What is wrong with the moms. « Singletrack Forum

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What is wrong with the moms.

27 posts & 22 voices | Started 2 years ago by flip | Latest reply from zaskar

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flip - Member

Yet again i'm having to take my ex to court over child access, why oh why can't they see it's only the kids that suffer.

At a time in my life when i can see my son as often as he/i wants she's trying to stop me, i have a court order stating i get every other weekend but this is pitifull for a 7yr old boy to see his dad.

I would love him to live with me full time but chances are that the court will not hear of it. Can't see why though.

I think it annoys her no end that he clearly adores me, and nags her to see me.

Here we go again....

Thanks for listening.

Posted 2 years ago #
grievoustim - Member

that must be horrible flip, I feel for you

In the process of a break-up myself - we are all still in the same house at the moment, and when I do move out my wife will be very dependent on me to share childcare - I just pray that doesn't change in the future because such limited access to my 3 would be unbearable I think

Posted 2 years ago #
flip - Member

Take note.

When i spilt we were very good friends. Till i got another girlfriend, and the shit hit the fan over night and i didn't see my son at all for 4 months as she wouldn't let me. Even though she thinks she's a good mother.
It was terrible, i had to take her to court and it took weeks.

Women change irrationally that is paramount.

If i were you i'd get access in place BEFORE it goes too far and you move out, because once your gone she can do what she likes, and you'll have to take her to court to change it.

Posted 2 years ago #
Junkyard - Member

We only hear about the fathers who dont see the kids without reading about the mothers who restrict the access of their kids which probably happens as much. I agree every other weekend is not very much.
Feel for you. Hope the same does not happen with me

Posted 2 years ago #
oddjob - Member

Sad situation. I hope you all get things sorted out.

I can't imagine being in that situation, it must be heart braking.

Posted 2 years ago #
scaredypants - Member

sorry to say, courts are shite for fathers (or at least they were 5-10 yrs ago and I doubt it's improved)

wasn't me involved, but I know this was said - at a hearing determining why an ex-wife was denying previously agreed access:

"You've lied to the court and you are damaging your children. My only course of action would be to jail you and I don't want to do that, so how often would you like the children to see their father ?"

Posted 2 years ago #
votchy - Member

Good luck to all those in this situation, couldn't imagine life without the constant joys of my kids, yes they can be a pain, but wouldn't change that for the world

Posted 2 years ago #
Olly - Member

thats rubbish, for you i mean, not what you said.

ive always thought this "access" thing, and "I get him every other weekend" is a bit weird.

surely, if both parents are happy for the child to be around, the lad can choose for himself?

hes not a possession, hes a member of a family, even if it is a broken one.

Posted 2 years ago #
takisawa2 - Member

My heart goes out to you mate.
I'd be bloody distraught if this happened to me.
Women can be pure bloody evil when it suits them.

Posted 2 years ago #
BluePalomino - Member

Feel for you flip. Been through the access/courts mill myself. The 'every weekend' thing is standard and seen as 'more than adequate'. The penny dropped for me when i realised no old judge etc was going to favour anyone but the mother. So i decided to stop the arguments & conflict, let go of all the wrongs and a) be the best loving dad in the world, b) best co-operative caring ex in the world. I know this goes against all instincts at the time, and you have to build a positive new relationship with ex bit by bit, but what it did was allow the mum to let go of all her fears about not being in control etc etc. After 4 years, my son now lives with me full time - it was his idea, with me and his mum deciding that it was best for him. No courts or solicitors were involved. At the time i was thinking (sill do think it!) 'yesss!!! i f@@cking won!!!' but on the outside i was only concerned about child and ex. It's not about winning and if i ever thought son wanted to move back to mum i would let him. If you and your ex were friends once, you can have a positive working relationship again. Good luck. Oh and start to enjoy time with your son and time apart from him in equal measure. He'll thank you for that later

Posted 2 years ago #
mansonsoul - Member

The situation as it is seems crazy to me. The notion that the mother should automatically be given main custody is outdated. As men we should be demanding absolute equality in these matters. Paternity leave and rights, custody, everything. Men and women's gender roles should not be so clearly defined and old fashioned.

