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Hope - McLaren? British, high tech and expensive.
That or Nobel, British, expensive but use the same parts bin as a Mondeo.
British Leyland - On-one. Too many brands. There's even some overlap in the Holdsworth empire which bought up seemingly every British brand going before folding.
Pivot = Hennessey
How so? Pivots tend to be pretty conservative, if premium, bikes with a big range, Hennessy make one totally out there hyper car, then addons for Fords.
Pivot = Hennessey
How so? Pivots tend to be pretty conservative, if premium, bikes with a big range, Hennessy make one totally out there hyper car, then addons for Fords.
I was just thinking small US producer, didn't think in depth about it, just spitballing for a bit of fun.
British Leyland
That seems a bit harsh on Whyte considering how progressive they are. I would have used BL to describe Orange considering their simple engineering and unwillingness to move with the times from their single pivot.
I was just thinking small US producer, didn’t think in depth about it, just spitballing for a bit of fun.
Pivot are pretty big in the US, I think distribution limits their reach over here.
Specialized would be Mercedes. Win everything at the racing end and produce nice but overpriced stuff for the masses.
Santa Cruz – BMW. Overpriced status symbols, common as muck. The company car of the mountain bike world.
Ouch. Although I sort of agree. They're definitely not as exclusive as some of their owners seem to think. In fact around me they're probably the commonest bike / car brand respectively. An alternative view though is that they're quality items that are more expensive but better made and generally nicer than their cheaper alternatives?
Caveat: I own both a SC and a BMW* though so my opinion is presumably void.
*it's 14 years old though...
Burgtec = Akrapovic
Brash aftermarket jewellery.
That seems a bit harsh on Whyte considering how progressive they are. I would have used BL to describe Orange considering their simple engineering and unwillingness to move with the times from their single pivot.
This is always a wierd argument. What manufacturers have moved with the times? You can stick on a load of acronyms on an old design, but it's still old.
Horst - 90s
DW/Maestro - ~2000
Split pivot/ABP - same idea as a kona with the brake arm. Just rationalized the shock and brake linkage into one.
VPP - Outland in the 90s (there was even a Saracen that used it before or at the same time as the 1st Santa Cruz VPP bikes).
Geometron - Alpina? Take a good solid product and embelish/refine?
Banshee - Noble - rare and faster than the sum of its parts?
Specialized - Jaguar, do some occasional good models but mainly overpriced for ordinary tech.
Orange - Ineos Grenadier - recreating a classic, which will be good, but it feels like the world has moved on (Rivian for eg)
Really want to play but no absolutely nothing about cars. Somebody do Kona or Stooge for me please?
Kona - awesome in the 90s, occasional returns to form (Process 111) but nothing that quite matches their glory days. Definitely Peugeot.
Stooge must be Morgan? Sporty, but looks like it's come out of the 1930's.
Sur Ron - Mercedes A35, looks like a fun piece of kit, bought by arseholes.
Oh shit, Specialized are Audi or BMW aren’t they?
And the sworks are the m series cars
Giant are not Ford. Giant make the full range from entry level to high end, but they are dead reliable and very good at their job.
Ford make a full range of cars, from the humble fiesta to the 400k GT.
Still can't think of a good car manufacturer for Cotic - perhaps Lotus in the post Elise era?
A different manufacturing technique to most of the industry (Cotic = steel when everyone else is aluminium or carbon frame, Lotus = bonded aluminium extrusions when everyone else is steel monocoque or tubular chassis) that becomes the USP for the brand.
Sonder - Skoda
Whyte -Lotus
Orange - Toyota
Commencal - Citroen
Mondraker - Izuzu
Sick -SSangyong
Still can’t think of a good car manufacturer for Cotic
Ginetta - still using steel tubes for most of their cars. Or Morgan. For the lols.
I always likened Orange to Porsche for the simple reason that their concept on paper really isn't the best (single pivot) but they've stuck with it and it's evolved over the years. Posrsche have the rear engine layout which, on paper isn't perhaps the best layout for a sports car but they've evolved based on that principle. I quite like it.
Favourite comparisons mentioned above are:-
Sick - DeLorean
Stooge - Morgan
Curtis = Spyker. Both handbuilt to the customers requirements and there both very exquisite.
Trek are Vauxhall. Perfectly good bikes but I just don’t like them. Image problem – somehow a bit boring, a bit stale, a bit cardigan (keeps you warm, but oh dear)
Trek are like G.M. They do have some decent high-end stuff, but they are generally the epitome of mediocrity, with a bunch of brands that don’t seem to make much sense.
Trek = Chevrolet (big, flashy things that ultimately aren’t any better than another brand)
I'd say Trek are FIAT - bought out several niche and high-end brands (Abarth, Lancia - see: Klein, Bontrager) and reduced them to either a shadow of their former selves or a generic parts brand.
Can't find anything about FIAT ruining a professional's career because he called out their top athlete for illegal practices years before they admitted it, then never apologised though...
