philbert31,

OK , I made a few grammatical mistakes as I was on my iPhone, and the venue was Hanslope park, no troll there buddy.

Worst was when I went along for an interview for a design engineer at an Aero company (currently work in Auto but was interested in changing).

Got a quick tour and then in for the interview, was slightly puzzled by the areas they showed me being mostly electrical related (my background is mechanical).

As the interview was about to start I glanced at ‘my’ CV to realise it actually wasn’t mine. Turned out the Agency sent the CV’s with ref numbers and only passed on names for interview, they had mixed up the actual names. As the agency were quite close, I popped round afterwards, lets just say that after the chat, we agreed not to continue our professional relationship!

A technical interview:
“We want this interview to be language agnostic, just answer in your favourite language or pseudocode.”
“OK, sure.”
“Right, here’s the SQL questions.”
“…?”

A friend went to an interview at my place of work where the interviewer would ask a question then play with her phone during the answer. The deluded cow was the MD’s secretary so thought she was “second in command” and did this to everyone to show she was important.

This thread is quality. More stories please!

(Chicken one is by far my favourite!)

I’m utterly terrible at job interviews.

All started when my mum & dad tried to get me into a nice school. I had to have an interview with the headmaster. It was really quite intimidating for a 10/11/12 year old (whatever I was) and I just was too nervous to answer his questions. “So, that model ship over there. What ship is it?” (amazing how I can still remember the model ship to this day!) “Er, um, sorry, don’t know” “Why it is the HMS Victory my boy!” (Well duh!!) “So boy, what do you think its made of?” “Er, um, I dunno sir”. Well you stupid dope, just say what COLOUR it is and you won’t be far off! (silver). Didn’t get into the school and my mum still mentions this fact nearly 40 years later. (She blames the boy who did get in, not me.)

Then there was the phone interview – my mate set me up with his company, he’d bigged me up. So there I was on the phone to this lovely chap, asking me questions I knew the answers to, and I was even more nervous than if I’d been in the room with him.. useless. they still offered me the job!

My favourite was an IT job with a town council. Hey! When is the single only time in my life when I’ve got a puncture on the motorway? Yep on the way to a job interview (in a white shirt)! So I’m at least half an hour late, my hands and shirt are black (and of course I get lost trying to find the place, cos I always do). So I’m stressed as a very stressed thing before I even get to the damn interview. Didn’t get that job.

Please don’t ever let me get made redundant.

The first few questions were normal enough, then BAM! “Be a chicken”. Pardon? “BE A CHICKEN! GO ON”! So I behaved like a chicken. This was followed by a few more ‘normal’ questions, then; “Tell us a joke”.

It doesn’t really come close to that but I’ve had a few “if you were a [biscuit/animal/fruit/other inanimate object], what would you be and why?”

Given that these were interviews for technical science roles, my normal answer was one of total incomprehension. Although I was tempted once to ask if the interviewer had got the questions from watching a couple of episodes of The Office.

Probably the interview I went to, without a very good description of the actual job, but just “engineer working on such and such project”. Useless recruitment agency, useless management at the company (did they even look at my CV?).

First thing the interviewer said was “Not really sure why you’re here! Sure you could do the job, but it probably wouldn’t be that interesting!”.

18 grand a year to issue document numbers, and file documents in an archive.

Used the interview for “practice”, and they paid travel expenses, lunch, etc. in full 🙂

I’ve had a few interviews over the years where I’ve walked out – some physically and some mentally so as to not be rude.

It tends to be where I’m asked to do something that is so not relevant to the job, where I’m left waiting for a long time or talked to in a condescending manner.

In all cases I decided that I don’t want to work for an organisation that thinks it’s appropriate to treat potential employees/colleagues in that way.

It’s a 2 way interview in my view – not about them deciding if i can do the job/fit into the culture, but also they need to sell to me why I should commit a significant part of my life to their company. I guess I’ve been lucky in that I’ve always had a job when I’ve been for interviews but I’d struggle to work for someone who thinks it’s fine to leave someone waiting for an hour.

