from please 🤔
“Hi mum it’s me, Colin”
”Your son”
”The Chinese one”
Ross from friends;
"mississippili?"
"you're over me?...when were you under me?"
"sure, that's how they measure trousers, IN PRISON!!!"
kryten in red dwarf;
"SMEEEGGGGG!"
If it's a girl they are going to call it Sigourney after some actress.
And if it's a boy they are going to call it Rodney. After Dave.
She wants us to go to Botswana.
What, Botswana in Africa?
No, Botswana upon Thames
