Nipples! Rubber Ear Muffs! Rambo and The Fall! They’re ALL In Fresh Goods Friday 381

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This is a Public Service Announcement: the following images may contain scenes which will cause viewers some distress.

Anyone reading on in this article should note that these images were shot on Deadline Day – the day we sent Issue 117 of Singletrack Magazine off to the printer. Seeing as how this was actually achieved without a final mad flurry of late night pizza, Team Singletrack is just a little giddy. The lack of a pressing magazine deadline also means that Chipps was available for modelling duties, as well as Wil, who is extra giddy as he’s about to spend three weeks on holiday in Australia.

So don’t say you haven’t been warned. Some of the product shots are a little… unconventional. Are you ready? Here we go: Fantastically Giddy Fresh Goods Friday!

Bontrager XR4 29×2.6in Tyres

  • Price: £49.99
  • From: Trek
If you put them to your ear you can hear the sea.

Mahoosive tyres in that plus-but-not-too-plus 2.6in size that is definitely on trend right now. Arguably better suited to British mud than the 2.8-3.0in plus tyres, we’re going to be testing these out to see if that is in fact the case.

Bontrager Rally MIPS Helmet

  • Price: £114.99
  • From: Trek
Chipps looking young and lean. Not bad for nearly 50.

A MIPS equipped helmet for trail riding with ‘Blendr’ mount system for lights or camera, and a Boa for tightening it up snug on your head. This picture really doesn’t do the brightness of this ‘flame orange’ option justice, though three other more subdued colours are available for those that don’t want to stand out quite so much. If you push things too hard and crash, in the first year of owning this helmet you’ll get a free replacement – which should take the sting out of the other bruises you’ll no doubt have.

Multi-Gyn Compress

C’est quoi, c’est chose ici?

The boys are looking confused, because what they are holding is a product originally designed as a soothing compress for women with ‘feminine itching and discomfort’ from the company euphemistically called ‘Purple Orchid’. So why do we have it? Well, the makers reckon it’s useful for lots of different perineum and nethers pain – so both men and women may find it helpful to treat saddle pain and sores. If you’ve ever had a mashed muff at the end of a long day in the saddle and dreaded getting back out to ride the next day, then you’ll probably remember that at that point you’d be prepared to try most potential cures. This one has a ‘bio-active gel’ in it which should help prevent bacterial growth and infection. On a big adventure race, these might just be what you need to keep you going if the baby wipes and one pair of shorts routine leaves you with some ouchy spots.

Scared, or confused?

Hang on a moment, there’s something else in the Purple Orchid box…

Multi-Mam Compress

Wil, happy to have an excuse to expose himself.

Amusingly, we’ve also been sent the the nipple soothing version of the compresses too – we’re guessing the PR packs usually go out to midwives and such. These are meant for sore nipples – such as you might get when breastfeeding. Or perhaps while running a long way. Or maybe just having your backpack straps in the wrong place on a long and bumpy ride. Whatever, Wil decided he had to test them out…

…the soothing effect kicking in?
Just be glad he didn’t test the perineum ones.

Showers Pass Bamboo-Merino Hoodie

  • Price: £95
  • From: Showers Pass
Maybe Chipps did test out the perineum patch?

This is a cosy hoodie from Showers Pass, suitable for um, kneeling on the floor in? Is this a kneel-down-speed-skating event we’ve never seen before? You might notice that the hood fits snugly round Chipps’ neck – he says it is super duper comfortable and fits really nicely. Looks like he’s keeping this then.

Suitable for casual lounging post-deadline.

Here’s a mostly sensible pose. As you can see, the hoodie has a half zip, and this men’s one has a drawcord closure round the hood. Curiously, the women’s version doesn’t have the cord, but does have a zippered back pocket. The hoodie is merino on the outside, and has soft bamboo on the inside – so for anyone who finds even merino wool a touch itchy this could be a great solution.  The hood is designed to fit under a helmet, there’s a kangaroo pocket with hidden zips on the front, and the sleeves are designed to be slightly longer, for an optimum on-the-bike fit.

Chipps sensibly pointing out the Health and Safety guidance.

Love Mud Torque Pedals

Phew. No Wil or Chipps in this shot.

Thermoplastic pedals with twelve replaceable 4mm pins on each side to give you grip. The axle is CNC-machined Cr-Mo and they run on LSL sealed bushings.

SILCA Bottle

Rage drinking?

The makers of drool worthy tools whose mission in life is to ‘elevate your entire cycling experience and deepen your passion for the sport of cycling’ have sent us this bottle. Not tools. But y’know. We’re not bitter. Nope.

USWE Zulo 2 Waist Belt

Intended wearing position.

Packing light? Then how about this waist pack from USWE? It has a one litre bladder with an insulated drinks tube, plus another litre’s worth of storage capacity. The back of it has a reflective patch to help with visibility on road sections, and a couple of straps let you cinch it down tight to your hips.

Or for that ‘Rambo on holiday’ look, you could wear it like this, French-exchange student style.

USWE Explorer 26

Crawling like Rambo?

A huge pack for the sort of all day adventures we all hope we’ll be having soon. Or, if you’re a pack everything for ever ride kind of person (like Chipps) then you’ll probably get use of this just nipping down to the shops. We’ve previously tested the USWE parachute style strap system on much smaller packs, so it will be interesting to see how it performs when you’re carrying the kitchen sink. With 26L total carrying capacity, has a ton of organiser pockets, and ours has come with a bladder with an insulated drinking tube.

OK. Stand down. Step out from behind your sofas. We’re done. The coast is clear.

On then to the music, chosen by Andy in IT in a brief moment away from all the coding and hamster poking he’s been doing this week.

And finally, subscribe to our YouTube Channel and join us at 1.30pm every Friday for Fresh Goods Live.

Comments (2)

  1. But full marks for including something by the Fall, this week of all weeks. RIP MES. Fallen.

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