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Congratulations 🙂
Don't let the wee one sleep in your bed, as it will set a precedence for years to come.
Baby cries for attention, if you can ignore, they will stop.
Feed formula milk just before bed, as this takes longer to digest than breast milk, letting you sleep longer.
This all may sound harsh to some,and at the time was hard to do but this was advice we were given and it works. Happy, rested parents = happy baby. Mind you they tend to become miserable teenagers, whatever you do 😕 😆
Just want to say congratulations op.
My mum was early 40's when I came along, my dad early 50's.
I had the best childhood you could imagine.
I'm sure it will be exhausting at times but oh so worth it!
Had mine late, first on at 37 second at 41. I know it's a cliche but it keeps you young. Congrats - done start this by stressing about it.
4 year old and 1 year old here. I can't remember much in the way of specifics of the first year or so of either one's life. All I remember is it was hellish and when it wasn't it was boring as ****.
Now that Number 2 is walking and talking and assaulting her big brother it's actually quite fun.
If you want to go riding set a very quiet alarm for 5:30 in the morning at the weekends having prepared all your riding gear and bike the night before. Also, get a bike trailer as soon as they can hold their heads up. Good for fitness if nothing else.
In addition, you're going to be spending a [i]lot[/i] of time bending over to pick things up off the floor. Use this as an opportunity to work on squats and straight leg dead lifts. It's good for flexibility and should help avoid back problems.
Most important of all, don't over-think things. 90% of decisions you make are going to be wrong anyway so just go with whatever seems easiest.
Just to re-inforce the older patent thing; part if your responsibility to your child is to be around for them while they are growing up. Not just on a day-to-day basis, but in the longer term too. That means looking after your own physical and mental health. Cycling, walking and running are all excellent for that. Make time for yourself on a regular basis. You may find that road cycling and/or running give you a bigger fitness boost when time-constrained as you've less pre-ride faff and post-ride washing and maintenance. Make sure your partner does the same.
Nearly 42 when our little man was born, first couple of months were hectic as he has a genetic blood disorder, which luckily I had taken redundancy as he was born, so had the time to be there as we were at the hospital every other day, but he'll be 3 in March and wouldn't change a thing, allows you to be a big kid in public and get away with it, but also the terrible are terrible lol.
Can't really add much to what's been said above, other than to reiterate that if you go into it expecting everything to go perfectly then you're going to have a bit of a let down. Adopt a special forces mentality and you'll be fine (no plan survives the first contact; adapt, improvise, overcome)
And that's where I reckon being an older father / parent is actually an advantage. OK, your 'risk factors' will be higher but even a 1:100 chance of say Downs is still a 99/100 chance of not. But you've been around, you're likely to have seen and dealt with stressful situations already and be less likely to be fazed by what is coming.
And hopefully you'll be in a more advanced stage of life so if needed maybe you have more disposable income, overpayments in mortgages and so on so you have more flexibility if mum doesn't want to go back to work, or part time or whatever. My kids were born when I was 34 and 36 and we struggled to adapt to the loss of income because our mortgage was higher as a % of income and so on, I'd have managed far better today, which added to the stress which I could deal with less well, because at 34 I was basically still a child in a grown up body 😉
And anyway, 40's is no age nowadays - congratulations and get on with it! Think of all the teenage parties you can go to in your 60's, and all the 15 years younger mums that you'll be mixing with 😉
I've just turned 38 and have an almost 16 month old daughter.
She's awesome. I have uttered the words "no more kids" on occasion (4am), but the rough bits are soon forgotten.
If life deals us another we'll be happy. Then snippy snippy!
Many thanks for the well wishes everyone, very kind of you all.
In the interest of full disclosure, I actually have an 8yo son from a previous relationship whom stays with us most weekends, plus (current) MrsSlim is a primary teacher by profession (dept-head), so we hopefully have a fairly good basis from which to start this potential new and unexpected adventure.
The biggest shock is more the case that MrsSlim was told so many years ago that she was unable to conceive so we had settled down together over the last few years fully expecting a nice selfish cruise into our golden years 🙂
Having never gotten her head around the idea of being a parent it is wonderful seeing her over the last couple of days as the penny slowly drops..
