[Closed] To those buffoons who can't ride nice switchbacks at cannock (mild rantette)

handbags

Umm.. if they steamroller through the switchbacks does it actually prevent you from riding the original line?

Mol on a couple of them they've stuffed the original line and cut a chunk out of tree with a saw at bar height!

not flipping cricket at all

+1 for caps! Not quite enough spelling mistakes and too much punctuation though. Sorry total score 2

Complete rubbish rant! Topic: 1, effort: 2 disappointed.

I haven't been to Cannock for a few months but agree that some of the nice natural tight twisty bits do get wrecked by people just plowing a straight line through stuff or making singletrack into a motorway.

surely upgraded to a score of 3 or 4 by subtle inference to the ranters own killer skills, ie. being able to ride the original line.

i'm feeding off his gnarr, just reading that.

Topic: 1, effort: 2 disappointed.

3. Extreme physical violence to those wot dun it ...infinitesimal

i'm feeding off his gnarr, just reading that.

3 or 4 because of these quotes:

I'LL FEED YOU FACE FIRST INTO A BUCKET OF RABID BADGERS

GIVE YOUR NAME TO THE CANNOCK WEREWOLF,WHO WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAUL YOUR SCROTAL REGION ON THE NEXT FULL MOON

So people on Cannock Chase are only allowed to ride where you say they can?

Absolute bollucks you effing tool.

Cannock Chase wouldnt be what it is today if it werent for the countless poeple(and deer/wildlife) taking a route they want to take.

+1 on the ladybower cheeky

Too much fantasy content for my liking: mother nature, pixies, werewolves... Who do you think you are, Jo Burt?

And the grammar shows signs of polishing -1

almightydutch the trails in question have been there for over 10 years so in your mind it's fine to destroy them for everyone else?

there is only one to settle this

[img] [/img]

Who do you think you are, Jo Burt?

I'll take that as a compliment as I rather like the young chaps work........so there!

Well you sold it as a [i]mild rantette[/i] so a limp wristed rant is what I expected.

You were doing well but I'm going to mark you down for the badgers... that's a proper rant style threat.

7/10

Well you sold it as a mild rantette

well I am a quiet, mild mannered little soul so what do you expect?

So in your mind Tazzy these 10 year old trails are protected are they?
Some kind of covenant to keep them in their original state?
Fight....behave and grow up.

I remember building what us locals called the 'BMX track' up the Chase circa 1985(i suspect you were still in nappies)...sadly these are no more. Although some of it is still used as part of one trail i know. Does it make me sad that our BMX track was ripped up and made different...ofcourse not. Changing the scenery and routes is what makes Cannock Chase so good IMO. They manage to keep the forest evolving.
Same goes for when the fell an area..does this also constitute to wrecking the area/trail and will they have their scrotums ripped apart by mythical creatures.

Same also goes for the start of FTD...are you gonna nip down to the FC and feed them all to Werewolves as they have changed the entrance to Section 1.

I liked the use of 'buffoons'

What they need is berms... everyone loves berms. All this off camber stuff is rubbish.

Where are they... I'll bring a spade.

I agree, the chase is full of evolving trails, but to take something nice and fun and turn it into a straight line and to damage trees with a saw to get your bars through is a retrograde step IMHO, but you are entitled to your opinion

in the 80's I was riding all terrain bikes in the welsh mountains 😀

TSY, I'll show you around any time you want and you can bring ya shovel....we can use it for the shallow graves 😉

I might bring an axe to get rid of any awkward roots too... 🙂

More seriously I'd love to come and see more of the Chase than the standard tracks.

you are welcome anytime matey drop me an email

*dons stalking suit*

Agreed on the damage to trees. Its wrong in every aspect.

Trails evolve and one shouldnt get too bothered when changes happen. Theres plenty of cheeky trails/deer runs for everyone to stay happy up there.

Pretty contrived rant imo, the anger didn't seem convincing enough to me. 4/10 mainly for use of caps though.

I agree, some delicate a fine handling trails are needed to balance the dh routes of the world that are built in far more suitable places than cannock. Finesse and bikehandling rather than just holding on a steering.

