If you don't like it after 28days send it back
2nd kid is 18 months younger than first here. Hard work at first but once they start interacting with the sibling it's much easier than when the first was that age. They play together like they are twins (now 4 and 5.5).
We went for number three and he was born when the 2nd one was 2 years 4 months. I wasn't so keen to be honest but it hasn't been a big deal. by the time you've had a kid, your life has changed so much for the next 20 years that there is no such thing as 'getting your life back'. Your life has changed, accept this. You won't be the same person again so don't fight it. I had a great life before kids and have a great life with kids. It's a different life but no less great.
btw I live somewhere that we can have full time help with the kids and we both work so I know this is not representative of all places. It would be much tougher if in the UK but no less rewarding (i hope...).
My Missus would love a second , I think I'm too old.
After the horror that was the first 18 months on no sleep ,I have nothing but admiration for folk who raise two close together.
We've got 2 at 20months apart (6 and 8). As above, the 2nd is much easier, and now we have the joy of them [s]playing[/s] fighting together. We probably got more individual riding time in after the 2nd as we knew what we were doing(ish). So I would recommend getting on with it if you want a 2nd and like the idea of [s]siblings playing together[/s] constant warfare in your house.
we've got a 7 yr old and a 2 yr old, and they're a nightmare. impossible to please both at the same time, individually they're brilliant! would have had a smaller age gap, but nature decided against that, and our 2nd is adopted. now that comes with a whole other bag of interesting things to worry about...
Hmm a second child
Everyone has a different experience. For us it was familiar territory and I think we coped better than the first but it definitely converted us from a couple-with-a-child to a family, which was a big step for me less so for mrs rocket.
Some people are cut out for kids I don't think I'm one of them. I lost my identity and became Dad but everyone around me was doing the same thing so it seemed OK. Looking back now the kids are grown it seems a strange time and I'm glad - in a selfish kind of way - that there's still some of the old 'me' left to fill the vacuum. YMMV
I remember very clearly being in your position gearfreak..
We had the same discussions..
My first son was a shock to the system but we adapted and I soon discovered that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.. Being a dad was something that I really excelled at..
When son two was born, with a 2.5 year age gap, my first son was not happy..
My second son was a different animal altogether, very hard work, loud, sleepless and loud again..
It was exhausting, my oldest grew to despise his little brother, it broke my heart as the little fellas struggled to get along..
The last four years have been the toughest of my life, and it's just starting to come good..
A cautionary tale there perhaps, I would seriously recommend preparing your daughter immediately for what is to come.. Teach her to share, to love, and to nurture.. Brainwash her into thinking that a sibling is gonna be the best thing in the world..
I think we simply failed to prepare our first child for what was coming his way, and we had an horrendous time as a result..
Light at the end of the tunnel at 18 months, you're in for a big shock.
Mine are 4 and 2. For us, it definitely got easier when they hit around 18 months. So no shock. With our second daughter now being a little older, they will play (and fight) together - sometimes it's best to take a deep breath and let them self-regulate, which they usually do after a five-minute bicker.
As others have said, the second is definitely easier - we made most of our mistakes with the first and learned from them, we've already adjusted to a lack of time, sleep and money, we've already bought all the paraphernalia. I had the day off yesterday to look after my younger daughter, and it seemed like a breeze - definitely didn't feel like that the first time round!
Interesting thread, we have one but were late starters at 39, she is 3 now and that's it for us. Everyone has an opinion which is nice, people talk to me like I am some sort of horror dad as she is on her own. For every book that says they will be a serial killer there is one that says the opposite. It's all tosh. She mixes with other children almost every day, has better social skills than I ever will, gets time with us as a family, time with mum, time with dad and also time when both of us have had some space to ourselves. To me, that works, we're a vaguely balanced normal family. But there is no exact science sorry, my wife would probably have gone for another but was torn - we're not young, we were moving round the world and number one was hard to get in and keep in. We're happy. best of luck with your decision.
Interesting replies, not sure it will make the decision easier, and I found myself agreeing with something Hora said, which is a first! Are there others who stopped at 1 and the regretted it? Is being an only child really horrible?
Life isn't about sacrifices or coping. It should be about living.
My life is immeasurably better for having two small people in it, who I love and cherish beyond description, but it would be stupid to pretend that there aren't consequences for aspects of my life that I enjoyed prior to having kids.
My life is immeasurably better for having one small person in it, who I love and cherish beyond description, but it would be stupid to pretend that there aren't consequences for aspects of my life that I enjoyed prior to having kids.
gearfreak - Member
Interesting replies, not sure it will make the decision easier
Exactly, everyone has a different opinion based on their own experiences, which takes me back to my original point, which is only you can decide.
and I found myself agreeing with something Hora said, which is a first!
I agree with his life is for living / ignoring those who say you are being selfish sentiments. The '2 is the magic number one' - that's a massive generalisation (and confirmation that perhaps he is playing solo more than he'd like 😆 )
Are there others who stopped at 1 and the regretted it? Is being an only child really horrible?
I know several one child families, some through their own choice, others who would have liked more. All their kids seem to be very happy, they get far more attention lavished on them than those with a sibling which I believe can have an effect on personality (I even think the time my eldest had as an only child has had an effect on her personality vs her sister). But that's only my opinion.
8 & 10 here.
I'd have half a dozen if time were on our side.
(First one born at 39).
Having kids is the most incredible thing you will do.
As a Beaver Leader we see lots of single children.
They [i]can[/i] be a bit insular, but a lot of the child is down to the parenting style.
Do what fits you best Op, but whatever you do be happy.
Dad of 2 wonderful kids here. Boy of 13 and daughter of 8. It gets better and better and better. Every day is a mindmelt of worry, fun and wonder. I haven't a clue if I am doing things right, but everyone seems happy.
My take would be that if having one kid hasn't filled you with the 'want' to have another then there isn't anything wrong with having one kid. My second was easier than the first but it didn't even register wether it was worth it or not. We wanted a second kid and money, lack of sleep and everything else didn't come into it.
Only you and your wife can decide but personally, if you are not filled with a warm feeling of having another kid then I would say enjoy what you have and make the most of it.
I've got 2 boys, 13 months apart and now 4 and 5. I sometimes think getting all the nappies, teething etc out of the way was a good idea, but it was tough. Little one started school now, and things much easier. I still try to get out on the bike a couple of nights a week, and a Sunday, doesn't always happen, and may get worse when taxiing them around to clubs etc,.
Like you say a lot is down to the parents. I know some single kids that have to be the centre of attention and are very demanding. I never wanted kids and think I would have been perfectly happy without them. I was happy with just one, I didn't think it was wise to have a second one but my partner wanted another more than anything so we did and I'm glad we did. We've been very lucky that both our kids have had no health issues and are well balanced. They are 12 and 7 and can fight a bit but not much. It can be tricky doing stuff together, at Alton Towers for example the 7 yo was gutted at not being able to go on the scarier rides but was happy that we'll go back one day so she can. But all told the age gap isn't too much of an issue, no more than them being girl and boy and I think leaving it for 5 years was better for us as it gave us time to buy and settle into our home. I think most of what we have got right is down to good luck rather good parenting.