Sales job for a pump company

Me ” are you expanding or am I replacing somebody”

interviewer 1 ” we’re expanding the business”

me ” where is the investment coming from for the expansion and how long do you expect it to take before your investment starts to return”

interviewer 2 to interviewer 1 ” thats a good point, where is the money coming from Gordon?” (MD to finance director)

the interview then went into the MD asking the finance director how they were going to fund their expansion…the finance director had no substantial answers other than “we’re just going to grow”

I didn’t get the job and wouldn’t have take it if I was offered it.

Daverambo speaks the truth. You can’t “fail” an interview. If people ask dumb questions they get dumb answers. The whole set-up is confrontational and culturally biased in favor of middle class europeans if you ask me, and designed to ensure the successful recruitment of psychopaths who are good at charming folk and “passing” interviews.

Prepare well, get there on time and well dressed, and answer honestly, I don’t see what more you can do. If the people conducting the interview are god-awful what are the rest of the company like ??

Second worst, I was actually offered the job. Was a top developer of real time TV graphic effects kit – the kind of thing they use for instant replay, page rolls etc.

Was literally offered the job in the interview, but they have to sort the formalities via the agency. 20 days annual leave, but with severe restrictions on when they may be taken. They work to 3 trade shows per year, with no leave of any kind in the 3-4 months leading up to each show. I got the impression that most of those 20 days’ leave per year were bought back off the employee, and they let you have a week at Christmas.

Why can’t they put proper details in job descriptions? If overtime is expected… state this. If you’re expected to support industry trade shows… state this.

I went for sat down for an interview and the guy sat down and said “over to you”.

That was it. No questions or anything.

I once had an interview for a national engineering scheme run through 6th forms where a local company gave you a project and a budget.

I was doing some research the hour or so before the interview and figuired the company whcih so far we’d just been told manufactured acetate ‘products’ actualy was the manufacturer of those white filters in cigarets, which I figured was a bit imoral for a school project!

So does being deliberately bad in an interview count as you’re no allowed to do a no-show?

I had to laugh when the people who eneded up doing it were the kind you’d never want to work with, and consequently came up with a horificly complicated expensive idea for something that could have been very cheep and simple (an automatic machine for measuring viscocity).

One was with Aberdeenshire county council. It was not a great job to start with tbh, but it was based in Banchory and I’d get to drive a snow plough. I was not however prepared for what wasn’t detailed on the job description. Mainly cleaning the crap house for a bunch of road workers who do not treat toilets well. Interview ended there.

The other one was for a role that I got, the reason it was awful is that I’d have been better off not getting the job. Terrible place to work.

If this makes me seem like a picky work shy git, it’s because I’m a picky work shy git.

I’ve walked out of a few interviews. Reasons are usually either:

1, Dodgy companies – invariably they ask you to bypass the agency. I don’t like them any more than the next person but once you’ve agreed to use them you move forward that way. Likewise any company reneging on contracts is likely to do it to you too

2, Stupid questions – As above, the what type of animal/fruit/whatever would you be or the psychological profiling ones. Never stayed beyond that.

I’ve been witness to some really awful ones but only from the other side of the table. An old employer used to do the what animal, draw us a picture sort of bullshit to hire just over minimum wage support staff when I first started. Once they realised it didn’t get any better staff than just talking to people and sometimes it eliminated people who felt it was bullshit, they stopped

Daverambo speaks the truth.

Bugger – there goes my reputation…

Some people will disagree but a) the what animal would you be questions are just an opportunity to see if someone is quick witted and funny enough to say something interesting (a test that obviously worked for some of the pouty moody tubes above when they stuck their nose in their air and walked off), and b) I found a psych profile I did for a job ten years ago and it was in retrospect remarkably accurate!

