269, the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on the street car line. The line broke, the monkey got choked and they all went to heaven in a little rowing boat…
Actually, that was 369, wasn’t it?
Never mind.
After last week, wherein the office’s favourite phrase was revealed (it’s not exactly riveting), I ascertained an imperative to determine the most sesquipedalian locution I could conceivably conceptualize.
And if I’m honest that was probably it.
And as our colleagues across the pond languish in what I’m now going to call Vendredi Noir (just to wind them up), waddling to and from hypermarkets in a turkey-engorged fug of bacon and cinnamon, clutching televisions, meat and fridges in an orgy of consumerism, we at Singletrack take the moral high-ground, and instead show you things you actually have to make an effort to buy, elsewhere on the web. At least, it’s a sort of mental exercise. And you’ll develop really nimble fingers…
Orbea Occam TR M-Ltd
This carbon beauty came in all the way from the Basque Country. The Occam TR was ridden by Barney in Zona Zero this year, and he came away impressed. This is the Occam TR M-Ltd, with 120mm of travel front and rear, top of the line XTR 11 speed drivetrain (with a 11-42T XT cassette) and XTR trail brakes, a Raceface Next SL chainset, Fox Float 34 Factory forks and a ton of other top end stuff.
Orbea’s UFO tech does away with the chainstay pivot to make a back end that’s lighter and stiffer. DT Spline carbon wheelset, too.
Everything is Boosted front and rear – so it’s more stable and stiffer (and won’t fit into my roof-rack. Bah!)…
The Shock is a Fox Float DPS with a custom tune. Because of the inherent springiness in the flex of the seatstays, you don’t need to load as much air in there either. Win!
The standard arty shot. Barney was using a different camera, and it really brings out the imminent-rain of the Yorkshire landscape, no?
Next SL carbon cranks and asymmetric chainstays.
A purposeful 3/4 shot. We’re looking forward to seeing what the Occam can do in the Yorkshire Slither.
Price: £5,599.99
From: Orbea
Singletrack Bobble Hats
A brace of finest cranial cosetting chapeux with your favouritest magazine emblazoned across the front. You too can look this gorgeous.
Price: £29.99
From: Our Shop
Fenwick’s Bike Cleaning Awesomeness
Stuff to clean and lube your bike with. Have you SEEN the weather? It’s positively URGH here right now…
- FS-1 Bike Cleaner Concentrate, £9.99 1 litre
- Stealth MTB & Road Chain Lube, £19.99 250ml
- Foaming Chain Cleaner & Sponge, £8.99 500ml
From Zyro
Blackburn Wayside Hybrid Pump
A sort of miniaturised track pump (or an engorged trail pump). It’s got a foot stand, and a hose, and a pressure gauge, and it could conceivably be stuffed into a Camelbak too.
Price: £59.99
From: Zyro
Mavic Crossmax XL and SL Pro Pedal
Clipless pedals for an upcoming grouptest. Very light, resin bodied, loads and loads of mud clearance and float in a rather Time-like stylee. The SLs are the smaller ones; the XLs have a large platform for stability and that.
Price: £120 each
Mavic Crossmax Ultimate Thermo Jersey
Chipps does his best Green Goblin impression, and it’s magnificently disturbing. Off-centre zip to minimise chinchafage. Wear on its own or under a jacket.
Price: £75
Mavic Aksium Convertible Jacket
Rogue Squadron-esque windproof softshell with detatchable sleeves. Our one now comes with non-removable Chipps, which is something we’re trying to sort out. Unsuccessfully.
Price: £100
Mavic Crossmax Pro Thermo+ shoe Cover
To protect your delicate tootsies in the event of cold and glop. Especially handy if you wear meshy disco slipper XC shoes.
Price: £65
Mavic Crossmax Ultimate H20 Short
Waterproof shorts anyone? These ones come to just below the knee. Somewhat handy for inclement weather – not that we’ll have any of THAT in Calderdale this year, heavens no.
Price: £115
Mavic Crossmax Pro Helmet
Head gear for All Mountain riders, apparently. Anti mozzy mesh, padding, comfy etc etc. Adjustable visor and goggle fitment, too.
Price: £115
Mavic Crossride Elite Shoes
Trainer-esque mtb adventure shoe for an upcoming trail-shoe feature. Mesh, toe and heel protection, stiff shank and a Contragrip sole.
Price: £80
All Mavic gear from: Mavic
Sock Guy Wool Crew ‘Xmas Ugly Sweater’ socks
Some gloriously cheesy socks from Sock Guy, just in time for the Festive Season…
Price: £11.95
From: Silverfish
Gore Universal Gore-Tex Socks
Waterproof socks made out of Goretex. Here, Chipps makes himself some Special Friends.
