Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
We talk about big purchases before we spend out but we tend to both be on the same page before it’s even brought up.
Bought a car in October, it went like this
Me: “Paul at work’s selling his car, I said I’ll buy it for £100 more than the dealer offers him. I’ve kind of always wanted one and if we sell the current car now before it dies it’s probably still worth a reasonable amount.”
Her: “Cool, I like it too. Can you test drive it & when’s his new car coming?”
Me: “Yeah, already arranged for this afternoon. New one comes Tuesday”
Her later that day: “How is it?”
Me: “Ace. Can I have a lift to work Tuesday so I can drive it home?”
Her: “Sure”
I realise I have it easy compared to some 🤣
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
Not necessarily without discussing it, but it generally goes along the lines of "I'd like to buy this car", "OK, that looks nice. Can we afford it?", "Yup", "OK well make sure you sell the old one first." And that's not some kind of financial flex, other than my current car the most I've ever spent was £5500.
From the description you've given of the C5 I'd say you're firmly in the intersection of a need/want Venn diagram, so if you can afford one make an exective decision and get one.
I'm liking the sound of the holidays taking priority over a new car. This person sounds sound to me.
Not necessarily without discussing it
Well, yes there's always a discussion... But if we had a £600 rot box between us that was one bill away from the scrap yard, it would be a pretty quick and easy discussion that we'd go 50/50 on newer car.
What sort of car we buy might be a bit of a compromise but the decision to buy something with a bit more life left in it would pretty much be a given.
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
Kinda did that on the current car, everything about it was my (sensible, family friendly) choice, but it was no surprise to anyone when I finally replaced the 20yr old crv. In that case I'd been the one deferring the expense...
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
No, not entirely, but given the level of disinterest shown, it would be more of an informative announcement than an agreement.
Honestly sounds like you're on the cusp of financial coercive control.
I’m liking the sound of the holidays taking priority over a new car. This person sounds sound to me.
Yep She is the holiday obsessive, but I do make the time to engage in the discussion and actually agree with whatever ends up getting booked.
Thing is in order to go on most trips we still need a reliable way to get to the airport/ferry or drive halfway across the country.
Last MOT was just an accumulation of age related degradation, some suspension bit, an exhaust section and both rear brake calipers needed replacing, plus a bit of labour it soon tots up.
It might sail through next year, it might be another pricey one, we've perhaps been lucky up to this point, we've had it a decade now but it's just a car and I'm not sentimental about it, and it's at the age where other things are liable to let go at random.
Anyway thanks for all the input STW...
Honestly sounds like you’re on the cusp of financial coercive control.
Which side? Her or him. I'm confused, since when did agreeing on things constitute coercive control?
Apart from the car issue, appears that your other half has control issues, financial for a kick off with the 0% CC......
Her or him
Her, having ultimately power of veto over spending. Even to the extent of a 0% credit card.
Blimey I didn't expect our whole relationship to get dissected 🙂
I don't think anyone is being financially coerced here, the struggle is more over getting her engaged in a decision she recognises needs to be made but just won't, it's more like extreme prevarication than anything else, and I really don't like 'nagging' but I seem to be getting dragged into that role a bit.
We can afford a brand new car, but we did at least agree we should just get a more recent used one instead, we do tend to agree on most things financially. I just can't persuade her to pay attention to the practicalities of what car we actually need, but she's actually quite a major stakeholder in the decision...
I do sympathise, it seems like a bit of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation..
If you, unilaterally buy a new 'shared' car I can see exactly why that would cause a big argument, but equally, what are you to do, if you genuinley can't trust the reliability of the only car you both rely on?
Surely she could simply say something like, OK you choose one as long as it meets ceratin criteria, I dunno...
Costs less than 7 grand
Has 7 seats
etc. etc.
There's also the consideration that the current car worth more as a trade in against a newer one sooner rather than later, before it's a proper scrap yard candidate.
Tell us about the holidays they sound great
But the car is increasingly living up to it’s French heritage, the last MOT cost £600 to get through, which is probably more than it’s worth.
As of other have said £600 is much less than a new car. At this point its depreciation and maintenance are probably much less than on a newer vehicle.
In our house it’s usually my wife that cracked first as I try to run a car into the ground
My wife declares no interest in cars, doesn't drive and considers them just things to get from A to B.
She still manages to complain about every car I buy and then also complains when I sell it*.
It is such a big car, we don't need something like that <-> Why did you ever get rid of that lovely old car, it was so spacious..
Repeat for pretty much every adjective relating to cars. I ended up with 5 and she is still not happy.
*The exception if the Nissan Leaf I am selling and have had 4 people ask about already. She agrees that pile of crap can go.
