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Pointless cycling "...
 

Pointless cycling "rules" you conform to

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Bottle and cage must match/complement the bikes colour.


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 4:56 pm
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Posted by: lunge

If your bike has 2 bottle cages then they should both be the same make, model and colour. If using 1 bottle it should be in the downtube cage, and if 2 then they should be matching bottles.

A lesson I learnt from CX is that a single bottle goes in the seat tube cage cos it's considerably less likely to be ejected or to get covered in shite. 


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 5:15 pm
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Is this thread what it feels like to be a road cyclist? Blimey, the struggle is real. 


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 5:40 pm
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Oh, bike costing more than car. That.


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 5:53 pm
 mert
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Funny thing is, one of the guys in my office, unironically follows "the rules" and has left a copy on one of the desks in his team area.

I can still remember being *faxed* a copy of the original 10 (or may have been 12) rules when i worked in a shop in the late 80s/early 90s... They were treated as a bit of a joke even back then. They still make as little sense now as they did 35 years ago.


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 6:04 pm
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On a standing start from the lights, go "beep" as if you're on a velodrome....

Reported for swear filter avoidance 🙂

Although I'm more likely to shout *beep* when I'm struggling to stop rather than struggling to get going


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 6:28 pm
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I don't seem to follow any of them...

  • valves and tyre logos - doesn't cross my mind
  • different tyre brands - same...I don't aim to mismatch but it happens
  • shaved legs - can't be arsed - did get them waxed for charity once and it was smooth!
  • bike upside down - yeah, if it's helpful - try to do it on grass or something soft if it's convenient, but why not if you're careful
  • rattles, squeaks, etc - well, I try to stop them, but I'm not going to not go for a ride
  • mini pump on bike - yup, I'll just forget it otherwise, and the thought of landing on pump in back pocket in a crash worries me.  I also have a wee saddle bag on my road bike for tube and multitool  😱 😱 
  • bidons - is that roadie for 'water bottle'? if so, I just use whatever is to hand and cleanish...

Am I a monster???!!!

 


 
Posted : 23/03/2026 9:29 pm
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Yes!!


 
Posted : 24/03/2026 12:59 am
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Posted by: crazy-legs

Oh I also shave my legs

Username checks out. 


 
Posted : 24/03/2026 7:41 am
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Bar grips must be black.  

You can deviate from this rule if you have grips/saddle/composite pedals that are non-black, but they must all be of the same colour.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 2:47 am
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This thread is sailing pretty close to Velominati. I think we all should take a long hard look at oursleves...


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 9:52 am
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Posted by: nickc

This thread is sailing pretty close to Velominati.

It is, but that's as a lot of those rules make some sense. They may not offer performance benefits, but there is some sense in some of them.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 11:19 am
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Posted by: lunge

Posted by: nickc

This thread is sailing pretty close to Velominati.

It is, but that's as a lot of those rules make some sense. They may not offer performance benefits, but there is some sense in some of them.

 

 

is there?   which ones?

 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 11:25 am
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Don't need to watch what I eat because I cycle everywhere. 🙄 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 12:22 pm
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Posted by: tjagain
is there?   which ones?

Rules 5 and 9 are the only ones that spring to mind.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 12:33 pm
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is there?   which ones?

Shorts should be black, no one needs a return to the AG2R brown sounds-a-bit-like-shorts.

Valves should line up with tyre logos, I worked fixing bikes for the last few months and it just makes life so much easier when you've got double digits of punctures to fix.  Doubly so when it's someone else's bike, I can live with having to fix it twice because I missed the spec of  flint feeling for it with my horrible calloused thumb, less acceptable when it's a customers bike.

No short sleeves and long shorts, just like point 1 people just need rules to stop them looking like they have never had to choose their own clothes before.

Handlebars should be level, I test ride a lot of bikes after fixing them and genuinely wonder if people actually enjoy riding them in whatever ergonomic state they are, bars rotated, saddle pointing at the sky, clearly inappropriate stem lengths.  

Hold your line, the racing line is not cutting into the apex causing a pile up with the person on the inside.  Neither is your late braking maneuver going to magically create space in the corner.  Just hold your line and don't crash into people.

Don't litter.  Should be self explanatory tbh.

Don't half wheel

Don't be late (it's just rude)

etc....

 

 

 

 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 12:51 pm
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Posted by: tjagain

is there?   which ones?