One of my first interviews out of uni was for a graduate scheme with a bus company south of London. I caught the train to Gatwick, and with plenty of time in hand, set off to walk to their depot. It turned out that Gatwick is not designed to be walked to or from – I cut across a couple of car parks, ended up on the wrong road, so had to cut back through a ‘secure’ airport carpark, and a field. In walking for an hour, the sole of my shoe came away, so that it was flapping around from the toe, like some sort of clown shoe. I tried fixing it with chewing gum, but it was too full of mud. I turned up on time, just.

I was pretty pants in the interview…
Q: can you tell me about the balance between fuel consumption and emissions in engine tuning?
Me: ???????? Errrr…. Kind of counter intuitive I guess, but very important.

After I left, I called my GF, to find out she had been to an interview and they had offered her the job there and then, so working in Crawley wasn’t going to work. I laughed off my interview as ‘experience’.

Nevertheless I got an offer, which I accepted. They must have been very short of applicants or everyone was rubbish. In then changed my mind before starting, because it was in the wrong part of the Country.

I kept seeing the position advertised for months, so they must of had trouble filling the role.

I always wonder what would have happened if I’d accepted that job, it was certainly different from what I’m doing now…

(a test that obviously worked for some of the pouty moody tubes above when they stuck their nose in their air and walked off),

Or you could see this as it not working as they missed out on employing talented individuals who are not prepared to go through a process which asks irrelevant questions as they prefer to be foccused on what they do.

I found a psych profile I did for a job ten years ago and it was in retrospect remarkably accurate!

A single profile that was accurate is not exactly proof that they work – where is the evidence of those that didn’t work, where they predict someone witll be appropriate and end up not being.

We interviewed one lady and the HR woman asked

“Talk about a mistake you’ve made and what you did to correct it”

“Oh, I’ve never made a mistake.”

We had another chap in and we asked him what his philosophy on life was. (This for a senior architect role)
“One out, all out.”

And finally. One chap’s CV said “My desire is to bodly go where no man has gone before” so we got him in because of that because we thought he had balls. When we commented on it in the interview he went very serious.
“I wasn’t joking. That’s my mission statement.”

Interview with ubergeeky IT company. geek mode on, went well I thought.
Two months later, thinking I hadn’t got the job, invited back for second interview. Ok, looking good. except it turned out this wasn’t the second interview, they were re-running the first interviews because they hadn’t taken notes during the first and had forgotten who was good and who wasn’t. and obviously i’m ok with using my holidays to drive half way across the country because some muppet doesn’t know how to work a pen and paper.
“really? you’re taking the p***, right?”
“well Mr… there’s no..”
didn’t hear the rest because I closed the door behind me.

I also went for a grad scheme interview for Bombardier trains. In a role play with others we had to negotiate between three parties in a role play. One other guy was really pushy, and there was nothing in the negotiation from my point of view, so I bluffed and said ‘forget it’. He backed down and we made a deal.

I was rejected because I was so blunt. I was gutted then, but Bombardier made redundancies 6 months later, and I was so glad I didn’t leave my then employer as they put me on a ‘once in a lifetime project’. Funny how it goes sometimes…

And I like asking the animal ones or similar. It’s a good ice breaker and because it’s unexpected you see how quickly people think and how seriously they take themselves.

I went to an interview the other week where my would be ‘manager’ wouldn’t even look at my face, let alone look me in the eye. She barely said a word, and the three people couldn’t agree what the role was about. Pretty much decided I didn’t want the job there and then. The soulless office they walked me through completed the deal.

Had an interview just over 6 years ago for a Project Engineer post in a large Engineering company.
It felt like the interview went pretty well (had factory tour, was introduced to a few people, etc) when we went back to the guys office he asked if I had any questions –
To which I replied – “Yes – why should I come and work for you, rather than one of your competators” (have know idea why I asked that!)
He replied – “that is a really good question – Nobody has ever asked me that in an interview”

I got offered the job, Took it and am still here 6 years later (had a couple of promotions since)

If and when I have another job interview i’ll definately be asking why I should go and work for them….