Who gives a **** about cars? You’ve got one that’s working, why want a new one?
A fair point, but if they both rely on it, I dont think he is suggesting buying a brand new car, and assuming the OPs description is accurate:
125k miles (still on original Turbo somehow)
08 plate (16 years old)Condition: rust on Several panels, dents galore, peeling lacquer, remote locking no longer working, one window motor gone, creaks from doors, clutch juddering when pulling away (remember it’s a semi-auto).
Given the Mrs has tentetivley agreed to get something a bit nicer, I don't think it's an outrageous decision to, well, get something a bit nicer, it seems odd she vetoes all suggestions but seemingly also refuses to participate in what to get?
Our current ancient Fiesta is currently showing zero signs of actually stopping.
Have you checked the brakes?
My uncle once bought a house without telling his wife because he knew she’d veto it.
Turned out ok eventually 🙂
My Dad did this…ended in divorce.
So, in our joint finance relationship I am probably often the one who lacks interest in purchases (not cars).
I think the solution is to select three options and present them in an easy format to the disinterested party. Three or four points about each one relating to her interests/concerns (eg colour options, size, mpg, features). Then ask her which she’d prefer or state your favourite.
Trick her into engaging.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S'”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S’”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
I call bullshit. The RS500 was only available in white, black or blue.
A long time ago a girl in my class said her dad had a new car.
a Red one, it’s name starts with an ‘S’”.
Turned out it was a Sierra RS500.
I doubt it, they didn't come in red..
Dammit, beaten to it 😀
Reminds me of a friend who was bragging about her friend having an Escort Mexico.. it was just a bog standard 1.4 IIRC, it wasnt even the right age/body shape!
And my other friend who proudly announced he'd bought a BMW M3... Turned out it was a 3 series M-sport Diesel, oh how we laughed! Well, he didn't!
“She doesn’t even drive the thing, I’m basically her chauffeur these days.”
was a telling point as I read it. Really not understanding why you can’t just take some initiative and go get sorted.
Sounds like disinterest rather than a clear no or reasons given for a no. I’d not try and ignore a clear and resolute no but unless I heard it, green light.
better to ask for forgiveness than permission and all that.
Mind you I do speak as someone who took the initiative made the decision and then sat in the shiny new car as after some moments my wife then said er where’s the gearstick? (Sneaky auto purchase and she’s a firm has to be manual driver. Oops)
I’d happily have a Yaris, jazz or something sensibly small but We now need the same sort of boot space for transporting MIL’s mobility scooter (and 5 full seats) for moving 2x teens, plus MIL…
spunk £10k+
I bet the Venn Diagram isn't as wide ranging as you reckon.
Try sticking say 12k limit into Autotrader for the sake of argument.
Now. Petrol or diesel? I'd suggest if you currently have a shitbox C4 (with no disrespect towards the venerable C4 intended) you probably don't do mega miles. So petrol.
Manual or auto? Manual, because as you point out auto boxes go wrong, etc.
Ok. Now you need to find cars that could actually get three full size people in R2. I'll save you some time because I've just been through it and it boils down to:
* Citroen C4 Picasso or Spacetourer,
* Ford SMax or Galaxy,
* VW/Seat Shalambra,
* Maybe VW Touran if your three full sized people are slim.
That's about it unless you go a bit more left field with something like e.g. Toyota Alphard. Which look dead cool but also slightly mental from a practical perspective.
So have a wazz through that lot, limit the search radius to whatever you wouldn't begrudge too much driving over to look at it and you'll find there's three cars out there. One of them may be red but probably not.
This is kind of the thought process I go through, and then present the findings to The Board as a short precis. It's usually then fairly easy to make a choice.
Why do you have to wait for the wife's approval. She seems happy to spend money on stuff. Or are you not able to make decisions ?
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
No, there wasn't.
56 were white, 52 were blue and the rest were black.
Definitely a RS500 in red was made.
Nope, not unless it's a replica or a re-spray.
Are you thinking of an Escort RS turbo or RS 2000? Or a Sierra xr4 dressed up as a cossie?
Was even the Saph available in red? Rs500 were moonstone, white or black, if memory serves correctly.
Or it were resprayed. Or a badge on a lower model.
It seems Saphs did come in red, but that's not an RS500.
https://www.pistonheads.com/news/ph-features-heroes/ford-sierra-sapphire-rs-cosworth-ph-heroes/31054
I bought a new car two weeks ago and drove it home on Monday. I say “bought” but it’s a motability car so not quite the same. Had a nice and solid VW Tiguan diesel DCT but it had to go back after 5 years and only 17,000 miles. Nice car and well specced with all the gizmos and Dynaudio system.
