MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Ok guys and gals, need a bit of help here. Just had a call from my mate, Chris, who lives in Australia now. He's distraught, and a bit pissed I think.
Background; he's 34, and had his fair share of girlfriends. A few serious, most not. Of the ones who were serious, they were more serious than he was, and wanted commitment, so he ran away. He had pretty much decided that he wasn't the type to settle down with one girl, although he really admired and almost envied people who did.
So, a few months ago he meets a girl who catches his attention like no one else ever has. Love at first sight he reckons. They had a few dates, and he had pretty much decided that she was the one.
However the other night, she calls it all off, saying that she has a problem with the fact they work together. Which is why he now reckons he's distraught and has been drowning sorrows.
Now, I've known him simce we were 16 or something, and I've never heard him talk like this about any girl, so I believe him when he says he thinks she is the one. I want to offer him some advice. I have some thoughts, but I wanted to know what all you wordly wise folks on here have to say about it.
So, over to you, we've got 10 hours till he gets to work and checks his e-mail.....
He could resign?
That was his first thought, but no job, no visa, so he would have have to come home.
He'll get over it.
he doesn't want to
marry her, and resign?
Could it be that the 'working together' reason is just a way of letting him down gently?
It is a relatively new relationship which usually means the speed of falling in love is matched by the speed of getting over any rejection.
As said above, he'll get over it.
Could it be that the 'working together' reason is just a way of letting him down gently?
My thoughts too.
sounds like a long overdue taste of his own medecine.
Shit excuse to dump him by the girlfriend.
She needs to woman the **** up and give it to him straight before he goes insane or drives you insane with his moaning.
Does the office have a stationery cupboard?
You know what needs to happen next...
It is a relatively new relationship which usually means the speed of falling in love is matched by the speed of getting over any rejection.
In this case, don't think so. Whatever happens, I think I'm going to be hearing about this girl for a very long time.
Just to re-emphasise - for my mate, this is different.
But the point being is that it is a fresh wound. If, in a year's time, he still has issues then fair enough.
sounds like a long overdue taste of his own medecine.
I wouldn't quite put it like that, but something along these lines occurred to me also.
Why is the fact they work together a problem...seems she is using that as an excuse to dump him. He should move on and try and change his job as it wont be much fun working with someone he's fallen for and cant have, it will also get worse when she meets someone else. Hes going to have to sort himself out before it gets ugly.
Does the office have a stationery cupboard?You know what needs to happen next...
eh, what? I'm thick me.
In Sweden they have a phrase about love and it all going wrong, "Up like the sun, down like a pancake"
Tell him to be cool nothing puts a girl off faster than someone pining for them and being all pathetic. Get some VB's down his neck and MTFU
He needs to tie her up and leave her in the stationery cupboard to die. I think.
"She needs to woman the **** up and give it to him straight before he goes insane or drives you insane with his moaning."
agree+1
she's not interested, the more he whines about it, the less interested she'll be.
He should offer to move jobs then. If she's not keen on the idea, he should just leave it be & rack it up to experience.
There's always Dobbie.
He should offer to move jobs then
he's in Australia on a visa. No job, no visa.
Dobbie
?
peep show reference
It would seem he has met his match - or more appropriately - his better.
He may think she is the one, she obviously doesn’t think the same about him.
Get some VB's down his neck and MTFU
😆
It seems he's already been trying that, and it looks to have had th opposite effect
she obviously doesn’t think the same about him
agree, at least not yet. But what could he do to find out whether or not it's worth pursuing, and what should his pursuit tactics be?
Find someone else pdq for a quick, meaningless, but very obvious and visible shagfest, if the other one does not seem bothered he has proven it to himself, moved on and had some fun whilst doing so.
The best way to get over one woman is to get under another.
From your original post- she doesnt feel the sameway about him. It happens, for a relationship to develop both people have to feel the sameway. Shes given him a gentle let down 'we work together'.
Otherwise if she felt as intensely as him she would be agonising over it with him not just dumping him.
In these circumstances if he chases after her hes going to be in trouble on a fair few levels.
rogerthecat - Member
Find someone else pdq for a quick, meaningless, but very obvious and visible shagfest,
Less of the visible, please. If you must dip your nib in the company inkwell, at least have the decency to follow tradition and do it in the stationery cupboard.
he's been dumped, groveling will only make him seem more pathetic and uninteresting. Sounds like he got used, so I guess he can now empathize with the people who he used in the past now.
He wasn't the one for her.
Working together is a load of tosh but also could be the truth.
Thing is if he can find another job then comes back to her for some other excuse.
He's obsessed and even we can understand-he sounds a bit crazy and needs to back down.
It will take time to get over her.
Ask him what he would say to a friend in the same position.
Not easy seeing an Ex at work all day I can imagine.
Or STW answer: get layed and you'll feel fine.
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You can always not give him any advice,just take the pi$$ out of him! Have you asked him for photos of her...if so post em up here and we can judge if shes worth it.
Something about Mary is a great film about stalkers - recommend it to him to watch again?
No, I don't know [i]everything[/i] about women, but there's one thing I know for sure - Nothing says "I love you" like nailing the bloodied corpse of her pet cat to her front door!
I know Fritzel was wrong but there is a way he can keep her as his girlfriend pretty much indefinitely.
Has this thread reached the stage in it's lifecycle where I won't get any more useful comments?
Been quite good so far. Confirmed most of my first thoughts. Thanks folks.
