I’d just buy what I wanted within the scope of it fitting in with family life. If she’s not that bothered, then she’ll quickly get over any disappointment/issues. It’s an opportunity really.
Surely anything is better than the warm bucket of wallpaper paste which the Gashqai represents?
If it's red and has to begin with an S , then a Toyota Supra in red should be on the top of the list .
On the plus side, you didn't rush into things and buy a Nissan Qashqai
Do they do auto Berlingos? They are quite small on the road for the interior space.
@singletrackmind or S4, S5 or S6 in estate version because of needing to take trail dog and bike to the nearest centre.
“Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?”
Yes.
We share responsibility for the household bills but pay for them out of our separate accounts.
She buys her own cars and I buy mine. £30k plus on my Alfa Romeo Giulia. My money , my decision.
Similarly with my bikes or her hand bags. As long as we meet our obligations to the keep the house going, we spend our own money as we see fit.
Is the underlying issue that the op is anxious that the car is going to break down and this is causing him stress. Whereas partner is more relaxed- when it breaks we’ll either fix it or buy another sort of attitude. So it’s not a money issue.
If that is the case maybe try setting it out like that ie I’m worried it will break down and would sleep easier at night, focus at work better if we got a new one. Rather than it ‘might’ break down. It then becomes a double empathy problem, can see she put her self in your shoes to appreciate you are stressed about it.
Any car ‘might’ break down, even a newer one. So As a general rule the car you have is usually the cheapest option over a newer one unless someone catastrophic fails. That is unless you are RNP when people seem to give him cars for a fraction of the amount WBAC would give them even if the thing was a battered wreck!
Do other blokes really just go out and spunk £10k+ on things without discussion/agreement with their other halves?
...
the struggle is more over getting her engaged in a decision she recognises needs to be made but just won’t
Needing a new car would be a joint decision. After that she's either interested in what you get or she isn't. No?
You know what, I've been wrong for years.
Apologies.
The red car was "just" a cosworth not a rs500.
I feel the pain from the OP...
I'm frequently stuck in the no-man's-land of "I'm too disinterested to commit to a decision or action plan" coupled with "I don't like the current situation"....
I swear women are just mad!
The current issue is the the paradox of "I'm too disinterested to learn how to charge or drive the new EV, AND don't be controlling and tell me how to drive or charge the new EV" coupled with "I get stressed out cos I've no idea how to drive or charge the new EV".
I GIVE IN SOMETIMES.
DrP
So bad you gave in twice? 😉
I swear women are just mad!
I swear men never really got over puberty.
There are three scenarios here. I make a decision, you make a decision, or we make a joint decision. I don't care which, but pick one.
You don't get to defer to me and then whine that you don't like it, any more than you get to sit in the passenger seat complaining about my driving. You want to drive, be my guest. You want me to drive, that's absolutely fine too. You want to sit there wittering away like R2-D2, telling me how shit I am for the next two hours, read your ****ing book or I'm leaving you on the hard shoulder.
(I would, of course, never do that, but bloody hell.)
No! I can absolutely state, quite categorically, that different cars from different manufacturers will vary dramatically, in the way they drive and handle, in comfort, in the way that controls and dashboard layouts are set out, and pedal layouts as well, will make a car that seems absolutely perfect turn into a raging nightmare half an hour after you get into it and start driving.
I don't have @CountZero 's experience but I've driven lots of different cars in cycle race convoys from loads of different sponsors and yes, there are some I would happily have parked in a ditch after a couple of hours and some that I'd have liked to take home with me!
Volvo (XC70) was probably the best I've driven recently. Had a BMW convertible once which was an ostentatious POS - had a "feature" where on starting the engine it'd auto-blip the throttle a couple of times. Can imagine the neighbours reaction on about the third morning of starting that thing up. There he goes again, revving his ****ty car. 🙄
Sounds like me when my wife talks to me about changing our mortgage provider.
I swear women are just mad!
I swear men never really got over puberty.
All women are destined to become their mother, that is their burden. Men will never achieve this, that is their burden.
EDIT And like @Cougar I too have offered the you drive, be quiet or you can get out options in the past. Are you my long lost, northern, secret brother?
I think the question needs rephrasing, with some thought into possible answers.
'do you agree a better car would be beneficial for the family'
If no - why not.
Anything else, take the walk slowly towards her making the choice ultimately.
If you get a no at the first question and she won't entertain justifying her reasoning at all, then she is too controlling and selfish imho. At that point, I'd be digging a hole in the garden. 😉
It’s not really a gender thing. It’s an attitude to certain things in life.
Now a couple I know well have in my opinion have a bonkers attitude to cars. Although in this case they seem to agree.
Pre pandemic he was had a national role in a building company. He lived in Bedfordshire and the main office was in Bristol. He did vast miles in a company car day trips to Edinburgh type thing. When they changed to a mileage allowance he bought the company car, a Vectra. One day she was driving me to work in it and mentioned getting something fixed on it. At this point it had done 297,000 miles!! I pointed out that maybe the car had earnt
It’s keep. Any way at 300,000 miles it died. I should possibly mention here they live in what to me looks like a small Manor House but is actually a large ex rectory with substantial grounds and out buildings. So he replaced the vectra with another one in a private sale. It had done 100,000 miles and is located in Leicester. On the hand over say he decides the £30 train fair to Leicester is too much and hitch hikes to get it.
Can you change the mother in laws mobility scooter for one that fits in a more normal sized boot so you can get a smaller car?
I would just buy a nice, sensible little shopping car like a GR Yaris and have done. You can get them in red, so all good and 'Y' is about as similar to 'S' as 'Q' is, in fact Yaris ends in 'S'. Sorted innit 🙂
There are three scenarios here. I make a decision, you make a decision, or we make a joint decision. I don’t care which, but pick one.
Exactly!
My approach is..."You suggest a choice, and I'll remain chilled about it.
Unless I'm really not chilled about it, then we can BOTH contribute and make a joint choice"
Sigh!
DrP