By the way, we both quit sugar at the start of this year - I've lost 5st in weight but MrsSlim has also done great to lose around 3st herself, and we are under no illusion that the health benefits of kicking sugar/refined carbs (and increased activity) has had an enormous part to play in this baby malarky..
So, I'd love to hear more about screening options and potentially what other options are available for checking baby health in early stages. Of course our biggest concern is the increased risk of conditions such as Downs as she is over 40. We've been told about 'screening with a potential follow up option of anmniocentisis' which I recall is the more invasive procedure. Are there any newer private alternatives?
Whilst I fully appreciate that this is very early days (and am very much primed for worst case scenario) - I'm keeping as calm as a cucumber outwardly - despite my current RHR increase from its norm of 54-55 to a noticeably thumpy 87-88 😮
We were given the option to screen, we took it then never heard anything back so assumed low risk and our daughter was born healthy. Once we'd done it though we regretted it really, on reflection we really didn't know what we would do if told there was a high likelihood of downs.
As your wife was under the impression she couldn't concieve, if she now gets told there a 1/54 chance of downs, what are you going to do with that information?
This is obviously a very personal issue, we just look back now and think we would have been happier through the pregnancy remaining ignorant.
There is a non invasive follow up for the amnio being
Trialled, may be nation wide now, not sure. Called something like the Harmony test.
As a flip side, I'm 46 and the wife 45. Our 2 are 19 and 23 (years not months) and some time early 2018 our house will become just us two, a dog and a cat.
Can't wait 😀
You're all slightly deranged 😉
No, we are utterly, totally nuts
Nearly 48 with a 17 and 14 year old - no sign of an empty house. Lots of sound advice here, and as you've had one, you'll know it's hard at first.
I took two weeks off on leave when both were born, as you'll struggle to function and get used to lack of sleep at first.
Congrats on being able to have kids, bet your partner is over the moon.
OP - about what neilnevill said, yes there's the Harmony/NIPT (non-invasive pre-natal test). We got a scare with the hormone blood test (something like a 1 in 7 risk) and that was a stressful few weeks. We paid for the Harmony test (£450 I think). It came back 1 in 10,000 risk and was a big relief. We now have a beautiful 7 month old daughter who I love to bits.
Lots of good advice up there. Much like that "special forces" advice above - if one thing works then don't expect that to continue to be the case. If it stops working then try something different. I didn't read any books as I didn't want to have any preconceptions of what an "ideal" parenting style should be, I felt pretty confident that I'd manage to be a good dad. My partner bought piles of books then stressed after reading certain sections and also worried that she'd not read every book cover to cover. The only thing I've made use of has been the Wonder Weeks app for some insight into what on earth is going on. My biking has gone from 3 rides a week to 1 or 2 a month, I've put on weight, and I miss my biking friends. However, my daughter is ace.
I'd say the hardest thing (apart from the sleep deprivation) has been managing the house and the mum/dad relationship. A new baby can add a lot of stress and any weak points will potentially crack. We've had a very stressful time through the whole journey - mainly to do with our own dynamic as a couple. It needs teamwork and we've definitely been working against each other on aspects of family life (caused by some fundamental differences of opinion and poor communication). Still, our daughter is a bundle of joy and seems very content despite this.
Other observations: babies make all sorts of weird noises, never transport a baby without a nappy or incontinence pad underneath (unless you want to be cleaning yellow poo out of a cream rug!) and peekaboo never gets boring!
Best wishes for your journey into the unknown from a new dad at 44 and a mum aged 40
Was 45 when we adopted, wife was 44.We were both ready for kids and under no illusion as to how our lives would change completely. I think if you get that then the rest is a piece of p1ss and age is meaningless.
Try not to drink as much though.
46 with a 16 month old boy. It was brutal at first (weeks 6 to 12 were nonstop screaming), but gets easier as time passes. Though I'm beginning to suspect it will never be easy.
Anyhow, you asked for advice and not my moans. We were in the USA when he was conceived and for the bulk of the pregnancy and the health care there was head and shoulders above the shit show that was our experience of the NHS. If you can afford to, go private.
Get tested for strep b. This is important and not done on the NHS. There is a test that can be done at 30 weeks to check the function of the placenta that is not done in U.K. but can be done privately. Eat properly, take the vitamins, no booze or caffeine while pregnant. Try to be cool. Try to keep your wife calm (it can be stressful for some).
