I agree with Phil above. How you managed to keep the relationship going for that long through your careers was impressive.
From reading your posts, the tone that stands out for me is almost one of putting the responsibility on yourself for this marriage ending.
There seems to be almost a justification for your wifes decisions and although you clearly still love her, you also have a right to feel and express anger and disappointment.
I sense that your long post, detailing the course and events of the marriage is your way of rationalising what has happened. this is ok, because it may help you to see where things have taken a different path, but do not forget your emotions.
In order to accept what has happened and then move forwards, you must express the feelings and emotions that go alongside your thoughts.
No offence taken c_g! I have more or less written war & peace so understandable that there might be some skimming to get through it all...!
Counselling has been offered, we're both just not the types for it. As far as leaving goes, just been for a couple of pints with my bro & he asked me the same - I could try to extend if I want, but I don't want. Even if this wasn't happening, I've had my fill, its not what it was when I joined at the end of the 90s, I'm sick of the return to really serious politicisation of the top brass, to the point where we're back to them being completely disconnected & at odds with the feeling at the Cole face. Morale in the rank & file, both officer & soldier, is through the floor & a lot of people who didn't get voluntary redundancy are signing off anyway. No job is enjoyable all the time but when you get to the point that more often than not you wake up in the morning thinking I don't want to go to work, then its time to go. Unfortunately for me, I'm at a point in my service where I'm in a pension trap & I'd be committing financial suicide by signing off this close to my pension point.
Same for my wife in that respect with pension.
Forgot to add, the counselling was offered too late anyway, like in the last few days. had we received the support I'd asked for, admittedly informally,earlier we might have been able to make use of it though.
Of course it's going to be difficult discussing your marriage with a complete stranger. There's nothing like being put on the spot and answering awkward questions that you would rather not answer! There comes a time when one has to face reality and take a good look at oneself.
You obviously really want to save your marriage so you need to be pro-active and your wife needs to see that. There will be other counselling available, ie Relate, but may possibly involve a wait.
With regard to your work, that really is one less thing to take into account.
Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers - no vested interest - and no doubt why these kinds if threads are not uncommon on STW!
The counselling on offer was with relate - its contracted out...!
She's not in a hurry for us to start seeing solicitors so maybe once the dust has settled over the last few days & we've given our son a good Christmas, my mind has stopped racing, I can think about trying to change her mind. But I don't want to get my hopes up only for them to be dashed...
Edit - sorry, misunderstood your meaning, you're talking about strangers as in counsellors not STW!