[Closed] Am I being crazy or am I just confused as feeling hurt?

Sorry to hear that.

Do not, under any circumstances, move out. She wants out, she should be doing the moving.

(I Am Not An Expert)

are you in a shared house or is she expecting someone else to move in?

As per Cougar - stay for now in a spare room or something.

Tough one that mate.

PErsonally i'd move out... life is too short to be in a crap place like that.

I feel for you 🙁

Sorry to hear about that, especially as there;s is a child involved. As Cougar says, she wants out, then SHE goes.

Oh and your son stays too.

Was in the same position 2 years ago. I stayed for 4 months until the house was sold. If you move out you lose a valuable bargaining tool. Don't do it unless you want to.

patriotpro - Member
Sorry to hear about that, especially as there;s is a child involved. As Cougar says, she wants out, then SHE goes.

Oh and your son stays too.

Unrealistic in 99% of occasions.

2nd thought:

this does sound a very planned thing. You move in to a new property and then she wants you out and has already worked out where you can move to and she has someone else lined up to move in.

doesn't help but this was being planned before you moved house 🙁

Talk to a solicitor before agreeing to anything.....

Er, you were a partnership and that still stands whilst you are sorting out the final details. Don't let her have the upper hand and dictate to you - you both need to discuss and agree/reach a compromise.

I would also question whether she is OK and if there is anything that you should know about, particularly if this is out of the blue.

You have had a child together so your voice needs to be heard.

Sounds like she has been working behind your back for a long time to manoeuvre this situation - make sure you get good advice and don’t move out yet.

And at the end of all this you *will* be in a better place - she sounds like the sort of woman that you don’t need in your life.

From bitter experience she knew what she was doing to sink all the money in then ask you to leave You are stuffed really whatever you do but staying put gives you more rights as leaving the " matrimonial home" reduces your ability to ask for access etc as you left - even if they ask you to to/force you to you left.

Ask her if she wants to move out and leave you with the home and the kid - is it rented?

I would imagine she has had some legal advice or will do very soon and I advise you to do the same

I also advise you to just accept the law is sexist/unfair and against you here. Take all the finacial losses on the chin because the thing that will hurt most is your access to your child. Focus on that and it gets bnetter over time even if you hate each other.

Sorry to hear bout it I really am but it is getting the best out of an awful situation

She wants out, she should be doing the moving.

This - exactly what I did many moons ago, 3 young kids at the time - so I told her if she didn't want to work at a solution then I ain't moving out to be some weekend dad so she better find somewhere to go. Shared the house but had separate rooms for 18 months before she moved out. Rule No 1 though is kids feelings come first. Good luck.

weeksy - Member

patriotpro - Member
Sorry to hear about that, especially as there;s is a child involved. As Cougar says, she wants out, then SHE goes.

Oh and your son stays too.

Unrealistic in 99% of occasions.

Some backng for you statistic if you don't mind?

Without knowing the OPs work patterns, child-care availibility, etc neither of us know if it's realistic. Personally, it's worth a crack, if you roll over later having give it a go then fair does.

I'd say it's status quo that dictates he rolls over like you suggest rather than my suggestion being actually unrealistic.

If you move out it won’t be long before the new man is moved in so best to stay whilst you get things properly sorted so your child knows where they stand and knows they remain central to both your priorities.

Good luck.

Perhaps people could refrain from throwing accusations around without knowing the full facts! Some of you come across as wimmin haterz. 😐

Perhaps people could refrain from throwing accusations around without knowing the full facts! Some of you come across as wimmin haterz.

Nobody has anything more than one side of this story. As the OP describes it, it sounds as though he's being seriously done over by this person (who happens to be female). How exactly would you discern her actions thus far?

Well on the face of it it doesn’t sound like she has behaved very nicely does it? People can only respond based on the information they have been told.

I would also question whether she is OK and if there is anything that you should know about, particularly if this is out of the blue.

My quote.

Blokes lacking in self-awareness shocker. 🙄

My girlfriend said she had a room spare in house the other week.....

Blokes lacking in self-awareness shocker

That is one massive assumption that you make there.

Some backng for you statistic if you don't mind?

It wasn't a statistic it was a generalisation based upon common scenarios.

cinnamon_girl - Member

I would also question whether she is OK and if there is anything that you should know about, particularly if this is out of the blue.

My quote.

Blokes lacking in self-awareness shocker

Blokes siding with blokes and women with women shocker...

Perhaps people could refrain from throwing accusations around without knowing the full facts! Some of you come across as wimmin haterz.

