Thank you to Hannah, for so admirably taking over the role of scribe for Fresh Goods last week – but I must protest at the use of the word ‘waffle’ to describe the florid overeffusions with which these introductions are adorned – this is art of the highest calibre.
ART, I tell thee!
Anyone who can’t see that is sorely ignorant. Ignorant of the nuance, the thought and the sheer, unadulterated none-more-black, heartwrenching emotion which goes into EACH AND EVERY Fresh Goods, in a brief attempt to derail the otherwise stultifying ennui of a typical Friday lunchtime.
*rends garment with emotion*
*composes self again*
But regardless – whether you read the intro and weep at the sheer beauty of the words therein, or whether you read the intro and simply weep*, heeeeeere’s Fresh Goods Friday!
*If you don’t read the intro there’s not much point in me pointing out to you, is there? Because you’re not reading. So why am I typing this? I have no idea. It’s Friday morning, I’ve not eaten porridge, I’m soaking wet because it’s chucking it down (no, REALLY?), the nursery run is on foot ‘cos the bridge got washed away, and I need more coffee. Humph.
This edition of Fresh Goods has been brought to you, entirely co-incidentally, by the colour ORANGE…
From: UK importer is WindWave. More details from Transition
Ah, the Transition Smuggler! A short travel 29er, built for versatility and vroom. An aggressive 67.5 degree head angle, 435mm chainstays and a roomy cockpit with 115mm rear and 130mm front travel. Rich is looking forward to getting this one properly muddy…
‘Flawless’ Cromo tubing on this long travel hardtail for a forthcoming bike test. And the Jackpot looks very sweet indeed.
We like the headbadge under the paintjob.Throughaxle back end, lots of clearance with special, comfy stays (it says here)…… and 150mm bounce from the Revelations up front.
1×10 drivetrain to keep things going, andKenta rubber for teh trakshun. We’ve ridden and rated Honey Badgers in the past. Sweet.
FINDRA Route t-shirt
From: Available March from FINDRA
Merino t-shirt for riding in and lounging. I can’t honestly say that that looks terribly comfy, though Hannah…
Bontrager Lithos Storm Jacket
Profila Stormshell material? Check. Lots of zips (hydration pack compatible)? Check. Awkwardly posed and oddly nautical photo theme? Check and check. Shiver me timbers etc etc. Nice jacket though. Too orangey for crows.
I guess this is Barney’s ‘come hither’ look. With a rain coat and a helmet. In a room with a bell, and no bike (or rain) in sight. Frankly, we’ve got no idea. Perhaps it’s a sort of Evil Magician thing. But then there’s the rain coat and helmet again. Let’s face it, whatever look Barney was going for, he’s failed miserably.
Bontrager Rhythm Windshell
Louche? Um. Relaxed? Not really. Here, Barney goes for the ‘recently deceased’ look. Which to be fair, he pulls off relatively well. More orange! Very breatheable windproof, this, with a Napoleon pocket and very well vented pit mesh. And it packs down small – woot!
Morvelo Padlock Long Sleeve MTB Jersey
From: MorveloNicely cut, part orange as per the theme, long sleeved MTB top from the good folk at Morvelo. The hair, Barney assures us, is as a result of a recently removed helmet. He can’t use that excuse for the beard, though.
Morvelo Klash Short Sleeve Jersey
No words necessary. A subtle, understated top for a subtle, understated occupant. Short sleeved, simple and well cut, though. As opposed to its wearer, who by way of comparison is long armed, simple and half cut. Allegedly.
Mio Cyclo 505 HC biking GPS
ANT+ Bluetooth v4.0, WiFi, touchscreen, a ‘surprise me’ feature (BOO!) which chooses three routes for you based on your selected time, destination and ting, and all the mod cons for your biking navigating GPS geejaw needs! This one also has HRM and cadence fun and games in the box too!
Showers Pass Crosspoint Waterproof Crew Socks
From: Showers Pass
3 layer socks for toasty-warm and simultaneously dry tootsies. Boffo.
Halo Vapour 35 27.5 Wheels
Price: R – £180, F – £119
From: Ison Distribution
35mm wide (30mm internal) wheels? Don’t mind if we do. AM/XC wheels, apparently, which will work with everything from 2.25in XC rubber to 2.8in chubsters. They come pretaped, which saves us a sweary time in front of the TV this evening. Unless we’re watching something with the word ‘factor’ in it. Or ‘Dance’.
And that’s your lot for this week, people! We’ve got something VERY special lined up for next week that we can’t really talk about now, so stay tuned! Well, you can sleep, and work and stuff in the mean time – we’re not expecting you to stay glued to your screen ALL WEEK. Although we do have doubts about some of you…
We’ll leave the last word to Moose Allain:Happy weekend everyone!