Can you tell I hate Trek?
Sick= Delorean.
Both vanished abruptly costing a lot of people money
Surely Orange are John Deer or some other maker of agricultural equipment? I know they aren’t cars but Orange have always looked a bit like farm equipment to my eyes.
Whyte -Lotus
This made me chuckle, and I’m a Whyte owner. Lotus implies speed through lightness, Whytes tend to be tanks.
I’d say they are more like Citroen. Originally clever and quirk, then gradually lost in normality.....with iffy finish, hopefully going to regain some of what made them special
Canyon = Hyundai
Pole = Zenvo. Both will cost you a small fortune and both will break.
Yes to Giant = Toyota, that one is so obvious. Famously reliable and excellent engineering but slightly off on the aesthetics.
Also yes to Trek = Vauxhall, hugely successful company making fast bikes but plagued by blandness.
And Spesh = Ford. Solid products with a bit nicer design than their big rivals and drive/ride well.
Like the Orange/Porsche comparison. Wilfully awkward but very effective. Bit Marmite on the looks. Loyal fan base. Take the piss a bit on pricing.
SC is probably more BMW than VW?
Bird = Hyundai or Kia? Nice enough but not much character. Whyte could be one of them too.
Mondraker = Citroen. Quirky and inventive but you wouldn't really want to own one.
Yeti = Mercedes. Strong racing heritage, status symbols, but boring.
Whyte - Subaru. Handle well, go well, just don't look at it too closely lest you uncover some curious design issues.
Orange - MG-Rover. Assembled in a shed with some Halfords hand tools.
Pace - Lotus. Assembled in a shed from bits of kitchen foil.
Cotic - Caterham. Assembled in a shed from spindly scaffolding. Dragon slaying capabilities.
Specialized - Kia. Functional, soulless, mass produced... oh look a squirrel!
Pace – Lotus. Assembled in a shed from bits of kitchen foil.
Good one!
TVR = Trillion
Bought/backed by foreigners with massive wealth, promised loads and delivered **** all
So which bike brand has the misfortune of being range rover then?
...any ebike!
So which bike brand has the misfortune of being range rover then?
GT - Jaguar Land Rover: stubbornly adhering to questionable philosophies while simultaneously innovating through some mind-enhancing drugs-augmented design processes to produce some technically out there solutions (RTS, STS, Lobo, I-drive). Always constantly teetering on the edge of bankruptcy before being swept up yet again by some guardian angel. See also Turner.
Vitus =Kia. Good reliable cars, and good value for money. Therefore never 'cool'
GT – Jaguar Land Rover: stubbornly adhering to questionable philosophies while simultaneously innovating through some mind-enhancing drugs-augmented design processes to produce some technically out there solutions (RTS, STS, Lobo, I-drive). Always constantly teetering on the edge of bankruptcy before being swept up yet again by some guardian angel. See also Turner.
I like the thought that you've put into this and you clearly know more about cars than I, but I think we need a bike equivalent just for Range Rovers & variants.
Overpriced, unreliable, driven/ridden by fashion victims and entitled arseholes.
We've already had a few suggestions for Yeti though.
@cha****ng Nicolai perhaps. <bewareMassiveGeneralisation> IME there’s two categories of Nicolai riders: those who know what they are & have gone out to buy the absolute best product for their needs, cost no option; then there’s the (and we have many of these at work) bonus spending brigade who are out to fritter away as much of their commission payment on anything they can that month, again cost no option. So we had one guy fly out to Germany to pick up his helius and on the way back also picked up his gt3rs from the factory in Stuttgart He hasn’t a clue how to drive or ride either of them, he just wanted them as trophy pieces. </bewareMassiveGeneralisation>
Best thread in ages. Well done OP
I'd say Nukeproof are Volkswagen in that yeah they are good, but can't see why you'd pay for extra over Vitus [Skoda] or a Ragley [Seat] or pay a bit more for an Audi [Santa Cruz obs]
Q: If Dacia were a bike brand, what would they be?
Dacia were a bike brand, what would they be?
Erm... Caliber?
A different manufacturing technique to most of the industry (Cotic = steel when everyone else is aluminium or carbon frame, Lotus = bonded aluminium extrusions when everyone else is steel monocoque or tubular chassis) that becomes the USP for the brand.
Cotic – Caterham. Assembled in a shed from spindly scaffolding. Dragon slaying capabilities.
Would go more Ariel than Caterham for Cotic. Minimalistic steel frames that you can spec as you wish, top-notch performance that is always better than you think it should be and from a small company based in an industrial estate.
Caterham would most likely be similar to Orange: living of past performance but can still perform if specced carefully.
I like the thought that you’ve put into this and you clearly know more about cars than I, but I think we need a bike equivalent just for Range Rovers & variants.
Overpriced, unreliable, driven/ridden by fashion victims and entitled arseholes.
Evil?
Canyon = Hyundai I think. Good products at a competitive price but never the trendsetter.