Price: £39.99
Gore Element Gore-Tex Active Lady Pants
Ladypants from Gore. Waterproof riding keks with visible bits made of GoreTex Active, which is comfy next to the skin.
Price: £139.99
Gore Element Windstopper Soft Shell Lady Bib Tights
Windstopper bibs have a patented zipper ‘for an easy biobreak’ – which is code for ‘you can have a wee when you’re wearing them’.
Price: £119.99
Gore Element Lady Thermo Tights+
Thermal tights. The fabric is doubled in exposed places to maximise warmth. Apparently the seat insert is optimised for short and medium-sized rides.
Price: £79.99
All of the Gore stuff from Gore.
Early Rider Spherovelo
Andy from Fisher Outdoor stopped by with some stuff for kids – first up this thing. It’s a sort of omnidirectional bike with a couple of coasters on the bottom supporting two enormous mouse balls (ahem).
Price: £69.99
Early Rider Bonsai
It’s a balance bike, it’s wooden and it looks very cool. we particularly like the rear mono-stay.
Price: £119.99
Early Rider Road Runner
Light, aluminium street/gravel balance bike. Drop bars, pheumatic tyres and a mini Brooks-esque saddle too, for true retro-verisimilitude.
Price: £149.99
Early Rider Trail Runner
Light, again (3,8kg). 29er geometry, apparently, and the same saddle as the Road Runner in a 14in wheeled trail-ripper format.
Price: £149.99
All from: Fisher Outdoor
RockGuardz mudguard
CG330 Evo2 mudguard. Which loosely translates as a mudguard as small as possible, but ‘with big mud stopping capabilities’. Fits most forks.
Price: £39.50
From: RockGuardz
Happy Bottom Vegan Bum Butter
Charlie’s new Arse Lard. Packed with things to assuage your ruptured arse.
Price: £17.99
From Charlie
Renthal Apex Stem
31mm stem, which is about as short as you can get without the bars and steerer actually kissing.
Price: £79.99
From: Renthal
Reed Chillcheater Waterproof Wading Socks
Waterproof socks. Long waterproof socks. And what’s more…
…everso slightly kinky rubber-looking long waterproof socks. Which is absolutely fine by us…
Price: £23.00
From: Chillcheater
FUEL10K breakfast products
A range of ever vigilant breakfast products from the good people at FUEL. Liquid breakfasts (vanilla, banana and strawberry), protibricks (protein enhanced weetabix, as far as we can tell) and some very handy looking instant porridge pots (with protein, natch) in Forest Fruits, Golden Syrup and Honey, Nut and Raisin flavours. Apple and Cinnamon Protioats (you can guess, right?) and granola as well. And all of it wrapped in some very surveillant packaging. Look at the eyes!
THE EYES
Prices:
- Liquid breakfasts: £1.49
- Granola: £2.99
- Protibrick: £2.69
- Protioats 10 sachets: £2.69
- Instant Protioats: £1.09
From: FUEL10K
Dexshell Waterproof Socks
Waterproof and breathable and – erm – sock shaped socks. Dextrous too, apparently. WOO!
These are the Wading, and the Thermlite socks.
Price: £34.99 – Wading; £23.95 – Thermlite
Comments (10)
Comments Closed
Are those Mavic pedals rebadged Time? And for that matter don’t Look have some very similar ones too?
The Orbea is so cool it messes with the colour temperature of cameras.. 🙂
Micromtbfix is not allowed a fancy new balance bike. His mum says the existing one his sister learned on is fine. This makes me sad.
My 19mth yr old daughter favours dragging her Spherovelo around rather than sitting on it, you can lead a horse to water….!
Our little one loves his Spherovelo
Waterproof socks that work, the thought fills my heart with joy, will Singletrack be reviewing these?
Yes Leadfold, a mini grouptest of waterproof sock offerings is being prepared.
Bum butter?!#@!?
Igm, yes. http://www.bikeradar.com/news/article/mavic-partners-with-time-for-pedals-36575/
STW, can you tell us which issue the pedal grouptest will be?
@gbozo49…. Yes it’s a bum butter.
I have tweaked the formula and I CANT BELEIVE ITS GOT BETTER.
The shops stocking it will make piles of money.
Tested on arseholes not animals. 100% natural ingredients.
Apply it to your downstairs regions and it reduces friction, reduces pain, protects from infection, and helps repair damaged skin. Use before and after riding.