[Closed] Any reluctants Dads on here? Experiences when you had your first born

[i]while the likelihood of me riding a bike for anything other than commuting at any point in the next three years is even less[/i]

Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?

You'll still get out and ride, but at different times. Tonight it's a road ride in the hills... in the dark.

[i]This is the bit that's worrying me.[/i]

Wasn't too bad with one the second stumped thing a bit, I also refer to friends who don't live near by as I can't just jump in the car and come back a few days later any more, takes months of planning.

Go to anti natal classes. We got to meet some great people (and Terrahawk). These are the people that will be in the same boat as you at the same time. Mrs Spider has a whole new circle of friends now.

I hope the great people you met made up for meeting Terra 😉

[i]Go to anti natal classes. [/i]

The look was enough for my wife not to ask me to go twice.

my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life,

Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?

Nice theory...

To top it all off, we're moving to Australia in September so we have some family support nearby (her parents, my Dad's in NZ) so I lose access to all of my friends and the people we met through antenatal classes while my commute is likely to increase to >1 hour in a train each way too. Really rather worried that life is going to be work and baby with little time left for anything else. 😕

[i]Why? my bike time didn't change at all, you HAVE to give each other space, my missus realised that cycling was an important part of my life, and so we made space for it. I made space for her need for space as well, it's all give and take innit?[/i]

My Mrs does too but time constraints work against that theory as it's me who looks after most of the time because I work shifts. If I have the kids during the week I'm working weekends and vice versa, then if I'm off at the weekend it's some times nice to see the wife rather then passing in the passage on my way to work.

congratulations to you and mrshora.
Does she know you've 'sort of' announced this to a bunch of strangers?

Everyone's different. It's granted a bit easier for me and the missus, as we work together, makes weekends a little less stressful.

Being a Dad is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Congrats young man.

Although, when I get my motorbike out of the garage every morning to go to work, I still stare longingly at my Santa Cruz chained to the wall, gathering dust. Not having been ridden for 3.5 years...

I wouldn't change a thing. 8)

[i]Go to anti natal classes.

The look was enough for my wife not to ask me to go twice.[/i]

Why would you NOT go? I found it quite informative plus I scored brownie points by doing the right thing. An hour or so isn't much to give up in the scheme of things.

[i]Why would you NOT go?[/i]

I had no need, couldn't make many because of shifts and no such thing as brownie points in our house.

plus I scored brownie points by doing the right thing

I didn't score points when, on discussing breast feeding and how babies/mothers cope, I piped up with 'A literal case of Suck it and See'. Cue giggles from the blokes and evil stares from the women.

🙂

no such thing as brownie points in our house

Ours was a good laugh too.

[i]Ohh there is - she just hasn't told you yet... [/i]

lol nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both.

[i]Ours was a good laugh too. [/i]

The one I went to was so cheesy I shudder to think about it, the only thing that could of made it worse to put the classic 1970s video of a woman having a baby with a fanny like a trappers hat. 😕

nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both

Thats what she wants you to think 😆

Good on you - in fact I was told off by Mrs M last night for saying 'told you so' when discussing a habit I discovered with one of ours and also for trying to 'race' a bottle feed between our them 🙂

Apparently it ISN'T a competition. Still - I can't help trying to get the first burp in.

(And one for the baby too).

[i]Good on you - in fact I was told off by Mrs M last night for saying 'told you so' [/i]

Oh I get that but the telling off is usually two short words. 😳

"lol nah not really we both please our selves and usually act in the best interest for us both"

But when she asked you to go to classes you didn't? You acted in your own best interest?

Thats what she wants you to think

*It doesn't have to BE wrong, just as long as she thinks it is.

the telling off is usually two short words

[i]But when she asked you to go to classes you didn't? You acted in your own best interest? [/i]

What you questioning my choice of living? She never asked me to go but I went once out of decency like I said there was no need for me to go.

[i]
Do we share a wife? LOL [/i]

I'm not Fatsimon.

🙂

oi!! no need for that!! ive got all the baby thing to come in about 8 mnths 2nd time a round for me with a 12year gap oh bugger its going to hurt this time a round no sleep etc

I love going to the classes, being the only 'foreignor' in the hospital here in Beijing (my wife is Chinese, so another half chinese/english one coming from here) I get picked on by all the nurses.... oh the pain of it all 😮

'foreignor'

Are you a foreigner in Britain too? 😉

 

[i]oi!! no need for that!! [/i]

Sorry cheap shot.

nope, in China... so using my Chinglish to great effect...... works in the UK too 🙂

Go to anti natal classes

Why not have an abortion?

LOL 😯

I'm not joking!

