In the words of the immortal Noddy Holder (seriously, does anyone need one of those? When I was a kid, mine came in a little car and sat happily on the shelf. Parp parp), IT’S CHRIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!
As if you hadn’t noticed.
It’s quite likely that right now you’re post-prandial, sitting picking bits of Brussel Sprout (actually from Oldham) out of your teeth with the rolled up remains of a Quality Street wrapper. Is there something on the telly? It’s probably something involving the mass-schadenfreude that seems to be so popular these days. Perhaps some erstwhile children’s TV presenter is suspending themselves by the nostrils from a novelty coathanger whilst farting the Marseilleise? Perhaps it’s a TV botanist whose agent is eager to increase their ‘audience exposure’ who finds herself, whimpering, in a narrow perspex tube with three hamsters called Angel, Amber and Keith?
But this isn’t for you. Nope. For the sake of your sanity, it’s necessary to elevate your mind from such base offerings. You need to sit, warm and snug by the radiator, gently swirling something inadvisable around a crystal glass, cast your eyes downward, and read on for a stimulating, enlivening, fascinating and liberating list of mountain bike related awesomeness!
It’s the Fabulously Fecund and Furthermore Fantastically Festive Fresh Goods Friday!
Ritchey Timberwolf Hardtail
- Price: £975 frame only
- From: Ritchey
Oh, Ritchey, you saucy devil. You tempt us with your orange hardtail, which casts Terry’s Chocolate Orange into sharp relief. It’s rather more orange, for a start. If we’re honest, the steel construction isn’t quite as melt-in-the-mouth – it wouldn’t do much for your teeth, for example – but I know which I’d rather have under me at 30mph railing down a Swiss Alp.Very tidy looking dropouts cosset a SRAM 1×11 drivetrain
Ritchey cockpit too. Nice short stem, commendably wide bars. We like.Frontal boing is handled by RockShox’s dependable Revelation Swoopy swoopy downtube to give enough clearance for the fork. Ritchey have managed to make it look elegant though, rather than merely bent. Flared headtube. More elegance, innit?Guide stoppers and light (and oh so comfy) Ritchey foam grips on this bad boy.Yup, Ritchey saddle and rigid post, too. Keeps the weight down, dunnit?
Early Rider Belter 20″ Trail 3S
- Price: £579.99
- From: Earlyrider
Ah yes! Do you know anyone diminutive? Perhaps this is the bike for them? Aluminium frame…‘Grind’ fork – I admit, it’s a new brand to me…BELT DRIVE – I mean, how cool is that?And a SRAM 3 speed hub gear. Rock and (let’s not be coy about it) Roll.Don’t forget the cable disc stoppers. Sweet as a festive nut.
Joey Dri Release Tee
- Price: £30.00
- From: Morvelo
This is what Barney looks like first thing in the morning, before a squadron of magazine-chimps has held him down and fed him coffee through a syringe. Very nice t-shirt, though. Technical, innit? So Barney can ride and not smell. Any worse than he already does.
Kermit Recycled Innertube Wallet
- Price: £10.00
- From: MTB Kerala
GT Zaskar Limited Edition
- Price: Priceless… but Zaskars are available from £949.99 (alu Comp) to £1899.99 (Carbon Expert)
- From: GT Bicycles
We’ve been sent this retro-tinged slice of gorgeousness by GT, and we’ll be featuring it in a competition early in the New Year – so keep your eyes peeled! It’s here to commemorate a frankly terrifying 25 years since the Zaskar was introduced. There are only 100 of them. And Hans Rey has no.1. According to Hans, it’s still the only frame to have won in XC, DH, Trials AND Slalom. Impressive.The graphics are an inversion of the old Zaskar (which was a ball-burnished frame with black graphics in this font) – a nice touch.The chainstays are elegantly sculpted, there’s a press-fit BB and a cute little stay protector.And it’s not exactly heavy…
This frame is also signed by Hans Rey himself, as an added bonus! WOOP!
Charge Custom Saddle
- Price: £69.99 (leather alternative £89.99)
- From: Charge Bikes
Mountain Survival Goodies
Price: Mountain First Aid Kit £29.99, Nano First Aid Kit £9.99, Intensity LED Torch £24.99, Survival BVI £14.99, Survival Shelter £34.99, Survival Whistle £5.25, Intensity Micro Head Torch £14.99
Endura SingleTrack Jacket
- Price: £94.99
- From: Endura
- Price: Trail Cage £31.19, Sauser Cage £20.39, Cage £14.99, Race Pedals £67.59
- From: Look
Look pedals (rather similar to the Time ones), and the different cages you clamp onto them. So pretty versatile, then. There are cages for trail, enduro or XC – or run without cages for the maximum lightitude.
That’s it for today – we’re off to see if we can cram another mince pie into the molecule-shaped hole in our collective stomachs.
But if you’re feeling particularly curmudgeonly today, this should cheer you right up:
Happy Christmas everyone!