Once the baby is out, don't get so hung up on what he/she should be doing/eating/sleeping/etc. There is an obsession in the uk that your baby should progress on a fixed line. Feed them healthy food, do your best with getting them to sleep and give them loads of cuddles and love and they will be fine and get on in their own good time.
Prepare for your life to change. Pretty much all aspects of it.
Congrats and best wishes!
We got on as a couple better the second time round because we acknowledged we would spend the first year hating each other.
The lack of sleep is like no other. First one slept through at 9 months and the second one is 7 months and counting and still wakes for night feeds despite eating everything.
I was a few months off 40, daughter is now 2.
Sometimes envy friends who have older kids and are starting to regain the freedom to go out but then I remember the freedom I had when they had young kids. Giving up that freedom to go riding for more than an couple if hours and ease of doing anything simple like just popping to the shops has been tough.
Some concerns that I'll be late in my 50s when she's a teenager but age is more about attitude that an actual date.
Good luck, it's worth it
Looking around the fellow parents when picking the kids up from school, it would appear that most are around my age (45 , eldest is 10). His mates look on in awe when you kick their ass on the PlayStation though 
When picking up the 4 year old, the parents look a lot younger .
Brings it home a bit , when your mates you went to school with have grand children the same age as your kids 😀
You get a bochemical blood screen for Downs from the NHS from 12weeks but it’s a fairly incurrate test and still only gives you risk score.
There are 3 UK based private NIPT providers (Harmony is one) - which you can get with a dating scan from 10weeks usually from a private ultrasound clinic. These are a blood test using DNA testing and very accurate/sensitive/specific.
Aminocenetsis is invasive, later in pregnancy (+16wks), has some minor risks of complications and is the most accurate test. Usually you only get an amino with a abnormal ultrasound.
Good luck!
I'm 46 and have an 8, 7 and 3 yr old. Me and the mrs were told that we were unlikely to conceive and had 3 attempts at IVF before getting pregnant naturally 3 times. Shocked to get the 1st, confused at the 2nd and looking to get a refund on the IVF costs by the 3rd! Not sure age makes a huge difference to be honest, especially if you're reasonably fit and healthy anyway (we all ride bikes, right? 🙂 )
Anyway, it's not rocket science - they either need feeding, cleaning or sleep. Or all 3. Or some combination of 2 out of the 3.....
Good luck OP, don't over think it and try (really try!) to enjoy it.
Congrats
Another old Pappa here. Was 46 when my son was born - 5 years ago. The Norwegian wifey is 10 years younger then me so Ive got a ready made nurse for when I'm totally worn out - about 5 years I guess
scotroutes - Member
Just to re-inforce the older patent thing; part if your responsibility to your child is to be around for them while they are growing up...
This is very good advice.
(Last child at 50)
Son just turned one, me 41 when he was born, OH a few years younger. Biggest trouble we've had is with him consistently waking 3 or 4 times every night. Seen very little vomit, but plenty of rancid crappy nappies. He's toddling now and so while it's tiring constantly chasing him round to see what he's got his hands into, there's also a lot of fun playing around. Best advice is probably not to expect your own baby's progress to be too comparable with that of other babies. Desire for a second child has been skimming zero for a while but the past few weeks has established a small upward trend.
One toddler of 18 months here, and another due just before we turn 40 this summer.
I really struggled for the first year or so, despite my wife being at home all that time. I hated the change to my life, the planning even the most basic trip out required and the realisation that my needs had dropped way down the list of priorities. I didn’t do anything for myself (no cycling and no canoeing) which I should have done for my well-being if nothing else. I suspect I suffered a a good bit of new Dad depression, but being an idiot I pressed on. At one point I harboured serious thoughts of buying a van and fleeing the country. Having children is a massive, life changing event which can take some chaps a good while to get used to.
Looking back I realise how much I’ve grown in the last two years and how wonderful a family can be. I’m loving spending time with the little bugger now, and any doubts I had have left entirely. I’m finding new enthusiasm for silly things that adults take for granted but children are fascinated by, and my priorities have changed entirely to help plan for the future of our little gang. I found the first year crap, but it has definitely got way better...
Good luck, OP, and congratulations!