We've got a 3mth old here, and I've still trained for an Ironman. Got MrsTM's blessing to enter when she was 6mths pregnant, and now she's already agreed for me to do Lanzarote next May as well (before we have no2), mainly because how I've juggled the training hasn't actually come over as too onerous on her for managing the sprog. I get a lot of training done before work, even after taking her breakfast in bed & doing the other chores.

The other side is that she knew before we married that riding bikes etc was a significant part of who I am and she says she doesn't want to loose that.

Whether I will want to spend more time with the lad as he gets older rather than also riding, I just don't know, but for now it all works. When no2 comes along, I'm sure options will become far more restricted!

PS: I'll vote for an Out'n'about 360 buggy, as it works from birth. Took him down the track at Monsal Head at 2wks, Mrs was having kittens but he loved it / fell asleep. Pretty good for running as well (another training opportunity & allows quite time for Mrs so gets you in the good books).

Off to make tea...

Returning to the OP - been in a similar situation, halfway through a degree wasn't the best time to be starting a family!

Went through a whole range of emotions and options, but toughed it out and came out the other side. Have two kids and no regrets now.

Accept that your lifestyle MUST change, and plan ahead. Lots of good stuff on here about the money side of it. One thing becoming a dad taught me was how much time and money we had wasted before. When there isn't much of either, every pound and second becomes precious and more worthwhile.

And I only began to ride after becoming a Dad - I gave up the gym membership as we didn't think we could afford the time and fees - since then been through 6 complete bikes and two frames in 6 years. Oooops!

It's the easiest thing in the world to walk away when faced with this colossal life changing event, always harder to tough it out.

Looking forward to your vasectomy thread when you decide to take no more chances!

Congratulations!!! . . . and don't let anyone tell you it'll put an end to biking/buying bike stuff . . . I bought my first MTB when I was 5 months pregnant with son number 3 . . . just bought my 71st (sheesh) new frame/bike since then - it's gotta stop soon though - I'll soon have Uni bills to think about. Having kids rocks!!! 8)

It'll be excellent and you'll feel like sh1t. Oh and it's definitely worse with 2.

One thing nobody ever told me (which would have helped a lot) was don't worry if you look at them when they are little (under a year) and you don't come over all gushy. I didn't 'bond' with either of mine for ages, took until they were about eight months old and then they started to develope personalities and then they started to grow on me.

And as for riding, I hardly did any before my firs tone was born and had one old 1996 Giant Terrago. Since the first one I've started riding regularly, now have a Stumpjumper FSR, Kinesis Maxlight XT self build and a Focus Cayo carbon road bike. Best bit is the missus often 'enourages' me to go out (I take this as a good thing). Nothing like having kids to run after to make you realise you're fat and unfit.

As for baby stuff, the only thing worth spending money on is the pram. For pretty much everything else cheap stuff is fine. Get the wrong pram and you'll end up replacing it at extra cost, from experience go for a Bugaboo Frog or possibly a Baby Jogger. Your missus will build up a new circle of friends, latch onto it, I've met a few of my riding mates that way plus if you time it right you'll be able to get clothes passed on, nothing wrong with 2nd hand clothes after a quick 60 deg wash and will save you a fortune.

mama, 71.........seriously.

bit late to join in without reading previous posts, but we were in a long-term and happy relationship (8 or 9 years and living separately) before our one and only arrived, and from then on nothing's been the same. In fact, the acceptance that things are now over between us after 5 years has hit home only today.
There will be some disruption in the coming days, weeks and months.

If you have an doubts over the next months, a DNA test is one option once the child is born.

I know too many women who have trapped their man, through fair means or not so fair.
If your relationship goes into nose dive not long after the birth, or the child looks nothing like you, then you know you've probably been duped.

Sorry to sound so negative but again I am aware of several men who have been completely shafted, for all time, by the (former) girlfriend; so, if a yaer's time you're living in a bare-arsed flat, no longer with the mother & child, get that test done to sort it out or you'll pay 'til the child leaves full time education.

[i][b]71[/i][/b] frames? that's possibly more than Hora!

I did NOT want a baby. Not at all. My wife turned into the bitch from hell as soon as she got pregnant and would call me many times through the day to complain at me, even getting me tannoyed at work when I didn't answer to tell me she was in labour. I'd drive 40 miles home at 100mph to find out she just had a twinge and could I get her a drink from the fridge.

I did a lot of unpaid overtime in those days, trust me. Wasn't looking forward to it. Money/lifestyle/sex, all gone.

15 hour labour. Nurses openly discussed her lack of commitment to the birth, doctors had a terrible attitude, after care blew goats.

But when I held him in my arms, it all changed instantly. INSTANTLY. The lack of money/sex/fun, none of it mattered any more, all that was important was looking after this baby.

