[Closed] As you've got older, which of life's truths do you now just accept

bikes are pretty much the best thing there is

When my wife starts a sentence

'I know what you're going to say...'

that we'll be going somewhere/buying something I don't want to in the near future.

Cheese on toast, with [s]Worcester sauce[/s]Marmite under the cheese

Is what you really meant isn't it!!

Agreed, but just 'cheese' won't do for this. You need a nice mature cheddar so the Worcester sauce is incorporated into the melted cheese. I ran out of cheddar a few days ago and tried with emmental. Big mistake as the stuff is damn well near sauce proof and the Worcester sauce runs off instead of melting in. Rubbish.

There are a lot of very selfish people out there. Don't waste time challenging them, just get on with not being one of them and you will enjoy life far more.

There is no such thing as a "5 minute job".

I agree with you Lord Binners, has to be Cheddar on thick cut white though as it just has the right fat/stodge ratio.

Not only that it goes well with pretty much any drink Tea, Coffee, Wine, Beer, Cider or even water!!

No one has got a clue what they are actually doing and everyone is just winging it.

Yak - you are absolutely correct. Thats what I've just had. On thick white bread. I once deviated through necessity into Edam. It was similarly very disappointing

ads678 - we're a broad church my friend. if thats what floats your boat. It still stands that cheese on toast of one sort or another is the pinnacle of human culinary achievements

A man's place is in the wrong.

You don't need to smoke it all at once.

Remember, whatever the cost, you have to burn all the bridges you've crossed, because the devil you've yet to behold is better by far than the devil you know.

Keyboard hardmen like to convey a false image of themselves....

[img] [/img]

Life's only certainties are death, taxes and nasal hair

1) Double it & add 20 for time or cost estimations

2) Sod & his law are real

3) My chance of winning the lottery (my long term financial plan) really is very small indeed

4) Time speeds up as the years go by

5) A cup of tea really does help

6) I really won't ever get to fly on a Concorde (or as Tinie Tempah once said: "I'm pissed I never got to fly on a Concorde")

There is a tonne of stuff in the world I would like to be able to do, but I can't, because it is simply not possible to be a scuba diver/sailor/writer/linguist/ice hockey player/TdF cyclist/father/world traveller/etc./etc. all at the same time!

Getting drunk is not a business plan.

Cheese on toast, with Worcester sauce, is the most enjoyable food in the world.

Women (with a few exceptions) tend to get bigger as they get older, despite what you might think or hope.

Anyone who suggests putting the Devil's smegma on anything is wrong! But that's not an age thing, just common decency.

I've realised over time that despite trying, I'll never sample all of the craft beers in the Oddbins opposite my house.

when the wife says " I have been thinking...." its either
a] Going to cost me money or
b] Going to cost me time...

Oh, and olives are yummy scrummy 😀

It's no fun getting old.

Never trust a fart.

Never trust a fart.

Did you see Ed Byrne on last night's Mock the Week talking about his dad's comments on farts? "That one's got clogs on!"

Anchovies rock.

Coyote - Member
No one has got a clue what they are actually doing and everyone is just winging it.

Spot on 🙂

It's no fun getting old.

Life without a bike is crap!

All the nice meals in fancy restaurants, and cuisines from all over the world.

I'm still enjoying this stage of life for now, I await cheesy enlightenment

Never trust a cold pie.

Life's only certainties are death, taxes and nasal hair

Unless you're Noel Gallagher, Jimmy Carr or Daniella Westbrook.

Hanlon's Razor

The sooner you realise you're not going to be an astronaut, the easier your life is.

Hangovers last twice as long for every 10 years of life.
Most organisations are led by sociopaths.
Trust your instincts.

I'm never going to get the jet pack I was promised

It's no fun getting old.
- this +1

Nonsense.

It's a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

I am SO hungry now, and yes Binners (that was autocorrected to boners which is also ok)

Time spent with friends is rarely wasted. Time spent on a screen nearly always is

Hanlon's Razor

Amen.

And...
Time is priceless. As far as you can make the most of it, because you cant buy anymore later.