Would have been nice to get a lady on though....sorry if you were a lady and I didn't realise.
Now.....how to break it to him?
Just get him to log onto STW!
Just get him to log onto STW!
You know I was thinking of that, maybe you will hear from the man himself.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend... 😉
Oh shit. All you lot with the bad advice are in trouble. Im ok, I offered Fritzel 😀You know I was thinking of that, maybe you will hear from the man himself.
Maybe the speed / intensity of his interest has just plain scared her. It is quite possible she is trying to back off in a way she sees as kind and caring towards him.
Also working with someone you are or have dated can be a terrible experience when stuff goes wrong - she may have seen or experienced this before and is worried it may happen to them.
I suggests he talks to her and tries to find out if its really about work, or if its about other issues. This could be a painful discussion.
If she likes him enough, she too has the option of changing jobs. Or they could both work in the UK for a while or in some other country where they can both get work in a field of interest.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
I thought it was pearls? 😆
Remember grasshopper:
[i]If wheels or tits are present cost you it will [/i]
if she was 'the one' he wouldn't have been dumped
'the one' is a myth - there are lots....
There's absolutely no mileage in trying to resurrect a short term relationship that's been finished, at best your mate will get a pity shag, at worst she'll loose any respect she had left for him.
If it's dead, mourn it, leave it.
I wouldn't go out with anyone I work with,I'm a nurse,and it gets far too intense,so I see her point,but if she wanted to continue the relationship,she'd be working with him to sort it out.He needs alcohol,meaningless sex and MTFU,and in 6 months he might be readt for a other go.
Ian
by the way, what IS his job that makes it hard for her to work with him?
sadexpunk - Member
by the way, what IS his job that makes it hard for her to work with him?
Gynacologist.
at best your mate will get a pity shag
i'll take that as it is, no need to wrap it to go thanks
by the way, what IS his job
Marketing for a big media company. It was a great career choice - he's been surrounded by very hot women ever since uni. Me o the other hand, I went in to IT.
feenster you might have been surrounded by hot men though? 😐
Mate of mine worked in a Japanese airlines office in London. He kept telling me the Japanese girls in his office kept asking him out and saying how much they wanted a 'English boyfriend'. They just werent his type though......bugga! Darnit 🙁
he's been surrounded by very hot women ever since uni
Am I missing something here? Too much choice clouding his judgement? Move along, nothing to see here (relationship wise anymore)....
Me o the other hand, I went in to IT.
<sighs> me too but at least I learnt how to program in Pascal
Girls point of view?
She is just not that into him - sorry 🙁
you might have been surrounded by hot men though
em, I really doubt it.....
Girls point of view?She is just not that into him - sorry
That was my gut instinct, and probably his as well if he's honest....
me too but at least I learnt how to program in Pascal
But sadly not how to entertain the opposite sex, dress snappily, surf, hold outragious dinner parties or drive a Lotus Elise? 🙄
Sounds like in the past the girls were all fawning over him. Along comes a lady that holds back a bit and wham he's fallen.
If the relationship isn't right, then there's nothing he can say or do to resurrect it.
He has to keep his dignity and stay away from her.
If there is a shred of hope she'll come back if, he stays away.
The other chaps are right, he will get over this.
If he's been saying this is the one, he's probably been coming on a bit too strong, and it may have put her off. Or she doesn't fancy him.
I'd just tell him to Man-up, they must be pretty friendly with each other for it to get to this point, ideally you would want to try and get back to that pre-going out relationship, write it off as a silly idea they both had. Laugh it off and play it cool, if she should then again show an interest, PLAY HARD TO GET, this never fails and just see how it plays out.
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My ma and pa were married for 25 years. Working together made them stronger.
He';s fallen for her, she hasn't for him. Simple. Why for a second is "working together" even an excuse? If you like seeing each other, and love each otehr, what better than being loosely "with" each other all day?
She might be getting cold feet, but it's going nowhere if that kind of excuse is proffered.
And if he logs - "dry yer eyes mate..."
Is she Australian ??
If yes, then she is telling the truth, it's a British thing to not say what you actually mean, with your indirect communication, Aussies tend to keep it simple.
If yes, she is probably also already doing with his best mate.
He needs to find a nice British girl who understands what he is saying !
Lump hammer and a brown hessian bag?
Tell him to "play it cool trigger, play it cool!"
Fools rush in!
Mate of mine worked in a Japanese airlines office in London. He kept telling me the Japanese girls in his office kept asking him out and saying how much they wanted a 'English boyfriend'. They just werent his type though......bugga!
Your friend is gay right. Please tell me he is gay.
If she's an Aussie then if he's got past first base then he'll have had a fantastic time. My un-empirical study concluded that they are disgustingly filthy women. I had to extend the study to validate my findings as well which was a real hardship.
But he's been dumped. simple.
So I decided against showing him this thread, decided it was a bit harsh in places and might get him a bit riled.
So I wrote an e-mail plagarising the best/funniest/wisest comments from here and toned down the harsh stuff. Jist of it was he needs to be very cool, try to figure out if the work thing is an excuse, and to bear in mind that either way, it doesn't look like she has fallen for him like he has for her. Also pointed out the role reversal and parallels with one or two if his previous relationships.
I thought it was pretty good, nad made me look far more witty/perceptive and wise than I am, so thanks for your comments folks. 😀
If he spends time just being her friend (i.e. no intimate touching) then if the sparks develop he'll be able to provide some input into NZCol's study (plus hopefully some photos as evidence too)