Hope we did a good job

Wish we'd had 5 now. Sadly we had a lot of problems after that, tried many times, quite a few miscarriages which are quite possibly as bad as having a child die on you, doctor eventually told us we'd have no more kids and part of us died that day.

Kids are ace. If you do it right it's the hardest thing on the planet to do properly. But I wouldn't change him for the world, and as I say, I wish we'd had a lot more.

I was a bit unsure with the first we didnt know anything about kids
how would we cope,the stress etc etc ...but as soon as i held her it all felt right ,
and hey there kids what do they know just make it up as you go along
well worth it we now have three

Was really reluctant and it took a while to get used to having a sprog around the house, found it quite difficult actually tbh. Did it to keep my partner happy more than anything else.

My lad is 3 in October and we have really bonded its all about the daddy, worked late tonight and he had left me cake on the table especially for me! Its changed my view on life hugely am much more chilled these days.

I am aware of several men who have been completely shafted

wrong thread 😯

I get the feeling that Hora's impending fatherhood will all turn out to be a false alarm

Aye, we were round at friends last night who have a small one, we've (I've) got our eye on most of their kit to 'borrow' (incase they decide for a second later).

I get the feeling that Hora's impending fatherhood will all turn out to be a false alarm

From what Ive read/gather you cant treat it as a pregnancy until the third month/had the hospital appointment scan so its in the lap of the Gods. We are both from peasant-stock though so I imagine the ****er will be strong.

The DNA/shafting-bit. I'd only ever consider that if there was a relationship breakdown. Like most people, I like to think I'm a good judge of character; I dumped my ex before she knew she was a whore, Ive met a fair few girls over the years who loved themselves, had f8cked up childhoods due to Daddy or divorce etc- shes none of the above. I wouldnt have stayed with her this long.

Mamadirt SEVENTYONE?!!!!! 😀

[url= http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/church-offers-voodoo-water-ceremony-to-protect-your-bastards-from-satan-200907231925/ ]Hora, you may find this article of great use.[/url]

Yep 71 😳 . 52 pictured [url=ttp://mamadirt.fotopic.net/c317596_1.html]here[/url] and the other 19 (plus the original which started it all) mentioned in the commentary) . . . oh and in my defense, I stated buying BMX bikes with the excuse that they were for the kids 😉 . I don't think there's a cure 😕

mamadirt. No need to be apologetic in any way. Its a healthy obsession AND far better than collecting stamps, figurines, plates, baseball cards etc etc as you can actually USE a mountain bike(s) and they benefit your health! 😀

(url not working)

Ps. As for telling strangers on the net. I told her to keep it to herself for now/you know until its for sure etc. So guess which bigmouth told her sister/brother, friends and everyone else on the sodding planet? 🙄

I don't WANT to spend my time away from my children. I want to get home as soon as I can after work, I want to feed and bathe them and watch them fall asleep in my arms. I can't do that when out riding my bike

Very, very true.

Yes, money can become an issue if you let it. You seem to be being sensible and not feeling the urge to splurge on over-priced tat. Well, not regarding baby things anyway.
No sex? We had 5 weeks 'off' (last week of pregnancy, first four weeks after birth) and then.. well, we enjoyed ourselves again.
No sleep? Suck it up! The first two weeks are a hideous shock to the system; the first six months will leave you crawling. BUT your child is magical and you can only forgive them. You have to take exhaustion into account with your missus and ignore/forgive her crankiness; the chances are that half the time it's your own exhaustion that's leading you to perceive it. Oh, and you're probably being a dick through sleep deprivation anyway. After that it's all plain sailing.

The first six months are tough going if you get involved; if you don't then you're missing out so forget bikes for a little while. They'll still be there when things calm down a bit.

And congratulations; enjoy it! 🙂 It is truly the best thing that can happen to you.

Yeah you're right . . . [i]goes off to search for No 72[/i].

Hey, don't be too hard on your lady - she'll be so excited she'll want to tell everyone 🙂

[img] [/img]

But I suspect the horse has bolted...

Ps. As for telling strangers on the net. I told her to keep it to herself for now/you know until its for sure etc. So guess which bigmouth told her sister/brother, friends and everyone else on the sodding planet?

Ummm. you? DO I win a prize?

nbt. You win. She even said 'I cant beleive you've told my Brother before me' (she said it jokingly) Errr.... oops. Me bad. So tonight, she had to tell her parents as everyone else knows but them at the moment. I even told her mates so she had to call them. Err. Im not very good at secrets at all 🙄 😆

Yep,totally normal to feel like that when you first find out.

It's how I felt when I found out about our 3,none of which were planned...

