Your worst job interviews..

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  • Your worst job interviews..
  • konabunny
    Member

    they missed out on employing talented individuals who are not prepared to go through a process which asks irrelevant questions as they prefer to be foccused on what they do.

    Yeah, but they’re moody, pouty, talented focused individuals who are overly self-important and inflexible. 😉

    Mog
    Member

    I attended an interview for a job I didn’t really want but was looking to relocate at the time so it served a purpose. It was advertised as an office manager, but turned out to be sales – which I don’t like and wouldn’t be very good at.

    The interviewer started with some formalities and then produces a biro from his top pocket and asked me to sell it to him. By this point I knew I didn’t want and was unlikely to get the job, so I asked ‘Do you want to buy a pen?’ Smugly, he lent back in his chair, folded his arms and said ‘No,’ like it was a devastatingly witty put down. ‘Fair enough,’ I said and put the pen in my suit pocket.

    The interview carried on as he flew through the questions, knowing he wasn’t going to offer me the role. Formalities over, we shook hands and I made for the door.

    ‘Hang on, I think you’re forgetting something,’ he said, patting his pocket with his hand, ‘I don’t have my pen.’

    ‘Ahh, so, you want to buy a pen, do you?’ I asked.

    He didn’t find it amusing, I thought it was quite good though. I don’t normally think of things like that.

    Neither of us heard from each other again.

    TuckerUK
    Member

    Possibly my first interview after leaving school back in ’81.

    First off, my newly oiled brown leather saddle stained my grey trousers and the chain came off. So I turned up with greasy hands and looked like I’s shat myself. But dear reader, they were the least of my worries…

    “I’m here for my 10 0’clock interview” I cheerfully announced.

    “Your interview was scheduled at 2pm” came the reply.

    With that smug look of righteousness about me I retorted “No, definitely it was 10am, I have the letter here” and then proceeded to hand my prospective boss the letter clearly stating 2pm! 😯

    Bugger. Head uparsitis strikes again.

    Fair play, he did interview me anyway, and no, unsurprisingly I didn’t get the job.

    xcgb
    Member

    Mog I like that! 🙂

    samuri
    Member

    I like the gamekeeper job,sounds ace.

    One of the mentions above reminded me of a job I applied for at Manchester eye hospital. the job was working on electronic equipment and all went well while I was answering questions on technical stuff. The next stage was an interview with the manager who had this huge TV behind his desk. While he was talking to me the TV popped on with this massive close up of an eye behind operated on.

    I glanced at it briefly but then carried on with the interview while above his head someone stabbed an eye with a scalpel. The interview finished and with one last glance at the eye that was now out of the socket and lying on the person’s cheek, I left.

    As I was being walked back to security by the HR person they asked if I had any questions.
    “Does [he] put that eye operation up on his screen on purpose?” I asked.
    The HR started off being confused and was then shocked when I explained what had happened. She took me back to the chap who once I’d explained to him was also mortified. When I described the operation to him he said it was a recording but it was of one of the more unpleasant ones. He was extremely apologetic.

    Did I get offered the job? No.

    konabunny
    Member

    Very funny, mog!

    wooobob
    Member

    Ha, Samuri, love that one!

    Spin
    Member

    Interviewer: “Can you tell us what in particular attracted you to a career in glassware and cutlery?”

    Me: “eh?”

    Interviewer: “Perhaps you could outline any experience in glassware sales”

    Me: “I’ll be honest with you I don’t have any. Perhaps there is a relevant publication I could subscribe to?”

    Interviewer: “I don’t think you’re quite what we’re looking for but you seem to be…clean and presentable”

    Me: “Thanks. I assume you know it was the job centre that arranged the interview?”

    Interviewer: “Yes. Thank you for coming. Goodbye”

    Premier Icon teadrinker
    Subscriber

    I was made redundant and interviewing for a new role after a few months of sending my CV to the world and his wife. It was going well till the interviewer said to me

    “It says here on your CV you’re an experienced handler of Filipino seamen, can you explain this further?”