First interview straight from university, as a graduate process engineer…

Him -Well, would you like tea? Or coffee?
Me -Tea, please.

Him -[…pours tea] Okay, I’m going to introduce you to some people, and you can drink your tea when we get back. I will assume that you like your tea to be as hot as possible. Shall I put the milk in now, or when we return?
Me – Errrr, pardon?

Not a bad question, in hindsight. Completely stumped me at the time though.

An IT consultancy in Abingdon a few years ago.
I walked through an office full of IT bods in white shirts, ties & suits. No one talking to each other, no-one.
It was so soulless, I couldn’t have worked there, even before they explained the dress code to me.

Went for a senior IT tech job at an animal charity a number of years ago.

Interviewer: What’s your favourite film?

Me (without thinking): Dog Soldiers

Queue awkward silence followed by me spluttering and explaining that the film wasn’t actually about turning dogs into soldiers.

I got asked back for a second interview 😀

At every interview that I go to, the very first answer that pops into my head to every question is “that would be an ecumenical matter” one day the genie will leap out of the bottle and I will say it. It helps to keep me cheerful and makes me pause to think before I speak !

Went for an interview in Sussex / Kent area. Arranged to stay with friends who lived near Gatwick airport the night before. Went with them to the squash club they played at, which was attached to the Copthorne Hotel. Whilst they were playing squash I was having a few bevvies in the bar and ended up chatting to a rather gorgeous Texan woman who was a guest at the hotel. Suffice it to say I didn’t end up staying at my friends house that evening, and returned to their house the following morning very bleary eyed and hungover before a quick shower and on to the interview.

Felt horrendous, and probably looked horrendous at the interview, was severely dehydrated and could hardly speak never mind answer any questions sensisbly. Wasn’t suprised to get a rejection letter – but what a night to remember 😉

This isn’t my worst. In fact it wasn’t a bad interview, but it’s relevant for STW.

When I was fresh out of college I turned up for an interview on crutches following a recent bike/ground/floor interface. The whole thing went really well; half an hour chatting with the MD, half an hour sitting with the guys I’d be working with, finding out about the job and how everything worked. Really great interview.

At the end I was taken back to the MD’s office to sum everything up, during which more good things were said. Right at the end, as he was holding the door open for me so I could hobble out to the waiting taxi, he said;

“So I take it you’ve learnt your lesson?”
“Lesson?”
“Yes, with the old crutches there?”
“I don’t follow…”
“Well obviously you’ll be knocking the bikes on the head now you’ve entered the world of work? Can’t have staff taking time off sick with injury, can we.”

I masked my horror, laughed it off and hobbled away. When they rang the next day to offer me the job, I declined.

I have been on the other side of the desk too and the ones that stick in my mind are the guy who turned up with no shirt on! (came straight from the Job Centre too) I guess he didn’t want the job really, he was told to sling it.

then there was the girl drinking beer from a jam jar!

Oh and the youngster that had his O level certificates that were burnt round the edges, later on in the interview, he revealed that he had actually burnt his parents house down 😯

Interview 1 – for a Personnel Dept (!)
“Do you plan to have children and will it be in the next year or so?”

Interview 2 – Working with a solicitor
He had no interview plan, no clue how to interview and talked about his pets for the entire 45 minutes.
I was grateful I had no reason to employ him for legal advice.

Interview 3 –
Went for an in-house job for another dept about 10.30 in the morning. Standard for them to be an hour or less.

When I got there they had a queue of people instead of the standard individual time slots and I was listed last. To kill time I was given a tour of the place. Then I still had to wait about an hour to be interviewed.

The interview was the most annoying and aggressive I have ever had and I nearly lost my temper with the panel and it must have been obvious.

Then they said I had to wait longer in order to do a skills test, for a skill that was not mentioned in the the job description.