I just hope for her sake that it goes well. There's a good reason you're not supposed to tell anyone for the first trimester, take it from the voice of expeience 😥

I take in lodgers to help with beer money, bikes etc and the stories I hear are both heart breaking and quite vile in equal measure.

As been said, the likelihood is that, because small babies look like shrink-wrapped aliens, the parental bond is oft' with the mother, not the father from the outset. 8-15 months down the line and it should happen.

Mess up the nappy changing from the very start and the mother will take the child off you with much huffing and puffing and that's the last you'll have to do in that department!

Mess up the nappy changing from the very start and the mother will take the child off you with much huffing and puffing and that's the last you'll have to do in that department!

Of course. Duly noted. 8)

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.

I've got triplets who will be 6 in August. I reckon I get out on one bike or other twice a week on average over the last 6 years. I think it helped that I was training for a marathon when we found out she was expecting so from the off we've found a balance between me doing my stuff, her doing her stuff and [b]plenty[/b] of time together as a family.

So one night a week daddy's not around at bed time - no great issue. In fact a much bigger disruption has been that, until recently, I've worked abroad one week a month. People can work unsociable hours, away from home, shifts etc and still be a good father. I don't need to be there 100% of the time.

Most years I get away for a long weekend in the Alps. Mrs Higs gets a spa weekend or goes skiing with friends. So 50 weekends out of 52 both of us are around.

Doing stuff outside the house (normally cycling or running) gives balance and perspective to my life and (I believe) sets a good example.

Happy parents are good parents. Obviously it's tough at times and choices have to be made but as long as the things that get sacrificed are watching crap TV, washing the car and trips to the Trafford Centre, I think we're doing alright.

Nicely put higgo, spot on 😀

First one due in October, and to say it was all a bit of a shock is a massive understatement.

Have now adjusted to it and really looking forward to her arrival in 3 months.

As for costing a fortune, Freecycle is your friend. Have only purchased maternity office wear to date, have managed to get everything else I need except a crib from freecycle. Has also been great for shifting all the bits I needed to get rid off to make room for a nursery.

May sound cheap, but for things that are only going to be used for 6 months, I can't see the point in shelling out 100's of pounds.

Oh and congrats 🙂

May sound cheap, but for things that are only going to be used for 6 months, I can't see the point in shelling out 100's of pounds.

you sound too good to be true!

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.

Quite clearly it is important to you and good for you for finding a balance that works.

Thanks wors 🙂

Have already picked out her first few bikes and new pink components for my Sants Cruz for next years incentive to get back on the bike asap

you sound too good to be true!

[i]Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap.[/i]

Not crap at all I don't get out much as I said due to shifts, have 2 kids of different ages one at school the other not and my wife still works pretty much full time. Not been to the Alps since the second one was born got away twice a year with the first. Still next week I'm off to the Lakes, was at STW weekender and probably off to SITS and a few other weekends planned so this year has been much better than last 3 years.

Don't believe any of the 'you'll never ride your bike again' crap

My son is 3 1/2 now, the look on his face when i say i'm going out for a bike ride is enough not to bother!

Kids are great when they are young. The older they get the more expensive they get, but biking time can increase. Welcome to the world of "thinking about someone else rather than oneself" (oh, she's just read that and asked "when did that start then?"

Another few months then you'll be wondering where your sex life went, your spare time, your OH's flat tummy, your money, and you'll be looking for a nice sensible estate car (good for bikes!).

Can't wait for mine to leave home or start paying rent now......

Don't have time currently to read the thread, but it needn't cost tons. You probably know someone you can borrow old stuff off, and just go round eBay for bargains. It's expensive if you go mental and think that £700 is worth it for a Bugaboo Chameleon (pushchair) but it bloody well isn't. Start off with a £30 sling and see if you need a pushchair and if you do wait for a bargain. Treat baby shopping like being a tourist in a middle-eastern bazaar - someone's always trying to flog you something crap for a ridiculous price. Do your research and buy re-usable nappies (little lambs are the ones you want) since they cost nothing week to week. Also breast feed - it's free. Tough at first tho.

Oh and the sex is less frequent but possibly more fabulous.. specially as you have to take it really gently at first which is just lovely.

Also breast feed - it's free. Tough at first tho.

Gonna be tough for Hora, moobs or no moobs.

Og gawd what has thinking with my knackers done. I feel even more scared now 😐

HORA If it hasnt been said yet how much for your Cham?

Oh and congrats kids are great. Love having my two.

You will get to ride again, I am riding much much more than I used to at any point apart from when I was doing my GCSEs. 😀

Just out of interest, we don't seem to have heard from many Mum's............do you get more riding in than before?!?!

That wasn't meant in a Men v Women way - I just wondered!! 8)