having just watched C4s Dogging Tales it reminded me of the some of the things that i’ve witnessed whilst outon the bike…

going back a few years and i had justgot my new Lumicycles. i would ride across the fields, into the woods and then on to the pub. this one particular evening on the way home i decided to keep going along the singletrail to the main road rather than dropping down onto the cycle path. i passed one guy standing there, then i almost rode into another about 20 yrds aways. i asked him if he was waiting for someone or a dog, he said no so i continued only to almost crash into some guy sat on a tree stump. in my beam i then caught sight of another guy standing about five feet away. my mind cottoned on to what was most the likely reason that lots of blokes would be standing around at night in some desolate woodland. before asking any more questions and with thoughts of being bum raped i rode off through the bushes and made a bee-line for the bike path. i emerged with small cuts to my arms (bramble bushes) with a loud laugh of relief.
be aware of Hylands Park at night…

then there was the time i was guiding a group over a pass into Tuxertal (nr. Hintertux). there was a shed/barn that you had to ride around. as i rounded the corner of the building there was a man standing there infront of a lady who was sat on a bench. i, and seven others, negotiated our way past, each with a cheery hello. the guy didn’t seem at all phased and she didn’t do much to hide what she was up to, either….

I posted my cucumber Woman experience up here a couple of years back…

Lowey to the forum !!!!!!!

You watched a program called “Dogging Tales”

What on earth…

Not dogging as such, but on tunnel hill one summer evening a few years back, on the climb next to the railway line, I happened upon a man who appeared to be performing the heimlich on a friend. It seemed to work because he recovered really quickly and the two of them ran off really quickly into the woods when they heard my approach.

Still not sure why both their trousers had fallen down though.

😆

It’s top sport on a winters night to fly through forest car parks without lights and stick them on at the last minute pointing into any car windows.

I’m amazed at how quickly some people do move….

Once caught two chaps at it just up from the Jump Gulley in Swinley.

there is a side road off the A666 near Belmont that always has lots of single blokes sat in cars next to some woods that appear to be heavily trod. I’m keen not to get a flat riding through there at night dressed in lycra.

Popped out into one of the carparks on the chevin a few years back only to see a woman of some years leaning out of a car window, with her baps (loaves) out, trying to wrap her gob around a fellow’s fellow which for some reason he’d placed an inconsiderate distance away. All I could think was that she looked like a ship’s masthead gone to seed. An illusion which was shattered when she overbalanced and pretty much toppled onto her face.

Decides not to google ‘cucumber Woman experience’ from work after all.

actually, i’ve done the lights-on thing before, too. ride up real slow with a mate and then BAMM! lights on.

Lowey to the forum !!!!!!!

Dear god, noooooooooo 😥

Here is the original thread:

WCA’s Cucumber Experience

Was up on The Coppice above Accrington with two lads from Cycle Chat when we came across a fat Accrington bint with a bottom like uncooked pastry, bending over the stone base of the old cross that used to be there, drawers around her ankles, while a gentleman stood behind her pleasuring them both. As we rode past averting our eyes in embarassment she yelled out: “Eh you ****ers, are you comin’ over for some?”

On our way down the hill we passed two more shifty looking young men walking up, who didn’t look as if they were out for a country walk.

Few years back I had a day off work and decided to do a reasonably long loop on the MTB using as much off road as possible. It was a nice day and a nice ride. Coming back through Danbury, it was about 3:30ish and lot sof lovely stay at home wifes and ‘yoummy mummys’ were out walking their dogs. All very nice, with cheery hellos from all and a good gawp or ten from me from behind Oakley’s finest Iridium Black* lenses.

As I carried on along the single track in bright sunshine, I rounded a corner to find a Toyota HiLux parked someway into the woods, pretty much completely obstructing the trail.

Then I noticed…..

Did a double take……

…and then processed the scene before me. Pressed against the windscreen where two pink sock wearing feet abour 3 feet apart. Deeper inside the cabin, there was the unmistakable sight of a big hairy arse pumping up and down between some rather ‘robust’ pasty white legs (the ones attached to the pink socked feet).

If only I had a camera with me that day!

* Oakley Iridium Black, the lens of choice for the gentleman about city parks in summer 😈

Not sure what was going on but had a young lady weeing right in the middle of a downhill while her friend watched.
Bushes were available so they must have got off on it.
Nearly parked my bike!

when we came across a fat Accrington bint

So you got a bit of action yourself then 😆