    I didn’t get that job.

    Premier Icon takisawa2
    Subscriber

    Had this notion that a job with a local authority might be more recession proof. So I’m sat across from three total institutionalised rsoles. I took one look at this trio & knew it wasn’t for me. I recall shrugging a lot. God it was awful.

    mightymule
    Member

    Last interview I had was actually a seven hour “assessment session” four hours of various assessments, followed by an hour to prepare a presentation, followed by giving said presentation, followed by a formal interview.

    I had swine flu. I don’t mean a bad cold, I mean real flu (confirmed by doctor 2 days later).

    God it was awful. I was told that I hadn’t got job, but had come a close second, although they were kind enough to say that it had been obvious that I was “clearly very ill” – which I think meant “looked like s***”

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    At every interview that I go to, the very first answer that pops into my head to every question is “that would be an ecumenical matter” one day the genie will leap out of the bottle and I will say it.

    Based on that, I’d hire you.

    samuri
    Member

    Being interviewed for the public sector. Holy crap!

    You get about seventeen tests, interviews with at least 8 people who all talk to you like you are death himself and then you eventually land the job of your dreams, a post in a backward town in North shields where everyone speaks a language you have yet to determine the origins of.

    I applied for a job with DWP. At first they rejected my CV. I asked why and they said because it wasn’t dynamic enough…at the DWP!!!! SO I wrote them a letter and they changed their minds. A crazily simple set of tests that I viewed with suspicion later and I was into my interview.

    Every question was so easy to answer I suspected it was loaded with subterfuge and malice. I creased my brow trying to assess the questions applied. It was clearly a test of extreme importance that I was too thick to understand.

    I got the job. This would be the most impressive thing I could do with my life, serve the country.

    Six months later I left vowing I would never return. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL!!!! I hated that job, that place and that environment. Do people actually live their lives like that? Holy jesus in a thong! I am sweating now just thinking about it. Horrible, horrible places, awful environment, beurocracy beyond belief, wasted money, apethy.. etc etc.

    That shit is the most badly designed environment I have ever encoutered. It needs nuking from space.

    andrewh
    Member

    Does a university interview count?
    I had one and didn’t even realise it had happened! Went in and said hello to the tutor, made some general chit-chat and then he asked about the traffic on the way there, he seemed very interested in that and what I though could be done about it.
    Then it was over and I left.
    It was for an economics degree and it suddenly dawned on me after I had left that he was wanting answers about supply and demand for the road network, about whether road pricing is a regressive tax, equillibrium points for journey times/traffic volumes etc rather than me moaning about the one-way system…

    Premier Icon althepal
    Subscriber

    Boardinbob- just at the back of central station perhaps?
    I didn’t even bother turning up the next day tbh..

    Went for a sales interview to a geo textile company who wanted an additional sales person.

    Interviewer said that they wouldn’t be developing their product any further because it was good and they wouldn’t be selling outside the UK and that the sales man they had already would still be the maim salesman.

    I think I may have come across a little ambitious.

    Couldn’t believe their total lack of development ambitions though. Wonder if they still there?

    I went for a nuclear physicist interview where the manager and team leader argued about the wrong equipment and then told me tough as they fell out with each other!

    I then modified the equipment to get it to do what I wanted.

    After getting through to the end I was asked “if I wanted to work here still?”
    I said “no.” the MD went nuts and demanded an explanation. He went bananas on the manager and team leader who tried to explain and blamed each other.

    MD phoned me to change my mind.

    I was once asked “how good is your science knowledge?”

    Answer: “I’ve watched every episode of Star Trek!”
    One guy went red and frowned, while the other laughed his head off.