Nobody knows what's good for me, better than me.

Never trust a fart.
Did you see Ed Byrne on last night's Mock the Week talking about his dad's comments on farts? "That one's got clogs on!"

Genuine PMSL! Got to use that one. 😀

"It's a hell of a lot better than the alternative"

getting younger?

34 is the new 33.

No one has got a clue what they are actually doing and everyone is just winging it.

+a lot.

Talent is meaningless without hard work and perseverance

Couple of points on Worcester sauce.

It is actually Worcestershire sauce.
Second point is Hendersons relish.

A penis will last you a lifetime if you look after it.

No one has got a clue what they are actually doing and everyone is just winging it.

indeed. i can't believe I've got this far without being found out

Saying no to people is a skill more people should cultivate.

Helping people out is it's own reward so don't expect an actual reward.

Don't lend things out especially money.

All drivers haven't seen you.

Doing new things keep you feeling younger and slows time.

I'm currently working on a theory and can't decide between

10% of all people are just bastards

or

Everyone is 10% bastard

I still prefer to believe no.1 but suspect no.2 is closer to the truth, just trying to identify the 10% in me 8)

Hanlon's Razor

Cougar's Razor: life is too short to spend it in the company of arseholes.

10% of all people are just bastards

After a lifetime giving people the benefit of the doubt, I've now concluded that there are just some people who have absolutely no redeeming features as human beings whatsoever. Luckily there aren't that many of them. 😀

Quite a few of these are perhaps unique to me:

Marriage:

Women marry Men hoping they'll change, but they won't
Men marry Women hoping they'll stay the same, but they won't.

Happiness:

No one wants to look like a loser so they'll tell you their life is great. Social Media only made things worse.

You wouldn't compare a film you've seen with one you've only seen the trailer for - so don't compare your life with someone else's facebook output, after all the trailer for Suicide Squad looked amazing!

If you can find joy in the small things in life you can alway find joy - a roast poato after a cold winter ride is withing everyone's grasp.

Children:

There are times when every parent is sick to the back teeth of their kids.

There are times when every parent daydreams of a child-free version of their life.

There are times when every parent will tell anyone who asks that they live and breathe for their kids and they’re the most important thing in the world to them, because every other parent says the same thing and you don't want to show them you're a horrible evil person because you enjoy other things sometimes.

When you’ve just about had enough and you’re ready to leave in the night on the first thing smoking to the furthest place on earth from them you can find, they’re flaw you by how amazing they are, the ****s.

Bikes:

Once you get past the real cheap crap not many are better than any other, not really, not if you remember the point is to have fun, you’re not a WC Racer, if you were you wouldn’t be here. Some are faster than others, some look nicer, some are a bit better at one aspect than another, but most will do most things very well given the chance.

Work:

Very few people work because they want to, some people could stop if they wanted to, but invariably those people are so devoted to their work it’s the only thing they know how to do.

Some people will tell you if they won the lottery they’d be back in work the next day, they might, but they’re only the next shit day in work away from leaving and never looking back.

If you can accept the above, then you can accept you work because you have to, but that doesn’t mean you have to hate it. If you can find a job you can tolerate, you can make it a job you enjoy with the right attitude.

Money:

Some people only think about the future, they save, they invest, because there’s always tomorrow, next year, next decade – until there isn’t.

Some people can only think about the here and now, because this day is special it’s worth spending more than you should, because why worry, there will always be more money - until there isn’t.

People who have bad experiences in their chosen camp can change camps.

Holidays:

Unless your idea of fun is limited to drinking yourself stupid and sleeping it off on a beach or by a pool until you’re sober enough to do it again – package holidays are a waste of time and money.

Disneyland Paris is a terrible place full of unhappy children and shops. The ratio of Unhappy/Bored/Happy is roughly 20/70/10, it’s a ghastly place full of queues, drizzle, fibreglass, sugar and shops, with the occasional fayre ground ride.

You shouldn’t go on Holiday just to entertain your kids, a holiday that ends with the burning desire to get back to work isn’t a holiday. It is possible to enjoy a holiday as a Dad over and above vicariously through your kids.

