Hot. Windswept. Desertesque.
In the shimmering distance, in a long panning shot, a figure is barely visible. As it gets closer, through the heat haze, its form becomes clear: it’s a bloke from some eighties Goth band. Floppy hat. Gasmask. He’s got a basket on his back. Big hot-looking inappropriate coat. You know the sort. Probably smells of patchouli when he’s not covered in flour.
He approaches. Looks over screen left. Checks his compass. He’s probably trying to find Iggy Pop, or Lemmy. The mirrored glasses he’s wearing reflect something in the sand. He stoops to pick it up in a fingerless gloved hand. Inspects it. It’s a small roundel of metal. The camera zooms in. Markings can be seen. As the angle of the shot changes, they coalesce into words. Three words, which COULD CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY*:
*but probably not
Part of a large-wheeled article-thingy for the next issue of the mag, here is the Singular Gryphon (pronounced Griffin, and not Grieffon, as I thought). It’s a bit shorter in the top tube than a Swift, and the head tube is a little longer, so you can run drop bars with aplomb (or Jones bars, as here). And huge 27.5 tyres. HUGE.
Eccentric BB so you can run it as a singlespeed without interrupting those clean lines. THAT’s what a Gryphon looks like.Some substantial rubber, there. Dually rims with 3.25″ 27.5in wide tyres. Once again, I find myself wheeling out the old standby braap.
Price: Frame and fork £495
Stooge.. er.. Stooge
Twin toptube with a strengthening ladder to prevent flexytimes. Pots and pots of standover. For financial reasons it’s only available in M for now, but Andy’s hoping to add different sizes as the business progresses.More wobblybars! These ones are from Salsa (chachacha)!
And as a special treat, here’s a quick video chat with the man behind the bike:
Price: Frame and Fork £450
From: Stooge Cycles
0098 Compression Bra
At last!! We’ve tested a lot of bike-related kit and clothing over the past few years but we don’t think we’ve ever done a sports bras grouptest. Which is odd, as at least 40% of the test team wear them. Possibly more. So here is the first of many (well, some) we’ll be getting in for a test! This one is particularly catchily named…
Now, we realise that one or two of you reading this don’t wear a sports bra all the time (be thankful the model above is the real deal and that we didn’t get Chipps to wear it instead – the horror), but even if you don’t, they’re handy things to know about. You can muse, and nod knowledgeably and generally earn brownie points (actually, what are brownie points??)
Trek Stache 9
Now that’s an elevated chainstay, folks. To keep the back end nice and short y’see. Widgets at the Stranglehold Dropout let you accommodate different tyres and still maintain whip-like handling (sort of thing). It’s also got 148mm Boost at the back, and…
Bags of clearance for the enormous Chupacabra 29×3 tyres. Which is a thing rumoured to drink the blood of goats. This is a slightly odd thing to name a tyre after, but there you go. WTB have the Weirwolf, I suppose. Or the Specialized Cannibal. The Bontrager ROWR? Oh, alright. You win.
Chupacabra tyres. You know, I’m not sure this photo is real.
Dark Star BOOZE BOOZE BOOZE
In a cunning attempt to get us to promote their Spin Up In A Brewery event on May 23rd in Sussex the folk at Dark Star sent us beer. BEER.
We’d like it to be known that in no way can we possibly condone this sort of behaviour. We’d like that to be known, but we have to report that it’s not the case. Good people of Dark Star, your cunning ploy has been ENTIRELY SUCCESSFUL. Mmmmmm. Beeeeeeerrrrrr.
So, Spin Up In A Brewery. In association with Kinesis UK. At the Dark Star brewery in Partridge Green, West Sussex. May 23rd, 1pm to 8pm.
Excellently named, and excellently modelled (HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW, JAMES) bars by Chromag. 5 degrees up, 8 degrees back,
3 degrees, When Will I See You Again and 780mm wide. They’re made from 7000 series aluminium and you can get them in lots of colours.
Chromag Ranger Stem
Made in Whistler, you know. These stems are for All Mountain and Cross Country, it says here. This one is 40mm; they’re available in lengths up to 90mm, in 4 different colours. And they’re made in Whistler. Whistler!
Chromag Trailmaster Saddle
Chromag Squarewave XL grips
All Chromag gear from Shorelines
Have we mentioned Dark Star’s Spin Up In A Brewery event? We have? Oh, good. *hic*
Morgaw Trian Enduro Saddle
Something a bit different, this. It’s the winner of the 2014 International Bicycle Design competition, apparently. The rails front and back are not attached to the saddle at all – instead the saddle sots on elastomer roundels which are available in three different densities. So the saddle should be a bit more comfy, and should move with you a little more. We’ve got all 3 densities, and some carbon and metal rails to try.
Amplifi Stratos MkII
This backpack from Amplifi looks innocuous enough, but as well as the typical space and water holding abilities it also contains a back protector made out of military grade body armour. So if you’re shralping somewhere shooty – say Texas – or if the rocks are particularly pointy, this could well be the ticket.
And in case you’d forgotten: Spin Up In A Brewery
Local Klausmann DH shorts
The tagline for this German brand is ‘for locals!’ – very Tubbs. Nice looking kit though. These Marcus Klausmann signature shorts are pretty good and long, water repellent, nicely vented, heavy duty, adjustable, and BRIGHT.
Local Valley Shorts
Klausmann LS Jersey
Mark, AKA the Beige Blaster, isn’t sure about Herr Klausmann’s colour choices. Plenty of us in the office quite like it, though. It looks like a portal to another dimension has opened up in Mark’s midriff. Which if nothing else gives him more room to store cake. Nom.
Local Leafe LS Jersey
Local Indian Summer Tech T
Classic Padded Undershort
We couldn’t get anyone to model these, you’ll be relieved to learn. But they’re black lycra undershorts with a decent-looking pad. Perfect for sticking under your baggies and pretending you’ve got an arse that’s all calloused from railing berms etc padless.
All Local gear is available from Fix Distribution
Bridestones Brewing – MOAR BOOZE
Calderdale’s Lanky Lunchtime Legend, the Right Honourable (sic) Brant Richards descended upon our orifices with his colleague Martin Ogley (formerly – and formally – from Barnsley) last week. They are both elbow deep in propelling the thrusting forward direction of craft beer brewers Bridestones Brewing. If you’re Hebdenward you can find their wares at Beer? and these stockists.
Here’s ‘Pennine Gold’ (Citrus Bitter) 4.3%, ‘On’t Rivet’ (American style Pale Ale) 5.0% and a special limited run of bottles for Hebden DJ, producer and possibly vibrating superhero (from looking at the bottle) Flash Atkins.
From: Bridestones Brewery.
And that’s us! It’s the Bank Holiday, so we’re off to fun places to ride bikes, or immerse ourselves in lovely, lovely beer (please, enjoy responsibly). Speaking of which, Spin Up In A Brewery….
See you on the flipside!