3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, 26, (33), 40, 43, 47, 49, 53, 55, 58, 59, 61, 63, 65, 68, 69, 72, 73, 75, 77, 83, 87, 94.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 12:58 pm
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Screenshot_20260327-120130.png


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 1:02 pm
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Bars and stem should be of the same brand and really of the same range in the brand. Seat posts used to also have to match bars and stem branding until droppers became the norm and my brain learnt to accept that deviation from the rule! 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 2:10 pm
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^ That's surely going a bit to far.Stem and bar the same colour will fine.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 3:00 pm
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Posted by: monkeycmonkeydo

^ That's surely going a bit to far.Stem and bar the same colour will fine.

Gravel bike aside, I haven't got one bike with the same colour bar and stem

 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 3:47 pm
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Bars and stem should be of the same brand and really of the same range in the brand. Seat posts used to also have to match bars and stem branding until droppers became the norm and my brain learnt to accept that deviation from the rule! 

I dunno, I would have said stem and seatpost should match, but then mine don't even on the road because I like my fancy Canyon VCLS post, although I have been tempted to sand the logos off.

I do think stems should visually match something though, could be the cranks, wheels (rim if deep carbon, or hubs if aluminum).  

Bars. Whatever suits you.  Unless they're something distinctive you can't really tell from a photo anyway unless it's quite a contrived angle.

 


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 5:29 pm
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don't litter and don't be late - OK - the rest of it?  aye right sunshine 🙂 I'll wear tweed plus 4s if I want ( I don't race nor do I ride in a bunch ever)


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 5:42 pm
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^ You'd look more with it in jeans I think.


 
Posted : 27/03/2026 6:38 pm
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Posted by: ton

i stop for a coffee on every ride,

You could actually stop for a beer or two or three

 

The drink drive laws are very different between car and bike, and someone in a car found to be over the limit is arrested, taken to the cop shop, and spends the night in a cell.

For a cyclist found to be over the limit, there is no arrest, no trip to the station. Rather you are asked to stay off the bike and push it home.

(unless of course you are utterly legless and can hardly stand up, even using the bike for support)


 
Posted : 28/03/2026 10:38 pm
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There isn't a "limit" for drunk cycling.  No need for a breathaliser.  Cops would need to do testing ie the walk a straight line thing etc and have to prove you are too drunk to ride.  Hence you usualoly get told to walk home.


 
Posted : 28/03/2026 10:58 pm
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Posted by: lunge

3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, 26...ad infinitum

Unless the rule says [a variation of] 'don't be a dick' it can be ignored. You can especially ignore any of the rules that tell you how to dress or set up your own bike. 


 
Posted : 29/03/2026 10:22 am
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Posted by: dyna-ti

Posted by: ton

i stop for a coffee on every ride,

You could actually stop for a beer or two or three

 

The drink drive laws are very different between car and bike, and someone in a car found to be over the limit is arrested, taken to the cop shop, and spends the night in a cell.

For a cyclist found to be over the limit, there is no arrest, no trip to the station. Rather you are asked to stay off the bike and push it home.

(unless of course you are utterly legless and can hardly stand up, even using the bike for support)

Cycling UK says this... although I recognise there can be variation between what's written down and what happens in practice:

Alcohol and drugs

Cycling on a road or other public place (including a bridleway) while unfit through drink or drugs carries a fine up to £1,000. There’s no breath test for this and no blood alcohol or other legal limits.

The key question is simply whether you are under the influence to the extent that you’re incapable of having proper control of your bike.

While it is true that you can’t have your driving licence endorsed with penalty points because of an offence committed on a bicycle, it’s often overlooked that the court does have a general power under the Power of Criminal Courts (Sentencing) Act 2000 to disqualify anyone from driving, without imposing penalty points, for any offence, including a cycling offence.

 


 
Posted : 29/03/2026 11:59 pm
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I refuse to accept the term "drive side" and "non drive side". Left and right work so much better. There is less scope for confusion, albeit minimal I accept.  The number of cycles with drive on the left is so miniscule as to be irrelevant and if one is conversing with regard to such a thing the rarity value would be such that it wasn't an issue. 


 
Posted : 31/03/2026 8:57 am
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I also dislike anything new that contradicts anything older.  That means that pumps and saddle bags are good as are other things I may desire. Anything that blatantly contradicts my first sentence is another matter as I retain the right to be awkward.


 
Posted : 31/03/2026 9:01 am
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