Furious by then that I was being so messed about (they could have mentioned all this non standard stuff in the interview letter) I then expected to go home. But they wanted me to wait on the premises until the end of the day to find out if they wanted me or not. I walked out, but was polite while doing so as the person I spoke to had nothing to do with the interview arrangements.
Staggeringly the next morning I was offered the job. I was told I was 1st choice out of 60 applicants.

Due to difficult circumstances I felt I had to take it but did not want it. When I arrived it turned out all the staff had been upset I had been appointed as they thought I was an awful and difficult person to have walked out – and were surprised when I turned out to be normal.

I was promoted twice there and on the whole they were very nice to work for and with, amazingly.

Xcgb – have had similar experiences from the other side if the desk.

One that springs to mind was a lad who claimed air was heavier than water. When asked what happens when you breathe out underwater in a swimming pool he said the air definitely fell to the bottom, hence why there are drains on the pool floor…

Have ploughed plenty of interviews in my time to be fair, interviewed for a major oil company, walked in the door to see the father of my very recent ex sitting behind the desk. Did not last long…

Just remembered that just before the “Act like a chicken” interview, I found a card in the job centre for a game-keeper’s assistant job.

I took it to the desk and the wifey phoned the contact. Turned out to be a water bailiff job on one of the very remote estates in NW Scotland.

The first question was, “Have ye a shotgun licence?” Emm, no… Then, “D’ye like yer own company weel enough?”. I like to read! “And can ye row?”. Kind of.

He went on to tell me a bit about the job. It seemed I would be living alone in a shack at the end of a landrover track, about 50 miles from the nearest hint of civilisation. Food would be delivered once a week. The job seemed to entail rowing around this loch all night every night and shooting at poachers (he seemed sure that the lack of a licence wouldn’t be a problem). He offered me the job over the phone and I said I’d like to think about it.

I actually really liked the sound of it and wish I’d given it a try. Visions of a Kerouac-esque / Waldon-esque, poetic existence filled my head for a few days afterwards. Very odd interview.

PER sent me for an interveiw at British Steel in Port Talbot as some kind of journal reader for their information service. The recruitment manager took me out to his local for a beer and lunch and ended it by saying “You’d hate this job, it would bore you to death; I advise you not to apply”.

(This was depite my having spent the previous night with a French woman who I’d assumed to be a lesbian but who suddenly surprised me by staying all night and completely wearing me out with frequent, vigorous and noisy sex.)

I set up an interview at a company in Manchester, tempting then with a presentation I had made on their potential market in France and realised it wasn’t going well when the export director got up and left with a polite smile, leaving me talking to one of his colleagues who made a list of all my mistakes and then corrected me before I left.

An agency sent a guy for an interview for the position of satellite systems engineer. New nothing about ephemeris or orbits or anything. When asked what he currently did he said he fitted sky dishes to houses.

(How is that petition to make engineer a protected title going?)

when I was still working as a tree surgeon I went for an interview with the local council, part of the interview was a practical.

Had to climb a tree and hit 5 points.

I hit two points and then the ground when I fell out of the tree.

Didn’t get offered the job, now work behind a desk probably safer for all concerned!

I hit two points and then the ground when I fell out of the tree.

Heath and safety gone mad not good enough!

Upon leaving uni I didn’t know what I wanted to do (still don’t) so I decided that perhaps I would be an accountant. Went for an interview with a medium sized firm and got through to the third round which was with one of the partners. He kicked off the interview with the statement “So you’re crap at maths” (I got a C at A-level), I countered with “Well I’ve just completed a masters in engineering with a good grade so I think I’ve improved since a-level”. He looked skeptical and then pulled out a recent A-level maths paper and told me to complete it. I did and passed which didn’t change the mood of the interview. We continued until I said ‘this is pointless you’re not going to offer me a job are you’, he said “no but I’ve got the time blocked out in my diary so I thought we’d carry on”. I left.

He was right though. I am crap at maths.