Blokes lacking in self-awareness shocker

We can sure feel your love, for men, sister 🙄

I'd def be getting some advice. I'd suggest she's way ahead of you on this and has a game plan, all seems a bit suspicious to me. You need to get your head sorted and develop a plan. I have seen this twice in 2 years.

Deffo stay in there if you can, your paying for one house then you'll have to pay for another to live in and negotiate rights to see your kid.

You married?

Edit: Is the house mortgaged?

Really try to talk her in to councilling, specially where kids are concerned is best all round to try to get the issues resolved. Is there a 3rd party on the scene?

OP, please see past the petty bickering above (stop it you lot, the OP doesn’t need it) and get yourself some proper informed professional advice.

In the meantime,

I would not be moving out and would not want to be rushed into anything at this confusing time.

Take your time and try to think clearly.

Crappy situation..

You need to take a deep breath, set aside all the rubbish for the moment and take control of what YOU want.

There is clearly an awful lot of stuff we don't know. My feeling is it would be unwise to remove yourself from the family home at the moment. It will be horrible, as i understand it, and an compleatly happy to be corrected, you make things difficult for yourself if you just go.
You say this is totally out of the blue, is it, really..
If it is and its totally her choice she can't just throw you out the house because she feels like it.

It is going to be really tough but you're the only one who is going to look after you now, be sad, angry, upset, whatever you need to do at a later date but you've got to be practical right now.

All the best

Seems very contrived from her side
Get legal help because this is not going to be sorted amicably.

If you want care and control of your boy, then go for it. If that is the case I would urge you not to move out of the house.

--

Ok. Just wish to answer some questions. We are not married. I was saving for a engagement ring( I did not have a lot but it was growing). The house is rented and there is a house mate which is a friend to us and he was helping with the bills. It was out the blue as I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and 24 hours before we was taking about going as a family to Disney world and arranging the saving. As I said I just wanted the best for my son and again I don't know what to do.

Is it possible she's shagging the housemate ?

That's rubbish mate.. All of the above useful advice I +1..

Sounds like this has been planned for a while though, get all the savings into the house, give it a month so it doesn't look suspicious.. Then break up, which by your post sounds like her call.. Then ask YOU to leave, I don't see how that is fair. Don't leave.. As said above if she want's to go then let her but you stay put.

It gets on my nerves how when people break up it is mainly the man that has to go and gets left financially ruined in some cases.. While the ladies get to stay in a house that they can't always realistically afford!

I'm all for equal rights but it has to work both ways..

Anyway back on topic..

Good luck mate, stay strong for your child, they are the most important person in this situation. Make sure they are happy and loved, if it comes down to access make sure it is fun things they associate Dad with.. Swimming, cycling, parks, zoo's etc..

Good luck mate.

Is it possible she's shagging the housemate ?

It is only fair that the OP does this to her sister or best friend.

But I will wait a little while and let some of the really raw wounds heal before I suggest such a thing.

oh, and video it on your phone

Been in a similar situation and have a few friends have been though this so I can understand just how you feel.

I agree with the above Ro5ey and MartynS. Don't be hurried.

I'd be staying in the house, very difficult to affect any changes from outside. Also better to find out what the hells going on. If everything was apparently OK a few days ago somethings going on. People just dont change their life plans in 2 days. You at least deserve an explanation (but a truthful one).

Get good legal advice.

Get her in to councilling if you can to open dialogue/resove.

Get your support network sorted, your gonna need family/friends.

Sound work out about any time off you may need to sort things/yourself.

And as said focus, you can panic later if you like 🙂

I feel for you dude.

weeksy - Member
Is it possible she's shagging the housemate ?

Taxi!

You have a housemate in a house with a two year old? Weird set up. i.e. why would someone renting agree to move into a house with such a small (noisy at times?) child?

Sorry to ask- male or female housemate? The reason why I ask is its only been a week yet she's already had a conversation/think/agreement from this renter whereas its a potential 'erm situation'.

male - see OP

hora - Member
You have a housemate in a house with a two year old? Weird set up. i.e. why would someone renting agree to move into a house with such a small (noisy at times?) child?

Sorry to ask- male or female housemate? The reason why I ask is its only been a week yet she's already had a conversation/think/agreement from this renter.

they have to talk about something after he's been humping her like a hippo.

Right. Sorry I wouldn't leave the house. I'd say to the renter under the circumstances he should move out (sorry mate)- this will illicit some sort of response etc.

Sorry if it did transpire that hes moved in on a family/breaking up from right under your nose- seems weird how quick she wants you out along with the renter being in agreement etc and she wants you out asap.

I think I'd be seeing this lad can fly. No amicable etc- thats disgusting betrayal.

edited