Would the shallow graves cause too much trail disruption.

grum- If i was going to properly rant I'd been banned for life, I was not happy bunny.

ivantate- the shallow graves would be used to fill some of the breaking bumps on FTD and monkey therefore ensuring that everyone is a winner!

Edit - Great minds think a like!

ivantate- the shallow graves would be used to fill some of the breaking bumps on FTD and monkey therefore ensuring that everyone is a winner!

Exactly what I would suggest but you got there first. Cannock's problem is it's sooooo easy for everyone to get to, it has so many visitors. What gets me is I can't think of a single bit of trail on the Monkey where you'd ever be braking that hard to cause a braking bump anyway!

Quite agree on annoyance at people reshaping trails to suit their skills/bikes/mindset. Ride the trails that are there, don't just butcher to suit your own tastes.

Personally, I'd forget the mild rantette and have a proper rant myself! 😉

Are you sure it's the fault of 'slack angled gravity sledges'? Tyre treads should give them away.

One of the worst corner cutting riders I know is a proper fast XC whippet... One of the reasons he's so fast round a race course is he doesn't ride a fair proportion of it... 👿

Quite a nice little rantette but you failed totaly in getting the riders of DUMB ASS SLACK ANGLED GRAVITY SLEDGES to bite hard enough.

Still a good start and i'm sure you'll learn from your mistakes and do betterer next time.

Edit.
I'll award you an extra point for posting in the wrong forum though.

You alright there Tazmeister?

Picto- yes thanks matey, luckily folks reading the rant will never know that I'm about as physically intimidating as kitten and be all scared n stuff and have more consideration for trees man

Thank you Mr stu. I'Ll try better next time, I think I may have used too many big words in the start so the trail bike boys are probably still reading it slowly and dribbling on their keyboards

On the Cougar Sheer Annoyance Scale you get an automatic point for non-gratuitous badger usage, and I'll give you +1 on that for the "rabid" modifier. Portmanteau swearing is usually an automatic point as well, but I'm afraid you left a space between "cock" and "monkeys" and it's not a particularly creative juxtaposition so I can't award it on on this occasion I'm afraid.

I'll award you a point for accurately conveying righteous indignation, and having a valid subject (sawing out holes in trees) is worth another. However, you've got lazy use of capitalisation, and it's all correctly punctuated and spelt. Good god man, you've only got one exclamation mark in the entire post! That's just embarrassing, I'm afraid you're going to lose a point for the complete lack of effort there. You didn't even manage to invoke Godwin's Law in your fellow posters.

I will however give you a bonus point for the werewolf, tied in with the scrotal mauling; amusing and creative. So, I make that four out of ten.

You had a valid point but made a poor attempt to properly froth about it. Better luck next time, as homework revision you must play Call of Duty online with 14-year old Americans.

Could it possibly be the clown bikes of Cannock venturing off the bridleways? Beard hair caught on the lower tree branches is the give away.

Tazzy I'd love to hook up on a ride just to see what other bits there are. Have been riding up there for a good 8 or 9 years and know lots of off piste trails but have never ridden with any locals.

i've found a few off piste bits but they're generally unneccesarily twisty and it's best to just straight line them.

on a big bike.

with really wide bars.

Maxray- anytime squire as long as you don't mind riding at slow beardy fat boys singlespeed pace

tazzymtb - Member
slow beardy fat boys singlespeed pace

You rang?

Overall not a bad effort from a normally serene chap, hence making it the rant equivalent of a triple word score using all the difficult letter tiles in scrabble. Have to agree that cutting a chunk out of a tree at bar height is the act of a true cock, and i will gladly hold the aforementioned bucket of rabid badgers for you Tazzy mate...

one final thought, if this is allowed to continue where does it end?

"They paved paradise, put up a parking lot..."

How do you know it was gnarfags on super slack hero dick extender machines? Far more likely to be xcfags on gayboy fagbikes. Anyway 6/10, caps is always welcome but you need to try a bit harder.

I'm about as physically intimidating as kitten

I have a kitten (below), so far it's clawed and ripped my hands,arms, cheek, foot, ankle and testicles. The other day it even tried suckling my nipple which was weird. I'll give you credit, you must me some sort of nutter.

