[Closed] As of tomorrow..

But you have a kite, I assume?

Strewth! That's not right at all. You want to do what a mathematician would do....

Bears don't poo when they hibernate. You'll be ok, go back to sleep!

No, it's not right.

Prune juice or anal douche. Don't douche prune juice though, sometimes the direct approach isn't the most ideal.

Personally, I've gone the douche route with great painless success.

Real question is why?

slackalice

Show off.

I have no idea why. It's odd. I have consumed a healthy range of fodder as usual and don't feel any physical effects.

Hmm.

When you finally manage to go it'll make your whole week.

Or your hole weak

Theres a self help DVD been made about what to do if you've been constipated for seven days.

But it hasn't come out yet.

When you finally manage to go it'll make your whole week.

Might need an Olympic effort
[img] [/img]

They'd be teeth marks on the back if the bog door if I'd not been fir a week..
Reminds me of being on exercise and living off Compo.
The first dump back on a proper Gary, was always a bit, well, emotional.

Seriously: get it sorted before you poison yourself with decaying food stuffs.

bearnecessities

Thanks 😉

Nothing to worry about; you've started sleep-shiteing, obvz

Check under local hedges for evidence

Seriously: get it sorted before you poison yourself with decaying food stuffs.

I feel fine though?! Surely if I was being poisoned from the inside by broccoli and muesli, I'd feel a bit off, or bloated at least?

Picolax.... ''tis the only way!

When the beast appears....
http://www.ratemypoo.com/bestof.html

Espresso , line of Charlie, cigarette

Always thought you were full of it 🙂

Not really squire. Just couldn't resist the joke. Get yourself to a pharmacist, get some senna or macrogol

try nhs 101 and if that doesn't work (it wont, they'll likely tell you some bullshit you're gonna die) call 999......or just make an appt. with your Doc or pop along to a&e.....not pleasant, been there! :-/

Maybe you'll get one in the office secret santa?

Definitely not right. Get some medication but its worth asking Doctor too. Have you been drinking enough - doesn't sound like it.

Good luck the exit is going to be painful ...

Jest if you want to , but a twisted colon that presnted itself as the inability to poo killed my dad.
Honestly , supository first then Gp

There once was a bear who'd forgotten how to poo...

[img] [/img]

Was wondering if I was going to click though and see the OP had written something more like:

[b]As of tomorrow..[/b]

Please call me bearnakedlady.

Rachel

[s]pico[/s] [s]nano[/s] [s]milli[/s] [s]centi[/s] [s]deci[/s] [s]kilo[/s] [s]mega[/s] gigalax

If you don't shit you die, you need to do something about that.

More than 3 days and it's GP time I'm told.

A nice nurse might offer you a digital examination, sadly it's nothing to do with ones and zeros, no the other kind of digits.

I'm a nice nurse and I'm going nowhere near it,
You need a [i]nasty[/i] nurse.

Helga with Rubber gloves and some lube?

Has the bear been yet ?

If and when it does break cover make sure you weigh yourself before and after - how much does a week's worth of poo weigh?

Do we need the picolax thread resurrecting?

[quote="sweepy"]

I'm a nice nurse and I'm going nowhere near it,
You need a nasty nurse.

*waves*
*gets rubber gloves out*

Is your nickname colon?

Because you are so full of shit.

All clear. 🙂

Thepurist. In the interest of science.. http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/top-dumps

A Bear's 'fecal plug' stops unwanted vermin crawling up their fundament while they're hibernating. Apparently

Pics ??

You went down to the woods and got a surprise?

Should it happen again ask the pharmacist for some of the superbly named Laxedo - works well without too much intrusion, as it were.

As a bonus you can request it using your best Mexican accent...

I find a couple of bottles of beer for a couple of evenings has what one might call a [i]purgative[/i] effect...

Interesting that; being Friday I'd had a couple (3 🙂 ) IPAs and this morning, hey-presto!

I had this when I was about 14, a whole week without a number 2. I obviously tried to go as normal but would just be sat there with nothing happening. I was still eating normally, I couldn't believe a weeks worth of food was still inside me somewhere. I was obviously concerned but otherwise felt fine... that was until I awoke in the middle of the night in absolute agony. My dad took me to A&E and I've never been in so much pain. I ended up passing out once I got to the hospital. Once there they xrayed me then stuck a pipette filled with some liquid up my *cough*. The problem was swiftly rectified 😯

Have the coastguard be notified as it'll be a hazard to shipping when it gets to the coast

OP, you flame my thread?

Pics or it didn't happen...

Oh. 😕

I look after old people mainly. I could tell you some stories. the longest I know of was over 3 weeks without a poo - and he was eating normally - infact we were feeding him Bran - I have no idea why he didn't explode. He did punch the surgeon who came to look at him tho. ( dementia)

One place I worked we had a turd of the week contest running. I've seen richards weighing multiple kilos!

I am so proud of my profession

Stop feeding them bowling bowls you bastard

Got to do something to win the contest!

[i][b]Oye, gringo. Laxedo, por favor...![/b][/i]

[img] [/img]

Glycerin enema

Christmas drinkies. You've forgotten.

[b][u]jambalaya[/b][/u] - Member

Good luck the exit is going to be painful ...

But think of all the opportunities!

A possible* busted coccyx and strong co-codamol painkillers isn't a good combination that I'm experiencing right now 🙁

(*Awaiting x-ray results)

A possible* busted coccyx and strong co-codamol painkillers isn't a good combination that I'm experiencing right now

(*Awaiting x-ray results)

Not nice. Co-codamol is essentially the same as shoving a cork up there...

I laid 5 brown golf balls earlier

You're welcome