I think I'd have to be a Boardman-esque prologue specialist. A short sharp burst of effort then clinging on for grim death in the hope of making it to Paris!
Fat lad towards the rear
Lantern Rouge
Quintana, occasional flashes of brilliance blowing everyone off my wheel. Followed by suffering and getting dropped a lot.
Peletons in MTB?....
this would be me
to get an early ride in the broom wagon
TJ - hyped up then BOOM! straight out the back......
Someone no-one has ever heard of with just a couple of podiums to their name and a load of near misses. Pretty much like 90% of Pro riders out there on the road
I was thinking Cavendish - good for a sprint, likes a ruck, stroppy git, never finishes
I'd be in the pub.
TJ – hyped up then BOOM! straight out the back……
On a tandem?
I’d be a shit geraint thomas that crashes a lot but never wins owt.
Service car driver...
Team chef and sommelier.
One of those guys that attempts to jump over them on a mountain bike. Only my version would involve dropping off a kerb and possibly falling at that
That guy in the full Lampre kit.
I'd be early variant Geraint Thomas.
There was a story about when he was a young stagiare domestique and was instructed to go back to the team car for bottles. Once loaded up with bottles in his pockets and up his jersey, he couldn't catch back up so had to jettison everyone's drinks and get paced back on.
That would be me.
Thomas Voeckler. 😍😘
A dog for the team.
Working my ass off & getting f all recognition for my efforts!
Same as jon’s or lebowski’s surmise, a nobody trying to do their best for the team
In my head, someone like Vasil Kiryienka. Pure diesel, can sit on the front and pull but ask for any sharp accelerations or pure speed and I am stuffed.
some unknown Lithuanian sprinter on a 2nd class euro team, given a slot, comes 7th in every mass sprint, dies on a couple of breakaways, barely clings on by his fingernails in the mountains.
I can kind of climb, kind of sprint and I like bowling along on the flat but I'm not sure there is one I'm better at than the others, the anti-Phillipe Gilbert
I bagsy Romain Bardet.
Always just off the pace ,despite valiant efforts. Plus I like ag2r’s colours.
I’d be a shit geraint thomas that crashes a lot but never wins owt.
That was the actual Geraint Thomas up to this year!
Team mechanic. Spend all my time repairing and tweaking, setting up to perfection, but not actually getting and decent mileage in myself.
When I was a kid I wanted to be Sean Yates.
Plus I like ag2r’s colours
Ah, so you're the one!
As for who I'd be, well, given that there's no way I'd be getting round without being smacked off my t1t$, I'l be Lance 🙂
I like the AG2R colours too - I managed to grab a t-shirt from the caravan on le tour this year.
Fabulous Candelabra.
And I’m that good looking too... 😜👍
Seeing as Kiryienka has been taken I’ll be Wiggo - decent on long climbs, can’t attack, not so keen on public appearances and if I won the Tour de France once I’d give up and get pissed a lot!
As per username... I prefer my hills more Flandrian than Alpine.
I’d be a shit geraint thomas that crashes a lot but never wins owt.
Richie Porte?
I'd be a mechanic with a tool-box full of spoons.
He finally admits it! 🙂
I’d be a shit geraint thomas that crashes a lot but never wins owt.
Richie Porte?
Genuine LOL.
Mountains domestique for the first couple of climbs, then back to the grupetto and rolling in half an hour down.
I'd be that guy from Trek Segafredo* in the break solely to prove that my team exists
*other teams are available
Haimar Zubeldia
I’d be a shit geraint thomas that crashes a lot but never wins owt.
Richie Porte?
Genuine LOL.
Yeah, I coughed coffee through my nose 😜👍
No one taking Richard Virenque??
The one who snuck in past the barriers when no-one was looking.
Is there a lowly domestique that can manage a bit of climbing? That’s be me.
The go-fer who ferries the drugs around
Julian Alaphillipe . Can show off on the smaller climbs, likes to take the glory, but nowhere to be seen once the big boys come out to play .
Lance. Just because I like drugs, not PED's, just recreational.
Lance. Just because I like drugs, not PED’s, just recreational.
More Paolini then?
Tommy has gone so I'll take A.N. other frenchman. All in suicidal attack on Bastille day that is doomed to failure.
Bottle carrier and food fetcher.
Thread delivers!
Djamolodine Abdoujaparov
The Badger.
Ultimate Big Hitter.
Team driver, not a good one or anything though.
More like the one that knocked Johnny Hoogerland into a barbed wire fence
Motorbike man, you order I ride across the border to deliver, reasonable prices all genuine stuff no counterfeit PED's from me.
In vets races I’m Jens. Attack, attack, attack. Repeat. In non-vets races I’m Arnold Demare. In the alps. Trying to hang on and looking for a sticky bottle. Except I do fly up hills. But there are few proper hilly races. I just get dropped a lot. Gruppetto fodder.
Have been lantern rouge in a stage raceaat year. With REAL lantern rouge! And in fairness, I wasn’t actually last but I let a 17 yo junior retain some pride. After all i was only three times his age.
The broom wagon
This thread just goes to show that, apart from the likes of TiRed who have actually pinned a number on and know something about their capabilities, we have no clue what we would be good at if we had a career as a pro, or even if we'd have made it in the first place.
I’d never have made it. Starting at Chris Horner’s age now didn’t help. When you race, even at regional level, it’s definitely them and us. At the few national level races I do, the class divide is even bigger.
I raced with Richardson the week after he won the Lincoln GP. The way he cruised up and down the bunch before just riding off to bridge the gap to the break was just awesome. At least I finished in the bunch! That was my victory!
Road captain and domestique. Happy with that. It’s a team sport after all.
Given my curent abilities, I suspect* I'd be out the back of départ fictif before the flag drop for the départ réel. However if I were magically granted an serious improvement on my existing skills - I'm a rouleur, a puncheur, definitely not a grimpeur. I have a few KOMs on longer flattish rough stuff (canal towpaths) so I'd be Greg van Avaermat, the classics specialist brought in to to a job on the cobbles
*know for a fact
This thread just goes to show that, apart from the likes of TiRed who have actually pinned a number on and know something about their capabilities
Yer takin it too seriously man.
Think of it more like an “I wish” or some low level fantasy league..
Both ed and BB are correct, you've no idea what a road race is like until you've done one, but this thread is just a bit of fun.
I would be Kryton (i hope thats the right user name,apologies if not) and stuck at the start trying to decide which bike i should use.