Sat in a MG HS Trophy DCT in the showroom and found I could get a driving position that would work for myself as it was very similar to my Tiguan so I decided to get one there and then, bought and signed for in 5 mins without even turning it on or driving, spms and muscle spasms mean I find it difficult to stretch out my legs and I need a higher seat position for ease of entry so rules out every normal car.
It’s absolutely hateful to drive, drove it the 30 miles home and its sat there unused all week. Cheap plasticky interior - what looks like alloy inserts is painted plastic, vinyl/fake leather seats and not a good fake leather, utterly ****ing atrocious sounding audio system- annoyed bout this. Absolutely terrible DCT gearbox which is jerky at low speeds and sometimes holds the gear, sometimes changes up, sometimes changes down, Auto hold handbrake acts like launch control on acceleration from a standstill, hold……hold……hold……release!. Steering is so light I sometimes wonder if it’s actually connected to the front wheels, Infotainment system is from the days of Psion organisers but not as zippy in operation, screen lag can be measured in terms of beard growth. Feels like I’ve bought a car from the depths of aliexpress and in some ways I guess I have.
But…….if I wanted the equivalent VW Tiguan that I’ve been running around in for the previous 5 years it would now cost me a £4000 down payment which I don’t have, the MG HS Trophy DCT was £0 as down payment so that’s the only reason I choose it, can’t complain really but it’s good to have a moan and bitch.
Already looking at upgrading the 6 speakers to 8 + 2 dash mount tweeters + sub in rear with a decent dac/amp under the seat and I’ll just use an old iPhone as a head unit/control. I’ll get a mate to do the install.
Don’t buy a MG HS Trophy.
This is an RS500, even Forza only gives 3 factory paint options!
The RS500 had:
The Inline-four engine had a thicker walled cylinder block and smaller core plugs
A larger Garrett AiResearch T04 turbocharger
A larger air-air intercooler
A second set of four Weber IW025 "yellow" fuel injectors and a second fuel rail (not functional in the road version)
An uprated fuel pump
A larger capacity airbox and turbo inlet pipe
Blow-off valve crossover pipe feed relocated to the inlet manifold
An uprated oil and cooling system
The rear semi-trailing arm beam had extended but unused mounting points
Engine output increased to 227 PS (224 hp; 167 kW) at 6000 rpm
Max. torque of 277 N⋅m (204 lb⋅ft) at 4500 rpm.[3]
The RS500 also had minor external cosmetic differences to its parent the Sierra three-door Cosworth:
The rear tailgate had a lower spoiler in addition to the upper "whale tail"
Discreet RS500 badges on the rear tailgate and front wings
A redesigned front bumper and spoiler to aid cooling and air flow, including the removal of the fog lamps and their replacement with intake grilles to supplement brake cooling
Thing is in order to go on most trips we still need a reliable way to get to the airport/ferry or drive halfway across the country.
Ideally, yes. Good point. Has your old car let you down on holiday yet…? 🤞🏼
Engine output increased to 227 PS (224 hp; 167 kW) at 6000 rpm
Max. torque of 277 N⋅m (204 lb⋅ft) at 4500 rpm.[3]
That’s mad, you sure that was the output?, I thought is was 250 bhp ish, I managed to get my VW Gti 16v engine up to 194 bhp and 176 lb/ft, and my recent Tiguan 2.0d was 240 bhp and 400 lb ft but it did have a remap and filter/intercooler by a mate at Celtic tuning.
That’s mad, you sure that was the output?, I thought is was 250 bhp ish,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ford_Sierra_RS_Cosworth
So says wikipedia, the RS500 was an utterly bonkers car, for its time, to be fair!
Just shows you how far modern engines have evolved, there was a loads of Cosworths and M3’s in kirkcudbright back in the 80’s/early 90’s due to skippers on the fishing boats trying to outcompete each other, then in the 90’s/2000’s they all moved onto Subaru’s and Mitsubishi evo’s. One of the skippers still has all his Subaru’s including the special editions locked up in a barn on his farm, must have a small fortune in cars but as he now owns 3 boats I doubt he’s short of money.
As of other have said £600 is much less than a new car. At this point its depreciation and maintenance are probably much less than on a newer vehicle.
I think people are getting a bit hung up on that last MOT, It's not the cost of a new car or maintenance that concerns me really TBH, it's the consequences of an ageing, potentially unreliable car with an increasing number of things failing, depreciation is kind of irrelevant with a 16 year old car.
