Driving to Morzine this year. As we arrived in Calais early AM I jumped in the car and felt a twinge in my stomach. Then some pretty horrendous cramps. No explosion at the exit port but over the course of the next few hours my stomach would go into brutal cramps every half hour like clockwork. Stopped at a couple of rest spots but again no pebbledash action.
Finally after about 6 hours of driving, it was time. Pulled quickly into what turned out to be the busiest service station in France. Sweating bullets by this stage but I parked up and did the ministry of funny walks into the service station.
I made a beeline for the toilet and discovered two problems.
a) It was communal
b) It was queued out the door with at least a dozen people in front
In a blind panic I opened a random door and found myself in some behind the scenes staff only stairwell. At least it was private. I resigned myself to shitting in the stairwell but at the last moment i gritted my teeth, tensed up and made a dash for the door. I could see the petrol station through another door and prayed they had a toilet in there too. Stumbled over there and to my joy discovered a pristine, empty disabled toilet where I proceeded to launch Defcon 5. Most satisfying.