    I got the job as they thought I had a good sense of humour!

    emsz
    Member

    Only ever had one interview, and it wasn’t even a proper one. It was a placement, and I knew the MD who also knew me as I don some research for her and she thought some my ideas were cool. Still most terrifying thing I’ve done, I was soooo nervous, sweating (two stains under my arms: attractive) and started every answer with the oh so witty “errrrr” or the everso clever sounding “ummmm” I must have sounded well cool…not.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I think I’ve spent more time as an interviewer than an interviewee.

    One tale I’ve recounted here before. We interviewed a chap by the name of Satnam. Cue the department spending half an hour before the interview riffing on sat-nav jokes to a point where everyone had the giggles good and proper.

    Chap turns up and my colleague, a step ahead of me, goes to greet him. “Hi, nice to meet you,” he says, “find us alright?” I had to dive off into a side office to compose myself.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    A very long time ago I was part of the interview process for our tech support department. My line manager and I were interviewing staff, I led the technical side and he lead the HR side.

    One lad came in, very long hair down to his waist. I started my questions, and he knocked them all out of the park. Halfway through, I threw out the pre-prepared questions and started making up stuff on the fly to test him, and he nailed everything I threw at him. Easily the best candidate I’ve ever interviewed at that place.

    I hand over to my boss, really excited and the prospect of being able to work with this guy. His opening gambit is, “before we proceed any further, I think it’s only fair to warn you that company policy is that men’s hair must be shorter than collar length.”

    The candidate stood straight up, went “well, in that case I don’t think there’s any point in us wasting each other’s time any further,” shook both our hands and left. I think I was more gutted than he was.

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    Oh, one interview tale just jumped to mind.

    I went with a mate to a factory somewhere, where they were looking for two staff members to take over their IT infrastructure.

    The office manager bloke showed us round the plant, the comms room, etc, ending up back at his office. Clearly having saved the best to last, he then introduces us to his well-stocked beer fridge “for when it all gets too much of an afternoon.”

    bencooper
    Member

    Went for a part-time job at Maplin when I was a kid – told the manager that I knew a reasonable amount about electronics (I did) so he handed me a resistor and asked me what resistance it was – I don’t know resistor colour codes from memory.

    Didn’t get the job.

    And worse, my lovely steel Stumpjumper was nicked while I was in the interview.

    Premier Icon Sandwich
    Subscriber

    self-important and inflexible.

    I like my sex to be with my life partner not my employer. Flexibility tends to be a one-way street in my experience (though not at my current employer who’s very good).

    mikewsmith
    Member

    Turned up for one to find the manager was I’ll doubly bad ad I was playing flexi time to the limit to get there without using holiday. Second one he turned up I had a huge head cold. Surprised to get that one. Lasted 6 months managers sick days may have been alcohol related.

    Premier Icon BoardinBob
    Subscriber

    althepal – Member

    Boardinbob- just at the back of central station perhaps?
    I didn’t even bother turning up the next day tbh..

    Close. Gordon St, next to Greaves Sport

    it was this mob: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cobra_Group

    All my interviews since graduating 12 yrs ago have consisted of technical questions of varying difficulty. Banking sector seems harder than engineering. Sometimes cos I’m bad at swotting I crash and burn. Most recent disaster the guy was marking my c++ test and discussing answers and at question 3 said “this isn’t working lets call it a day”

    Fair enough but tough at the time!

    I had to do a phone interview with a recruitment consultancy.

    Bloke phoned me up at home, and spent at least half an hour to 45 minutes grilling me on my CV, trying to prove any inconsistencies.

    I could really could feel some animosity towards me on the phone. Eventually he said his name and asked me if I remembered him.

    Me: “No, where would I know you from?”
    Him: “School. I was in your class for 5 years and I thought you might remember kicking the crap out of me in the third year”.
    Me: “No, sorry”. Then I put the phone down.

    I’m sure I would have ha a good reason for the 3rd year thing, so I’m quite pleased he ended up a recruitment consultant.

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