However, this means that there needs to be a genuine shift in perceptions of men as care givers, family people and taking part in the upkeep of a house, home and the children. Help with the housework men, you have nothing to lose but your custody battles!

Posted 2 years ago #
flip - Member

I think i'm a mega dad, and i have been very supportive of her in the past (i decorated her new flat when we split) but as usual with moms they get very defensive.

I know for a fact he'd like to live with me, sure he'd see his mom too anytime he wanted i'd never stop him.

I'd also like joint residency which is what i asked for in court but unless she agrees it won't happen.

It's far to biased towards the moms and no politician can be arsed to sort it out.

Posted 2 years ago #
Munqe-chick - Member

Get onto Fathers4Justice?

Posted 2 years ago #
Mr Woppit - Member

I'm not qualified to comment, I don't have any kids and 2 out of 3 of my parents were arseh*les...

And one of them was my father.

Posted 2 years ago #
nimrod2410 - Member

This brings back all the bad memories.

Women can be so spiteful especially if they feel they have been wronged.
Seems like your new GF is the catalyst for a shed load of crap to be dumped on you.

Is your ex getting any advice from a solicitor as they see it is a great way to get a load of fees from legal aid.

Hope it works out for you, I know it's not always easy but try and talk to her.

Posted 2 years ago #
molgrips - Member

My wife reads Mumsnet, and to be sure there are some b*stard men but lots of psychotic women too.. and loads of other shrieking harpies egging them on in their craziness..

Posted 2 years ago #
tankslapper - Member

All very familiar I'm afraid.

Ten years after divorce, new wife, and new baby you should hear the vitriol with which I'm treated. Short of a pointed hat and cauldron.........

Posted 2 years ago #
Royston - Member

Flip, I can completely empathise with your situation ( I've had my own problems getting to see my kids regularly). Totally agree with 'mansonsoul'
I'm absolutely sure that all Fathers efforts to support and care for their kids in these situations will and do have lasting positive benefits on the children themselves.

Posted 2 years ago #
Smee - Blocked

There are many bunny boiling psycho hose beasts in the world. The guy that said to go for the constructive option has it right. Find the moral high ground fella and defend it well.

Posted 2 years ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

BluePalomino has the most sensible view / advice I have heard. good on yer.

Posted 2 years ago #
flip - Member

The ex girlfriend thing was ages ago, im now re-married to a lovely lady and am very happy.

She won't be getting legal aid this time, she's with another bloke.

I didn't really post to moan, i've been through this 2 yrs ago and i'm well used to it, i'm just bored it has come up again because she is pissed of with me.

I fail to see how hurting my son serves any purpose, i can deal with it i'm 40 he's only 7.

Posted 2 years ago #
flippinheckler - Member

This type of thing really pi$$es me off,here you are a father wanting to see his son as much as possible and be a major part in his life as you naturally would, then there the countless scumbags who couldnt care less and wont even support there offspring never mind be a Dad.

My heart goes out to you m8!

Posted 2 years ago #
mtbfix - Member

Surprising level of vitriol being directed at the Mums on this thread.

Posted 2 years ago #
porterclough - Member

It's all about control - she's got a way to control you and so uses it.

My ex used to be like this but she stopped in the end - she realised I was cheap childcare from her perspective and also she presumably no longer felt the need to control me. And yes, any new relationship alters the dynamic and can lead to issues resurfacing. If she gets a new relationship she may alter her behaviour based on some comment he makes, if you do she may feel threatened and behave accordingly.

mtbfix - it's normally women that behave this way simply because they are the ones most likely to be in the situation that enables them to behave that way. I've seen men do it too though when they get the chance.

The solution of course is presumed shared care rather than the adversarial court system we have - but the lawyers are earning way too much for anyone to want to change.

Posted 2 years ago #
flip - Member

Ah i'm not blaming all moms, just the vindictive nasty ones that use their children as weapons.

Its the only way this type know how to get revenge.

Posted 2 years ago #
Royston - Member

'porterclough' I think your suggested solution as the standard would be excellent. Although there are legal technicalities surrounding the increasing number babies born outside of wedlock and the nature of the parents relationship prior to the birth that complicate that scenario.

Posted 2 years ago #
zaskar - Inactive

Seems she's a bit nuts really.

Hopefully the court will see that.

Posted 2 years ago #