How A Singletrack Membership Can Save You From Polar Bears

As we draw to the end of incredible Trump’s reign of great nonsense and made up facts, allow me to join in one last time. You see, if we learnt anything from Trump, it is that making up your own facts is not only OK, it’s also much quicker and convenient than using old fashioned factual facts.

Did you know that Singletrack members are a zillion percent more likely to receive the awesome Singletrack Mountain Bike Magazine in the post? This in turn makes them infinitely more likely to get all the cool Singletrack member benefits, such as:

• Online and instore discounts (inc outdoor clothing, drinks, bike parts etc)
• Discounts on cycle insurance,
• Access to our ever-growing digital back catalogue of routes, magazines, and articles.

Beware the bears.

Now normally being a member would just be great and rad, and glorious, however in these exceptional times “new science” has proven that being a Singletrack member also adds additional protection. You see the country is not only in lockdown, but there is also climate change (if you believe the news), and it’s also snowing (Huh, how does that work?). Plague stalks the earth, closely followed by furious polar bears. Did you know that polar bears can swim for days and run at 40kph? (real facts can be found here Top 10 facts about polar bears | WWF ). How fast can you run? You certainly can’t out swim them in this weather. Having said that you don’t need to out run them, you just need to be faster than the guy beside you. Maybe you should start hanging around with slow people.

But my advisers have recently made some great, really great discoveries. We have discovered great, you know, very special people, great things… no one has ever said “I have been eaten to death by a polar bear whilst defending myself with rolled up copy of Singletrack”. That is great news.

So the really smart people are Singletrack Members, and are safely at home, online shopping for booze and warm clothes with their member discounts, with a great magazine to not only read, but also roll up when the bears arrive.

Get on the benefits

Take a moment and go and check out the member benefits, discounts, digital back catalogue etc. Make sure you are logged in, and click the button below. You can also get there on a mobile device by clicking the “6 squares button” at the top of the screen, and you will then find a “handshake” icon on the left. On desktops, the handshake button is on the left under the green ST cog.

Complete the look.

Our model is 6’3″, size XXL, scared but prepared, and is wearing: Singletrack Trucker’s Cap, a North Face Parka (the sort of jacket that members can get a discount on at Cotswold Outdoor or Sports Pursuit). He is accessorising with an old air rifle and the latest copy of Singletrack.

You know I really struggled to write that nonsense. But for some people… well, just watch this… tiny windows and tiny fish?

---