[IMG] [/IMG]

it even tried suckling my nipple

How long did you let it carry on trying for? Was it nice? Or a bit toothy?

😆

[i]And suddenly, the forum took an unexpected change of direction...[/i]

Hey, maybe you had cat-nip?!

IGMC.

[img] [/img]

2/10

i have wide bars, they're purple.

i'd never cut trees down to suit me though and i'll wheel out the old consequence family motto as i think the advice will help.... 'scrape their face off with a hammer drill and beat them to death with your penis... it's what a real man would do'

There we're teeth involved yes, but it didn't hurt. Just took my be surprise at first and then it (ahem, after a while) felt wrong. The missus it found it hilarious, whilst I've been left with a moob complex.

I will take you up on that tazzy, until a few weeks ago I had a Brian blessed worthy beard and I'm far more bimble than xc racer 🙂 just be great to see if there are any extra bits that would tie up what I already know.

drop me an email fella

tazwadieATHOTMAILDOTcom

and we can get something sorted

LOL etc as the kids say, good one.

7/10 rant, extra point for posting it in the wrong forum. I think you're all very harsh giving such low scores!

What about some sort of permit system?

there is already a permit system higgo 😉

What a tool

What annoys me is folk riding past knackered / cut trail and not fixing / rerouting it, then moaning about it.

After seeing how the FC & their contractors work for a few years I now see nowt wrong with cutting down some Ikea trees to make trail.

Scruff I agree, which is why I always repair n tidy bits of trail to keep it in as good condition as possible for others.

At martingt- I love you too darling

Almightdutch is right. Trails come and go. No need to get upset it's not like there isn't anywhere else to ride on the Chase. When a cheeky trail gets completely obliterated by the FC we'll all reminisce about what a great bit of singletrack it was and then go and ride somewhere else.

Nice suit Yeti *rubs thighs in Vic Reeves style*

From my visit to Cannock I drew one conclusion, It was full of total cocks! Allright they were a minority and a very small one at that, but I've never recieved verbal from fellow riders on any trail EVER! I've only been on the recieving end of friendly hello's and plesent chat. At cannock our party of 4 had two incidents of abuse from different riders, both dressed in full face helmets. I was amazed and dissapointed, so much that I had to go and ride averywhere else to reming me how nice people are generally.

anytime squire as long as you don't mind riding at slow beardy fat boys singlespeed pace

Pah! You haven't got a beard and you're not slow by any means!

When we having an SS race off?

On Next Week's Watchdog, Tazzymtb unearths the phenomenon that is known as 'all the gear and no idea' where people with copious amounts of cash purchase scaffolding-esque swingarm dominant Halifax built bikes and then ride them aggressively around the countryside in an effort to look cool......

I rode the bit of trail tazzy is on about last Sunday... it was scruff who cut the tree which is kind of ironic, though he did put a bermy branch in to stop corner cutting

Trickydisco- shhhhhhh you'll ruin my bimblibg duffer persona! The first singlespeed fightclub will be at the start of august so brace youself for racing for beers n glory on inapropriate bikes. Already sorting the trail selection so best get practicing for steep climbs 😆

Trails evolve constantly for better or worse. Sometimes they just clear fell a fantastic bit of the Chase and its gone.

My advice is to not get made, get even?! Hide out in the woods Rambo style and get'em
[img] [/img]

I went there once and did a skid. I haven't got one of the bikes you described in the first sentence, so I assume that I am a part of the great singletrack family?

did a skid.

I hope you apologised to mother earth and now wear bramble undergarments as penance 😀

LOL - Noticed a few people walking the rock gardens and walking straight up the centre of the switch-backs on the way to upper cliffs last weekend. Those are some of the best bits of the trail 🙂

Baboons riding bikes on the Chase! Whatever next?

They'd tried to put a chicken run in on a bit we call The Gash; that spits you out on the main fireroad towards seven Springs. So we duly blocked it off with a handy treebush. 😈

Seriously though, folk have been riding & enjoying this little gulley-run for 10yrs, so its bloody annoying that some limp-cock decides it needs changing now. It was probably to take out a difficulty bitsy witsy.

Is seven springs towards the stepping stones?

maxray, seven springs is where I met you after your little detour to ride back up to the others