Don't get married, don't have kids, keep your options open.

P-jay 😯

I agree with a lot of it but was that quite cathartic for you 😉

My life's truth.

Sometimes life is just unfair. The skill to know when to just suck it up and move on is just as valuable as the skill of dealing with life's injustices. If not more valuable. The true skill is knowing which of life's injustices are worth fighting tooth and nail over.

There are times when every parent is sick to the back teeth of their kids.

Corollary: there are times when everyone else is sick of them too. (-:

There must be a relation between the hairs missing from the top of my head and the new ones apearing on my shoulders but I haven`t worked it out yet.

Old age doesn't come on it's own

Trust me on the sunscreen.

Shit happens.

You don't stop playing when you get old, you get old when you stop playing.

Age is only a problem if you use it as an excuse.

The more you try to be someone else, the less likely you will be happy

Binners

No one has got a clue what they are actually doing and everyone is just winging it.

indeed. i can't believe I've got this far without being found out

Your opening gambit was the first clue TBH.

But to add to the winging it thing... age does not confer wisdom, merely arrogance. Unless, of course, humble pie is consumed on a regular basis.

🙂

Youth is wasted on the young, just don't begrudge them for it.

Most organisations are led by sociopaths

My experience would testify to this. Oh and the titular head of the organisation is not necessarily the one doing the leading...

You're wrong, but I'll never be able to convince you of the fact.

I'm currently working on a theory and can't decide between

10% of all people are just bastards

or

Everyone is 10% bastard

Edit - wait, annoyingly that doesn't make mathematical sense.
10% of people are 99% bastard
89% of people are 10% bastard.

Ah **** it. Some people are mostly bastards. Most people are sometime bastards.

Seems I've met more of the former.

edit due to edit...

I'm never getting a hoverboard.

All new music reminds me of something else, to the point that I spend the time listening trying to work out what, exactly, it reminds me of as opposed to actually listening to the music itself.

Life doesn't turn out how you expected, but this doesn't have to be a bad thing.

There's only room for one thing in the grave. Don't horde possessions.

A small, simple act of kindness can go a long way.

Everybody is a bastard, apart from me and I'm not 100% sure about me 😉

Life's only certainties are death, taxes and nasal hair
Unless you're Noel Gallagher, Jimmy Carr or Daniella Westbrook.

Are you trying to say that Noel Gallagher is immortal?

I think he is, but everyone should know it's Keanu Reeves

zanelad
Shit happens.

And added to that:

"The mark of a man is not in his attempts to deflect that ****, but his actions when that deflection proves to be futile"

Olives are really tasty

Whisky is the best tonic

I'll always be fat

Life's only certainties are death, taxes and nasal hair
Unless you're Noel Gallagher, Jimmy Carr or Daniella Westbrook.

Are you trying to say that Noel Gallagher is immortal?

There are parts of Daniella Westbrook that will never decompose, so in a way...

For the cheese/Worcester lovers...try it on this stuff (not sure if they sell it on the mainland)

[img] [/img]

Might be an idea to get a couple if you can find it. For two reasons...firstly it's the ultimate companion for melted cheese. Secondly - as it's best toasted one side only it might take a few tries to get the amount of toasting just right. It's one of those breads that looks unphased by the heat from the grill until you look away for a split second and it goes from "looks like it might be about to brown a bit' to 'ffs! it's only fit for the bin now'.

Anything that can go wrong, will.
The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
Death and taxes are universal constants.
"Sir, I may not agree with what you say, but I shall defend to the death your right to be a complete asshole"
"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy"
Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional. (My personal maxim).

Two elderly relatives passed away last year, they both separately said Greed was the curse of humanity.

'Minimum safe distance' is not a universal constant.

Two elderly relatives passed away last year, they both separately said Greed was the curse of humanity.

It's certainly the curse of recent times. People have become greedier, which makes me feel very alienated, as the one sin I've never suffered from is greed.

.

There are many more S****horpes in the world than there are decent people, so choose your friends carefully and eat cheese on toast often.