I think the solution is to select three options and present them in an easy format to the disinterested party. Three or four points about each one relating to her interests/concerns (eg colour options, size, mpg, features). Then ask her which she’d prefer or state your favourite.
Trick her into engaging.
That's probably the best advice so far, I shall attempt to do this I think. Would it be OTT to make a full PowerPoint do we reckon?
I bet the Venn Diagram isn’t as wide ranging as you reckon.
Try sticking say 12k limit into Autotrader for the sake of argument.
Now. Petrol or diesel? I’d suggest if you currently have a shitbox C4 (with no disrespect towards the venerable C4 intended) you probably don’t do mega miles. So petrol.
Manual or auto? Manual, because as you point out auto boxes go wrong, etc.
Almost on the money, and yes I've spent many hours poking round autotrader and other sites.
Sadly it's got to be auto though, she's only got an auto license 🙂 hence the current auto shitbox.
And almost all of the options you listed would probably fall foul of her dislike of driving bigger cars, which includes the current one (it is a horrendous wallowy sofa of a thing TBF) but her contradictory statements so far also align with mine and she agrees that we need a big enough car for five of us, plus a large enough boot for the scooter of doom and/or luggage, basically she wants a TARDIS...
I've proposed the 'two car solution' a few times in the past (we had two cars when she first passed). I reckoned going to a small auto (or better yet small leccy car) primarily for local use (by both of us) and a larger family car that could be manual or auto (primarily for me to drive), but she's not keen on that either for reasons...
I may just ease her into the idea by getting a new family car, but keeping the old shitroen for a bit, just for my use/as a backup, keep all the back seats folded down permanently, it's not a bad car for slinging a bike or two in the back of, or doing tip trips. Once she's used to the two car solution I can chop the Shitroen in for something smaller.
It's not just the engine, it's the power to weight ratio, on the little brakes and little tyres compared to modern cars... quite scary! I wouldn't fancy crashing in one!
Can’t you just work out what size one you want and buy one? Aren’t most cars basically the same?
No! I can absolutely state, quite categorically, that different cars from different manufacturers will vary dramatically, in the way they drive and handle, in comfort, in the way that controls and dashboard layouts are set out, and pedal layouts as well, will make a car that seems absolutely perfect turn into a raging nightmare half an hour after you get into it and start driving. I have personal experience of driving hundreds of different vehicles, over something like a 100,000 miles across a couple of years, and some that people on here rave about, like Berlingos, have practically reduced me to tears after less than an hour into a three hour drive, because they’re so uncomfortable to drive.
An hour’s drive in a year-old Mercedes A-Class was sheer misery after thirty minutes due to the seats being so hard, I’ve honestly sat on wooden church pews that were better. If at all possible, ask to have a car over a weekend and put a few hours in driving it, because little irritations become major annoyances that will drive you nuts; the single stalk that Mercedes insists on using for indicators and wipers has pissed me off every single time I’ve driven one, including the C63 AMG I drove up the M5.
Then there’s all the touch screens, electronic handbrakes and stupid, badly designed ergonomics - Peugeot 208’s have a ‘holographic’ dash display, along with a hexagonal steering wheel, and the flat top of the wheel completely blocks the view of the digital speed display; I’m roughly 6’, and there was no way I could adjust the seat that allowed me to comfortably drive the car and actually see how fast I was going, bearing in mind that these cars were for school of motoring pupils! I was only applying the vinyl graphics for the motoring schools and moving them around the site and I was having trouble seeing what the display was showing, in order to stick to the 10mph limit in site.
As a result I made a highly informed decision on the car I chose to buy; I can promise you that a great many popular cars that are on the market now I wouldn’t touch with a barge-pole.
Just buy yourself a sensible car and throw the keys and log book for the rot bucket over to her, and say 'bon appetite'.
Would it be OTT to make a full PowerPoint do we reckon?
Even more to unpick.... !
But yes, choose a few cars and show them. State your preference and see if you can get some feedback on colour or 'must have' specs.
And almost all of the options you listed would probably fall foul of her dislike of driving bigger cars, which includes the current one (it is a horrendous wallowy sofa of a thing TBF) but her contradictory statements so far also align with mine and she agrees that we need a big enough car for five of us, plus a large enough boot for the scooter of doom and/or luggage, basically she wants a TARDIS…
Ay caramba. All that and it's got to be small into the bargain?! 🤔
To be honest it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what the constraints are and what you need as a family. It also sounds as though you're Chief Research Officer in your house: same here, although MrsP engages with the process at a kind of executive level. It makes a big difference having someone to act as a sounding board at least. Like you I wouldn't spend this kind of money (or really any significant amount) from the joint finances without getting the other person's say so.
